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Everything posted by Tap

  1. Have you looked into using Uber or Uber Eats for options instead of paid caregivers? You could also get groceries delivery with some premade meals or ones with minimal prep.
  2. They can call me what they want. I don’t care. My kids had little grandma ( barely 5’ tall), grandma, grandma with the dogs and grandma with the cats. All just called grandma unless they needed to specify.
  3. Yep! This is what I think as well. They don't care about the lock. Too lazy to learn, and it is easier to carry. My daughter had a locker assigned to her all the years of high school due to he medical condition. She never used it, even though she knew how to use the lock.
  4. If I read that on someone's FB, I would think it was about their own teen, not the other part of the breakup. To me I see it as: My teen is upset they broke up with their partner. They are looking for a family and perfection. They will realize a happy family isn't perfection....just like I did. No person or relationship is perfect, so I don't get the problem. To me, the relationship being long distance to begin with, makes the relationship less than perfect. (From a person who had a long distance relationship for 3.5 years in high school). Said Kindly....I really feel you are reading way more into this than she is meaning. In no way do I read this in the musings about a teen relationship: "I feel like she's publicly putting my kid down for not being accepting enough, or maybe for being "imperfect" enough to be dumped by BF. " Quite honestly, if you say something defensive it will look like you consider you own child a snowflake and are trying to defend her perfection. She is simply saying her son is looking for something that doesn't exist.
  5. I assume your emoji means you figured it out, but just in case.....Id rather be a chef
  6. Little surprises......."I brought pizza home, so you don't have to cook dinnner" GREAT!!!! Love it. Big ones "I planned a week long trip to Hawaii and we leave in two days because I knew it would stress you out and you wouldn't want to go" HATE IT! (real scenario from XH). I hated surprises from DH because they we usually big, had many moving parts and weren't well conceived. He couldn't read the room and make adjustments. For example....My baby shower was a surprise lunch/party at a Mexican restaurant, and XH was supposed to deliver me there. We were doing 'errands' (stalling for arrival to party) and I kept telling him I needed to eat. I wasn't feeling good and was super hungry. He kept putting me off and coming up with random things he needed to look at at Walmart. Instead of saying, 'lets get you a snack' and then continue delaying.....He delivered me to the restaurant Angry, sooo hungry and feeling unwell that my shower was horrible and I felt terrible for ruining the planned event. Another was a birthday dinner where I was very casually dressed and not put together at all, but others were dressed and enjoying the night, before we arrived. Walked in, and felt very, very out of place for the night. Every surprise he planned, was similar. He knew I hated surprises. He loves surprises and kept trying to push them off on me. He never, ever learned. Even dd would try to talk him out of them. Even as a kid, she knew how much I hated his surprises.
  7. I liked mine until about 90,000 miles. I have put about a $1000-$1500 into every 6 months since. In the last 1.5 years. Wheel bearing housing in two wheels, CV joint, a weird issue with getting water in the spark plugs when it rained. It would cut out when it was damp, but was fine when it dried out which meant it went to the shop 4 times to get diagnosed. I told the mechanic it seemed weather related, and he didn't believe me. LOL Leather cracked and ripped (known defect issue with the 2015 Outback). I got it replaced for half price on one seat about year 5 with the company partially paying, the other seat is now looking suspicious and I worry it will rip as well and it won't be covered. Coolant leak and thermostat last month. Seems like there were a few other things in there too. 😞 I am out less than a new car payment if you add up all the repairs/month, so it is either in great shape for the next year, or the next issue is just a couple months away. I take really good care of my vehicles......it is just at the end of its life for me to put up with. Luckily, boyfriend has an extra vehicle, so I haven't been out a car for all the time it was in the shop. It also had a few other items replaced under recall/warranty. I am going to trade it in soon. I don't want to keep feeding it money. Personally, I like the features on the 2015 Limited (auto lift hatch, rear seat heaters were two big upgrades in 15). I wouldn't buy an earlier one personally. (Had a 13 that I traded for the multiple feature upgrades on the 15.
  8. He is wanting me to take over because he knows I am more frugal and will put a bit of a buffer on his spending. He knows he will do better eith some accountability. If we combine and it doesn’t work, no biggie; we just separate our accounts again. We aren’t married so the $$ isn’t community property if we break up. I am going to join his account ( he will add me) so I can just start contributing to it. If we split I can request from the bank to be removed. I will not be on any of the liabilities for his house because they are all 100% in his name. My paycheck will go to my account first (to pay for my house-to keep it a separate asset) and then the remaining will go to the joint account. Even if we marry, this keeps it outside of marital assets. My house will be rented out and the profit will go into my private account to pay for maintenance etc.
  9. I will reconsider joining assets but my protections are already in place or in the works. I am changing my beneficiaries so things are up in the air right now but 100% goes to my kids. Nothing to do with him, just changing some kid stuff and removing my youngest who is going to live with her bio parents. If anything, he is the vulnerable one by giving me access to his much higher income. He doesn’t want me to contribute to his house in any significant way because he can easily afford it. I still own my own house. I already told him I am keeping my house for now and if we sell it, I need to be put on his home first. Probably sell within 5 years due to capital gains laws. The profit, will likely go to another house where we want to retire in 8 years. My house, maintenance, expenses and repairs is being paid out of my personal account. This is prior to the remainder of my income going into the joint account, so it will remain 100% mine outside of mixed/marital funds ( if we eventually marry). His house will be the more vulnerable one, paid by mixed funds. He does spend more frivolous than I but has a credit score well over 800, no issues paying bills and takes excellent care of his home and belongings. He just spends his excess wayyyy more freely than I! Lol I would pay off his truck and then save for other adventures. He is ok carrying a loan. He loves getting coffee drinks and going out to eat. I am more likely to cook at home and use the savings to splurge some other way. part of the biggest difference…. his retirement is set! He is living for today and quite honestly I need to do more of this! I have never had the financial freedom he has, so it seems so foreign to me. I am not on his truck loan or any other bills or liabilities. He wants to buy me a new car and is offering his Jeep as a trade in (plus my existing car). The car will only be in my name just the payment will be joint. He is putting double the money I am. I didn’t combine with my xh because he was a miser when we met and I found him hiding money from our mutual account during the very brief period we shared an account. He grew up in significant poverty. I think he always feared going back.,Even later in marriage I found he had a secret investment account that he didn’t tell me about. It was community property so it wasn’t like he was trying to escape with our money. He thought I would spend it if I knew about it. Lol I worked half to full time while homeschooling two kids for 5 years each, fostered dd17. I shopped at stores like Winco ( like Aldi), TJmaxx, Ross and other discount stores. I was frugal!! My working outside the home and keeping a separate account, was so I could buy what the family needed without his scrutiny. If we combined accounts it would have been very stressful! Keeping them separate kept the peace!
  10. Part of it is the balance on the parents side. If the parents are only talking about the highest achievers, then they need to reassess why that is. If Robert is a CEO, Sally is an MD, Jake is married and is traveling the world.....what about Richard who works at the grocery store, Taylor who is a receptionist, and Jaime who is an at home mom. Those careers are just as important. If the parents are updating on everyone, there should be a balance. Some perspective on the kids part is important too. I have a friend who has a family full of doctorate degrees in different industries. My friend is a pharmacist (licensed before it was a PharmD) and they are considered the least of the family. Every child, cousin and spouse is educated and has high level of achievements. Between him and his wife (dental hygienist), they make a little less than $300,000 a year, but are seen as the losers in the family. LOL He says he doesn't let it bother him. Since he told me once about his feelings on it, I am guessing it has stung more than once to be treated like you are less than the others, even if you are accomplished on your own right.
  11. Boyfriend and I will be moving in together in the next year or so. He makes double what I do, but I have more assets that he does. He has more expenses to go along with a higher income and a more lax attitude on spending. My income is lower than his, but I am also more frugal. He wants me to take over our combined finances. My xh and I kept our assets separate for 25 years of marriage. We each had separate bills we were responsible for, and we each kept the excess from our checks. We each had separate accounts that we handled our personal expenses from, and one joint account that we contributed to to pay a few bills. It worked for us and money was seldom a conflict in our marriage. I honestly do think it kept us thinking as individuals tho and made divorce easier in the long run. For good and bad reasons. I am thinking about handling finances different with boyfriend. I am thinking about combining accounts and then giving each of us a percentage to our private accounts for spending money/luxuries/presents etc. We are very, very different spenders/savers and I think this will make things easier in the long run. He spends money wayyyyy more freely than I do. He knows he needs to go on a budget (albeit a generous one LOL). I am a 'save till you can pay cash person', he is a 'life is short, just buy it now, finance it and pay it off when you can'. He is more about living every moment because it can all go away in a blink....I am about saving so you aren't paying interest and living in our means so we can spend money without guilt!! What is your experience with combining two different money styles and having joint/separate accounts? Any suggestions? Trying to think it all thru before we mix things together?
  12. We lived in 6 states in 6 years when I was 9-15 and my sister was 15-21. living state to state was really hard on my sister and while very, very intelligent person, she didn't graduate high school because of it. Due to how hard it was on her, the settled down when I was a teen so I could go to one high school for 10-12th. I relocated easier that she did, but one of the worst parts was that we both have less roots (and friendships) than our 3 siblings that group up in a stable environment. One piece of advice, is to make sure you know where you want to settle when you get there. Don't expect them to get started in a group and then move them across town to new groups.
  13. How about 9in deep instead of 8ish wide? https://www.wayfair.com/filters/furniture/sb1/cabinets-chests-c504731-p86242~9~9.html
  14. So glad you are safe! That is so scary! Yay Bladder!! LOL You deserve a party!
  15. I had the old Shark vacuum but bought a Roborock for a vac/mop combo unit. You definitely got a great deal....mine was not that cheap LOL I love having the mop feature. It really helps to keep up on the dust/hair/dirt more than just the vacuum did. I still steam mop on occasion, but this really helps to keep the everyday moping under control.
  16. It really only needs a light tint added. The color intensity is good, just need to dull it out a bit! Wish I had some black walnuts that would work perfectly!
  17. That is where I got my original dyes from. Good idea. I forgot they had an advice option.
  18. Tried that ....and after a month, I pulled it off and decided to try and dye it. LOL
  19. Oddly enough, lots of things are cheaper or similarly priced now. Being able to order napkins, invitations, decorations etc off of the internet has greatly affected the price of these items. You can still spend high dollars on fancy versions but there are affordable options too. Most of the weddings I go to are much smaller now than before. I think smaller social circles, lower church attendance and more lax social rules allow for more selective lists.
  20. My grandma was the same. Small town with a Post office, a couple stores, maybe 2 restaurants and a market was a couple miles away so she could walk there for things she needed. She had 7 kids and a large heap of grandchildren. Family drove her around for everything except things she got in her little town. She actually did drive when she was young, almost had an accident with kids in the bed of a truck, and never drove again.
  21. I thought about tea or coffee but I think it will be too yellow. Do you know if Rit dye particles are fine enough to get an even coverage if trying to only get a small amount of color?
  22. I bought a bed skirt for my room. The design is what I want, but the color is very slightly off. My headboard is upholstered in a beige linen look fabric that slightly leans towards greige. The skirt is beige. I want to dye it, and add just a slight grey-brown to it, or to reduce the creaminess of the color. It is 55% linen, 45% cotton Any suggestions? The change will be very slight. I have some professional dye products, but nothing in the correct color. I don't have a fabric sample to play with. The main body of it that will be under the mattress, is pure white. I will have to start with just the tiniest change and keep working at it, to get the shift in color slowly. Since the fabric is so similar. I think the color difference stands out more than if they were different. I have an adjustable bed, so without a skirt, you see the metal legs. Even the wrong color skirt looks better than no skirt!! This is not my headboard, but very, very similar fabric. This is the skirt. If it doesn't link to the correct version, it is the bottom row, 5th over. The beige with buttons. When you pull up the bed skirt images, I want it to look like the 1st picture, but the IRL color is more like the 3rd picture or maybe a bit softer/creamier.
  23. My absolute go to board rolled edges wide handle plastic non-slip Dexas Chop & Scoop Cutting Board
  24. Portland Oregon and several outlying communities. I know several people who do not have a car at all, or have a single family vehicle and one person uses public transportation exclusively.
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