Sexist or sweet?

[Drama Llama]

We're on the way back from the beach.  I'm bored, and DH insisted on driving, so I'm curious about the dynamic in other families. 

[Catwoman]

I never thought much about it. Sometimes he drives and sometimes I drive. No hard and fast rules here. 🙂 

[73349]

We both hate driving. He's slightly better at it (more experience). Normally he drives--especially if it's his car, which is designed in a way that makes it hard for me to see when backing up.

Edited June 18, 2022 by 73349

[barnwife]

I hate driving. No, that's an understatement. I loathe and detest it. DH enjoys it. Therefore, unless we are on a super long trip, he does the driving. Being sexist or sweet doesn't factor in for us. 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

We switch it up but I drive 90% of the time. 

[Acorn]

We share driving on long trips but I couldn’t vote that without answering 2nd question. He prefers to drive for local things, which I like because I drive “all day” in my daily routine of my jobs, kids’ school and activities.

[mlktwins]

Normally I am the driver of the 2 of us.  I prefer it and he doesn't really care.  I drive more often and am used to all the jerks on the road in my area.  He gets more frustrated driving around here.  it is just easier for me to drive.

ETA:  He is totally a back seat driver though!

Edited June 18, 2022 by mlktwins

[Pawz4me]

Around home DH usually drives. He enjoys it and I don't care one way or another. On long trips I drive whenever he needs a break.

[Kassia]

I hate driving.  DH likes driving and is a better driver than I am.  He always drives if we're together - even on long road trips - and that works for both of us.

[Terabith]

My husband almost always (but not quite always) drives when we're driving in town.  I always drive if we're driving out of town or if there is a bridge involved, because he's kinda phobic about interstates and bridges.  And also, he kinda drives me crazy when we're driving long distances because he drives just under the speed limit, and I have a strict 5-7 miles over the speed limit policy.  

[Katy]

I like it when DH drives, it's time I can read or browse the internet or shop online with minimal interaction.  But he "lets" me drive whenever I want.  Frankly hes better at high speeds in the country, especially on Midwest gravel roads, which freak me out.  Gravel roads near where I grew up in Florida were this powdered limestone that might have a few sandy spots here or there but were hard, not slippery.  Gravel roads in the Midwest are nickel sized sharp limestone loose rocks that are worse than driving on ice.

But in cities I'm a better driver.  I'm more experienced with distracted jerks cutting cutting people off, I have slower reflexes but better depth perception so I'm way less likely to over-react.  If we're in a touristy spot in Florida or a busy place anywhere else I try to drive.  Though DH has been getting better.

[Dmmetler]

DH has really bad motion sickness when someone else is driving. So, there’s a lot of incentive to let him drive, to say the least…

[AmandaVT]

I drive 90% of the time - I am prone to carsickness and can even make myself carsick while driving sometimes, so I almost always drive. Thankfully, I don't mind it. DH can read in the car, so on long car rides it works well. I can drive and (generally) not get nauseous, and he can relax and read.

[athena1277]

Dh used to drive most of the time, but he has some health issues now so I do most of the driving.  On a long drive he’ll take a turn when I need a break.

[2squared]

My dh gets car sick and he likes driving, so drives most of the time. I’m glad since I don’t like driving, and I do like surfing the internet on my phone. 

[Jaybee]

We switch it up, but he drives 90% of the time. Or more. Sometimes it bugs me on a long trip, because it's usually because he drives faster and drives because he wants to get there sooner. On the other hand, we do get there sooner, so 🤷‍♀️. Around town, it doesn't bother me. 

[freesia]

I hate driving, so he drives most of the time except on long trips. The reason he drives most is because I don’t like it—he’d be just as happy not to. But I do most of the day to day driving bc he works next door, so it’s his turn. 

[LucyStoner]

He *almost* always drives.  Sometimes I do but it’s like less than 3% of the time.  

I do not like driving.  At all.  

His motivation is to take on a task that I dislike so I don’t consider it sexist.  And if it were?  I would not care, not one little bit.  Because I vastly prefer having him drive.  When we got together, I didn’t have a license. I only got one so I could drive our kid to appointments and stuff when he wasn’t available - that was like 5 years in so we were accustomed to him being the driver.  That hasn’t changed.  

[Junie]

My dh drives most of the time.  Probably 99 percent.

I don't love it, but I also don't hate it.

I like driving more than he does, but it's nice to not have to drive if he's willing to do it.  

[Rachel]

My husband prefers to drive no matter the situation. I’m the same way except with him. The only time I drive when he’s in the car is if I pick him up somewhere or if we are on a road trip and he’s tired. He can’t relax if someone else is driving (his mom is the same way). It’s kind of funny when they are in a car together. 
 

I like to nap when on longer trips so we have fallen into the pattern where he almost always drives. 

[MrsMommy]

I hate driving. Actually, I don't really enjoy being a passenger, either. But I REALLY hate driving, so I'm glad dh actually likes it and does it most of the time.

[alisoncooks]

I said we switch up but DH does most of the “around town” driving and I drive for most of the road-trips. He is often working or sleeping for long drives, so that makes me the driver. 

[Jaybee]

I like to drive sometimes, other times it doesn't matter to me. While he tends to drive more on long trips, if I asked to, he'd be fine with it, in spite of the fact that he prefers to go faster; he's just the default driver unless I'm picking him up from somewhere. But it's not like he's obnoxious about it. If I'm ever picking him up from anything, I stay behind the wheel. When we were overseas, in a couple of the countries, I never drove. In another one, I had no problem with it. But in a couple, I did not have the skill or the confidence to drive there. I did love to be back in a place where I could drive again.

[Clarita]

My husband drives. He's better at it and likes to do it more. If I said I wanted to though I'm pretty sure my husband would say yes, because it's so rare. 

There are a lot of things in the way our family works what seem sexist from the outside, but you know if two people agree on it working a particular way is it really sexist or just the way two people decided to do things. (Sorry there have been things that my family's been accused of somewhat recently that I'm bitter about.)

[Arcadia]

My side of the family would be the males are always the drivers unless the male is elderly/sick/does not have a driver’s license. Driving is seen as a chore so ladies are to be “chauffeured”. It is a form of traditional chivalry (asian) similar to ladies get seated first if there are limited seats. Ladies can drive if they want to so it is not like ladies are restricted.

My husband side would be a mixed. His aunt’s husband would offer to drive. His sister is the main driver for her family and her husband rather not drive.

[Shelydon]

I am the main driver, but if I preferred to be a passenger, my husband would take over no problem. 

[Dianthus]

25 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

We're on the way back from the beach.  I'm bored, and DH insisted on driving, so I'm curious about the dynamic in other families. 

How nice you went together. Did you all have a good time?

[gardenmom5]

Dh can be aggressive when driving... which is stressful to me.

he also has superior reflexes and vision.  (Statement of fact that has zero reflection on sex.  I have vision issues. )

I firmly agree that I would have hit the deer that jumped in front of us, and zigged then zagged.  He missed it both times.

He also said he has to look at the road or he gets carsick.  He's said it even when excellent drivers 1ds or 2dd were driving. And he knows the  backways.

Edited June 18, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Miss Tick]

Of the two of us, I'm a better passenger. I really excel at it.

 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I hate driving.

My husband hates my driving.

So he drives and everyone is happy.  

[Tree Frog]

I've been doing most of the local driving because my car gets better gas mileage, but whoever wants to drive does. I don't like driving with dh because he drives like an old man. He frequently slows down to leave space for vehicles to move over if their blinker is on or a lane he's familiar with closes with little advance warning, then gets upset when they don't take advantage of his generosity. At 4 way stops, he tries to let others go in front of him when it's his turn, which sometimes causes confusion and slows down the traffic. His intentions are good, but drivers like him frustrate me when I'm driving. 

On long distance trips, dh usually drives because he prefers to. 

[Annie G]

Dh drives almost all the time and I love that. I do drive when we’re on a road trip and he needs a break, or sometimes I offer to drive when we’re going through downtown Atlanta or Chicago because he hates the traffic. I don’t love it, but since he drives almost all the time I don’t mind occasional white knuckle driving to give him a break. 
 

 

[porque?]

I almost always drive, I am not really sure why. Although I am pretty sure my family would say it is because I need to be in control.

[Drama Llama]

32 minutes ago, Spirea said:

How nice you went together. Did you all have a good time?

Yeah.  We didn't stay together.  We rented separate places.  But we saw him every day.  It went pretty well.  

He drove up with his Dad, but his Dad stayed longer so I gave him a ride home and he insisted on driving.  Which inspired this thread.

[math teacher]

We came home from the beach today as well. I drove part of the way there, part of the time while we were there, and part of the way home.

[Bambam]

I do almost 100% of the driving. Sometimes, rarely, on long trips, DH will do some driving too. I'm a better driver and a not-very-good passenger. 
He drives very little - really just to work and back. 
 

Edited June 18, 2022 by Bambam

[Melissa in Australia]

Dh drives. He is a better driver. He is a very bad passenger. I hate driving. I especially hate driving if he is a passenger.

If he drives I am free to fall asleep. I call it standby mode. And have always told my kids that I have such a computer brain that it goes on standby while not in use. 

[Clemsondana]

Husband had a car when we were in college, and even though I had a license I had almost no experience.  So, he drove everywhere in our early years and then taught me to actually drive on real roads (I had gotten my license by driving on a course).  When we had little kids it made more sense for him to drive since I was better at doling out snacks and such.  At this point, we have long-established patterns.  We're not fanatical about it, though - if we need to make a quick run somewhere in my car, I'll often drive rather than adjust the seats.  But, for longer trips he usually drives.  I'm better at doling out snacks for him, too.  🙂  

[bensonduck]

I do most of the “around town” driving. I know the routes better and little stuff (a long light, a slower car ahead, etc) doesn’t bother me. 

DH usually takes the first shift or does all of the longer drives, or if we are in a place where he’s more familiar with the location than I am.

[Tap]

The man in my life usually drives. I don’t mind driving, nor does it make me feel protected. They just usually  prefer to drive, I don’t care either way,  so I let them. 

[thewellerman]

Dh nearly always drives.  I picked "I love it because I don't like driving," but that isn't totally accurate.   I actually like driving, but I also welcome having a few minutes of nothing to do.   I read, work on a project, whatever.  

[rebcoola]

DH almost always drives.  He enjoys it and is better at.  I am usually reading my book.

[Frances]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

I hate driving.  DH likes driving and is a better driver than I am.  He always drives if we're together - even on long road trips - and that works for both of us.

This describes us except that I’d say we both have our strengths and weaknesses as drivers, neither of us is always the better driver.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The last time we bought a car (earlier this year) the dealer kept telling dh about the car and me about the color and trim. I told him to knock it off because I am the primary driver (I love driving). And to tell me about the engine. 

[denarii]

Depends on which vehicle we are taking. The car? I drive. He's too tall to drive it comfortably. The SUV? He drives. I hardly ever drive it and I'm not as comfortable parking it. 

[Tree Frog]

7 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

The last time we bought a car (earlier this year) the dealer kept telling dh about the car and me about the color and trim. I told him to knock it off because I am the primary driver (I love driving). And to tell me about the engine. 

Dd bought her first car this year. I went with her for moral support, but let her handle all the talking. The first dealership we went to had the model she wanted to purchase, but because it was already sold, we could only look at it. The salesman began by opening the tailgate and extolling the virtues of the first aid kit that had Velcro on it, so it could stick anywhere in the cargo area. I rolled my eyes and looked at the rest of the vehicle while he droned on and on for about 15 min about this first aid kit. I mean, if you're buying a vehicle, the first thing you'd consider is a first aid kit, right? 🙄 😂

[Jenny in Florida]

I mind driving much less than my husband does. However, he is much more anxious than I am about simply being on the road, no matter who is driving. Since him being nervous makes me nervous and he'll be nervous either way, I usually prefer that he drive. The net amount of nervousness and unhappiness is lower that way.

 

[wathe]

If we are taking my car, I drive.  If we are taking his car, he drives.  On long trips we switch out at intervals. 

[Lecka]

The default is for my husband to drive.  But sometimes he’s likely to speed or be distracted.  I have times I suspect this and this is grounds for me to drive.  
 

If I don’t like how he is driving he will let me drive.

It’s hard to explain but I can just tell from his mood sometimes.  
 

I always prefer to be the passenger to the driver, though.

 

 

[BusyMom5]

Very much depends on the time and place.   DH gets sleepy, so if he is tired I drive.  If we are in an unfamiliar city, he drives and I navigate bc he cannot-  He knows it, lol!  Our DD is the same way, they just don't have a good sense of direction and cannot remember turns or exits very easily or even follow Google maps.   He is better driving in crazy traffic, so it works.  If its cities I go to often, and I know where I'm going- I usually drive.  If its around home, he usually drives.  If its a longer trip- like 2 hours+, we usually switch off.  It really just depends.