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About xahm

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee
  • Birthday April 23

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  1. This may be obvious, but don't send electronics or pricey things without checking how much she will owe in duties. It can be steep! And frustrating to have to pay in cash to the mailman who shows up with an unexpected bill.
  2. Last year's six week trip when he chaperoned: did he get paid for that? A 21 year old working without pay, only food and lodging covered, sounds very generous to me. If his parents aren't thinking of that, he should reasonably feel unappreciated. If they are also deciding to add a child and 2 days on the trip without consulting him (it is unclear in the original post who the "we" mailing decisions included), then they are treating him like a teenager, and poorly even for a teenager, but expecting him to act like an adult.
  3. There aren't only those two options, though. We don't have to either believe that things are exactly the way she says they are or else believe she is a liar. I generally read all these type threads assuming that the original poster is telling the truth the way she sees it but that a different witness would have a somewhat different story. I think Scarlett is hurt and doing what most of us do when we are freshly hurt, reacting emotionally and justifying our actions to ourselves. Sometimes it takes some time before we can take a step back and say, "yeah, he shouldn't have done that, but I can see why he reacted that way. Maybe I shouldn't have done the thing I did when I got angry, or maybe I should have found a different way to share my thoughts with him."
  4. Sympathy from me. My husband has to travel for extended periods thanks to the military, and it introduces a difficult dynamic. The hardest times are when he has a really erratic schedule, here, then gone, then back again but leaving soon. I imagine that is similar to the sudden hospitalisation in that it's hard for the kids to be constantly re adjusting. Anything you can do to prepare the kids, like making sure there's a calendar they can look at and talking through different possible scenarios may help. Then, after things are calmer, we try to reset the kids to the new normal. In our case, that means things like me reminding the kids that their father can pour milk and read bedtime stories as well as I can and occasionally disappearing when they fall down and need a hug and a bandaid so that they can get that from their dad and bond to him in that way.
  5. I know you don't understand why your son is acting as he is and you find it irrational (not to mention hurtful), but if you want to improve the odds of healing, I urge you to try to see things from his point of view. Not that you should have to agree with him, but make it your goal to understand what he is thinking. Because I'd bet that he has reasons thinking the way he does and acting the way he does. Those reasons may be based on a misunderstanding of the facts at hand or skewed priorities, or a number of other mistakes, but it sounds like he's thought about things a lot and believes himself to be right. If you can see through his eyes, you may still completely disagree with him, but you may also find ways to reconnect with him. Lots of families reconnect after a young person storms off in (what they believe to be) righteous indignation, but it generally requires at least one party actively keeping lines of communication open and preventing the building of walls. It's not fair that the burden rests on you, but at this point, you are the only one you can control, so it does.
  6. I have a kindergartener who has been doing great, too. He's very much not a crafty kid and hates being shown up by big sister (17 months older), so he's always avoided coloring and writing activities. We are doing a lot with those, and he's pleased with himself about how well he's improving. He's in the "advanced" section of Progressive Phonics and everything is really clicking well. Once he starts thinking of himself as a reader and so reads outside of lessons, he'll take off! Math he's great with. Right now we're dialing things back and focusing on how to write the numbers, but then we'll get into Math Mammoth 1. He won't find it hard, but I think he'll learn some new things. He's enjoying our history, science, and literature read alouds and has memorized an old mother goose poem so far this year.
  7. To be fair, I know a number of people who would be surprised to learn Jamaica is another country. They seem to operate under the assumption that most islands in the Caribbean, particularly those where English is spoken, are some kind of American territory. Many of those people are likely also some what racist of the "unthinking ignorant" variety.
  8. Our family has a mix of what people go by, with some nicknames and some given names. What throws people is the baby. He has a very traditional type name, and we call him a nickname half the time and his full name half the time. People get much more confused by this than it feels like they should. When he's older we'll probably stick with however he introduces himself. I like giving kids names that they can alter slightly to fit their personality. For a different take, my brother-in-law and his wife are firmly against calling their children anything other than the legal name, so their first born has a name generally considered the nickname of a more common name (like Janie for Jane). I'm curious what they will do when people do the opposite and assume her given name is "Jane" and also whether the child will adopt "Jane"as a nickname when she gets bigger.
  9. In this state (same as op), she can be fired for literally nothing, as I understand it. As long as no one says that it's because she's pregnant, old, female, or some other protected class, she can be fired at will.
  10. I went to a Christian college, so there were a lot of funny little ones as the result of young people maturing and making missteps ("God told me we should date." "I didn't do the assignment because I felt that book wasn't godly enough."), but the over arching culture kept those in check and people grew out of them. The one that hurt was that I was friends with a seminary student with dyslexia. I helped him a lot on his papers, spending hours each week helping him to edit them, and he really improved as a writer. Not only that, my friends rallied around him, attending his sermons and being encouraging. He really wasn't a good preacher at all, but he was still a student and learning. As a group we had loss of interesting conversations and debates. It's funny because some people aimed he and I were an item. One of my friends asked each of us separately if we were interested in the other and our answers matched. We were friends, but he was looking for a submissive wife and I wasn't looking to be a submissive wife, so no way. Anyway, I helped him out a considerable amount, my friends helped him as a favor to me, and we all enjoyed each other's company. Then, one day in our conversation it came up that I was unwilling to say that people who died as non-Christians were going to Hell. That, I said, is between them and God. I was very willing to say that Jesus is the way to salvation as that is one of my core beliefs, but I thought it was hubris, not to mention unnecessary, to claim we know all there is to know about how Jesus saves people. This was apparently a line in the sand for my seminary friend. He told me I was dangerous and refused to speak to me again. Like, cross to a different sidewalk to avoid me. On a very small campus, we saw each other daily. Then one day years later I saw I had a Facebook message from him. It had been plenty long enough I was ready to forgive and forget. It was a request for money to support him as a missionary. I quickly deleted and moved on with my life. I've had friends hurt in much worse ways in the name of the church, but that was my most personal, and very confusing, rejection. Now I mostly fell bad for him as he hasn't found a job in his vocation ten years after he graduated seminary.
  11. Earlier this summer I spent some time with a friend's nieces, and they were on track to become like this girl. For example, we were at a picnic and the 11 y.o. asked why I wasn't giving my baby any food. I explained that he's too young for sandwiches and that I would nurse him later. She said "huh?" and cocked her head to the side. I explained further and still just got the "huh?" and head cock over and over. I didn't say it because she was young and not my charge, but I was loudly thinking "be careful, those who try to make themselves stupid frequently succeed."
  12. Since you've hired her essentially under the table and you said she has trouble with English, I would wonder if perhaps her immigration status has caused her difficulties as it has for some other immigrants in the area.
  13. xahm

    Chicken podiatry

    Yes, we both had gloves and eye protection.
  14. xahm

    Chicken podiatry

    She was walking fine but acting freaked out. We were debating whether or not to keep her on our porch or put her in the coop with her sisters. She kept acting so unhappy near humans that we decided she needed chicken company and so she's sleeping there now. Our chickens have always gotten along great and never picked at each other, so I think that was the right move, and of choose we'll be checking on her in the morning and changing her dressing soon.
  15. Today was one of those days where I got to learn a new skill together with my husband (who is back from Afghanistan, hooray!). I diagnosed a chicken with bumblefoot, then we worked together to perform surgery. If was a little rough, and we realized several times that we were making things up as we went along. We're still not sure what the insides of a chicken foot are supposed to look like, but hopefully we improved the situation. I wanted to be a vet when I was a kid, but I never thought pinning down a chicken while apologizing to the poor thing was how I'd spend my evenings as an adult. Anyone else try something new recently?
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