DawnM Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 (edited) And if you are the praying type, please pray. Pray that the facility has a space, that dad will be accepting, etc... Time is finally here to put dad into care. He kept us all up most of last night, can't walk, stand, etc.... is out of sorts, can't articulate things, peed through 8 pr. underwear and is talking nonsense. We know these "episodes" pass, but they are getting more frequent and we are seeing far more digression in ambulation. My husband is now DONE and he was the reason I didn't push for it. He is a saint and has helped my dad so much and has kind of made me feel I was rushing to the nursing home care too soon. But he has reached his saturation point. My dad also fell multiple times last night, thankfully he was not hurt, but it is time. He will NOT be happy and he will NOT remember this when the episode is over. That is the hard part. But it must be done. Edited June 30, 2022 by DawnM 3 56 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I am so sorry! My heart truly goes out to you during this heart breaking transition. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I'm sorry. My mom, who had Alzheimers, lived with me for almost a year after Dad couldn't step up care for her, until I couldn't manage both her care and my other responsibilities to my kids. The breaking point was the night that DH called me home from a meeting at DD's school, because Mom needed me for something that he couldn't handle. Although I'd been hoping that she could be cared for at home, I was the one who had to say it was time for the nursing home, that I couldn't manage. My siblings were not willing to help with hands-on care and lived near my parents, three hours away from me, and I was trying to do my best, on my own, with small children (because of the small children, I was not willing to hire in-home caregivers). Dad chose a nursing home near him, but I had to drive Mom there and get her checked in. She was there for nine years. It was a heart wrenching time. It feels horrible, I know. I'm sorry. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 My very best wishes to you all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Do you already have a nursing home selected? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I'm praying for you and your family, Dawn. 💙 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 10 minutes ago, DawnM said: And if you are the praying type, please pray. Pray that the facility has a space, that dad will be accepting, etc... Time is finally here to put dad into care. He kept us all up most of last night, can't walk, stand, etc.... is out of sorts, can't articulate things, peed through 8 pr. underwear and is talking nonsense. We know these "episodes" pass, but they are getting more frequent and we are seeing far more digression in ambulation. My husband is now DONE and he was the reason I didn't push for it. He is a saint and has helped my dad so much and has kind of made me feel I was rushing to the nursing home care too soon. But he has reached his saturation point. My dad also fell multiple times last night, thankfully he was not hurt, but it is time. He will NOT be happy and he will NOT remember this when the episode is over. That is the hard part. But it must be done. I’m so sorry 😞 I am heading down this road with my mother. It is awful. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 It's so hard. I wouldn't mention it to dad until it's all sorted out and then be matter of fact. I'm so sorry. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 30, 2022 Author Share Posted June 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, Storygirl said: Do you already have a nursing home selected? Yes, the one I chose before. If they don't have room, I have a 2nd choice, although they are far more expensive. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 30, 2022 Author Share Posted June 30, 2022 Just now, Starr said: It's so hard. I wouldn't mention it to dad until it's all sorted out and then be matter of fact. I'm so sorry. I am not even going to explain it. I am just going to say that we need him to get more care due to safety "for now" and then he will just stay. He won't remember the conversation when/if he gets out of this, so..... 15 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 You got this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Praying for a smooth transition. We’re all behind you! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I’m praying. It’s so hard when the only choice is one that will be difficult for someone who is confused and not likely to accept or understand. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Praying for you that all goes well and that your dad can have peace and acceptance. It's so hard! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hugs. I hope it all goes well. and they may want to check for a uti as well when he enters the facility. UTIs did a number on my mom, both physically (made her so dizzy and weak) and mentally. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 So sorry! Praying for you and your dad! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Praying for you and for your dad. I’m sure it’s such a hard decision, but adding my support that you are totally doing the right thing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I am so sorry. I am praying for you all, and hope it goes as smoothly as possible. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 All the best with this transition. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Praying for you 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible and I'm also very sorry about it all. You've been through so much and it seems like there's never a break. I hope this helps once it's all over and done with. Sending hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 (edited) My heart hurts for you but this is the right thing for all of you. I know you know this but you've done all you can for him at home. It's best for your family's mental health and it's best for your dad as he reached a point beyond your ability to safely care for him. You're in my thoughts as you do this difficult but necessary thing. Edited June 30, 2022 by Lady Florida. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Lady Florida. said: My heart hurts for you but this is the right thing for all of you. I know you know this but you've done all you can for him at home. It's best your family's mental health and it's best for your dad as he reached a point beyond your ability to safely care for him. You're in my thoughts as you do this difficult but necessary thing. You just stated what I would want to state. Totally agree. And I am praying for you, Dawn. As a person who has autoimmune issues that greatly affect my brain and cause some similar problems, I would understand if it became permanent, that I would need either people giving home health care or be placed somewhere. I would hate it but understand. Many hugs and prayers for this transition. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Praying. Echoing others voices saying you have done all you can at home. I'm so sorry for all you have been through. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Big hugs. We put my dad in Assisted Living last November, and it has absolutely been the best thing for him. They are on top of his medical issues. They manage his plethora of medication. They are trained to manage his showers (three times a week) and his falls (none so far). They are on top of getting him physical and occupational therapy when they see that he needs it, in a way that we didn't know to do at home. It is a partnership, of course, between us and them, but it has been so great. His health is the best possible given the circumstances, better than at home. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hugs & prayers for you, Dawn. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porque? Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hope it goes well Dawn! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 (((Dawn))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Sending hugs your way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Prayers, the time has come. You have went beyond what you needed to. Do not feel guilty. If he is argumentative, they may require a psych hold to get him under control. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hugs and good luck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Thinking of you today, Dawn. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Dawn, I'm so sorry! I understand how hard this is. I think actually making the decision and getting him moved is the hardest part - especially since the decision is ultimately on you. It will get easier and you want be 2nd guessing yourself anymore. Don't argue with him. Don't try to explain too much. Just keep repeating that this is the best decision for him as he needs more care now than you can provide for him. He will probably argue if he is in a better frame of mind at the time. Just remember times like last night and know you are making the right decision. Hugs... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 If it helps, both my mom and my aunt are nurses who both worked most of their lives in geriatrics. And still, there came a point where the only place for my grandmother, their mother, was a nursing home. My mom quit work to care for her in our home for a few years, but there came a point where that was not enough. It wasn't that mom didn't want to, or that Aunt wasn't willing, it was that it wasn't the safest, best place for my grandmother anymore. She needed more than a single nurse, she needed a round the clock team of people taking shirts. People that could life an adult. Etc etc. So, if neither of them, who had a lifetime of professional experience working with geriatric patients felt it was appropriate to continue care indefinitely at home, I certainly don't think you should! Moreover, my mom has said MANY times that when the time comes, we are not to care for her, but to place her in a good nursing home and visit often. Because unless someone is both physically and mentally fit. it is too much to ask of a family member to care for them. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 (edited) Dawn this is hard, but it’s the right decision for everyone involved. Don’t let anyone make you think it’s not. I pray you will have peace, that you will find excellent accommodations for him, and that he will quickly adapt to a new setting. You can make your future focus with him more on quality time than physical and mental nursing. Many hugs. Edited June 30, 2022 by Grace Hopper 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Oh Dawn! I know you've been going back and forth on this but it really is time. You can't afford not to. I hope he will be able to tolerate the change. Do check for an UTI. 💕💕💕💕💕💕 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hugs, hope it goes well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 It's so hard, Dawn, I know. Praying for you all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Huge hugs Sending positive thoughts that there is a place 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Hugs and support to you. I know it’s a hard road. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 (edited) Hugs, I hope it is as smooth a transition as possible. Edited June 30, 2022 by melmichigan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Praying that he won’t make this too hard on you, Dawn. I know you would keep him at home if it was at all possible, and you went to so much effort and expense to have the perfect apartment built for him in your home, so it’s obvious to all of us that you are an amazing daughter. Sending lots of supportive hugs and prayers. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 He has literally never had a UTI. They check every time. He is always negative. I called 911 today. He has been admitted. He has Covid. Still working on a place, but if he stays in the hospital 3 days they can send him to rehab for 21 days and then to a facility, so I have a little time now. 12 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 2 minutes ago, DawnM said: He has literally never had a UTI. They check every time. He is always negative. I called 911 today. He has been admitted. He has Covid. Still working on a place, but if he stays in the hospital 3 days they can send him to rehab for 21 days and then to a facility, so I have a little time now. Oh, poor guy! I'm glad you have a little time to sort out next steps. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 I'm sorry, Dawn, but I'm glad he is getting full-time medical help now. I hope the covid is not severe for him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 43 minutes ago, DawnM said: He has literally never had a UTI. They check every time. He is always negative. I called 911 today. He has been admitted. He has Covid. Still working on a place, but if he stays in the hospital 3 days they can send him to rehab for 21 days and then to a facility, so I have a little time now. Oh my. So much going on. (((hugs))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Prayers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Oh my! So sorry about this turn of events. I hope he gets great care at the hospital and that you can get a breather to make changes. Praying for you and your dad!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 I'm sorry it's time, Dawn. I'm sorry he now has COVID. Talk with the hospital social worker to see if they can help you with everything. Tell them he has fallen and they can maybe evaluate for a a physical therapy order at rehab. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 Thanks all. I am worried about him having Covid. He is not vaccinated. And he is 87 and has a heart condition. But we can't fix it. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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