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About BakersDozen

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. I will tell my dh...but I don't want to. He came home and did nothing but serve his family, same as he does every night. He made dinner, played with kids, went outside to do yard work, etc. and will continue to serve until long after the kids go to bed. He was up until after midnight last night finalizing details for the trip he will make with the girls - a trip he is willing to make yet should not have had to. So the idea of telling this man that his son ended up going on the trip after all...I'm crying just knowing I have to tell him. My sense of wanting to protect my dh is kicking in, I guess, at least for a little while. But yes, I'll tell him.
  2. My youngest just woke up so I'm off and running. But a very quick 'thank you' to everyone's input/advice. It's been a hard day but you've given me lots to think about.
  3. Our son really and truly does enjoy being with his sisters, which is why the decision he made is so very hurtful. He wasn't going on this trip as a chaperone (and was 100% willing/excited to do so last year). This was more a fun, let's get away kind of trip. They would have had a great time as they always do. Thinking on what we see in our ds we feel that he is one who allows pride to win over common sense. Even in conversation if I offer an idea/opinion he usually counters it even if his argument makes no sense. He just has to be right which means everyone else has to be wrong. So even if our request for money was right, we were "wrong" and he responded as he did. And then went on a trip anyway. And that's what has me in tears today.
  4. He does have some very good qualities and yes, we trust him with our girls. I didn't even blink at the thought of them being in D.C., Philly, NYC, etc. when they were with him. But the financial issue is huge, especially as my dh and I abhor debt of any kind or having others not trust us with money. The fact that our ds made a decision so affecting my dh and our dd's is deeply hurtful, though. Trust has definitely been broken and opportunities like this won't be happening again.
  5. So our son really enjoys hanging out with his siblings (well, most of them...). He has a very close relationship with The Trio (as we call our 12,14,16yo dds). He planned the initial trip for the 16yo for her bday in Feb. and the cost was to be lower as it was closer to where we live, airfare was less, etc. He decided on Boston when the first trip fell through. He knew the cost as we all discussed the options and looked into details like airfare/lodging costs. So he knew back in May what he was getting into. We were also very taken back when he first presented the trip for his sister and shared some concerns, but he doesn't live at home (he actually lives with our oldest dd and her husband) so the decision was ultimately his to make. He was not asking us to help with that trip. It wasn't until the second dd was added to the trip that we kicked in money which, again, was to his benefit. As for him having the means to pay...he should have the means. He should have banked literally thousands of dollars at this point. But he apparently has blown through his money on who knows what?? I know about the eating out and movies but for goodness' sake, if I was in his position (working, incredibly low cost of living) I would sock money away as fast as I could. He's not in school (grrrrr) but since he is working and not coming to us for financial help we figured he had the trip covered. Unless a trip is school related we don't pay once our kids graduate high school. Our ds knows that so the expectation for him to pay for his costs (and that of his sister's which he himself expressed he would) were clear.
  6. He does not work in the bank we use but yes, he works in a bank. And yes, I/we wanted to bang our heads against a wall. He is showing himself to be one who happily spends other people's money, hoards his own, yet laments that he has none to spend. I promise we did not raise him to be this way.
  7. No, you read correctly, I typed incorrectly. Wrangling a toddler and fussy baby...should have waited to post that until naptime. Anyway, we wanted our girls to have a U.S. History East Coast tour and he went with them. He paid for eating out beyond what we set forth as reasonable and any attractions not on the itinerary. So he got a very nice trip paid for almost in full by us which was perfectly agreeable to all.
  8. His text was not unkind but it was very typical of him in that he waited until he had departed town before letting us know and left no room for anything other than, "Here's what I with it." He is one who shows zero humility or remorse. Ever.
  9. There was never anything said/conveyed in this way. If anything he was relieved to have us share the lodging costs, plus we contributed 2 additional nights. He was ready to pay for himself and one sister anyway so 2/3 was better than the entire bill.
  10. I had the same ridiculous discussion regarding transferring money with him - the guy works in a bank!!! It was beyond frustrating which is why Sat. morning was set for him to get his bum to an actual bank (since he had every reason for why he couldn't/wouldn't do it electronically) and get the money taken care of. The 6-week trip was in his best interest as he was basically a paid chaperone. We footed almost the entire bill. The condition of his heart is not generous, I can assure you. Opportunistic, yes.
  11. We were OK with him taking the girls as they all went last year for 6 weeks. The financial situation was different for this trip in that he was responsible for paying his share (and his sister's as he originally planned this trip). So it was actually to his benefit that the second sister was going financially. I think he was fine being with younger sisters, he just wasn't OK with a line being drawn in the sand. Edited for confusing wording/detail...
  12. I should have clarified that: We were going to cancel the Air BnB. Another could be booked once we had his money in our account. We would not have canceled the flights.
  13. And here's what really gets me: My dh is so generous. He didn't have to pay for 2 nights of the trip but he did just because he wanted to. He is a good, good man and our son so disrespects and dishonors his dad. But our son cares for no one but himself.
  14. True...I'm glad I am not today who or how I was at 22. What I do not understand is pride so strong that one would rather foot the entire bill for a trip rather than pay a lesser amount simply because it is requested.
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