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Everything posted by OH_Homeschooler

  1. My son with autism is extremely perceptive as well. I think that is one reason it took us a long time to get him diagnosed. There are so many facets to autism and it is upsetting when people try to lump everyone with this diagnosis into one category.
  2. *Suddenly realizing that the tiny room off the kitchen that held only a toilet in my last house was probably a pantry in a former life.*
  3. I'd assume the mother and the person who is actually in the situation is well aware of the options available to her and has put a lot of thought into going to work. "Just stay home and raise your own kids," isn't always the best option, even if finances allow for it. This situation may not be working out but maybe it's still better than her staying home all day with the kids. You are assuming they are doing fine financially based on her husband working 60 hours a week, but that is a very strong assumption. No matter how much you think you know someone outside your household, there is always more going on than you will or should know.
  4. I would go to urgent care in case it is infected.
  5. I understand that, but perhaps their perception is different? Maybe they think people follow the law.
  6. Perhaps his parents are assuming that unmasked individuals/strangers are vaccinated, as the guidelines say you can be unmasked if you are vaccinated. So they may be operating under the assumption that the strangers are vaccinated, and they KNOW that your DH is not vaccinated. This may not be a big double standard at all.
  7. I have been on a low-estrogen pill (Lo-Loestrin) for several years now because of this. I don't get a period, and I plan to stay on this until I'm past it all. I struggled previously with more traditional bcp as I always felt like I had PMS, but this has been a lifesaver. I also have generalized anxiety. I am on an antidepressant but about 2 months ago I started buspirone for anxiety as well. It is not a benzo, you take it daily. A lot of reviews say it doesn't do anything to help and it seems like that at first. It doesn't have an immediate effect. But I noticed about a month ago I wasn't reaching for the benzos as often. I was previously taking Ativan 1-2 times per week (as needed) and I haven't needed any lately. So that might be worth trying.
  8. I'm so sorry you were not believed. I don't know if my experience was typical but the school counselor did the absolute right thing and called the police when she heard about the abuse. And while I was in complete shock and had no clue what the next steps should have been, the social worker that came to the police station put a no-contact order on my ex immediately. My kids never saw their father again after he dropped them off at school that morning. The authorities came in believing my daughter from the start, and I hope that's a sign of progress in general.
  9. Too many people think this kind of thing makes their families immune (and I understand you no longer feel this way). Many abusers work really hard to look like pillars of their community, become involved in church leadership, and play the role of perfect family (men) specifically so that no one will ever question their motives or behavior.
  10. This is a hard one, but I think it would be worth mentioning. This actually just brought up a memory. A few years ago, a neighbor I never met came to my door with my child, who'd been riding her bike up and down the street with friends. It was a hilly street, and my daughter didn't look before crossing and nearly got hit by a car. The neighbor saw this and told me what happened. I was very grateful, and I went over bike safety again with all the kids. I knew the guy was only concerned and didn't want to see something tragic happen. So obviously it's not exactly the same situation but I can see some parallels. That girl might not have any idea how dangerous what she's doing can be, and I am sure her parents would want to protect her.
  11. Thank you. I never understood how a wife/mother wouldn't know either. It's really hard to fathom. I feel bad for a lot of things, but I don't beat myself up for not knowing because I just didn't.
  12. I would argue that it does change who they are. They transform into awful, bitter people who attack people with different beliefs out of nowhere.
  13. Research into doomsday cults has shown that they an amazing ability to rally when the world doesn't end when they say it will. They will say their preparations prevented the end from happening, pat themselves on the back, and carry on until the next doomsday.
  14. Personally, I would walk away--though I will admit that I am quick to cut off people ever since my ex-husband broke my trust. I have a sort of no-tolerance policy for B.S. I don't have the time to deal with people who refuse to think rationally and are outright belligerent to me and my opinions. And I really do not try to rock the boat, either. For example, before Q I was friends with a couple with completely different political views. We would meet weekly for lunch and it was generally pleasant. I avoided bringing up politics. But the husband in the other couple made a point to bring up politics in a baiting way. I eventually stopped going to lunch with them because he refused to pick up on the fact that we didn't want to go there. Now, with Q, it wouldn't be "eventually," it would be immediate. This is a new level of conspiracy, deception, and belligerence.
  15. My daughter is recovering from this as well and I can't tell you how many counselors we've been through. Last month she was kicked out of an adolescent depression support group for being too depressed. (Don't get me started on how they called me two weeks later and asked why she hadn't been attending. I literally glared at my phone). She has found one counselor that she's been seeing for a month and it's been going really well. This particular counselor has picked up on the fact that my daughter is actually really smart and can out-think the basic strategies that (supposedly) work for most teens. (And as an aside, IME people love to "prescribe" counseling because they don't want to take the time to care but think this is a helpful response). OP Jenny-I think perhaps trying a psychologist (PhD or PsyD) may get you better results? It seems they tend to be more focused than social workers and counselors. At least based on the small sample I've experienced. If you're still interested in shopping around for a therapist, maybe see if you can find one of these before giving up. Have you gone through any CBT? That seems to be the gold standard so I imagine you've been exposed to it at some level. Maybe get a book with CBT techniques and just work through it on your own. Honestly, I feel like I had success with therapy when I was younger and at some point I just knew the techniques and didn't get much more out of therapy after that. But don't take it personally. It is the responsibility of the mental health professional to figure out how to help you, especially as you are a willing participant and meeting them at least half way. It's like they forget there's a reason you are there for help. I'm sorry.
  16. And I'm not sure how we got from a MIL not liking the way her DIL talks to her son being a sign of abuse, but here we are.
  17. Two people can have what is meant to be a private conversation that just happens to be in the presence of others. Unless all those people are with the couple all the time, no one really knows what it's like when they are at home. My own sister honestly thought my my ex-boyfriend and I, who were both introverts, never actually talked to EACH OTHER. She was basing it on our behavior at one gathering where neither of us knew a lot of the people. So she just assumed we had an unhealthy relationship with no communication based on what she saw at a party one time. In fact, we had extremely deep conversations all the time, but she could never imagine that. And OP didn't say they snipe at each other. She said her DIL snipes at her son. She may be a little biased.
  18. My neighborhood always has stuff like this going on. Seriously, at least once a week. Usually it's a white woman yelling at the police. She never goes to any of her court hearings so she's always in contempt for failing to appear. And people here are constantly getting OPs against each other and then pulling them. It's just a lot of drama in my neighborhood. I just lock my door and mind my own business.
  19. My feeling is that if you start checking on minor things that could only be your perception, you soon become the meddling MIL and when your kids really need you, they are afraid to go to you because you'll just advise them on what they *should* do or *should have* done. And when a person is hurting, they don't want to hear "I told you so." They usually don't want to hear anything at all, they just want to know they are cared for. I should know, my mother is a habitual advice giver, even after I calmly asked her to stop. Even after I couldn't take it anymore and screamed. It is hurtful that she offers these pieces of advice that are so extremely trivial, I wouldn't share them with my actual child because I recognize they know better. She must think I'm a moron to tell me the things she feels are valuable for me to know. And guess who hasn't been told about any of the three hospitalizations one of my children experienced this year? I really wish I could have turned to her in my time of crisis but I felt she'd only find a way to make it worse. That's what constantly advising your adult children gets you. If your gut is telling you there is true abuse going on then of course, say something. But if you think a little private bickering between two people always means abuse, you're going to be the boy who cried wolf and no one is going to care what you have to say when it really matters.
  20. Do not say anything. Did you raise your son to be a sensible man? Then let him be that on his own. Also, keep in mind that you are seeing a snapshot of their relationship. Perhaps she is on edge around in-laws, afraid they are judging her every word. Maybe he knows that is her reaction to stress and doesn't take it personally. Maybe she is nothing but complimentary when they are alone together.
  21. Deleted my post because I'm trying to stop being so depressing. 🙄 But I feel you here.
  22. I painted wood paneling in my house and it really changed the look of the place. I'm not really sure what additional upkeep they require compared to just the wood paneling?
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