StephanieZ Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Oh, I'm so very, very sorry!!! ((((hugs)))) One of my dearest oldest friends has a young adult daughter (23 or so) with whom they've dealt with major mental health issues for many years, and it will be a lifetime thing. I don't have any wisdom to share to make it easier, other than my impression that now, after a solid decade of struggle, their daughter is finally somewhat stable on her meds and therapy regime and her parents seem to finally be able to have a "good life" despite this great sadness. I totally understand your feelings. I have "felt like glass" many days recently, and I can't imagine feeling any other way given the hard path you are having to travel right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm so sorry. Praying for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneddmanybooks Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am very sorry, Ellen. I just prayed for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Cyber hugs and praying for you and your family situation. God will always be there for you when you are ready. Quoting from the end of the poem "Footprints": The LORD replied "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints [in the sand], it was then that I carried you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 To answer your question....yes I do feel fragile sometimes, and today was one of those days. My precarious mental stamina, is also rooted in a child with mental illness. It is so very hard to parent a child who sees everything from a tilted view of the world. I don't think that DD is wrong in her views, they just don't align with a peaceful world. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Oh, I am so sorry. :( I cannot imagine your life right now but yes, I have other days I feel made of glass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Thinking of you and your dd this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Praying and offering tons of :grouphug: . I've had those days (different reasons). They come. They go. My dad long ago actually gave me the piece of advice I use for myself... "keep breathing and keep walking." Sometimes that's what I fall back upon - that and the knowledge that this day will pass and the next one will come and hopefully be better. It never means the bad days aren't awful - they are. And in those days let yourself have a break - whatever is a break for you - though I also give myself a limit time-wise or I might keep doing that for too long and accomplish nothing (physically or mentally). May things get better in your family. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am sorry. Mental illness is cruel to the family as well as the one with the illness. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (((Ellen))) and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (((Hugs)))) I wish I could swing by with a casserole and do your laundry and clean your bathrooms. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: No words of wisdom, just love for you and yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Very tough. I hope you and your child will find some peace. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 ((Hugs)) Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: I don't know that I've dealt with anything that serious, mental health wise, but I had days of despair when I felt like I was going to be dealing with these problems forever and I didn't see it getting any better. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 How are you doing today, DER? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Ellen, I have been thinking and praying for you. (((((For your whole family))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am so sorry. :grouphug: I'm trying to think of things that helped me when I was at my rock-bottom worst. I can't really think of anything, except to just get through one more day and lean on those who love you. I'll be praying for you. I know what it's like to not have the energy or even the desire to do that anymore myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. mental illness does suck. big time. my mother was schizophrenic - her's was mild, and it developed later. (her first 'break' was when I was three or four, and she was never the same. it got worse when I moved out.) I'm 99% positive my brother-in-law was schizophrenic. (and an aspie - which is not a mental illness, but affects the persons perceptions.) he could be downright scary in his delusions. he was completely unmedicated. I've a good friend whose step-son (whom she raised from childhood) developed it as a teen. early onset is worse. they expect he'll never be able to live on his own. his rx is constantly changing as it will stop helping. he's now in his 20's. she considers her 14 yo more competent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 ((((Ellen)))) Mental illness does indeed suck. Someone in stepson's other family deals with it, and I've seen the effect it has on everyone. The problem with a particular illness (I don't know if it's the one you're dealing with and I'm not asking you to confirm) is that meds make the person feel normal. Then they start thinking they're fine and don't need meds anymore, not realizing it's the medication actually making them feel that way. It's part of the illness and it creates a heartbreaking and seemingly endless cycle of meds and no meds, meds and no meds, etc.. Please try to take care of yourself. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 ((((((((((Ellen))))))))) Praying for you and for K. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: I'm sorry. :grouphug: Mental illness does suck, it really really sucks. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 *hugs* Hoping it gets easier for you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Big hugs. Yes I do feel like that a lot. Praying for you. One day at a time is what I remind myself. The future seems daunting if you look too far ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I am so sorry, I just read this. Praying for you and your family. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Sending many virtual hugs and positive thoughts. Mental illness sucks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I didn't read the rest of the comments and I don't know specifically what K suffers from but if you need to talk to a parent who has been through this pm me. My mom would happily listen and help if she can. Schizophrenia runs in my family and she has dealt with a child struggling with handling mental illness. She's also dealt with a sibling with it so she's been dealing with mental illness most of her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 :grouphug: It's okay to not be strong sometimes. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 As the mother of a bipolar young adult. I send you warm hugs. You are not alone. In the beginning I felt so alone but I found a wonderful facebook group of parents who also have child who are bipolar. They are the ones I go to frequently. I didn't have time to add a counseling session for myself into my time table, but my group has held me up in prayer, cheered with me over every single baby-step and encouraged me when I felt lost in despair. They have taught me it was ok to take time for myself and by doing so I was stronger to help my dd. I pray you find a wonderful support network like I have. If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. Amy 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I wanted to stop by again and give you some encouragement. Obviously I don't know the whole story of what your loved one is dealing with, but the people I know who have Bipolar disorder are stable on meds (or at least able to regain stability fairly quickly when things start to derail) and are happy, functioning people. One friend is 60 and has had a few rough patches along the way but has had a great family and career. A young adult I know had a very difficult time around diagnosis but has taken charge of their illness and is proactive about self-care. I just didn't want you to only hear stories of people who suffer their whole lives and are thoroughly debilitated by their illness. In many people, mental illness is a chronic illness that needs lifetime management but can be managed well. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I am sorry. I feel like I am made of glass today if that helps. I spent hours today stewing over asking a question on the board to do with my mentally ill mom. I cried off and on since a charming mother and daughter came into my biscuit shop yesterday and I started to feel sad that I don't have a mom. She deals with anxiety, I am the kid she sacrificed to her anxiety. I don't want to feel dead toward her. It would be super to have had a mom, though. A real mom. I would have loved that. So, I have your problem in reverse. I have to be a mom when my mom wasn't one. It's tricky and I don't know how to do it sometimes. You have to be a mom to a kid who isn't a normal kid, and you don't know how. It's hard. I will pray for you. But I will be obnoxious and point out that sometimes the best prayers are the ones that you pray when you have no feeling at all, because you are at the end of your rope, your hands are sliding off the knot, and a finger is reaching toward you to give you a push. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I am sorry. I feel like I am made of glass today if that helps. I spent hours today stewing over asking a question on the board to do with my mentally ill mom. I cried off and on since a charming mother and daughter came into my biscuit shop yesterday and I started to feel sad that I don't have a mom. She deals with anxiety, I am the kid she sacrificed to her anxiety. I don't want to feel dead toward her. It would be super to have had a mom, though. A real mom. I would have loved that. So, I have your problem in reverse. I have to be a mom when my mom wasn't one. It's tricky and I don't know how to do it sometimes. You have to be a mom to a kid who isn't a normal kid, and you don't know how. It's hard. I will pray for you. But I will be obnoxious and point out that sometimes the best prayers are the ones that you pray when you have no feeling at all, because you are at the end of your rope, your hands are sliding off the knot, and a finger is reaching toward you to give you a push. :grouphug: Anne Re: your second paragraph, it makes me think of Anne Lamott, the poster child for hippie Christians, who wrote in one of her books that the best two prayers she knows are "Help me, help me, help me!" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" That is about the sophistication in prayer that I have reached in the past few years (though I do mention people by name in prayer), and it is what it is. I don't feel guilty or bad. A prayer is a prayer, even if it is hardly even a complete sentence. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Just stopping in to see if there's an update and to offer more prayers and :grouphug: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Thank you all for your support and prayers. Not much to update, but I am feeling a little stronger and a little less fragile. K has been willing to take meds under direct supervision, which is HUGE! I expected a fight - not so much on the need for meds themselves (because I think they the rational part of the brain has accepted that they are necessary), but on the supervision part. I had to work an event yesterday, which is a break for me even though it did force me to put on the extrovert suit when I didn't have much energy to do so. K seemed more stable and the FB posts (usually reposts from some radical trans/feminist/anti-racism blogs) seem to have less heat. Definitely less "dementor" like as far as mood goes. K was able to make all the phone calls necessary to find a new psychiatrist and is able to get into one in 11 days - another huge thing. K was home when I got home from work and, without asking, unloaded the car for me (6 heavy boxes of books, tables and racks.) I was disappointed, however, when they didn't join us to watch a movie that I know they would have found interesting (Rosewater.) Dh and I walked the dog together this morning so that we could talk. We both noticed that when K does better when kept busy - has a reason to get up at a reasonable time and has specific things to do, something else to focus on than all the perceived injustices of the world. K seems to respond to Dh's list of things to do more than me. So, we are hoping to keep that going. K did email several people about getting a job on campus (a sticking point from last year since they qualify for workstudy.) Another huge thing. But, I need to not get too hopeful. The dark stuff is really scary. I think part of K is scared and part is attracted to that. I don't feel comfortable discussing more about a diagnosis than that right now, partially because we don't have a definitive one. A touch of ASD, a touch of personality disorder of some type, but not meeting the diagnostic criteria for either. We think that the psychologist missed some stuff when he tested K over 18 moths ago. Now that K is an adult, there are more tests that they can do that would not have been appropriate at 17. K is also really intelligent and could possibly have told the psychiatrist what they thought would be acceptable, rather than what he really felt. Mass was hard today. I'm really struggling because I can't help but feel that God is throwing K away - being trans and having a mental illness. I feel like the church (even our very progressive Catholic parish) drove K away from religion - fomenting a strong hatred for Christianity. I felt a strong sense of dread when I saw that the celebrant today was our pastor, a man I don't really like. But God gave me a gift today. It may sound shallow, but I took great pleasure in the fact that my favorite cantor (our parish's own Irish tenor who is just as comfortable singing Irish protest songs in a coffee house as he is singing Panis Angelicus) was singing today. His voice is such a gift and I am blessed that he chooses to share it with us. Again, please don't quote me. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I can't imagine how hard it must be. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 ((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Glad you're feeling a little bit better today and have some positive news to share. People/humans will always let us down at some point - just as we aren't perfect either. Sometimes it helps to keep that in mind when dealing with others or our expectations from them. It's a bummer, but it's life. We have to expect it and continue on. The second quote I have in my sig is really super common: "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be." May good things continue to happen in your life and K's as you proceed into the future. I think K is fortunate to have you for a mom/family. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 If it's any consolation, if they are reading the kind of stuff on the internet that you mentioned, the alienation from your faith might very well have to do more with that than with the concern you mentioned. In fact, it seems more likely than not, all things being equal. (Trying very hard not to quote but still to say something meaningful.) (Giving up now.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 UPDATE #2: Thank you all for your prayers. We had a good last 3 weeks with K. Med compliant. Still needed reminders, but took them daily. We took K back to school on Friday and it went well. They got permission to move into their room a day earlier than allowed for upper classmen so that we could meet with the Academic center to talk about supports and tutoring and they have a weekly meeting with a person in academic support to keep tabs. K met with the head of counseling to get an appointment set up and to get their meds delivered to the school instead of the drug store a mile off campus. They seemed happy to be there, but happy that we were there too. Since we got on campus early for the planned meetings, K let us help them move in, make the beds and get the room organized. We have an agreement that K text us every day after taking meds, plus we have a weekly skype date scheduled on the calendar. K also has several friends who agreed to help with med reminders (K has reminders in the phone, but it easy to cancel the reminder.) Another positive thing that seemed to help is that K found a couple of groups at home that actively work for social justice in areas that K is passionate about. This means that K is spending time actively doing something about issues they care about rather than stew about them and post angry articles on fb. So, here's hoping! 35 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have been thinking about you a lot, DER. Very glad to hear some promising news. ((())) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 (((Ellen))) I am glad to hear that things are heading in a positive direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 (((Ellen and Family))) Thanks for the update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I'm glad to hear a positive update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.