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About BakersDozen

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. My dh is now the one interacting with our ds so he doesn't have a chance to speak in an ugly manner to me (and he doesn't dare try it w/my dh...). The money, though...the only reason our ds doesn't have money is because he spends it on his girlfriend - gas to drive and go see her (she lives about 45 miles away) and gifts. So letting this kid off the hook for the van really goes against the grain. He could pay, but he wants to spend what he earns on himself and the girl. It's such a stupid, useless situation, really. This kid has what it takes to be amazing, but he chooses otherwise. SMDH against a wall over and over and over...
  2. Most of this is in response to MedicMom: We don't watch our kids' checking accounts. They are linked to ours as they are student accounts yet they (3 of them) know that we aren't looking to see where they are spending/earning money. I checked my dd's once because she was at work and there were high charges being made at the mall w/her card. And I only saw my ds's enormous deposit because I had gone on-line to look at my own account and saw that his balance was no longer in the $6 range (he really has no money). Given the van issue it was our first thought that he had somehow made a claim and received money - money which was out of his account the next morning. We were seriously confused and asked our ds via email if the claim he had made was done legally, which he assured us it was. That was all the information we received from him and it was in the context of emails about repairs for our van. So yes, we assumed that the funds in/out of his account were connected with the current van issue. His accident was completely unknown to us. We knew it couldn't be loan money or anything else (he has not graduated high school...was slated to do so in May but now that is off the table). As far as him not telling us about the accident, we, too, have not shared many things with our parents so that isn't the issue so much as our ds's heart/attitude at this point. For those who have young adult/older teens like this, you know what I'm talking about and what we are going through with him. As far as protecting the relationship vs. straining/damaging it...I grew up watching my mom get verbally abused by my brother. He could say/do anything and she would take it because she didn't want to "lose" him. It was disgusting. She enabled him, he was horrible to all of us, and we hated him. That is my son. He thrives on conflict and hurting others. We have shown him more than his share of grace and had told him to shape up or get out. He didn't take us seriously, so the decision was made for him to get out. He's also one of those who likes to throw around that he is 18 (as if that is some magical age) when it suits his purpose yet then says we somehow owe him something (like paying a bill) because he's only 18. Nice try, kid. Back to the van issue...we told our ds that the van was going to a shop and he would pay. Our ds told us to use insurance, then suddenly he said he would be coming over this Sunday with his bil to try to fix the van. That is where things stood until the bank account/deposit thing happened. We're not trying to gouge our son out of money, but we want this van fixed and fixed correctly. Our intention isn't to be "hard" on our son but to be real. He wanted real it is.
  3. Well...interesting way this story unfolded this evening. When my dh picked up our girls from a youth event one of the girls said that a peer came up to her and mentioned our son...and the fact that his car was t-boned over spring break. Huh. So that explains the insurance was for his car, not our van. So that mystery is solved. We still have a damaged van, but the harder issue is that our ds, who once told me to "F*** off" when I asked how he was doing with the girl thing or how his classes are going at the CC, and who has pushed us away in every way (he blocked his cell phone number from us, etc.) was in an accident and apparently others know but not us. OK, then. We're not going to say one word that we know to anyone and just let this play out. He wants his independence and privacy, OK. But he's fixing our van regardless and at this point my dh says he is taking it into a shop, forget the son-in-law's attempt to fix it. The worst thing is that at no point can I/we let our ds know how much it hurts us that he was in an accident and we didn't know. That would make him crow with triumph...knowing he hurt us.
  4. My husband will contact our insurance company tomorrow to determine how our son got the money. He has his own policy but it is through the same company which we also use. This is very weird and it is why I was awake a lot last night, turning this over in my mind. I appreciate everyone's input - you all always help me stay sane as each new older teen/young adult issue comes up. Please be around for my next 9 kids coming up the ranks, OK?
  5. Apparently our ds took photos but I/we are still wondering the same as you. I swear I will take 8 teething babies or whiny toddlers over one young adult slogging through this time of life.
  6. I/we don't know what we would do if he does not pay for the repairs. His insurance is through the same company we have been with for years and years...could we contact our agent and let them know they paid for something our son is not getting done? With our son's arrogant attitude we would have no problem taking him to court if we thought it might get through to him. We just don't want him to start his own repairs, the work isn't done well, and we're left with a van that looks like crud while he walks away with thousands and thousands of dollars.
  7. Yes, sorry...only our ds would be included in the written "contract" or whatever.
  8. Our 18yos damaged the passenger side of our minivan back in December when he tried to back out of our driveway (the backing out was almost fine...he got a bit confident, gunned the gas, turned the wheel and his car right into our van...). We told him he had until the end of the holiday break to fix the van or my dh would take the van into a shop. That date came and went, life got in the way, and suddenly it is March. So over spring break we again told our ds to please get the van fixed. He did not and now he has moved out (long story). So my dh took the van into 3 shops for quotes which ranged from $1300-2900. We sent the information to our ds who said to just go through insurance. Last night a $9600 deposit from our son's insurance was deposited into his account. This morning $9500 was taken out. Our son is desperate for money because he foolishly left without a plan, without anywhere to go, and without enough money to make it in this high cost of living town. So he made a claim on both our van and his car, got insurance money, and is planning to tackle the repairs himself with the help of our son-in-law. I guess this is legal (not sure it is right, though). Here's my question: I told my dh to get something in writing that our ds/dsil will do the repairs to our satisfaction or the van will go to a shop and our ds will pay for it. We don't want some half-baked repair job. It's not a new van and it's not in perfect condition, but we don't feel that even with those factors that the repairs need to make our van look worse, if that makes sense. On a side note, the amount he got from insurance was enough for us to outright buy a good used van. Yikes. The damage to both vehicles wasn't nearly that bad...maybe insurance overpays? WWYD? Let him do the repairs himself? Just take the van in (insurance did, after all, base the deposit on a professional repair job)?
  9. Today was...magical. I sat with 6 of the younger children in anticipation of seeing a man whose music I heard as a child, as a teenage babysitter, as a new mom, as a not so new mom. Every word to every song we have memorized. My babies hear the lyrics from the day they are born: I sing the "number songs" as I change their diapers (Six Little Ducks, Five Green and Speckled Frogs, etc.). I sing the food songs as they eat. And I sing the slow songs as we cuddle or they fall asleep. Even Felix's second word was from a song ('bay') and he said his first sentence just last week - "Dn by dh BAY!" I got to watch Davis's eyes light up and see that fantastic smile he has when he heard each familiar song begin. We got to watch our children shaking the sillies out just as scores of children have done before at these concerts. It was surreal sitting there before it began knowing that the man behind the magic of this music for children was about to come on stage...I've waited over 20 years to see him. And then there he was and it was awesome!!! Everyone was singing, everyone loved him...totally worth the wait. The hardest part was when he said it was the last number and you could hear the sigh of disappointment. Just keep on singing...let's just stay for another hour or two. At almost 71 years old he still has an amazing voice and an even more amazing presence. No fancy lights, no fancy outfits, no insanely stupid lyrics or fingernails-on-chalkboard instrumentals. All that was on stage was a small table with water and bananas, a chair, and him. The chances are we won't see him in concert again, and maybe he knows it because his last number, rather than his trademark song, was "Happy Trails". I think there were more than a few of us sniffling at that point. And oh, how I wish I'd gotten the chance to actually shake his hand and thank him for the gift he has given to children's music, for setting the bar high, for not making my brain cells feel like they are dying as I listen to his songs. But at least I finally got to see him in concert - another bucket list item crossed off and oh so worth it. What an incredible human being and what a legacy to leave in his music. What a privilege to be there kids just have no idea. But someday they will when they sing the same songs with their kids and tell them, "You know, I got to see Raffi in concert!"
  10. Yes!! There is just something about his voice and his presence that has a profound effect on kids. Mr. Rogers is the same. Raffi has been playing in our house and van at every possible moment and the kids are counting down the days! It's hilarious to hear one of us sing, "Down by the..." and my littlest guy (almost 16 months) sings, "BAY!!!"
  11. My first username was based on how many children I had at the time. I'm not creative so it's all I could come up with, only the babies kept on coming and I was still stuck with my 7 kids username. So coming back I decided it was time to catch up with the kids/years. The one problem I ran into with this username is that I guess it is also the name/title of a, yeah. Found that out after I chose my username...good thing it was late at night and my kids were not up to see what popped up on the screen. Oy...
  12. There is a private school but it only offers one AP exam and it's not the one she needs.
  13. Our small community used to allow home schoolers to sign up for pretty much any testing that was offered (PSAT, SAT, ACT, AP). Now the public high schools will not allow other students to sign up as the campuses are "closed". The local BASIS school and one of the private schools still allow home schoolers to test yet neither offers the AP exam my daughter needs. The one school I found that does offer the APPSY didn't allow her to sign up no matter how I beg and plead. This is so frustrating!! Home schoolers can sign up for sports and regular classes but they can't sign up for one exam on one day out of the year. Anyone else run into this issue?
  14. Yes, he is! He put out a fantastic song highlighting the need for safety/respect in sports some years back (you can find it on YouTube). We just love his songs - Bananaphone is our current binge-listen. I am so, so excited to see him live!
  15. My bucket list is incredibly tiny but one item isn't so tiny - to take my kids to see Raffi in concert. For 23 years I've wanted to see him...and he's coming to a city near us this spring!!! I am so incredibly excited as are my kids. Even my 15mo knows "Down By the Bay" so this is going to be super duper fun (I hope!). Has anyone else been to one of his concerts?
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