funschooler5 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We didn't expect it to happen so soon. Looking back, I can see he was rapidly declining. I want to thank those that worried about me being able to take care of him at home. Had we tried to move him yesterday like we planned, he could have gone on the ambulance ride home. As it was, his family came to see him. My youngest three got to say goodbye, even though they thought they'd see him again tomorrow. They don't know yet. My parents took them home yesterday, and when I called my mom last night I told her to wait until I could tell them when we come home today. MIL, DD15 and are in a hotel because we didn't want to drive last night. Dd15 wanted to stay, and so she saw him until the very end, which was hard for her but I think she's glad she stayed. At one point he hugged her and said they'd do something fun when he got better, which broke our hearts. He was very delusional at the end, but wasn't in pain. Right now I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. I was staying all day and night at the hospital until the last several days when I started coming home to be with the kids. If I'd known it was going to happen this fast I would have stayed with him. Also a few days ago he texted me really early in the morning and told me to call him because he was feeling panicky. I got it 1/2 hr after he texted and texted back if it was ok to still call (I didn't want to wake him up if he'd fallen asleep because at that point he had terrible insomnia). He didn't answer and I could see on my phone that he hasn't read the text or the following one so I went back to sleep thinking he'd fallen asleep. I guess he called his mom though, and the nurse gave him an antidepressant. Why didn't I just call? I was too tired and feeding the baby back to sleep. I should've talked to him. He was all alone, an hour away from his family. And a lady called me last night about organ donation. Even though his liver and kidneys were bad, they could still use his corneas and heart valves, and a few other things. Several years ago before he got diagnosed we were talking about organ donation because I had that marked on the back of my lisence and he didn't. He said he didn't want to donate. I told the lady to call me back and I talked to MIL and DD because I think his mind might have changed about that because of his need for a liver. They thought it was a good thing to do, and so do I but I don't know for sure if it was what he would've wanted. I let them have his heart valves and part of his heart because she said a lot of times heart valves go to little kids with heart problems and I think he would've like that. And corneas aren't too invasive and could make a blind person see. And so I said no to some other things to compromise and yes to those. But now I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. I just felt like something good should come out of this. I so appreciate the support and the PMs especially from those who have lost their husbands. I have my family but I also feel very alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Oh, Honey! I'm so so sad for you. :grouphug: :grouphug: My sincerest condolences. Please try not to be hard on yourself. Hindsight can be a terrible thing. I think you made a good decision with organ donation. Someone will be able to live on thanks to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I just have no words. I am so very, very sorry!!!!!!!! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: There are no words. I cant imagine it and I am so sorry. I pray you have an amazing support system to help you through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. :crying: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We are all praying for you here. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so very sorry. I'm so glad that you were able to say good-bye and be with him. Please let go of the guilt and forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. I hope you can all find comfort during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. (((((hug))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Words feel so insignificant right now, but I will pray for peace, strength, and comfort for you and your children in the days ahead. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 There are no words. I am so, so sorry. I will pray for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We are very sorry for your loss...praying for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Oh, my God. I am so, so sorry. My heart just aches for you. My parents died when. I was a teenager and they died alone. I am glad for you and your DD that you were together with Luke. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Oh, I'm so sorry. I have no words, but offer my heart felt sympathies and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so very sorry for your family's loss :grouphug: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: I am so so sorry. I'm getting teary just reading this, I hurt for you so much. Don't give in to guilt. There will always be the what if's. You did the best you could, and I am sure that he understands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am sorry for your family. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jann in TX Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so very sorry. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 My heart is breaking for you and your family. Please please please do not feel guilty! This situation is more than anyone should have to endure.....you are nursing a baby and have 3 other kids! You were an excellent, loyal, loving wife and care giver. Your dh was fortunate to have such love and care in his life. (((((Hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so sorry for your loss and that of your children. I will continue to pray for your family. God bless you, for giving permission for the things that can be transplanted into other people. One of my friends received a Kidney transplant, some years ago. Donors are wonderful. There are no magic words for me to write to you. My father passed away when he was 41. My mother was 36, I was 6. Please take it one day at a time, stay calm, and do the best you can, for yourself and your children. I am sending you gentle hugs, from Colombia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Oh, I'm so very sorry. I will pray for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry. Try not to doubt your actions. I'm positive that Luke knew he's loved deeply. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so very sorry for your pain and loss and that of your children. I hope you have many loved ones around you to help and comfort you all. Be kind to yourself. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Praying for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 So so sorry :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: May the Lord wrap you and yours in his loving arms and comfort you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No More Perfect Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so very sorry. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: May love and good memories carry you through this agonizing time and the days to come. Please forgive youself and let go of the guilt. You did what you thought was best at the time and you acted with love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: I am so sorry, I would give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on if I were there. There are no easy decisions, please let go of the guilt. Your dd will always remember being there with her dad and it will always be bitter sweet. I was a freshman in college when I stayed with my mom and grandmother when my grandmother passed away and once again I was with my family a few years later when my other grandmother passed away. It still hurts and I wouldn't have it any other way. i didn't have the opportunity to be with my dad when he passed. I will pray for peace and guidance for you and your family in the coming days weeks and months. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm sorry. Praying for you and your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: There aren't any words. Dh and I will be praying for you and the children. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so very sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so sorry. I agree about trying not to feel guilty. I think in some ways when someone knows they are going to die, they can sense when they are alone and let go then. My mom was in a very similar situation when my dad died. She was with him day and night and went home to take a shower, that's when he died. You were there for him as much as you possibly could be and he knew that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so, so very sorry for your loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolMamaOfTwo Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm so sorry. :( Thinking of you and your family. Please let go of your guilt, you didn't do anything wrong and your husband wouldn't want you thinking that way either, I'm sure. Take care of yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 A friend of mine with two young children recently lost her dh. I can't begin to imagine. Someone once said to me -- try to remember the good times. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am so so sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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