ktgrok Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 (edited) Deleted for privacy of my DH Edited January 3 by ktgrok 74 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Praying; Katie. That's so rough. We have seen it happen to friends. Two months severance *should* be enough to see you guys through....hopefully. Praying, for sure. I'm sorry you guys are facing this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 7 minutes ago, TheReader said: Praying; Katie. That's so rough. We have seen it happen to friends. Two months severance *should* be enough to see you guys through....hopefully. Praying, for sure. I'm sorry you guys are facing this. Thank you. We have maybe another 2 months in savings if we tighten things quite a bit. I was actually concerned about the budget the last few months as that used to be higher, and had talkd to DH about how we need to tighten things up. guess we REALLY need to do that. We also will file taxes sooner rather than later, as soon as we get the paperwork, so we can get our tax return which will help. I'm honestly more just upset about DH's mental health and the insult this was to him as a professional and the way it was handled than I am worried about finances. Which is likely not a good or smart thing, but hey, I AM a redhead, lol. I just can't imagine a business like this doing this without EVER having met to discuss what the perceived problem was, and how the employee needed to address it, and giving a time frame to do so. That never happened. This was, it seems, a personality clash but he isn't even being told WHO the clash was with! Nor does he have any idea. there is one person he butted heads with a few times, but supposedly it isn't that person. And every time, he was standing up for what the boss/owner had said/indicated. Never for his own benefit. 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I am so, so sorry. And totally get worrying about mental health above all. That kind of unexpected blow would be hard for anyone to take. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Oh crap, I’m sorry. fingers crossed he finds something quick at least to get him working again then he can keep searching for the one. at least his field is in demand 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Good for you for taking his side! Similar to The Reader, someone from my church took a dream tech job, was let go, had to do a job search out of nowhere….. he is employed again and likes where he is! It’s less glamorous but he likes his work environment. He thought at first it might be temporary but it seems it’s going to end up being a permanent project. I always think it’s ridiculous when people are not treated well at work!!!!!! There’s just no reason for it!!!!!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Hugs. It’s been a slaughterhouse this year in tech. Still, your dh has some great skills—hopefully someone will snap him up soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 OP, it may have nothing at all to do with your dh. The company might be in financial difficulty and needs to reduce payroll. They'll use any excuse to not set off alarm bells or mass layoff notification laws. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I'm sorry - best wishes to you both. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel-in-CA Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I can so identify with this! DH has had a rough employment/unemployment thing going on since 2020. In 2022 he got a job at a company he thought he'd like to stay with, and he worked *really* hard to keep it, making changes, taking initiative in new areas. And then they decided to reorg and he was a casualty of that. He's been looking since mid-June this time and *finally* has what we hope will be a final interview and ????? maybe an offer. He flies out this Wed. for those interviews. But, what he's found, is that nobody even blinks at "I was laid off due to reorganization." It seems to be a fact of life in the tech world and no one has disqualified him based on that. Praying for your DH to keep his spirits up, make use of all the job hunting tools out there, and for you to enjoy this involuntary vacation with as much peace as you can muster. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 OH man that sucks! I am sorry for the crappy start to 2024. I hope he finds a job quickly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 17 minutes ago, ktgrok said: Thank you. We have maybe another 2 months in savings if we tighten things quite a bit. I was actually concerned about the budget the last few months as that used to be higher, and had talkd to DH about how we need to tighten things up. guess we REALLY need to do that. We also will file taxes sooner rather than later, as soon as we get the paperwork, so we can get our tax return which will help. I'm honestly more just upset about DH's mental health and the insult this was to him as a professional and the way it was handled than I am worried about finances. Which is likely not a good or smart thing, but hey, I AM a redhead, lol. I just can't imagine a business like this doing this without EVER having met to discuss what the perceived problem was, and how the employee needed to address it, and giving a time frame to do so. That never happened. This was, it seems, a personality clash but he isn't even being told WHO the clash was with! Nor does he have any idea. there is one person he butted heads with a few times, but supposedly it isn't that person. And every time, he was standing up for what the boss/owner had said/indicated. Never for his own benefit. We are in a very similar situation, if it helps any to just not be alone. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 Thank you all. He has a phone screening for a job lined up for tomorrow already, and another person calling him in 20 minutes who is hiring (although he's heard some things from friends that worked there that make him not really want to work there). Basically, tech people should stop running companies, is my belief. Do tech, don't manage employees. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I'm so sorry. We've been through this too and it's very stressful for everyone. Fingers crossed that something turns up very soon! Good luck to him tomorrow with the phone screening and tonight too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 (edited) I will be praying. It sounds like he's going to be fine. He's young enough, I think (?) and has enough connections that he should be able to pick and choose. My dh was laid off (fired??) 2 years ago. The company seemed to go about it in a different way this time. I'm wondering if that is yet another thing that's changing in our country. No severance for dh or for a big group of them that got laid off after dh either. That was a first. Your dh is lucky to have gotten that severance, possibly. Edited January 2 by kathyl 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 16 minutes ago, Lecka said: I always think it’s ridiculous when people are not treated well at work!!!!!! There’s just no reason for it!!!!!!!!! 1000% yes! I don't know why it's so mind boggling to some people that if you treated people well they will be more productive. 1 minute ago, ktgrok said: Basically, tech people should stop running companies, is my belief. Do tech, don't manage employees. Or at least tech companies should invest in actually training their tech people to become managers if they do need them to become managers. So many get placed as managers and it's not that they are bad people or have bad intentions. They just don't know how to manage people. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I’m sorry, Katie. (((Hug))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 (edited) Tech is rough right now and there have been lots of layoffs regardless of tech vs. corporate. My spouse has been at the same software company for 25ish years at this point (knock on wood) and they have periodic layoffs. And it's sudden and they just send them packing immediately - grab your stuff and go. And it's very corporate. I get the feeling the corporate types want to keep every penny they can in company coffers and their own pockets. So I hope your spouse at least can find some perspective in that it's highly unlikely it is personal and there are highs and lows in this industry. My kid just went through a hiring process as a new grad STEM/tech/software and it is pretty rough out there. It took him a bit, but he hit the jackpot and I'm sure you guys will too. It sounds like your spouse has good experience. It's very encouraging he has connections and possible options in the hopper. I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. Thinking of you. Edited January 2 by catz 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgo95 Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Praying for you both. DH went through something similar a year ago that felt devastating. He was able to line up a new position within a few months, thankfully, but the feeling of being betrayed is still something DH is working through. I agree with pp that being laid off from a tech position right now would not make anyone blink. I would bet that severance includes insurance, so hopefully you can clarify that and get a little peace of mind about that. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Aaaagh, I am so sorry. That just stinks. Sending hugs and support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I’m sorry. Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 12 minutes ago, Clarita said: Or at least tech companies should invest in actually training their tech people to become managers if they do need them to become managers. So many get placed as managers and it's not that they are bad people or have bad intentions. They just don't know how to manage people. This is so true. I think of my first good boss - she was NOT naturally a good manager. At all. Had a temper, was an animal perosn not a people person (like many vets) and it was HARD for her. BUT...she knew it was a weakness and went to seminars on leadership, read books, listened to CDs on how to be a leader (back before podcasts) and how to manage people, etc. And it really did help! She also looked up and followed standard procedures for things like hiring, training, discipline, firing, etc. There really is NO excuse these days to not at least try to do that stuff. 9 minutes ago, catz said: So I hope your spouse at least can find some perspective in that it's highly unlikely it is personal and there are highs and lows in this industry. The thing is, he was basically told it WAS personal. That there were some people "walking on eggshells" around him. Which flabbergasted him. And he keeps his door open to his office, I've NEVER heard him being mean or confrontational. His biggest asset has ALWAYS been his people skills - he has been praised up and down for them, and his phone is ringing off the hook right now with people who support him (thank goodness - that's really really helping his mood). And when he did at one point find himself at loggerheads with an employee he was told that they are all passionate people and he should feel free to passionately disagree and that's expected. And yet??? (and supposedly that is NOT the employee that said that about him anyway) 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
math teacher Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I'm so sorry for this and I will be praying he gets a comparable job soon!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I’m so sorry that this happened. Some more btdt experience here too. My dh was let go several years ago (2009) and it was very difficult to find his next job. He was given 0 severance as his company had been bought out by a Canadian company who had no intention of keeping employees any longer than absolutely required. He was devastated even though he felt it was overall a good thing to be free of a horrendously stressful job. He was offered a wonderful job but it took 6 months and drained all of our reserves and then some. We sold our house, moved across the country, and had a baby born during this time. We’ve never quite forgotten the uncertainty of being unemployed nor have we recovered our financial losses but we are stable and happy with where we are at. I pray you come out of this with a strong marriage and a rewarding job situation. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 So sorry @ktgrok. A husband losing a job is one of the worst things imo. I totally get it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longtime Lurker Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for a great new job to come along soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I'm so sorry. That is crappy. Really, really, really crappy. Prayers both for another fantastic job and also for everyone's mental well being. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine having the stress of that as a breadwinner. And the ego hit. Prayers that he finds something soon. My dh’s boss was literally fired from a VP job at a Fortune 500 company at 60 yrs old. He was devastated and never thought he’d find anything. He ended up being hired at an even better company for more money. May it all work out for the best. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 So, the person who called today about work is going to likely hire him for some 1099 work, which will help while he looks for something full time. So, that's a blessing! 48 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popmom Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I will pray about this. I am so sorry. Praying for something even better for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 27 minutes ago, ktgrok said: So, the person who called today about work is going to likely hire him for some 1099 work, which will help while he looks for something full time. So, that's a blessing! Great news. Good luck to him tomorrow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I'm sorry. BTDT. Best wishes and prayers he'll get a job soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (edited) I am so sorry to hear this. We’ve been through 2 layoffs in our marriage and it’s a horrible gut punch when it happens and a bit of pure terror. Just awful. I’m so sorry. There’s not a lot anyone can say that helps. You simply have to endure through it. Edited January 3 by Garga 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (hug) prayers and best wishes to him on the job hunt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 2 hours ago, Garga said: I am so sorry to hear this. We’ve been through 2 layoffs in our marriage and it’s a horrible gut punch when it happens and a bit of pure terror. Just awful. I’m so sorry. There’s not a lot anyone can say that helps. You simply have to endure through it. So true - I want to say the right things to him, but there are none, not really. It is made worse because he idolized this company and the head of it for years before actually getting a chance to work there. So on top of everything, it is losing some respect for an idol and feeling like he was rejected by the one person/place he really wanted respect from the most. 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Oh Katie, I am so sorry. As you know we went through the same thing twice over in the past 3 years and my hubby eventually had to retire. We completely depleted our savings and then there were months where we were literally living on charity. It was the most challenging time in our marriage. I really hope that things go so much better for you are yours. You will be in my thoughts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I’m sorry that is so stressful. I hope he finds something quickly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 9 hours ago, ktgrok said: I just can't imagine a business like this doing this without EVER having met to discuss what the perceived problem was, and how the employee needed to address it, and giving a time frame to do so. That never happened. I'm so sorry that this has happened to your husband, and to you Katy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (((Katie))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Praying for a great job for him!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanDiegoMom Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I am so sorry! Fingers crossed that the right job will be found. We have not experienced this, but my sister's husband did -- he got a pretty high level job with a firm based in Texas (they lived all their lives in Florida). He commuted for two years to get kids graduated from high school. Finally moved in the summer to Texas with my sister and thought everything was great. In fact, thought he was headed to a VP position within the year. Instead, after a couple of months in Texas, he was laid off. It was crazy. Restructuring. Hugs❤️ 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (((hugs))) Katie,I know your Dh isn't teaching anymore but if he is interested do pm me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (edited) I am so sorry and that sounds awful for your husband. I've said for many years there is no one more miserable than a good man who is unemployed. It is so tied up with their identity, they are just miserable. Edited January 3 by goldberry 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 1 hour ago, goldberry said: I am so sorry and that sounds awful for your husband. I've said for many years there is no one more miserable than a good man who is unemployed. It is so tied up with their identity, they are just miserable. He actually said last night that he has to stop tying his identity to what he does. I told him, it's okay to have part of your identity be what you DO, but it can't be about WHO you do it for. Not in this climate. He thought that made sense. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 SO....last night was BAD. He didn't sleep even one minute, just laid in bed all night. He didn't eat lunch or dinner, managed to choke down a small lara bar because I made him. Today tried and couldn't eat breakfast or lunch. I got some tea and a few gingersnaps into him earlier, and then brought him grapes which he is munching on. But...then later today....come to find out 2 more people are now "no longer employed" with the company. This is, on the one hand, terrible for those people. BUT...it allowed DH to realize that this was not because he is not skilled - because he knows THOSE people are very skilled. One of which he isn't sure how the company will even function without. So, despite the boss trying to make it to be a personal issue and DH's fault, it does sound like this was actually a lay off or reorganization of some sort. Which is REALLY terrible to do and not TELL people that is what is happening! To make it out to be DH's fault and failings! Y'all, I may need an alibi, lol, cause I am SPICY about this. (like salty...but hotter...I made it up I think, lol) And the more I hear how this company was run, the more astonished I am. No hierarchy at all. Everyone in every facet and sub business aligned with the main business getting a say on every thing, no clear way to address issues, etc etc. It's insane. New employees being told to "fight fair" while one of the core long term group would constantly go over people's heads whenever she had a complaint rather than just asking the person involved a question or for them to do whatever it is she wanted. Instead sending emails to the owners of the company in all caps with exclamation marks complaining that something wasn't done that she never asked to be done, and only copying the person involved. Then tried to say it wasn't an escalation! um, if you use all caps, that's yelling, and if you go to the owner of the company, that's an escalation. It's the definition. She often would veto things the company owner and president had already okayed, which obviously was very frustrating to everyone. It is no surprise that all or most of the people no longer there were people that were forced to work closely with her, and got on her bad side. Honestly, I'm thinking she really is the one running most things behind the scenes...and got rid of people who tried to put more professional systems in place that would have threatened her power. Others have contacted DH and said they are looking for another job and want to leave. So much for the 'dream" company. I've known lemonade stands that worked more efficiently and were more professional. BUT...now, instead of feeling sorry for himself and his own "failings" DH is all upset about the OTHER people who were let go, and is trying to figure out how he can help THEM get new jobs, etc. Worried about others, not himself - which is exactly what I'd expect from the man I married. Love him, and can't wait to see what good things come for him. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Well, sad that it happened, but looks like he will eventually be better off than he was as the "dream" job. Still sucks. Sad for other people, but glad it helped your dh see it wasn't him, but the company. Praying he finds something soon. I'm betting he will have some good recommendations from some of the other workers. Hang in there. You are doing great, even if it doesn't feel that way... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 1 hour ago, ktgrok said: He actually said last night that he has to stop tying his identity to what he does. I told him, it's okay to have part of your identity be what you DO, but it can't be about WHO you do it for. Not in this climate. He thought that made sense. You also have to be careful about tying your identity to what you do. I notice you said part of your identity so I think you know this, but when retirement comes many men die soon after because they are so tied to what they do. Also, one other cautionary note and this is SO coming from someone who still struggles with this, but make sure you are able to lovingly detach yourself from his suffering. It is hard when they are such caring, wonderful men, but you have to stay afloat. Part of my complete collapse almost a decade ago was when I realized that it didn't matter how supportive I was or what I did, his angst would always be there. Somehow I thought that if I was the perfect wife I could somehow eliminate any suffering he went through or at least alleviate it somehow. His journey is his journey. Yes, be supportive but also detach. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 8 minutes ago, TexasProud said: You also have to be careful about tying your identity to what you do. I notice you said part of your identity so I think you know this, but when retirement comes many men die soon after because they are so tied to what they do. Also, one other cautionary note and this is SO coming from someone who still struggles with this, but make sure you are able to lovingly detach yourself from his suffering. It is hard when they are such caring, wonderful men, but you have to stay afloat. Part of my complete collapse almost a decade ago was when I realized that it didn't matter how supportive I was or what I did, his angst would always be there. Somehow I thought that if I was the perfect wife I could somehow eliminate any suffering he went through or at least alleviate it somehow. His journey is his journey. Yes, be supportive but also detach. Absolutely true. I learned that lesson painflly with my exhusband. This time around, i can be so sad for him, and offer support, but honestly? I slept just fine last night, while he laid there awake. My part in this is making sure he has something tempting to eat, and reminding him of his worth. Reminding him out loud that he didn't fail, he didn't make a mad decision when he went to this company. Stuff happens, and if 99.9% of the people he knows in the cybertech world think he is amazing, then he needs to take those voices into consideration, not focus on the one person who doesn't. My upbeat positivity drives him nuts, but at the same time he showed me one of the messages he got today telling him how great he is, and told me he wanted me to read it so I could remind him later about it, lol. Right now he's taking a walk with DD6, who is the happiest most compassionate upbeat kid on the planet. Later I'll try to get him to eat some dinner, and take a long hot shower or bath. And then drug him to sleep tonight if need be (with his permission of course). 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 In other news, my publisher it looks like is willing to redo my contract and have me write for them again - I'd reached out before the holidays. AND it turns out back in 2020 they never paid me part of an advance....so EITHER we are going to call it a wash with me not having kept to the rest of the contract they paid me for, or they may actually be sending me a check - which would just be crazy timing! In not as good news, the contract work DH was going to do is actually for a friend whose company is very strapped financially, so he's probably going to do it for free just to help her out. He says hey, he has the time right now, and until he doesn't, he can help out some (it's minor stuff I think - mostly initiating some sales leads). And someday, maybe she can pay him for it, or help him some other way. I'd argue..but that is who he is, and why he has SO many people casting a net to find him something. (well, and he has his CISSP so that makes him very marketable) 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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