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Everything posted by 2squared

  1. This isn’t what I see in the workplace. People are rewarded based on ability far more than seniority, unless if you work within a union. On my own team, my employee with the most future potential is my youngest employee, only 2.5 years out of college. He doesn’t know the most or have the most experience, but he has the best skills and personality to grow the furthest the fastest. I’m giving him opportunities that I am not giving my more experienced employees.
  2. I’m not seeing a difference between Instagram and Snapchat, but maybe I’m missing something? My kids post the same stuff to both platforms, but they use Snapchat constantly and Instagram about once/week. They use Snapchat like a texting platform. I think Instagram is quickly on the way out and is being replaced by visco, at least in our teen world.
  3. I want to give hiM time to get his head in a Different place before we have the tough conversations, but I also think we need to have those conversations before he goes to work on Monday. He could go back and turn down the job….I just don’t see him agreeing to that. I don’t see a path to him not taking the job.
  4. I’m OK with the job. I’m not OK with changing our living arrangements plan. The job became available and the hiring decision happened within 7 days. His boss had applied for the lifetime appointment many times and had not been successful, so neither of us thought it was a real possibility. But we had talked about what ifs prior to this week, and the what if’s never involved physically moving the kids or me. That curve ball came the night before the interview and job offer. I truly don’t see any way I could have stopped the freight train on this one. it’s just such a frustrating situation. I am so happy he has his dream job, but I’m not at all happy with him just assuming moving the rest of us wouldn’t be an issue. He’s so excited that he isn’t stopping to see the very real issues. I want to cry and wake up from this bad dream tomorrow.
  5. The district is 50 miles x 20 miles, so a long rectangle. The two towns in the district are on the Far east and far west of the triangle. We live 10 miles south smack dab in the middle of the rectangle. If we intend on keeping our kids in the current school, we would want to stay as close as possible to the school, which means in the country. The two towns would be >30 minutes from the school. I looked at the map today, and dh’s commute wouldn’t change. My commute becomes 10 miles/10 minutes longer. Dh has a crazy idea of building a country house on empty farm land. He obviously isn’t considering the cost of building or the building delays right now. And….If we build, I am building a house I like. I am NOT building a cheap house. Tonight he was discussing applying for the lifetime appointment position that opens in three years with oldest ds. My practical hat is wondering why we would build a brand new house when he is planning to switch jobs again in three years. This country house would not be our long-term home after the kids all graduate. I think reality did set in a little when he saw the kids’ reactions to moving. We need him to get beyond the blissful stage before engaging in long-term planning. ETA: I don’t see how building a place just over the border makes us look more committed to the district. Technically we would be in the district, but we wouldn’t live in either population center and our kids would still be outside of the district. if he moves by himself, then it’s pretty much the same as if we were separated or divorced. I don’t think separate living arrangements should count against him. Lots of families have unique arrangements for various reasons. In fact….we may be separated or divorced by the time this is over anyway!
  6. We have open enrollment, so we can live anywhere and keep the kids in their current school. Our current school/home-dw work-dh work commute is a triangle. I work 15 min east of home, dh works 35 min northeast of home. If we build within the district, we would need to build north of our current home. This makes a square commute wise. Dh cuts his commute, my commute increases, and the kids now have a commute. While our current setup works because the kids can walk to school and activities, I am maxed out right now. We are so busy with with FT jobs and five kids. Adding the extra driving right now puts me over the edge. I agree. Our senior can’t move, even if he stays in the same school district. That just adds so much stress to an already full life.
  7. We do it by living two blocks from the school! And, if course, my flexible job which is only a 15 min commute. Our kids (can) come and go themselves for all their practices and games, and they have very easy access to their friends. The school buses to away games, but we generally attend all home and away games. Dh and I split up since we often have kids going in different directions. My senior is being recruited to play two of his sports in college (which is fun, but I prefer he doesn’t continue into college) My oldest three were varsity starters as 8th graders in their winter sports. My kids are athletic and really enjoy their activities. The school they currently attend has very strong athletic programs. We aren’t a crazy family, but I can say for certain that my kids are thriving in their extracurriculars.
  8. Thank you for the continued discussions and real life considerations. Our kids at home are senior, freshman, 8th grade, 5th grade. All of them are three sport athletes, strong students, and active socially. They are thriving. The new district is far less attractive in terms of academics and sports. I am currently employed FT in a demanding professional job which requires a lot of mental energy and 40+ hours/week. I also take on 90% of the child wrangling and 90% of child mental wrangling since my job is physically closer to home and more flexible. I would love to not work or work PT, but I don’t view either change as an option pre-election. If we have dual-households, I think reducing or quitting may be tough financially, well tough without a significant downgrade in lifestyle. Dh accepted the job yesterday. He’s blissfully happy. We won’t be able to talk about living arrangements without fighting, I am certain. He is thinking of the time he would lose with us if he moves alone. He’s not thinking of the cost the rest of us would pay. So, I think the answer is to break this decision into parts: 1) Let him start the job and experience the additional responsibilities. Hopefully he will move from blissful to practical during this stage 2) From practical to election - Determine how much we are willing to give to help him get elected. I am willing to take on shirt-term pain to achieve that goal. I am willing to take on a second mortgage. I am NOT willing to move our family 20 miles away to live in a crappy house in the middle of the country. 3) post-election - This is will be our new norm. What does it look like? if elected, he will have a four year term. He’s hoping to be promoted to a lifetime appointment before that four year term is up, but…he has to live in that district for the appointment. We are likely to end up there eventually, which is completely fine with me….once the kids and I aren’t significantly impacted anymore.
  9. The more I think about this, the more I think dh has to move by himself. He can come home on the weekends. Moving allows him to embed into the community easier and saves on commute time. Our family already has three centers of activity, and the three centers make a triangle. They are not linear. It makes no sense to add a fourth location. I know he doesn’t want to miss out on the kids, but he’s going to miss out no matter where we live. He won’t be driving the kids from our new home to school and then 35 min to work, and I don’t want to make that commute either. Why make life harder on everyone? The easiest answer is to move the kids, but we have been aligned that moving the kids’ school is not an option. Maybe it becomes an option? Today: dh work - 35 min from school dw work - 15 min from school kid school
  10. Our schedule today: 5:30 drop dd2 for volleyball practice 6:45 drop dd2 for football practice/pick up dd2 7:00 dh to work 7:50 drop dd2 & ds3 at school 7:55 dw to work 8:00 ds1 drives to school 3:15 dd2 & ds3 home from school 3:15 ds1 & ds2 pregame football practice at school 4:00 ds1 & ds2 home 5:00 ds1 & ds2 to football game 5:15 dw home from work 5:15 dh home from work 6:30 rest of family to football game This would be crazy town if we didn’t live in town.
  11. This is my thought exactly. Buying something before he has won election seems really stupid. I don’t mind having two mortgages…after an election. I do mind having two mortgages on two crappy houses before the election. We live in rural small town USA, so it will be very obvious my kids aren’t in one of the schools in the geographical area….but we won’t be moving their school regardless of where we live.
  12. Dh believes he will be offered his dream job tomorrow. I am very excited for him. Tomorrow he is likely to be appointed to the position, but next year he will have to run for election and withstand any potential challengers. This position has a residency requirement. He must live within a certain geographical area, an area we do not currently live in. Right now we live 10ish miles outside this geographical area, and our kids are firmly entrenched in our school district. We do not plan on moving the kids’ schools. Our state has open enrollment so we can live outside our school district and keep the kids in their current school. We live two blocks from our school which is immensely convenient with two FT jobs and five kids. I work 15 min/12 miles from home, also not in this particular geographical area. Even after dh’s raise, I still make more than 50% of our income. We both have higher earning, professional jobs in a very rural area, meaning not a lot of other opportunities to make this much in other companies/positions. Our plan was for dh to move to the geographical area while the kids and I continued to live in our current house. Dh has a residency requirement; the rest of us do not. Dh would stay us with a few nights a week, and be around other evenings. He came home today believing he has a better chance of being elected if we buy a new property and have all of us move. I don’t want to move. This wasn’t a part of the deal. He’s looking at crappy farmhouses in the country. I don’t want to live in a crappy farmhouse (and my current house is nothing special, so I am willing to live in an older, outdated home). I don’t want to own tractors to snow plow my driveway. I don’t want to be on the road every night driving kids to and from activities. This sounds like a nightmare. We have games very night if the week. How will we be able to go to games and pick up the kids from practices? If we live in a rural country house outside our school district, car pooling will not be an option….our neighbors won’t be going to the same school! Does anyone have good suggestions for us? I’m in panic mode. I can’t tell him to not take the job, but I also strongly feel that I don’t want to move. ETA: This is not a political position, and the position requires specific credentials to be appointed or elected. Dh’s boss was appointed to a lifetime position by the governor, so now dh is looking to promote into his boss’s role through appointment. He will have to run for election, and few others in the geographic location have the needed credentials.
  13. I would add Schwan's home delivery to the list. It's not a meal planning service, but they deliver quality frozen protein and vegetables to your door. You can order the proteins and vegetables separately or as combined kits. We do appreciate their convenience items like the 5" pizzas and chicken bites which we cook in the air fryer. Schwan's (schwans.com)
  14. When we fly, everyone sits in their preferred type of seat. Dh prefers aisle, the rest of us prefer window. I would definitely not pick a window seat just to sit next to dh. We sleep together, no need to have an uncomfortable seat just to be closer to him. We often will book aisle and window in the same row hoping no one else books the middle seat. If they do, the middle person has always switched with us for a win-win seating arrangement. Our last flights as a family were like this: one row: 10yo window, 17yo middle, dh aisle 17yo prefers window, but he refuses to sit next to strangers. I actually booked a window for him, but the middle between dh and 10yo gladly switched for a window seat. another row: 15yo window, dw aisle I prefer window, but we gambled that no one would book the middle seat. Other rows: 13yo and 19yo in window seats in adjacent rows
  15. I often provide my high school stories as a guide for my kids. I would make a conversation recalling how lunch was a stressful time and I used to do X and Y to have lunch partners. Many kids have the same problem, and if he could attach himself to someone before they get to lunch, it would be a natural flow to then sit together. My oldest dd used to bring her lunch every day so she would ensure a seat at the table she preferred. The other kids took longer getting through the hot lunch line, so she could pick her seat first. I think she would even walk into the lunchroom with a classmate and then sit together sometimes.
  16. This is what I tell myself. Truly wealthy people give their kids far bigger helping hands than we are able to give our kids, and many of those kids, I’m sure, are hard working and humble too. We live in a simple house in the rural Midwest (bought for $100k) and drive basic vehicles. Like I said upthread, we have worked to put ourselves in a strong financial position, and we are just now starting to spend. Our salaries are high, our cost of living is low, and our retirement savings are probably enough already. After years of wise financial choices and deep sacrifices (giving up SAHM, advanced degrees, dh’s military service, moving away from family, etc), it’s time to move to the next phase. The next phase doesn’t include withdrawing retirement for me. What goes in, stays in. I am giving up tax savings by reducing contribution, but that seems like the better financial choice. Without actual numbers, The OP sounds like she’s on target for retirement, so I would recommend a balanced approach as well., but one of my driving thoughts is to not burden my kids later in life. We help support dh’s parents in retirement and it’s not only a financial burden, but it’s also emotional. I don’t want my kids to have to go through the same emotional decisions and struggles with as us I see dh going through with his parents. It’s tough and not fair to them when we could have done better.
  17. I had a nudge from my employer to turn the corner. Otherwise I might not be there yet. Last year I hit the threshold of a “highly compensated employee” so my 401k contributions were capped at 7%. Between being lazy and realizing I should turn the corner at some point, I decided the cash inflow from not maxing my 401k could be spent on a nicer vacation for our family. The vacation was wonderful 🙂 We plan on more vacations and significant home improvements in the next few years. ETA: We have been gifted $30k-$40k by my family this year too. That also pushed us to save less.
  18. I worry about this for my own kids. We don’t live lavishly, but most of their wants easily appear. They wear 100% name brand clothes, travel, etc. We pay for their college and buy them a $10k vehicle when they graduate high school. Thus far they are hard working, humble kids, but I still worry. The line between helping hand and indulgent can be a gray area. My kids are about to start receiving inheritances from my mom too. She is gifting directly to them, so they will graduate high school with significant cash reserves. She is doing this because they are hardworking, humble kids who are making good choices…but….I worry.
  19. We are around the 50yo mark, and we have started spending. We spent the first 30 years of adulthood getting ourselves in a strong financial spot with income levels, college savings, retirement savings, etc. The spending phase for us means we are putting less into retirement and diverting that money to fun things. I’m a little nervous to not be maxing out retirement, but my kids won’t be home for much longer. Now is the time to take family trips and invest in them launching the nest.
  20. Depends on the kid. Current Senior - easy day: 7:00 wake up 8:00 leave for school 8:05 start of 1st period 3:00 school is out 3:15 practice starts 6:00 home Current Senior - morning practice day: 6:20 wake up 6:25 leave for practice 6:30 start practice at school 7:15 home from practice 8:00 leave for school 8:05 start of 1st period 3:00 school is out 3:15 practice starts 6:00 home Current Senior - game day: 7:00 wake up 8:00 leave for school 8:05 start of 1st period Leave school when needed (usually before school is out) 9:00-11:00 home from game Current Senior completes nearly all homework in study hall, but he utilizes all his spare time and is academically gifted.
  21. I wouldn’t roll previous employer 401k money into a current employer 401k plan. I always roll previous employer 401ks into rollover 401ks at vanguard since I find the vanguard plans have better options and less fees than employer plans. If you call vanguard, they will explain the very easy process. Rolling over an employer 401k is one of the simplest retirement transactions available.
  22. We recently bought the largest ninja. It has two baskets which are easy to clean and they can go in the dishwasher. I am anti-kitchen gadget, but my teens convinced me to get the air fryer. We ❤️ it! The teens use it all.the.time. I am particularly impressed with its ability to reheat food. We are now eating frozen pizza leftovers, which we would never have considered before the air fryer. we have enjoyed not heating up the big oven, and we have also enjoyed how fast the air fryer cooks.
  23. I have never heard of that before and this, obviously never used it. I have, however, often said, “so-and-so is being an @$$.” I’m from the Midwest where we go further than just showing our behind. We actually act like the donkey.
  24. I don’t know any teens who have trouble locating or transporting their phones, lol. They all have phones, just like they wear underwear or socks. I don’t see this as anything to worry about, Your teen will manage his phone just like all the other teens are managing their phones.
  25. My kids are in a tiny parochial K-8 (class size 10 kids, grade size 4-5 kids) and small rural public 9-12 (grade size 50 kids) I believe the spending mentioned above is important for all school situations. Teen years are tough, and we spend money for our kids to be comfortable with their presentation - hair, makeup, clothes, etc. They have so many social issues to deal with daily, and I am determined to minimize the impact of items within my control.
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