When naming a child ... (are these things a big deal?)

[kitten18]

My dad was called by his middle name his entire life, it didn't bother him at all. He always wrote his first and middle name on any kind of official documents and then just told people to call him "D". There was never any confusion. Many people who knew him for years had no idea that is his first name was "R".

 

We call DS by his first and middle name initials. We knew before he was born that we had no intention of calling him by his first (or middle) name. When I fill out anything official I use his first and middle names.

His first name is perfectly nice and he could use it someday if he wants to. But IMO his initials sound distinguished enough (it's good enough for a huge financial institution) that he could use them his whole life.

[Audrey]

I feel strongly about #1, having been called by not just my middle name but a diminutive form of my middle name. it is a royal PITA. Honestly, if you know you're going to call the child by the middle name, just make that the first name. Please.

 

Mr. Ellie is named after his father (he's a junior). I don't think he minded having the same name; of course, it helped that his father went by a nickname instead of their shared first name. Many of the men in my family are named after their fathers, so I guess I'm just used to it, but like you, I have heard of the bill mix-up and stuff, so there's that.

 

One of my friends named her first son after a Bible character (Jacob) and her second son after a river (Jordan), and yes, Jordan was a little miffed by it when he was little, that he didn't get a "Bible name." ::shrugs:: I can't get worked up over it, though. :-)

 

 

But Jordan is mentioned in the Bible -- probably a couple hundred times.  So it is a "Bible name."  It's just not a "Bible PERSON name."

[SereneHome]

I don't really know how to vote, so here is how we did it

 

We wanted to honor the people in our family who passed away.  In our religion you don't name a child after a living relative (so I guess that takes care of your question #2).  We didn't use the exact names of the deceased relatives, but rather a first letter.  We wanted simple, easy to spell, biblical names.

 

We followed the same pattern with all 3.

 

The ONLY weird thing about our kids' names is that DS1 and DS2 have the same English  middle name as we both had grandparents with that name and wanted to honor them individually.  However, their religious names are different.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

I tried to get my middle name to catch on as my name but failed. I would have no problem with using a middle name as the primarily used name but we have not done it.

 

I don't have a strong opinion but my husband was adamant about no juniors.

 

We have used family names for middle names (older son's middle name is my younger brother's first name and younger son's middle name is my husband's brother's first name) and would continue to do that if we have any more boys, going next to my paternal grandfather. But if we ever have a girl, the family name would be the first name rather than the middle because I would name her after my mother. I don't think the same style or method needs to be used for naming all of the kids in a family.

Edited June 27, 2016 by LucyStoner

[frogger]

I don't understand the mix ups with middle names. The middle name is what family and friends call my son but his official name is always written on documents, called at the doctors, or whatever. Nobody calls me my middle name but I put it on official documents. I would never tell him to just write something else.

[MotherGoose]

No on same name as parent. My son could've been a third, bec DH is a Jr, but we didn't primarily bec of identity theft concerns. Medicare thinks DH is gf and sends us his mail, gf is prone to posting these melodramatic things on f b in DH name and won't put on the Sr. Even though DH has a Jr after his name on there and people ask DH if he's okay, and there has been other identity confusion issues. 40 years ago this would not have been a problem.

[Amber in SJ]

It turns out that #1 is a huge deal in Dh's family.  Both sexes go by their middle names almost exclusively.  I told Dh it was weird & I wasn't going to do it.  My MIL didn't like it either, so Dh is called by his first name, but he said when he becomes a Grandpa he  wants to be Grandpa Middle Name, which is how his own Grandpa was called because it was also his middle name. They continue the tradition by giving some hideous first names that ensure the child wanting to use their middle name.   In my family the middle name is were we stick the unusual family names just for fun.  

 

I am my parents' second daughter and my mom gave me her middle name as mine, which is the same as her mom's sister (second daughter) and so on for a handful of generations.  All the second daughters have the same middle name.  When it came time to name my second daughter I knew what the middle name would be and the only name I liked with it started with the same letter as mine, thus my second dd has the same initials that I do.  She has always liked it because any time I get something initialed or monogramed she says, "Yay!  That is for me!"

 

We thought the same initials was a nice way of honoring a parent without having a Jr or any confusion.  In fact we did the same for our only son.  He has the same middle name as Dh, which as I mentioned above is the same middle name as his Grandpa.  For our son we chose a first name that starts with the same letter as Dh's first name, so they share a middle name and initials.

 

We never had a pattern but we had friends who named their first three children Evdokya, Guillermo, Agapio and their last boy John.  And my niece is Genevieve and her brothers are Nathanael, Geffrey and Jake.  My SIL is a francophile and chose all the names except their oldest, Jake.  My BIL was adamant about that one.

 

Amber in SJ

 

[Lady Florida.]

Unless you do something really weird like give all of your kids the same name, or 

 

 

Didn't George Foreman do that?

 

I named ds after my father but my father never went by his name except legally. He went by Jay - from Jr. to JR to J which became Jay. Some people asked me why I didn't name ds Jay instead of the name no one called my dad. But dss sometimes went by Jay as a shortened version of his actual name. I would reply that dh didn't want to pull a George Foreman and give his boys the same name. :D

[jeremmy]

I don't understand #1. I think people should name their kids what they want their kids to be called. It doesn't really matter to me of course, I just don't do it.

My brother was named after my dad. They didn't use I and II though. It annoying when people called and you aren't sure who they want to talk to, but not a huge deal. It helped that when my brother was little my dad was Steve and he was Stevie. When he got older and wanted to be called Steve it was a bit confusing though.

I'm not a fan of patterns like letters. Although we did decide to put some family name in each of our kid's names. My oldest's middle name is the same as my husband's middle name (which is the same as his dad's first name). My middle's first name is my middle name and her middle name is my paternal grandmother's middle name. My youngest' middle name is a shortened version of my maternal grandmother's middle name. Her middle name was Lorraine and my youngest's middle name is Raine. So I guess that is sort of a pattern.

[OneStepAtATime]

Please vote or comment and help me think this through by sharing your personal experience and insights. None of these are things I've personally dealt before, but am in a position now to consider. I tend to overthink these things plus I'm a planner; I want to consider as many eventualities as possible and I know you all know stuff that I don't.  :D

 

 

1. CALLING THE CHILD BY THE MIDDLE NAME from birth/early on

 

Do you do this with your kids? Did your parents do this with you?

 

It doesn't seem like it would be a huge deal to me, but I keep hearing that people who have BTDT find it to be annoying to deal with. I'm wondering if it's a personality thing or if it's a legitimate issue worth considering. I wonder, too, if one's perception is influenced by whether it was HIS/HER choice to go by the middle name, or the family's choice to call him/her by the middle name. One advantage I've heard is the ability to screen out solicitors, are there any others?

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.?  Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

3. KEEPING TO AN ESTABLISHED PATTERN once they outnumber you

 

Do your kids follow a set naming pattern? Do you or your siblings?

 

Will kids #3+ feel slighted if he the only one whose name doesn't start with [whatever letter], or if she's the only one of a sibling set who isn't named after a beloved literature reference? I don't know how those Duggars do it, well, aside from some creative license with spelling. I don't know how important it is for the child when it comes to being included in, or excluded from, a pattern. I guess it depends on the kid. And maybe the pattern. I'd rather be Ginger-with-the-only-non-J-name-in-the-family than have people thinking I'm Jinger-rhymes-with-ringer! But maybe not everyone would prefer that.

1.  I think this will depend on the person/circumstances as to whether it is a problem or not.  My brother goes by his middle name.  It was easier since he shares a first name with our dad, grandfather and some cousins.  Never been an issue, as far as I know.  He is proud of the family first name (loves family histories) but was happy to have a unique (to the family) middle name to make it easier to be identified.  For business stuff he uses all three (first, middle, last) not a middle or first initial.  

 

My maternal grandfather actually legally switched his first and middle names as an adult because he went by his middle name and he felt it was easier just to make it his legal first name.

 

2.  In my side of the family traditionally the first born son is named after the paternal grandfather and the first born daughter is named after the maternal grandmother.  Then the second born son is named after the maternal grandfather and the second born daughter is named after the paternal grandmother.  In DH's family there some traditions with family names but they are more complex and not followed that carefully.  DH was named after his dad but has never gone by that name except on legal documents.  It has absolutely been a real pain that his name is very similar to his dad's, along with several other local individuals (Including two guys who frequently forget to pay their taxes or get in some other kind of legal trouble).  He did not want that same issue for his kids so for our own kids, family was represented but they also were unique in some way.

 

3.  I think again this depends on the kid/family/circumstance.  I do know that my grandmother felt hurt that her siblings all had middle names but she didn't.  She was the youngest and felt that by the time she came around they just didn't care enough to create one for her.  She didn't dwell on it but she was still saddened by it into her 90's.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I really really don't get the "you should name the kid what you want them to be called" comments with regard to middle names.  A middle name is a name.  It is what you want them to be called.  It just doesn't come first when you are writing out the entire name. 

[Emba]

I figure, about middle names, whatever you want to call the kid is what you should give them as a first name.  If they later decide to go by a middle, whatever, but for me, the middle name was the second choice name.  But really I have no strong feeling for or against it; it just doesn't make sense to me to give as a middle what you'd use as a first name.

 

I don't like it when people name kids after themselves, whether first only or first and middle.  This is how you get fifty year old men who are still referred to by family as "Little Bill" (true story).  Also it always struck me as narcissistic.  But it is not a tradition in my family; if it were, maybe I'd feel differently.

 

I always find it strange that parents name in patterns.  But if there is a pattern, I also think it shouldn't be broken, because the kid might feel "less than" for some reason (especially if the siblings make a thing of it, like saying "Mom and Dad named you different because you were actually left on the porch by fairies" or some such).  I would have liked to have been left on the porch by fairies, but one of my friends had a sister who tormented her with the idea (but her name wasn't different or anything).

 

 

[kitten18]

I agree with Jean (I would like to quote her but nothing on the mobile site is working for me).

 

Saying that what you're going to call them should be their first name is like saying that if you're going to call your daughter Cate that you shouldn't name her Catherine.

[Meriwether]

One of my daughters is named Margaret Grace after my Grammy. Margaret is also my mother's name. We call our daughter Grace and always have. She will occasionally call herself Margaret. She may eventually go by Margaret, but we think of her as Grace for now. So, this is kind of a combination between 1 and 2. My in-laws called her Margaret for the longest time and said, "If you wanted her called Grace you should have named her Grace." That is a good way to tick off your daughter-in-law. :glare: We named her Margaret Grace because it is a family name. It made Grammy very happy. Grace is happy to be named after Grammy. It may inconvenience her at some point in her life, but her attitude toward it will determine if it is a problem or not.

One of my sons is named Reuben Andrew after my husband's grandfather. We call him Ben, but he is starting to call himself Reuben more often. I could see us moving in that direction, particularly as he becomes an adult.

Two of my kids have more trendy names. One has a non-family but common name. No pattern. I like patterns, though, and wish we would have tried harder to make one work.

[Meriwether]

Ha, I just read a little bit. I see I'm not the only one to be bothered by comments like my in-laws make.

[shawthorne44]

My husband would love to name a child exactly after his father.  DH is a second son, and I think he always wished he'd had his father's name since they were so close.  We have one girl.   I'm not into the idea, but he cares more about the issue than I do.  My father also has the same first name.  DH's brother had three girls, so there wouldn't be a cousin with the same name.  

[Ewe Mama]

I am totally fine with people being called by middle names. I think it adds a distinguished flair to sign your name R. James Jones rather than John R. Jones, but that's just me.

 

I am not a fan of juniors, seniors, and other suffixes. There is a baby at church who is a IV and he has been saddled with both first initials as a nickname to keep track of which person is which.

 

As a side note, my family didn't do entire names, but there are three John's with different middle names and four or five Dan's. Do any of them go by middles names? Nope. Family reunions are an exercise in hilarity because we always end up talking about two totally different people, when we think we are talking about the same one.

 

Whatever you do, if you have a common last name, please, please, please give your child a more distinguished/unique first name. I went to jr high with two other girls who shared my name. I figured I would get married and get a more interesting last name, but God arranged for me to love a man with just as common a last name as I started out with. There are two other people on my road that have the same first and last name. Every time I call the vet, they have to get my house number before they know which one of us is calling.

 

When we joined 4-H, I found out the club advisor shares my first name and maiden name. I think I need to move to a non-English speaking country.

 

Regarding #3, I discovered an unintentional pattern in our boys' middle names that could have continued for a very long time. Our next, and last, child was a girl, so that pattern ended itself. If she had been a boy, I probably would have continued it because I like Biblical names and most boy names end in -iel or -uel.

[Katy]

One DD is named a formal traditional first name and a pretty middle name.  My name is similar.  The purpose is for professional reasons.  When she's older she can put the formal name on a resume if she wants.  Or go by that if she wants.  There have been several studies out about the biases against non-tradional names. The same resume sent out with a "William Tate" on it and a "Crow Tate" and only the William will get called in for an interview.  Chances are this has to do with racism, but whatever the reason we go with traditional legal first names, and either come up with a nickname or go by a prettier middle name.

 

As to the second and the third, I'm Southern and my family followed those rules.  I would have liked to, but DH hates southern naming rules and wouldn't go for it.

[Mabelen]

1 I go by my middle name because I share my first name with something like 90% of women of my generation in my home country. Hint: it has to do with the fact that there was no separation of church and state and names had to be Catholic to be acceptable. This first name was a very easy way to make sure that was the case. ETA: it was never a problem in my home country but it can be a bit of a pain here, having to explain.

 

2. My brother was a Jr. but we do all have two family names so you can very rarely have an identical full name. For example, let's say my dad's full name was William Smith Martin, then my brother's would have been William Smith Thornton (his second family name being my mom's first family name).

 

3. In your case, I would like baby's name to also follow that pattern. It looks like it works well, so why mess with it?

Edited June 27, 2016 by Mabelen

[Xahm]

I don't love naming kids for parents, yet we gave our daughter my middle name because I loved it and never got to use it. We named our son exactly after dh. I was convinced to do it because: 1. There was a cute nickname that didn't sound like dh's name, and 2. Dh was scheduled for deployment to Afghanistan days after my due date and my pregnant self felt that having a child with the same name would somehow help. Now I love both kids' names. Number 3 will be after a family member who died in WW2 without ever having kids (who had a name we happen to really like).

Around here jrs are really common and tend to go by middle or nicknames. I've seen people have minor annoyances, but nothing worse. And those called one thing by their family who called themselves something different at school or work seem to enjoy being different names to different people. It helps them figure out "where do I know this person from?" when an apparent stranger calls to them from across the store.

[RKWAcademy]

I'd strongly advise against naming a child knowing you'll call it by the middle name - ESPECIALLY if you plan a nickname of the middle name!

 

I have always gone by a nickname of my middle name.  I'm still traumatized by it at 40.  But I was a shy, introverted public school kid.  Still, I hate when I'm called my first name.  It's meaningless to me, and I would have ditched it years ago but for the fear of upsetting my mom.

 

And it's on all the important things!  No matter what the doctor's office/school/whatever implies when it gives a space for preferred name, you will always be the first name. 

 

And because I love my maiden name, I have four names (middle plus maiden = "middle names").  I hate it. 

[Spy Car]

1. Who cares?

 

2. I love beyond measure that I carry my beloved late-father's name. Few things in this world compare to that honor. My son is a III. would not change this situation for anything.

 

3. Don't like "patterns" in any case.

 

Bill (William)

[Murphy101]

I do not care what any other parent calls their kid. That's why I have my own to name. 😎

 

What gets our knickers is when random people take it upon themselves to rename us or our kids.

 

If someone introduced themselves or their child as Robert or Catherine for example, then Robert or Catherine is what others should call them. Not Bob, Bobby, Rob. Not Cathy or Katie or Cat. Random people, related or not, who do otherwise are viewed as rude and unprofessional and might not get a response since apparently they are not talking to Robert or Catherine.

[HRAAB]

1.  Never thought about it so not much of an opinion.  One of girls loves her middle name and says she will go by it when she's grown.  Whatever.

 

2.  Dh always said if we had boys he would never give them his name for a first name.  Maybe a middle name.  He was very opposed.

 

3.  I knew a family where all the kids' names began with 'M'.  I guess I think it's sort of silly, but if someone likes it, fine.  All my girls except the youngest have Bible names.  It wasn't intentional; it was just what we liked.

[Daria]

One DD is named a formal traditional first name and a pretty middle name. My name is similar. The purpose is for professional reasons. When she's older she can put the formal name on a resume if she wants. Or go by that if she wants. There have been several studies out about the biases against non-tradional names. The same resume sent out with a "William Tate" on it and a "Crow Tate" and only the William will get called in for an interview. Chances are this has to do with racism, but whatever the reason we go with traditional legal first names, and either come up with a nickname or go by a prettier middle name.

 

As to the second and the third, I'm Southern and my family followed those rules. I would have liked to, but DH hates southern naming rules and wouldn't go for it.

Do you not find any traditional names pretty?

[Tanaqui]

And it's on all the important things!  No matter what the doctor's office/school/whatever implies when it gives a space for preferred name, you will always be the first name.

 

When my sister was in school, she was signed up by her nickname. Even her report cards came home "Nickname Lastname". The office saw her birth certificate when she signed up, of course, but there's no law that says you have to be registered under that name.

 

When the girls go to the doctor's office, I sign them in under their nicknames. They get called by their nickname for their appointment, and even the bills come in "Parents of Nickname Lastname". Same deal - there's no law that says you need to sign up using the name on your birth certificate.

 

Next time you switch doctors or dentists, try it out - just put your middle name in the first name spot, or possibly put I. Middlename in the first name spot.

 

One DD is named a formal traditional first name and a pretty middle name. My name is similar. The purpose is for professional reasons. When she's older she can put the formal name on a resume if she wants. Or go by that if she wants. There have been several studies out about the biases against non-tradional names. The same resume sent out with a "William Tate" on it and a "Crow Tate" and only the William will get called in for an interview. Chances are this has to do with racism, but whatever the reason we go with traditional legal first names, and either come up with a nickname or go by a prettier middle name.

 

You know, blind interview practices would help this out a lot.

[Mom-ninja.]

Eldest ds goes by a shortened version of his middle name. Why? Because he has the same first name as dh and I refuse to say "big" and "little" or to add an "y" or "ie" at the end of his first name. It has not caused problems. A lot of ds's friends go by their middle names as well. 

 

Dh really wanted a Jr. We had a huge argument about it while we were dating. We were not married nor any time near having kids and already fighting about the name. Our compromise was same first name and different middle name. 

 

I don't think patterns need to be followed

[Katy]

Do you not find any traditional names pretty?

 

Okay.  Perhaps the word lyrical would have been a better choice.

[zejh]

1. I haven't done this, but my grandmother has gone by he middle name her whole life. No big deal. I gave one child a perfectly good name and WE NEVER USE IT because his baby nickname stuck.

 

2. My brother is a Junior. No big deal. My son is the same as his father and grandfather, but they all have different middle names. No issues from either formula.

 

3. The pattern is arbitrary. Breaking it is arbitrary. Your kid won't need therapy because she didn't get a Q name like her sisters. It's fine.

 

Unless you do something really weird like give all of your kids the same name, or give them all names you gathered by throwing a dart at a dictionary, it's really no problem to do what you want. Once the kid is here for ten minutes, his name will become HIS normal. Beyond not naming them after a serial killer or having their initials spell A.S.S. you're not going to do any harm.

Funny thing, when we found out dd would be a girl, the first-middle combo dh immediately suggested were A.S., and of course, the last name starts with S. (Then, he misheard me saying "the little A.S.S. is kicking me" when we were driving somewhere, and thought I was saying "Lassie"... that remained her prenatal nickname, and I considered a few names based in being able to use "Lassie" as a nickname, but I ultimately figured naming her for my grandmother would be much nicer to explain...)

 

Regarding themes, we don't have a theme (unless you count "appears in family tree") but someone assumed we were fans of a comic book franchise based on dd and ds's names. Think Lois and Kent, but different series and names. They're common names (either very traditional or in the top 100 currently) so it's not like I need to worry about the name if we have a third (well, I could pick one of the weirder 19th century names from my family tree, and that would stand out more than if I deliberately set out to pick another character from the comic book series...)

 

Regarding middle vs first name, dd's first name was actually my grandmother's middle name, but she almost never used the first name. I was almost feeling defiant using it as a first name rather than a middle name, since it's a very common middle name, but for that exact reason, I figured it would be nearly impossible to make it the name she was called by if I didn't make it her first name.

 

Then there's ds, whose first name and middle name were decided on partly because if I'd done it the reverse, it would be like the one grandfather's name but with only one letter off that grandfather's middle name. So dd got named in spite of the rhythm of the names in that order, and ds because of the rhythm...

 

Incidentally, the (great)grandfather who ds is named for was a junior. My grandfather, the junior, did actually change his name later in life, but I've grown to like his original name better. In high school I dated someone who was a IV, and intended to have a V, which didn't bother me at the time since I'd only thought of girls names, but I wasn't so big on the idea of having my own namesake, and he wanted a Boy V and Girl, jr.

[BusyMom5]

None of my children go by middle names or NNs- and that is by design ;)  I don't care if someone else does, not something I feel that strongly about, but I wanted to avoid it for myself.

 

I would not name my child a junior/I/II, ect.  because of legal stuff.  I want my kids to have their own name and identity.  This is the only one I feel strongly about (but don't care if someone else does it).

 

I would name my child whatever I wanted, if it went with a theme, same letter, ect. would not matter at all to me.  I would name him/her whatever I felt fit :)

 

Naming kids is hard, good luck!

[Wheres Toto]

Ds is a junior.  I'm not a fan but it was important to dh, there are a ton of Jr's and III's in his family.  Ds currently goes by a somewhat odd nickname that he picked himself (Squidy).

 

All my kids use nicknames/shortened forms of their names.  How I felt about the nicknames was a consideration when naming the girls (ds's name doesn't really have a shortened form).

 

ETA:  It wasn't planned but all my kids have common royalty names.

Edited June 29, 2016 by Where's Toto?

[BlsdMama]

Please vote or comment and help me think this through by sharing your personal experience and insights. None of these are things I've personally dealt before, but am in a position now to consider. I tend to overthink these things plus I'm a planner; I want to consider as many eventualities as possible and I know you all know stuff that I don't.  :D

 

 

1. CALLING THE CHILD BY THE MIDDLE NAME from birth/early on

 

Do you do this with your kids? Did your parents do this with you?

 

It doesn't seem like it would be a huge deal to me, but I keep hearing that people who have BTDT find it to be annoying to deal with. I'm wondering if it's a personality thing or if it's a legitimate issue worth considering. I wonder, too, if one's perception is influenced by whether it was HIS/HER choice to go by the middle name, or the family's choice to call him/her by the middle name. One advantage I've heard is the ability to screen out solicitors, are there any others?

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.?  Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

3. KEEPING TO AN ESTABLISHED PATTERN once they outnumber you

 

Do your kids follow a set naming pattern? Do you or your siblings?

 

Will kids #3+ feel slighted if he the only one whose name doesn't start with [whatever letter], or if she's the only one of a sibling set who isn't named after a beloved literature reference? I don't know how those Duggars do it, well, aside from some creative license with spelling. I don't know how important it is for the child when it comes to being included in, or excluded from, a pattern. I guess it depends on the kid. And maybe the pattern. I'd rather be Ginger-with-the-only-non-J-name-in-the-family than have people thinking I'm Jinger-rhymes-with-ringer! But maybe not everyone would prefer that.

 

 

Calling a child by a middle name never occurred to me.  My reaction is - why?  Why bother?  If you like the name, intend to use the name, I just don't understand why you wouldn't then have it be the first name?  I don't actually care and wouldn't be bothered by it, but I just don't know why the bother?

 

Naming a child after a parent - My kids aren't named for me and it would be odd. I could see giving one of the girls my middle name maybe because my middle name is named after my dad....  And we used DH's middle name for son #3's middle name just in a family pattern.  

 

Keeping an established pattern - this is a big deal for me.  Oldest DD has a more trendy name while the others have far more traditional names.  She doesn't like it and says it feels "apart" and different from the others.  We've always chosen the kids' names based on their meaning and it has kept me from naming my children specific names that I love.  (Examples - I adore the names Rachel and Leah, however, one means sheep and the other means tired.  If NONE of the other kids had names that had special meanings, it really would not matter.  However, once eleven of your kids have names with special meanings, you cannot name the 12th child Leah and have it mean tired... It looks like you ran out of energy to come up with a different name, kwim?) ;)

 

The boys all have middle names that are named after men in our families. (My dad, his dad, DH)

The girls are either named after girls/women in our families (a daughter we lost, my grandmother - twice, she was important! and then my mom and DH's mom) or after characteristics (Joy, Grace, etc.)

[redsquirrel]

1. middle name thing: it's a trend I see among the few preppies I know, lol. Usually it's because the family is so full of people with the same first name that things have got confusing. However, I do have a sister who goes by her middle name.  We had a relative who died very young just before my sister was born.  My mother says she was under enormous pressure to name the baby after the deceased relative, and she gave in.  She immediately regretted it, it wasn't a name she liked, she didn't even know the relative very well, and she felt strongly that the name didn't suit my sister.  Almost immediately, my parents made the decision to call her by her middle name.  It does cause some problems.  On official papers and bank cards etc she uses a first initial and then her name. So it's "M. Jane Doe".

 

2. I personally don't like naming a child 'jr' whatever, but that a matter of personal taste. I REALLY don't like being told I have to name a kid a particular thing. That would not work with me. DH's father, oldest brother and nephew all have the same name. It gets confusing when we are all together.

 

I should add, that it's a bit like choice #1. They all have the same name 1-3, but they are all known by the same non-English version of the name.  So, it's like they are all legally named John, but are known by everyone as Juan.  It's not Juan, but you get the idea.  Unless you are family, you wouldn't know that their actual given name is John.  It's a total affectation. The variation is unusual enough in the US that they get lots of positive comments and they all love it.

 

3. Third child thing: well, dh is a 4th child and his parents changed the pattern with him.  He loves it. He's so glad his name is different from his siblings. They gave the first three kids names from a particular nationality. His sister went by a very, very common diminutive of the name and that was English, along the lines of "Cathy". So, most people assumed her given name was 'Catherine", but it wasn't.  DH's name isn't a common name but it isn't the same as his siblings and he is glad about that.