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GinaPagnato

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About GinaPagnato

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. The guilt: scrupulosity? It's a type of OCD where you feel guilty about everything and constantly think you're doing something wrong/immoral. It can lead to ritualizing to cope with the intrusive thoughts. So maybe a combo of depression (fatigue/lack of self-care/not eating), anxiety, plus scrupulosity. If so, all very very treatable. I'm so glad he sounded better today. ❤️
  2. The thing that stood out to me was the talking out loud, quietly, before repeating himself. Am I understanding that correctly? Has he had indications of delusional thinking or mania? The zoning out could be mild catatonia. I would get a physical and neurological work-up first, as others have said. There is a condition called schizo-affective disorder that describe *some* of the symptoms. Lack of self-care, talking aloud without addressing someone, depression, etc. Has he seemed paranoid or delusional in any way? The early 20's are a time of massive brain change, coupled with stress from college or work, so anything is possible. Do you know any of his friends/peers at college? It would be very good for you to try to connect with someone there to see if they've noticed similar symptoms. <<hugs>>
  3. I think that fact that our kids feel comfortable talking to us, and criticizing our parenting, are two sides of the same coin. I never would've openly told my parents what they did wrong. I saved that for my friends and husband. But then again, I never told my parents anything about how I felt , and minimally about what I thought. There's been a real cultural shift from our generation to our kids', it seems, wherein their generation feels more at liberty to discuss such things. I know a ton about my kids, even my adult-age kids, that my parents NEVER knew about me. I've talked with friends about this, and they've experienced the same thing. I suspect open access to information via the internet, and constant communication abilities via cell phones, has something to do with it. Also, "parenting" in our generation became a heavy thing where moms who had all the options open to them with regard to education and career, but chose to stay home and even educate their kids, felt that to justify such a choice, all their creative juices and abilities needed to be poured into their kids AT ALL TIMES. This is in contrast to the "benign neglect" that many of us felt growing up. Mom was there, Mom did stuff, but Mom didn't make parenting her one and only mission in life. I know I'm not a perfect parent, but I've worked darn hard at it, and I seriously don't want to hear a 20-something criticize the choices I agonized over. So yeah, I'm touchy about it. 😋
  4. In theory, I hate the idea of drop-ins. In practice, when it has happened, the visits are always so lovely. There's just something very warm about people feeling close enough to say, "Hey, the Smiths live on this street. Let's stop by to see if they can chat." When it's happened, I always feel a momentary sense of dread. But during and after the visit, I dunno, it just feels homey like we live in a sleepy little town where friends drop in unannounced and it's all good. We totally don't live in such a town, but there is a sense of community that accompanies those drop-ins.
  5. This happened to me and I clicked the online chat feature. I barely provided an explanation and they immediately offered to send me a new item. I got it the next day! Then three days later, the initial order apparently found its way out of purgatory and landed on my doorstep. So now I have two of the exact same books, lol. This must happen frequently enough that Amazon's chat recognizes it and just pushes out another delivery ASAP.
  6. Nothing to add to this particular topic, but just wanted to say how happy I am for you, DER, that you've embarked on a new chapter in your life. Enjoy it! You certainly deserve to. 😚
  7. This is the main drawback of those open floor plans. Same thing happened to my best friend. They bought a gorgeous house with tile and hardwood floor everywhere, vaulted ceilings and open floor plan. She went nuts because she could hear everything all the time. Her house was crazy loud with her kids! She ended up bringing in a contractor to wall off the upstairs hallway that looked down to the main floor. There was a hallway with balcony that you could stand in and see (and hear) everything from. The contractor essentially closed that hallway off so you couldn't see it from the rest of the house. That helped with the noise from upstairs. There wasn't much to be done about the rest of the noise in the house except she put area rugs all over the place. She also strictly enforced the use of the basement recreation room. Good luck!
  8. I went back to work when my youngest entered high school. I'm still homeschooling, but not in the traditional sense that I did for years before that. For example, I don't sit and teach this DD any specific classes. Almost everything is through our local co-op. She needs help managing her time and general homework help, but nothing like the time and effort I had been putting in for years when all my kids were home and I was in the thick of it. Once this DD entered high school, I had a lot more time on my hands and was itching to go back to work. I've also come to realize I'm a very organized person and waste very little time. I don't know why that's the case, but I know it is. So I'm able to get a ton of stuff done in a short period of time, especially now that I don't have any littles and I'm not waiting around for slowly plodding toddlers to get with my program, lol. I love working, but I needed to be where I am right now in life/child-rearing/hsing, etc. for it to actually be feasible for me to go back full-time. Possibly I could have started part-time when the kids were younger, like your kids' ages, but I was quite knee-deep in hsing, volunteering, etc., so I'm not sure that I would've had the time or energy to even do part-time work. If you have the time and space to try PT work, I'd encourage you to do it. It's very balancing to have something to do other than raise kids, cook, clean, rinse and repeat. Also, when your kids are older and really don't need your presence much, it's much easier to go back FT if you've got a PT track record.
  9. Thank you for this lovely reminder. I needed it!
  10. Maybe you're substituting the relationship needs that aren't being filled by your DH with your relationship with your kids? Idk, this just jumped out at me. Dh and I do a lot together on the weekends, and we've become one of those couples that watches TV together for a little bit each evening. We never used to do that, mainly because there was so much to be done with and for the kids. Now that they're older, I'm kinda enjoying watching TV. Who knew!? Yeah, and see, I am thinking I will have to force myself to be an involved grandmother, because I am really really REALLY enjoying creating my own life now with my work. My kids have mentioned here and there that they really want Dh and me to be involved with their kids (when they have them), and I'm kinda like...😐 (this is where I need the run away emoji, lol!)
  11. I started working full-time, and that has been fantastic! I'm just way too happily busy with my work to keep stressing about my adult kids' choices. I feel more layered, balanced, and emotionally independent. I'm not always available for them at the drop of a hat, which I think is better for them and for me, honestly. Could you increase your work days/hours?
  12. I'm sorry. Your DH was rude and insensitive, and had it been me, I would've lost my marbles. You say you normally have a great relationship, so if this conversation was a fluke, I'd chalk it up to him having a long and stressful day, as well as a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease.
  13. A phone that's lasted 3+ years has had a good, long run. Thank it for its service to you (see, a little Konmarie added in there), and get yourself a new one. I've had Samsungs and now an iPhone, and I like them both. I wouldn't hesitate to switch.
  14. Precisely. I think it's just smart to get to know people in groups because not only do you have a chance to see the person interacting with others, you also avoid the pressure of a dating situation that always makes people put their best foot forward. There have been many occasions when my DC have been interested in someone from afar, only to decide they weren't all that interested once they saw how the individual behaved with and treated others. My DC may not have been able to make that observation had they moved right to dating.
  15. Well at least she wasn't sexist and didn't apply this to girls only, lol!
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