When naming a child ... (are these things a big deal?)

[Tita Gidge]

Please vote or comment and help me think this through by sharing your personal experience and insights. None of these are things I've personally dealt before, but am in a position now to consider. I tend to overthink these things plus I'm a planner; I want to consider as many eventualities as possible and I know you all know stuff that I don't.  :D

 

 

1. CALLING THE CHILD BY THE MIDDLE NAME from birth/early on

 

Do you do this with your kids? Did your parents do this with you?

 

It doesn't seem like it would be a huge deal to me, but I keep hearing that people who have BTDT find it to be annoying to deal with. I'm wondering if it's a personality thing or if it's a legitimate issue worth considering. I wonder, too, if one's perception is influenced by whether it was HIS/HER choice to go by the middle name, or the family's choice to call him/her by the middle name. One advantage I've heard is the ability to screen out solicitors, are there any others?

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.?  Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

3. KEEPING TO AN ESTABLISHED PATTERN once they outnumber you

 

Do your kids follow a set naming pattern? Do you or your siblings?

 

Will kids #3+ feel slighted if he the only one whose name doesn't start with [whatever letter], or if she's the only one of a sibling set who isn't named after a beloved literature reference? I don't know how those Duggars do it, well, aside from some creative license with spelling. I don't know how important it is for the child when it comes to being included in, or excluded from, a pattern. I guess it depends on the kid. And maybe the pattern. I'd rather be Ginger-with-the-only-non-J-name-in-the-family than have people thinking I'm Jinger-rhymes-with-ringer! But maybe not everyone would prefer that.

 

[hornblower]

I don't like the middle name thing at all. Seems to add a layer of unnecessary complexity to things. Name them what you want to call them. 

Option 2 has always struck me as narcissistic. 

I don't like patterns at all. If you started one though, either on purpose or accidentally, I think it's best to continue. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have gone by my middle name from birth.  One sister and one brother have gone from their middle name from birth.  My daughter has gone by her middle name from birth.  It is no big deal.  I introduce myself by my middle name.  Doctors will call me by my first name and I tell them that I would prefer to be called by my middle.  They make a note of it on my chart.  Not a problem at all. 

Edited June 26, 2016 by Jean in Newcastle

[Slache]

1. My newborn son's name is Matthew Alexander but we call him Alex because my husband's name is Matthew (Robert). My husband wanted a son named after him but I was opposed to it so he has a half junior.

 

2. I have two juniors in my family and it has caused problems. My grandfather applied for Social Security at 64 and it took him over 6 months to get it because they said he was in his thirties. There was a warrant out for my cousin's arrest and my uncle was arrested. These are the big ones but there are a lot of smaller issues that make me very anti junior.

 

3. No opinion.

[Ellie]

Please vote or comment and help me think this through by sharing your personal experience and insights. None of these are things I've personally dealt before, but am in a position now to consider. I tend to overthink these things plus I'm a planner; I want to consider as many eventualities as possible and I know you all know stuff that I don't.  :D

 

 

1. CALLING THE CHILD BY THE MIDDLE NAME from birth/early on

 

Do you do this with your kids? Did your parents do this with you?

 

It doesn't seem like it would be a huge deal to me, but I keep hearing that people who have BTDT find it to be annoying to deal with. I'm wondering if it's a personality thing or if it's a legitimate issue worth considering. I wonder, too, if one's perception is influenced by whether it was HIS/HER choice to go by the middle name, or the family's choice to call him/her by the middle name. One advantage I've heard is the ability to screen out solicitors, are there any others?

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.?  Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

3. KEEPING TO AN ESTABLISHED PATTERN once they outnumber you

 

Do your kids follow a set naming pattern? Do you or your siblings?

 

Will kids #3+ feel slighted if he the only one whose name doesn't start with [whatever letter], or if she's the only one of a sibling set who isn't named after a beloved literature reference? I don't know how those Duggars do it, well, aside from some creative license with spelling. I don't know how important it is for the child when it comes to being included in, or excluded from, a pattern. I guess it depends on the kid. And maybe the pattern. I'd rather be Ginger-with-the-only-non-J-name-in-the-family than have people thinking I'm Jinger-rhymes-with-ringer! But maybe not everyone would prefer that.

 

I feel strongly about #1, having been called by not just my middle name but a diminutive form of my middle name. it is a royal PITA. Honestly, if you know you're going to call the child by the middle name, just make that the first name. Please.

 

Mr. Ellie is named after his father (he's a junior). I don't think he minded having the same name; of course, it helped that his father went by a nickname instead of their shared first name. Many of the men in my family are named after their fathers, so I guess I'm just used to it, but like you, I have heard of the bill mix-up and stuff, so there's that.

 

One of my friends named her first son after a Bible character (Jacob) and her second son after a river (Jordan), and yes, Jordan was a little miffed by it when he was little, that he didn't get a "Bible name." ::shrugs:: I can't get worked up over it, though. :-)

 

[maize]

Going by a middle name has not been a big deal for people I know, I think that is quite reasonable.

 

Not personally fond of identical names, I would change something (reverse first and middle, switch out middle names or add a second middle name maybe) if I wanted to name a child after a parent.

 

Changing a pattern is fine, a child is a unique individual not just #x in a sequence.

[LMD]

1. It doesn't bother me but I don't really see the point!

 

2. My dh shares his father's name and was vehemently opposed to it for our children. No bad experiences beyond mail etc, he just feels that there is plenty of different names to go around.

 

3. I do like patterns but it was difficult for more than 2 kids so our definition of meeting the pattern became more fluid lol. I don't know that we'd worry so much if we had another kid to name. Our naming style isn't such a strict pattern like all j's.

[emmaluv+2more]

I have to start by saying that I voted "Don't Care" on all 3 simply because I truly don't care what other people choose to name their child.

 

With that said, I tend to think people should just name the kid what they want to call them.  Why give them a first name and then call them something else?  Seems complicated.  Yet I'm sure there are valid reasons for doing so. 

 

I would never name a child after me...I just don't like my name that much.

 

I have strayed from unintentional patterns.  I have 4 girls-Emma, Anna, Kate, Evelyn.  I simply like classic names.  The 4 letter thing was coincidental and I felt no need to stick to it just because.

[BigMamaBird]

We named our son after my Dh exactly, first name, middle name, last name and we call him by his middle name.  Except when he's in trouble, then he gets the full name treatment.

 

When it comes to the established pattern, it would depend on how big and obvious of a deal your pattern was.  If you're the Duggars and have eighteen kids with J names you really can't name your last kid Walt.  I have an acquaintance whose first three kids' names all rhyme then the last kid's doesn't.  Not as obvious, but I still feel like poor little non-rhymer is going to feel slighted some day (maybe.) 

[rdj2027]

If I know I will call my child by his/her middle name, I would just make it to-he first name.  Our eldest son is a II and his cousin is a III.  They like it, we like it, neither one has ever been confused with their fathers so far.  Yes, we have a pattern.  All our children's name are traditional names which that are easily understood in various languages.  They are distinct boy/girl names, none are diminutives 3or abbreviations of names.  All names have common abbreviations or nick names which two of them use and the other two don't.  They are also all family names.

[J-rap]

I don't have strong opinions on any of them.  However, I'd rather have a name that's passed on (parent to child) be passed on as a middle name instead of a first name (or whatever name you're not using as their main name), to avoid confusion.  Also, I do like similar-type names within the family.  So if you have a Harold, Margaret, and Skipper, that would seem a little strange to me.  And Harold or Margaret might wish they had a name like Skipper, or Skipper might wonder why in the world you gave him that name and not a classic one like Harold or Margaret!  Might as well have them all be the same genre so they can all be complaining about (or liking) their names together. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just to answer why someone might want to call someone by their middle name.  "Samantha Joy" sounds better (in my opinion) than "Joy Samantha".  So if you like both names but really like Joy better as an everyday name, why not put it in the order that sounds best and then just call them by their middle name?  That is how it worked in our family. 

[Tap]

1.  DD17 decided to go by her middle name starting in 5th grade.  It makes things awkward sometimes, but it isn't a big deal.  IF the person is flexible and doesn't get uptight about being called by their first name on occasion, it isn't a big deal.  If I had known ahead of time she would prefer her middle name I would have just named her that and it would have saved some issues. I wouldn't do it on purpose.

 

2.  I work in pharmacy and deal with peoples names and medical records for a living. Family names can and Do result in medical errors (due solely to name mix ups).  I would never do it but if the family does decide to, make sure they double check DOB consistently. 

 

3. It depends on the pattern.  If it is just a letter or sound that they have in common, I don't see the big deal because 2 in a row, isn't really a pattern to me.  But if you give 2 kids  names like Anastasia and Jean Luc....then name one Amy, she may feel a bit left out (or relieved, it depends on the kid LOL) 

Edited June 26, 2016 by Tap

[Amira]

We named our last child intending to call him by one of his middle names. Works for us. Our oldest uses a nickname that only vaguely resembles his first time. Works for us. Oldest ds doesn't like his first name and youngest ds' middle name he goes by is very unusual in the US.

 

I'm not wild about option 2.

 

I can't see any reason to stick with a naming pattern if you don't want to or if it's too limiting.

[scoutingmom]

Only commenting on #2 and not exactly.

 

My great grand dad, grand dad, dad, and brother have/had the same first and last name... different middle name. My dad and grand dad have the same middle initial, and there were some mixups (and a lot of getting the other persons' mail while living as adults in the same house).

 

Dh and step-son have same first name (different middle names/initials) and there is the occasional mix up... one or two medium sized ones. Step son is now living under a different name.

 

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[thessa516]

Just to answer why someone might want to call someone by their middle name.  "Samantha Joy" sounds better (in my opinion) than "Joy Samantha".  So if you like both names but really like Joy better as an everyday name, why not put it in the order that sounds best and then just call them by their middle name?  That is how it worked in our family. 

 

This is exactly how it ended up with one of my sons. It sounded downright ridiculous with Middle First Last, so we went First Middle Last and call him by Middle.

[knoxinsox]

My son goes by his middle name. He doesn't mind it.  It would have sounded weird to do it out of order.  My mom also goes by her middle name--no one knows why--and for many years, the family all called her a dimunitive of that middle name, which she hated.  So she hates nicknames.  I love em and we have all sorts of them for each kid.

[gardenmom5]

for  younger children, going by their middle name when they show up on offical records by their first name - can lead to confusion.   (re: the kid goes by their middle name, but "official" people talking to him call him by his given name - and the kid is oblivious because that's not what he goes by.   1dd used to write her middle name on school papers in kindergarten,  because it's uber short.  unlike her first name, which is 3xs as long.)  we have friend who gave each child a special nickname.  by the time  she was 8 (after they'd moved away), the oldest dd decided she wanted to go by her given name.  when she was in college, she ran into two different people her age who knew her by that nickname . . . she. was. not. happy.  when that was the name they remembered.  (I struggled to remember her given name for years, because I hardly saw her after they moved.  once a year for a few hours, at most.)

 

it is just annoying after that.  my grandmother and most of her sisters went by middle names. it can cause legal hassle as well, and they were from a much easier going documented generation.  but, you also know who knows you and who is trying to sell you something . . . .

 

if you establish a naming pattern, I would not exclude a child from that pattern.  they will notice, and they will feel left-out.  unless you plan on having several more children and none of them have a naming pattern either.

Edited June 26, 2016 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

it's not just jrs who get mixed up . . .

on the day my friend's dd was born, in the SAME HOSPITAL, was another girl given the same first, middle, and last name. . . .  (and it's not even that common of a first or middle name.)

so, not only do they have the exact same name, but the same birthplace, and birthdate.

there's someone in my metro area with the same name as me.  we  even went to the same gyn practice.  I found out because they pulled her file, not mine.

[happi duck]

We named our son after my Dh exactly, first name, middle name, last name and we call him by his middle name. Except when he's in trouble, then he gets the full name treatment.

 

When it comes to the established pattern, it would depend on how big and obvious of a deal your pattern was. If you're the Duggars and have eighteen kids with J names you really can't name your last kid Walt. I have an acquaintance whose first three kids' names all rhyme then the last kid's doesn't. Not as obvious, but I still feel like poor little non-rhymer is going to feel slighted some day (maybe.)

Walt Duggar.

 

This made me laugh out loud!

[DesertBlossom]

My oldest brother goes by his middle name because his first is the same as my dad's. He says it's a bit of a pain on forms and things. He didn't want to do the same thing to his child.

[Tanaqui]

Seems to me that if you're never going to use the middle name, you might as well not even HAVE a middle name. Isn't the point of middle names to have a choice?

 

As for patterns, with three kids it's not a big deal... probably. After a while, though, it is - and it depends on what sort of pattern you have. I'm sorry, but having four kids Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Kayden just looks stupid, even if in between Luke and Kayden you deconverted. If Christopher Hitchens didn't feel the need to change his name, you can go ahead and name kid number 4 John. It won't kill you. Or, people have mentioned the Duggars. They miscarried the third pregnancy, but I think were going to name that one Caleb? Okay, so two J names and Caleb - not a problem! 15 J names and Caleb, though, and it's just "Is this kid even part of your family!?"

[SKL]

None of them is a "big deal" to me, but I lean more against than for.

 

The middle name thing just seems like people are trying too hard.  Why not name the kid what you're going to call him and make it easy on everyone?  If you must name your kid after great grandpa Horace, use it as the middle name.

 

The John Michael Smith III - I'm mostly neutral, except that yes, this can be logistically difficult at times.  My family has several people with the same first and last name, but different middle names.   Technically the son isn't supposed to be "John Jr," but who's going to fuss about it?  When someone would call for my dad or oldest brother, the person answering the phone would ask "__ Senior or __ Junior?"  No biggie.  The different middle name should prevent legal identity problems.

 

The name pattern thing just rubs me the wrong way.  We name puppies that way, not kids.  :)  For kids, I want names that mean something or at least sound lovely.  I'm also not a fan of changing the spelling to fit a pattern.  Makes it hard for everyone who needs to write the name.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I find the expression of annoyance towards the use of middle names silly. Over 90% of people who know me irl don't even know that the name I go by isn't my first name.

 

 

 

 

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[Monica_in_Switzerland]

1.  DD17 decided to go by her middle name starting in 5th grade.  It makes things awkward sometimes, but it isn't a big deal.  IF the person is flexible and doesn't get uptight about being called by their first name on occasion, it isn't a big deal.  If I had known ahead of time she would prefer her middle name I would have just named her that and it would have saved some issues. I wouldn't do it on purpose.

 

2.  I work in pharmacy and deal with peoples names and medical records for a living. Family names can and Do result in medical errors (due solely to name mix ups).  I would never do it but if the family does decide to, make sure they double check DOB consistently. 

 

3. It depends on the pattern.  If it is just a letter or sound that they have in common, I don't see the big deal because 2 in a row, isn't really a pattern to me.  But if you give 2 kids  names like Anastasia and Jean Luc....then name one Amy, she may feel a bit left out (or relieved, it depends on the kid LOL) 

 

 

I had to  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  at Anastasia, Jean-Luc, and... Amy.  Hahahaha!  

 

I do agree though, keeping with a same first letter for kids 3+ just because kids 1-2 had the same letter is not a big deal to me.  But I do think it's good that the names are either all totally different or all from the same basic category (classic, nature-themed, modern, what-have-you).  We went with names that are classic but weren't overly popular in their time period.  Except the last, his is an ever-popular classic that will probably never lose a spot on the top 20 board.  

[*Lulu*]

My son is a 2nd generation middle name user.

 

FIL- John Bob Doe- goes by John

DH- John Bill Doe- goes by Bill

DS- John Joe Doe- goes by Joe

 

No one seems bothered and it has not been a hardship for DH.

 

My grandfather, uncle, cousin had the same name pattern as my FIL, DH, DS and also have had no real problems.

[ErinE]

1. We've always named our children with the intention of only using the first name. After knowing many who began using their middle name later in life, however, we made sure to give our kids two useable names. Growing up, I knew someone whose middle name was unusable and had an extremely common first name. Finding a name to "stand out" from the usually 2-3 other people with the same name was tough.

 

2. I wouldn't name my kids exactly after a parent, but I have no opinion when others do it.

 

3. We have a pattern for three of our children, but it really wasn't intentional. Those were just the names that seemed to suit each child. If the one child without a similar name complains, we'll explain our reasons.

[marbel]

1.  I don't really have an opinion about the middle name thing.  I know 2 families in which every boy is named after the grandfather but has a different middle name, and goes by that.  I think it's a little odd. but don't really care.

 

2.  My husband is a #3 and I hate it.  So thankful he did not insist on our son being a #4.  The worst part is, it's a terrible name - both first and middle are old, little-used names anymore.  He goes by a nickname that is unrelated to both names but related to his initials.   The nickname is a common one associated with a common first name. (Think "Ben" for Benjamin except the first name isn't Benjamin.)  So that can cause confusion; people will call him by what they think is his first name, but it's not. We have not experienced the problem of bill mixups at all, but maybe that's because his father lives in a different state.

 

3.Once a name convention is started, I think people should stick with it.  (Honestly, I don't get name themes at all.)  But I am pretty traditional when it comes to names and spelling, so something like "Jinger" looks very odd to me.  Pretty sure I'm in the minority on that, but there you go.  

 

 

[Joules]

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.?  Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

 

Don't know about the emotional issues, I haven't seen that.  But the name mix-up is SO frustrating and ongoing, I could really do without that in my life.  Your future dil won't know the difference, but if she did, she would thank you for not making your son a Jr.

[Carrie12345]

The bottom line is that I think other parents should do whatever they want to do, but I voted my feelings for my family, though I have gone against my feelings, lol.

 

My 4th kid is the only one with two middle names.

My 5th is the only one with a different number of syllables in his first name.

 

I do think going by a middle name can be a pain, but I doubt it's the end of the world.  I have many relatives with Sr. and Jr. (and SO many non Sr./Jr. repeats) and it isn't horrible, but mix ups are common.  Also, tracing my family tree is such a pain with so many repeats!

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

1 the middle name thing... Just go for the name you want them called by. Life is complicated enough. I do understand adults using a middle name if they hate the first but not deliberate.

 

2. Names are our own and our own tag and a part of identity. Do you want your kids to be their own person or a mini-me?

 

3. No biggie. Our first two have more bible based names our last has a cutesy name. I don't think he feels any less loved.

[Closeacademy]

Calling a child by the middle name is something that has happened a lot historically in our family and continues today.  My youngest goes by a nickname for her middle, my step-daughter has 2 of 5 who go by middle names, my Dad went by his middle name when he was young but now goes by his first.

 

The only thing with this is that at Doctor offices they will use the first name until you let them know what name the kid goes by.  

[Another Lynn]

Going by a middle name is a PITA.  Calling children by their first name was my number 1 naming rule.  

[mumto2]

1. One of my friends daughter's recently paid to reverse her names legally. Obviously for her it was an issue. ;) I never thought it mattered before.

 

2. Dh really wanted a junior. I wasn't excited about it but after years of infertility treatment was willing to let him name our sex unknown baby whatever he wanted. I just wanted a heathy baby. I did make him sit down with me and pick names that weren't his for each sex and told him he got to decide after the baby arrived. His choice, whatever he named the baby after birth was fine. I did lay out a list of negatives for naming a boy after himself. My biggest reason was I wanted my child to have his own name.

 

Dd was first. After his first look at our baby he said he agreed with me. One look at her changed his mind! Never a question what ds would be called because we had picked it out when dd was expected.

 

A couple years later a mom friend was married to a junior whose father had constant legal and financial problems. Those issues constantly shadowed my friend's life. Turned down for mortgages etc. I was really glad we hadn't done the junior.

 

3. Partly because my kids were named at the same time they sound like twins. I love their names but kind of regret the cuteness of it. They like their names so all is good.

 

My kids have names that are Scottish in origin. Our names for our third child were also Scottish but didn't start with the same initial. I think they would have blended fine.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would not name a child thinking he'd be called by a middle name.  I would not name a child after me or my husband.  I wouldn't name children based on a pattern.

 

 

 

 

[kewb]

I know two people who go by their middle names. One since birth because first name is shared with his father and the other because they like their middle name better. Neither one seems to have any hangups about it.

 

Junior/I/II: I have always felt that naming your kid that way saddles them with all kinds of pressure and expectations.

 

Patterns: accidental or on purpose at some point the odd one out will be ticked off about it. Not insurmountable but a facet that will probably happen.

 

Overall, do what makes you happy. In the end we all adjust to out names.

[Mama Geek]

Just a note on mail mix ups and so forth, we live close to IL's but about 3 miles away.  We sometimes get IL's mail even though his address is on it.  They have different names and it happens anyway.

[Library Momma]

1.  Seems complicated but I don't really have an opinion either way.

2. I'm Jewish so I would never name a child after a living person.  I believe there is no religious basis for this but rather it is tradition, and there are some superstitious reasons as well.

3. I'm not sure I would ever intentionally name according to a pattern so I have no qualms about breaking a pattern. 

[DawnM]

Honestly, I don't care what other people name their children.  Just tell me what to call your kid and I will.  Seems like way too much angst about a name.

 

I named my oldest's middle name after my husband and my husband didn't even want it, he said it was weird to name someone after him.  In retrospect, I should have honored his wishes.

[Guest]

1. Not a huge fan of intentionally going by middle name. I'm a fan of keeping naming simpler and reducing the number of clarifications one has to make on their name for the rest of their lives. I grant you, there are some naming clarifications that may happen no matter how well you plan (i.e., my son is Collin and has to always say "with two Ls"; my daughter is Kyla-not-Kayla-or-Kylie), but I'd rather not make it confusing from day one. My nephew goes by a name that has nothing at all to do with his given name, because he is a IVth. So, if his given name were Robert Charles Smith, IV, he would go by Jimmy. Like that. I wouldn't want to explain that bit of family history whenever formal names are needed. Which brings me to...

 

2. Not a huge fan of identical naming. I think it gets crazy when there is a Bob, a Bobby, a Rob and a Bert all within the same family because of identical naming. And yeah, if your ancestor with your name did something embarassing or criminal, wouldn't it stink to have their same name? Or if they were a fantastic success and you are not so much, wouldn't it stink to be like, "Yeah, well, I might be Robert Charles Smith,IV, but I'm a bartender, not the head of the accounting firm." Also, another nephew story - nephew went to Kindy with no idea that his name was what it was. He looked all over for the cubby with the name he thought he had, only to learn that there was no cubby with that name because that wasn't the name in the register.

 

3. I am a huge non-fan of naming themes. In one sense, yeah, I think the names should sound cohesive together; I don't think it makes much sense to have a daughter named Alexandria Christiana and a daughter named Jo-Jo. But I am a *really* huge non-fan of naming all Js and then giving one kid the inconceivable "Jinger" to keep the theme. I also think choosing a name is fun and would hate to be impeded by some limitation I already picked. If it were a much more vague theme, like Biblical names, I would think people would not notice so much. So, let's say you have a Samuel, a Luke, a Sarah and then you choose Katherine for your next child. It doesn't stand out that Katherine is not a Bible name (at least, I don't think it is.).

[maize]

Just to answer why someone might want to call someone by their middle name. "Samantha Joy" sounds better (in my opinion) than "Joy Samantha". So if you like both names but really like Joy better as an everyday name, why not put it in the order that sounds best and then just call them by their middle name? That is how it worked in our family.

This is exactly the reason I might use for calling a child by their middle name. The other common reason is when the child is named for a parent but one or the other goes by the middle name.

[Night Elf]

I go by my middle name and it's been trouble all of my life. When naming my children, I refused to consider it as a possibility.

[maize]

I am rather surprised that so many people think breaking a pattern would upset the child, seems just as likely to me that the child would be pleased that their name is different and special.

[cjzimmer1]

4 of my 6 kids names begin with the same first letter.  Oldest and youngest are different.  But after naming 4 in a row with that letter people thought we were going for a pattern and were confused why youngest was different. Um because we weren't going for a pattern those just happened to be the names we like.  I guess I feel like it's the parents choice to pick a name that pleases them but to understand the child may have different ideas and the child can choose to change that name when they are 18 if they are really offended with parents choice.  I don't object to the matching names but everyone I know who has done that, one of the parties uses a nickname or their middle name to avoid confusion.

[MooCow]

I was in a huge Russian phase when I named my older two. Hubbie named youngest after an ancestor/his best friend.

[Scarlett]

1. Not a huge fan of intentionally going by middle name. I'm a fan of keeping naming simpler and reducing the number of clarifications one has to make on their name for the rest of their lives. I grant you, there are some naming clarifications that may happen no matter how well you plan (i.e., my son is Collin and has to always say "with two Ls"; my daughter is Kyla-not-Kayla-or-Kylie), but I'd rather not make it confusing from day one. My nephew goes by a name that has nothing at all to do with his given name, because he is a IVth. So, if his given name were Robert Charles Smith, IV, he would go by Jimmy. Like that. I wouldn't want to explain that bit of family history whenever formal names are needed. Which brings me to...

 

2. Not a huge fan of identical naming. I think it gets crazy when there is a Bob, a Bobby, a Rob and a Bert all within the same family because of identical naming. And yeah, if your ancestor with your name did something embarassing or criminal, wouldn't it stink to have their same name? Or if they were a fantastic success and you are not so much, wouldn't it stink to be like, "Yeah, well, I might be Robert Charles Smith,IV, but I'm a bartender, not the head of the accounting firm." Also, another nephew story - nephew went to Kindy with no idea that his name was what it was. He looked all over for the cubby with the name he thought he had, only to learn that there was no cubby with that name because that wasn't the name in the register.

 

3. I am a huge non-fan of naming themes. In one sense, yeah, I think the names should sound cohesive together; I don't think it makes much sense to have a daughter named Alexandria Christiana and a daughter named Jo-Jo. But I am a *really* huge non-fan of naming all Js and then giving one kid the inconceivable "Jinger" to keep the theme. I also think choosing a name is fun and would hate to be impeded by some limitation I already picked. If it were a much more vague theme, like Biblical names, I would think people would not notice so much. So, let's say you have a Samuel, a Luke, a Sarah and then you choose Katherine for your next child. It doesn't stand out that Katherine is not a Bible name (at least, I don't think it is.).

All of this post pretty much sums up how I feel. I was named with the intention of me going by a nick name of my middle name. When I was 12 I decided I wanted to go by my weird first name....and some people call me by my actual middle name. So I am called so many things an dSo etimes I forget who calls me what....I feel,bad for people who don't know what to call me. It is just awkward.

 

As for matching names...my dhs is one of 7. Boys with J names, girls with s names....except the baby. Their father died when their mom was pregnant with the baby...and she was named after her father....a very feminine version of it...and she doesn't mind being the only non s girl.

 

I find it odd when a family has Elizabeth's and Victoria's and Williams and Charles....and then name the last one Kiki. I do think I would feel odd kid out if I was the Kiki in that situation.

 

And juniors are just a pain for everyone IMO.

[elegantlion]

I really don't care either way what people do, however...

 

#1 - Middles names always felt like they were there. I would use my middle name if my mom had used the longer version instead of the shortened one, it sounds like a conjunction now. I do find it confusing. I know a few people who go by their middle name, but their first name is used professionally and they have to explain it all the time. 

 

#2 - Ds is a II. He is named for ex's late father. That was decided well before we had children (lol). It was very important to ex to honor his father's memory. Ds is fine with it. The only confusing part was when he was filling out a passport application we weren't sure where to put the II. He's also the 4th generation first born son with the same middle name, so he was getting that middle name anyway. He totally fits his first name. 

 

#3 - really no opinion as I have one sister and you can guess the decade we were born in by our names. 

[theelfqueen]

My older brother and I both go by our middle names.... my older brother always did. I started in middle school. Not usually a problem but leads to a tie in...

 

Because older brother always went by middle name, my dad's uncle did not realize that his first name was his name. Uncle and Aunt have a son who is a few years younger than my bro... and they share a first name :) Eric J and Eric L ... it's never caused either trouble but it is a bit of a family joke.

 

I am not a believer in 'name then what you will call them'... especially if it leads to a first name that is the diminutive form of another name. I hated having a nickname for a name. I quit using it when I was old enough to have an opinion.

[theelfqueen]

Oh and my dad has another uncle (other side) whose name is Lorenzo.

Lorenzo is a fine name... unless your yyounger siblings are all name Billy, Bobby and Betty (not William, Robert and Elizabeth). We always wondered about it.

[JFSinIL]

My hubbies oldest sister married an Edward Joseph LastName the 2nd.   Since her own dad was an Edward, we all called her hubby Ned (not his name, but he was chill with it).

 

They named their son Edward Joseph LastName III.  Called him Joey.

 

Joey now has a son, Edward Joseph IV.  He is Eddie.

 

so if you do name a kid after a parent, tweak the name for daily use.  I suspect by the time Eddie has a son, he can use plain Ed or Joe as the boy's name.

 

Meanwhile, my twins were supposed to be a Joseph and Patrick.  I was already OVERDUE when hubby spoke up that he didn't like the name Patrick. Oh, now you tell me?  The only other name we could agree on was John.  Since we were using my maiden name and hubby's first name as middle names, the boys ended up with the same initials, too (JFS, same as moi). 

Ok. couple years later we have to pick names again, one of each since no idea what is coming ;-)  Only names are can agree on.....yup, "J" names.  At least different middle initials this time.

So - by the time the fourth baby showed up, I felt we had to continue the "J" pattern. So we did.  All because hubby didn't like Patrick.  I have told my kids I better have a grandbaby named Patrick!

Edited June 26, 2016 by JFSinIL