itsheresomewhere Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 40 minutes ago, DawnM said: Oh my gosh! WHY did they do that? And do you have to be vaccinated to go to a rehab facility? Not all require being vaccinated. My BF just got her dad into one and he has become anti everything. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 Many (hugs) When my late sister was bouncing between rehab place and hospital the misinformation made things emotionally harder then they needed to be. (She was in and out of both) Instead of saying released or to rehab/hospital some would say "oh, you're going home tomorrow!" not knowing the details. Even her #$@&##$ oncologist would say stupid stuff that made it sound like she could go home. It was f***ing heartbreaking. I hope everyone you deal with is far more sensitive but a heads-up just in case. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 1 hour ago, DawnM said: Oh my gosh! WHY did they do that? And do you have to be vaccinated to go to a rehab facility? This was a year ago so I don't know if things have changed since then but she had to have proof of vaccination in order to go to the rehab facility. There was someone at the hospital who absolutely did not want MIL to go to rehab for some reason. She fought it from the beginning and obviously won at the last minute. I was able to get MIL's surgeon to approve one more night in the hospital while we scrambled to get things ready for her to go home - we fully expected her to go to rehab up until then. It was awful but I'm sure this rarely happens (or maybe we're the only lucky ones). I have no doubt that your dad will not be coming home anytime soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 2 hours ago, Kassia said: What a relief, @DawnM Hope it all works out and that he handles the transition well when it's time. We had this happen with MIL and it fell through the day she was being discharged when they told us she was going home instead of rehab. Even that morning, DH had to go to her house to get her Covid vaccination card to show the rehab place she was vaccinated and then...nope. We were completely unprepared for her to go home. It was awful but I think this is HIGHLY unusual. 2 hours ago, DawnM said: Oh my gosh! WHY did they do that? And do you have to be vaccinated to go to a rehab facility? Good question! One of my elderly aunts refused the vaccine, however, she was already a resident when the pandemic hit. When my parents were in SNF, at flu season we got a request to grant permission - they couldn’t receive a flu vaccine without POA permission. Covid is a game changer. Best to ask now. I'm glad to hear they see a need for him to spend at least 4 weeks in rehab, that time will be valuable for you both. Your decision to not bring up long term care now is wise. It’s possible he is, in addition to everything else, experiencing hospital delirium. In a couple of weeks the conversation, while still challenging, may go better than if you tried it now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 My grandmother recently spent the 28 days in rehab. They recommended long term nursing home placement at that point and everyone was really hoping she’d agree(there is no dementia, just end stage Parkinson’s). Unfortunately Medicare says that whatever rehab facility accepts you first is where you wind up, and she’d gone to a not great place. Not the worst, but understaffed like anyplace else and it was close to noon on weekends before they could get her out of bed and cleaned up. So she was miserable there and refused to stay. Just be aware you may be able to say absolutely not to certain rehab places and ask for his packet to be sent to specific ones, but you don’t get to choose where he goes for rehab. I’d see if you can get the social worker to push for someplace where he can seamlessly move from rehab to long term care, though. It sounds, especially with the falls, that he’s past the point of assisted living. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 3, 2022 Share Posted July 3, 2022 You may insist they give him something for anxiety, generally when dementia and confusion is bad your wishes may be over to override him, but sadly this depends on the state and diagnosis. It’s possible they could have a tech distract him with vitals while another puts something in his IV port. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 @DawnM, I'm so sorry you are having to face all of this, but I'm glad you have some time to get things sorted out. Praying that it all goes well and he will transition well! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 4, 2022 Author Share Posted July 4, 2022 So tonight I was there for a little while and he said that he has to make a decision about Roe V Wade because even though they are giving him good care at the hospital, he is sure they are going to try to give him an abortion. 😂 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 2 minutes ago, DawnM said: So tonight I was there for a little while and he said that he has to make a decision about Roe V Wade because even though they are giving him good care at the hospital, he is sure they are going to try to give him an abortion. 😂 Can you have them turn off the TV in his room or tune it only to an oldies channel? My grandmother had that. She would hear parts of things on TV news and they would become her reality. donyou have POA? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 9 minutes ago, DawnM said: So tonight I was there for a little while and he said that he has to make a decision about Roe V Wade because even though they are giving him good care at the hospital, he is sure they are going to try to give him an abortion. 😂 That is funny and also sad. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 4, 2022 Author Share Posted July 4, 2022 8 minutes ago, Ottakee said: Can you have them turn off the TV in his room or tune it only to an oldies channel? My grandmother had that. She would hear parts of things on TV news and they would become her reality. donyou have POA? I have POA and can change the channel, but he seems to change it back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 1 hour ago, DawnM said: I have POA and can change the channel, but he seems to change it back. When I used to visit my DH's aunt in hospice (and she was with it enough to control the remote) she would often change the channel to this horrendous documentary (?) channel. Scary stuff -drug raids, immigration raids, crimes. I tried to change the channel to something more chill but sometimes she just changed it back even though I could clearly see it made her upset. 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 9 hours ago, DawnM said: So tonight I was there for a little while and he said that he has to make a decision about Roe V Wade because even though they are giving him good care at the hospital, he is sure they are going to try to give him an abortion. 😂 While the whole situation is of course so sad it is good you can laugh. My mom died of a brain tumor and it was so stressful. My sister and I would be in the hospital and my mom would say something ridiculous and we would laugh so hard about it. I know people thought it was awful but it really cut the tension and it was funny. It didn’t make the situation any less tragic. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 44 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said: While the whole situation is of course so sad it is good you can laugh. My mom died of a brain tumor and it was so stressful. My sister and I would be in the hospital and my mom would say something ridiculous and we would laugh so hard about it. I know people thought it was awful but it really cut the tension and it was funny. It didn’t make the situation any less tragic. I agree laughing is often good in these situations. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 How is your dad feeling today, Dawn? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 4, 2022 Author Share Posted July 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Catwoman said: How is your dad feeling today, Dawn? I haven't heard yet. I will go visit later. I am actually going to ask his caregiver to go sit with him tomorrow since I have to work. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 Just bumping the thread to see how your dad is feeling, Dawn! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 5, 2022 Author Share Posted July 5, 2022 He is better. Caregiver won't go see him until he tests negative, so that plan is out. 4 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 How's your dad, Dawn? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 8 hours ago, Harriet Vane said: How's your dad, Dawn? He is ok. He is very confused and I am glad they are seeing that in the hospital since the doctor initially said he passes the dementia test. 🙄 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 2 hours ago, DawnM said: He is ok. He is very confused and I am glad they are seeing that in the hospital since the doctor initially said he passes the dementia test. 🙄 He likely has hospital-induced delirium. They wake you up at all hours and you can’t tell what day or time it is so your brain gets really scrambled. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 17 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said: He likely has hospital-induced delirium. They wake you up at all hours and you can’t tell what day or time it is so your brain gets really scrambled. Well, then he has hospital induced delirium at home all the time! 🤣 4 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 hour ago, DawnM said: Well, then he has hospital induced delirium at home all the time! 🤣 The doctor's diagnostic tools are appalling. Not just your doctor--MOST doctors. Both my in-laws and both my grandmothers passed dementia tests when they were struggling badly. Set up a neuropsych assessment asap and hold your ground. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 hour ago, DawnM said: Well, then he has hospital induced delirium at home all the time! 🤣 My dad has fallen 3 times this week. Once because something wasn't in place that should have been, and twice he was eased to the floor by the caregiver (so not a hard fall). He is now sick also. I set up a telemed visit and he was yelling that he hasn't been to a doctor in 2 years (he has been to a zillion appts in the past 2 years. I know as I have taken him to them all). He also yelled that it was the first of the month and he needs to pay his rent. He hasn't paid his rent since he moved in. It is auto pay from his checking account. He never asks about paying bills. He asked if his checkbook was at his apartment and I said no, it was at my home. He yelled he is a victim 😐. It is what it is 😋. He said I don't want to get kicked out of here and have to live with you. I told him that wasn't a worry -- LOL!!!! The feeling is mutual, but I didn't say that! It think they have better days than others. I'm glad they are seeing this side of him though. Do not let them try and have you bring him home. So many experiences on here of people who did that and it wasn't good. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 minute ago, mlktwins said: My dad has fallen 3 times this week. Once because something wasn't in place that should have been, and twice he was eased to the floor by the caregiver (so not a hard fall). He is now sick also. I set up a telemed visit and he was yelling that he hasn't been to a doctor in 2 years (he has been to a zillion appts in the past 2 years. I know as I have taken him to them all). He also yelled that it was the first of the month and he needs to pay his rent. He hasn't paid his rent since he moved in. It is auto pay from his checking account. He never asks about paying bills. He asked if his checkbook was at his apartment and I said no, it was at my home. He yelled he is a victim 😐. It is what it is 😋. He said I don't want to get kicked out of here and have to live with you. I told him that wasn't a worry -- LOL!!!! The feeling is mutual, but I didn't say that! It think they have better days than others. I'm glad they are seeing this side of him though. Do not let them try and have you bring him home. So many experiences on here of people who did that and it wasn't good. I am sorry. They can't get me to bring him home, we simply cannot care for him anymore. I have 5 facilities with beds available who have called me, but he was approved for the 28 day stay in the rehab facility, and that should start on the 11th. I am waiting to hear. They also said moving him from rehab to a nursing home is easier than moving him from our home to a nursing home, I am not sure why. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 2 hours ago, DawnM said: I am sorry. They can't get me to bring him home, we simply cannot care for him anymore. I have 5 facilities with beds available who have called me, but he was approved for the 28 day stay in the rehab facility, and that should start on the 11th. I am waiting to hear. They also said moving him from rehab to a nursing home is easier than moving him from our home to a nursing home, I am not sure why. He has really blessed you by being such a saver. I’m relieved for you. FIL has just enough money to not qualify for Medicaid but not enough to move into any sort of facility. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 34 minutes ago, sassenach said: He has really blessed you by being such a saver. I’m relieved for you. FIL has just enough money to not qualify for Medicaid but not enough to move into any sort of facility. That is so hard! To make an already stressful situation/decision (needing to move him) and then to have to deal with monetary issues as well 😞! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 Today he asked me to tell the nurse to talk to the doctor and find out when they plan to discharge him and said he doesn't need to be there anymore so he would like to just come home. Sigh. He has no idea. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 8 minutes ago, DawnM said: Today he asked me to tell the nurse to talk to the doctor and find out when they plan to discharge him and said he doesn't need to be there anymore so he would like to just come home. Sigh. He has no idea. What did you tell him? I don’t even know what I’d say. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 6 hours ago, DawnM said: They also said moving him from rehab to a nursing home is easier than moving him from our home to a nursing home, I am not sure why. Because the wheels are already in motion. The doctors and social workers told us this all along - that with unwilling elders you often have to wait for a crisis moment and once they fall (or whatever) and have to have a hospital stay, it’s infinitely easier to facilitate that move to SNF. I’m not sure about the specifics, but somehow it trips the trigger with Medicare/insurance companies. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 hour ago, freesia said: What did you tell him? I don’t even know what I’d say. The doctor needs to be the one to tell him that it is no longer safe for him to not have immediate professional medical care available, so he can’t live at home any more. That has to be at least the first wave of breaking the news and then Dawn can use that in her conversations with dad, always bringing the conversation back to “the doctor said…”. Still won’t make it easy, but it will hopefully make it easiER. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 hour ago, freesia said: What did you tell him? I don’t even know what I’d say. I told him that we need to see what they say but that they would like him to get stronger and it might take a little while for him to get his strength back. (like forever!) 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 19 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said: The doctor needs to be the one to tell him that it is no longer safe for him to not have immediate professional medical care available, so he can’t live at home any more. That has to be at least the first wave of breaking the news and then Dawn can use that in her conversations with dad, always bringing the conversation back to “the doctor said…”. Still won’t make it easy, but it will hopefully make it easiER. Agreeing. And yes, moving from rehab to SNF is an easier move than going straight to SNF from home. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 The nurses yesterday and today said they definitely recommend a nursing home. They said he is not able to walk or go to the bathroom himself. Toileting was our line in the sand, we don't do toileting, but esp if they can't get up and walk by themselves to the bathroom. It makes me feel better to have medical professionals agree, but it still is hard. 2 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 15 minutes ago, DawnM said: The nurses yesterday and today said they definitely recommend a nursing home. They said he is not able to walk or go to the bathroom himself. Toileting was our line in the sand, we don't do toileting, but esp if they can't get up and walk by themselves to the bathroom. It makes me feel better to have medical professionals agree, but it still is hard. (((Hugs))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 2 hours ago, DawnM said: The nurses yesterday and today said they definitely recommend a nursing home. They said he is not able to walk or go to the bathroom himself. Toileting was our line in the sand, we don't do toileting, but esp if they can't get up and walk by themselves to the bathroom. It makes me feel better to have medical professionals agree, but it still is hard. No matter how clearly you see this time coming, it’s always rather gut-hitting when it arrives. Bless you, Dawn. You have done well and right by your dad. It’s just time for the next stage. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 Warm hugs, Dawn. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 I'm so sorry you have to make such difficult decisions, Dawn. I keep thinking of you going to all that trouble to make his apartment in your house just perfect for him, and how you agonized over the decisions, so everything would be just right. 😞 11 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 8, 2022 Share Posted July 8, 2022 27 minutes ago, Catwoman said: I'm so sorry you have to make such difficult decisions, Dawn. I keep thinking of you going to all that trouble to make his apartment in your house just perfect for him, and how you agonized over the decisions, so everything would be just right. 😞 This is exactly what I keep thinking about. ❤️ @DawnMyou have been wonderful to your dad and I'm sorry about everything. He is lucky to have you. 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 On 7/3/2022 at 10:06 PM, Ottakee said: Can you have them turn off the TV in his room or tune it only to an oldies channel? My grandmother had that. She would hear parts of things on TV news and they would become her reality. donyou have POA? Whatever the channel with old shows like Leave it to Beaver and such playing all the time might be good. Maybe even some tape over the buttons to change the channel, or over the sensor on the tv... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 On 7/3/2022 at 10:15 PM, DawnM said: I have POA and can change the channel, but he seems to change it back. I wonder if someone could program the remote to limited channels. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 2 hours ago, kbutton said: I wonder if someone could program the remote to limited channels. Usually not in a hospital, they have all of that blocked so every new patient can access everything. But when he's in a nursing home with his own tv she will be able to program that to only show the good channels. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 7 hours ago, Catwoman said: I'm so sorry you have to make such difficult decisions, Dawn. I keep thinking of you going to all that trouble to make his apartment in your house just perfect for him, and how you agonized over the decisions, so everything would be just right. 😞 Y3s, exactly. I have been thinking about this too 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 12, 2022 Author Share Posted July 12, 2022 UPDATE: He has been moved to Rehab and given 20 days covered through medicare. Our first choice nursing home is not only full but they have 2 residents in independent care who need to move over and are waiting. Our 2nd choice is also full. On to the 3rd choice location. It looks like it will work out, but it is more expensive. UGH. 1 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 43 minutes ago, DawnM said: UPDATE: He has been moved to Rehab and given 20 days covered through medicare. Our first choice nursing home is not only full but they have 2 residents in independent care who need to move over and are waiting. Our 2nd choice is also full. On to the 3rd choice location. It looks like it will work out, but it is more expensive. UGH. A lot can change in 20 days, esp in a nursing home situation. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 24 minutes ago, Ottakee said: A lot can change in 20 days, esp in a nursing home situation. Just what I was thinking. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 42 minutes ago, Ottakee said: A lot can change in 20 days, esp in a nursing home situation. Yes. See if he can go on the waiting lists at your preferred locations anyway. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 12, 2022 Author Share Posted July 12, 2022 A lot can change in 20 days but I think we need to make some decisions before the 20 days is up. I went to see him today and he is bad, bad, bad. Labored breathing, can't formulate a sentence, keeps taking his clothes off, and he asked me to contact his dead brother David. I am not even sure he will make it out of rehab. I have been in tears, it is so hard to watch. So very hard. 49 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 I'm so sorry, Dawn. You are doing an amazing job. It is so hard to watch the decline. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 8 minutes ago, DawnM said: A lot can change in 20 days but I think we need to make some decisions before the 20 days is up. I went to see him today and he is bad, bad, bad. Labored breathing, can't formulate a sentence, keeps taking his clothes off, and he asked me to contact his dead brother David. I am not even sure he will make it out of rehab. I have been in tears, it is so hard to watch. So very hard. Oh Dawn, I am so, so sorry... Huge hugs coming your way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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