How did you know you were done having babies?

[Momof4sweetkids]

I am really curious about this and it's generally not appropriate to ask others since they may not have had control over the decision. We have 4, I always thought that was our number but now I'm not sure. I would love to foster again but I doubt we could get our property approved for various reasons.

Did your family feel "complete"? Did you feel at your capacity? 

[Melissa Louise]

Literally a minute after ds was born, the switch went off in my head. 

I had about as much control over that as I did when the switch went on, back when I was 21. 

On. Off.

Idk. It just happened. 

[Katy]

I'm at capacity because I feel overwhelmed too often. And I'm beginning to want to focus on things other than motherhood.  My youngest just started kindergarten at a public school so I just got a break. Maybe after some rest I'll want to foster again too. But I doubt it.

[Ali in OR]

We got to 3.

Our oldest is severely disabled. We have higher than average risk for other kids with birth defects (but not drastically higher). And that oldest is a lot of work still--three was good.

[maize]

I'm 45, my 7th child was born when I was 39.

I've never felt done having kids.

I've had several miscarriages since my youngest was born and, at my age, recognize that it is very unlikely I will have any more children. I feel mostly OK about that, but...if another baby happened along I would be delighted.

Most likely I'll just have to wait for grandchildren to cuddle.

[bookbard]

Never. But my husband definitely would not have said yes to more than 2. And we were older parents so intellectually I knew we'd better stop. But yes I still dream at night that I'm pregnant etc, and I'm almost 50. I am just one of those people who loves babies. Probably lucky we didn't have more than 2 though as our two are very high needs. 

[maize]

I always hoped I would get that feeling of being done, or the sense of my family being complete, that many women describe. After my 5th child was born I wanted to feel done--it had been a hard pregnancy and difficult birth,  and there were a lot of stressors in my life. 

Instead of feeling done though, I remember lying there in the hospital bed after the birth and having a distinct impression that there were more children for me--plural! I knew then that I would have a least 7.

[freesia]

9 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Literally a minute after ds was born, the switch went off in my head. 

I had about as much control over that as I did when the switch went on, back when I was 21. 

On. Off.

Idk. It just happened. 

Yes, this. I just knew I was done. I didn’t expect it bc I thought I’d want 5-6. But after 4, I was done. 

[bolt.]

It was pretty easy for me. I wanted two, we had two. We pursued permanent birth control.

I have second-guessed it from time to time, but I think that's normal.

I had a very late period one time, and I calculated and scenario-cast what it would be like to have three kids from that date. I was definitely relieved when it turned out to be nothing, but I wasn't deeply opposed to a three-kid life if was already in the oven (if you know what I mean).

I've had second thoughts from time to time since then -- but always the decision seems right. I had re-thinks, but not regrets. I'm someone who struggled to do well with the kids I have. I *did* do (reasonably) well, but it was hard as nails. Another one in the mix might have really thrown me over the edge. It was the right call.

Even so, like, last week, I had a weird dream that I was on vacation with my in-dream-adult kids and missed the fun of little kids, and decided (in dream) with DH to have a couple more and do it all over again. I woke up feeling pretty stupid. I'm over the age where that's reasonable reproductively, and I'd sure struggle to cope with little ones at my current level of energy, health, and mental health... and, honestly, I'm really happy to be moving on to my next phase. I think my brain was just double checking!

[Forget-Me-Not]

I have 4. We decided to have a 5th and got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage at ten weeks, and after I recovered I was just . . . done. I couldn’t fathom doing it again. Any tug for more kids was gone. 
 

There are days I wish we’d had the fifth after all. It would have made for a nice age playmate to our current youngest. But then I look back at that time, and I remember how very, very done I was. And truthfully 4 was a good number in a lot of ways, and our youngest is a little ball of sunshine and a very sweet note to the end of our baby days. 

Edited August 29, 2023 by Forget-Me-Not

[Kidlit]

Age, mostly.  Our youngest completed the matching sets of girls/boys in our family, so that felt like completion, too.

[kbutton]

Ours were high needs in one way or another. Even the easygoing baby had many issues with feeding and sleeping and later more came to light. When it became clear that our two were so much work, I was okay with being done. DH was okay with being done before I was. 2e kids are exhausting, and one has health issues to boot.

DH has a weird schedule, and he’s not always been able to work without a commute on top. That doesn’t help.

[Ausmumof3]

I wasn’t really.

DH wanted two and I wanted more. After three he took permanent precautions. I’m not devastated and we were kind of overwhelmed and not in a good place marriage-wise at the time but I was really upset at the time (but tried to be supportive for him, even though it wasn’t what I wanted.)

It would be very tough financially with more kids. I still have what ifs though. 

[Wheres Toto]

I had one child with my first husband.  When dh and I were talking about getting married, we talked about having kids.  He didn't have any children at that time but wanted them.  I told him I was willing to have more kids but I wanted at least two (so not another "only", she's 11 years older than my next) and to be done by the time I was 40 (I was 35 when we got married).    We had ds and he was the worst sleeping baby ever.  Dh actually asked why anyone would ever do that twice, LOL.   As he got older, he slept better and things got easier (mostly, he's ASD, SPD, and gifted so easy is relative) and we decided to go ahead for another.   Dd was born a week before my 38th birthday and was a scheduled c-section so I had my tubes tied at the same time.   

I've never felt like I wanted more.  

[kokotg]

I really, really wanted a 4th and got him (7 years after my 3rd; DH took awhile to be on the same page). And after that it was...fine if I didn't have more, but it would have been fine if I had, too. Like, if DH had tried to talk me into it he could have (he wouldn't have). At some point over the past couple of years I've just gradually realized that I'd be more unhappy than happy with a surprise pregnancy (I'm 48, so it would be a BIG surprise at this point, though stranger things have happened....but even putting aside concerns about age, I'd rather NOT have another kid than have one). I never had a "that's it! I'm done!" feeling, but I also never felt any serious longing for another kid after #4. 

[alysee]

I knew once my 6th was in my arms that she would be my last. My heart was full. It didnt help that this pregnancy I definitely felt more "old" even though I was only 36 when I gave birth. 

[Catwoman]

One and done! 😄

I love my ds23 with all of my heart, but I never wanted any more than one child. Fortunately, my dh and I were in agreement. 🙂 

[Ting Tang]

I never felt done until we had #4, my rainbow baby. I had our first three very close together, though he was just 26 months after the third. Now that they (and I) am older, I’m learning it gets harder and more expensive. In all honesty, I think if I’d experienced the school years before having subsequent children, I would have been done sooner.  I probably sound negative, but I made my choice to have four with my heart and not so much my brain, lol. I think others do big families much better. So for me, I just think I finally know my limits. 

Edited August 29, 2023 by Ting Tang

[LMD]

I was content with our 4 and it seemed nature was done for a long 9 years... then I had a lovely surprise 5th!

[rebcoola]

I don't feel done. We are done though DH is a decade older.  I am having a procedure sometime in the nearish future that means you shouldn't get pregnant for 2 years. I am okay with but its purely practical. I would have dozens if I could

[KidsHappen]

Two of my six children were planned. The other four were some unbelievable BC failures. I knew that the last one was probably one more than I felt that I could handle. After her I told my hubby either he got a V or had to give up s@x. So he got the V and things were good until about my early 40s (maybe 43-44) when I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to have another one. My hubby was even on board to get a reversal. We decided to wait awhile to see if the urge went away. It did and I started perimenopause shortly after that and was completely done by 49. I am so glad that things turned out the way they did, otherwise I would still have a teen at home. I figured it out recently and I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for roughly 13 years of my life. Anyhow, my first grandchild showed up not very long after that and it was great that I had the time and energy to devote to him and the ones that followed. 

[Laura Corin]

Two just felt like a number we could support, emotionally and financially. 

[Tap]

I was fine with one, but ds begged for a little sister. We agreed and then were done. Never even talked about a 3rd. We unexpectedly ended up with 3 but it wasn't on purpose and had we known we were setting ourselves up for a 3rd permanently, we would have never gotten involved. (DD16 is my great-niece who we were supposed to have for a few months).

 

I come from a big family and didn't want to raise a big one myself. I am the baby of 9, and saw the hardships multiple kids have on parent's lives. I didn't want that path. Then I got dd16 at 5mth old, and she is the work of 10, so go figure. I still ended up with tons of work, it is just all wrapped around one child LOL

Ds28 told me the other day he wishes we had more bio-kids.  He adores dd24 so much, that he wishes he had more siblings. (Melted my mama heart)

[TravelingChris]

I had three,.  Between the first and the second,  It took longer than expected to get pregnant so there  was a 4.3 year difference in ages.  I had wanted closer to three but it was fine.  Then by the time we decided to have our third---and really we originally planned for four, I got pregnant right way and was super happy cause my RA disappeared.  However, I was now a high-risk patient and she was my smallest baby and got sick almost right away.    My RA came back and much worse, along wi the other autoimmune diseases I had.  I had to do things like roll her around the house in a stroller, get ds to pick her up, etc until my hydrochloquine started working. My dh was around some of the time but also gone a lot since he was in the AIr Force and had lots of trips, etc.  

Then we moved to NM, and he was gone even more of the time, and I had 3 gifted special needs kids.  Plus, I just kept getting more diagnoses, and dd3 had so many medical issues, including an early start to her autoimmune journey.   We basically didn't talk about it but never tried for more.  We had previously had a van that really, really caused me muscle spasms after dd2 was born, so we switched to a Volvo station wagon instead.  That was basically a five-person car.  

In his mid 40's, dh got a V because I was going on a medication where they wanted extremely reliable BP.  (Though for us, condoms were extremely reliable)).  

No, I have not regretted it.  We have had some very, very tough times with all three kids due to their special needs (both mental and physical).  I know my health has suffered through that.  I also know that it was very hard for me to finish homeschooling my youngest, and I don't see how I would have been able to finish a fourth.

[lovinmyboys]

We have four and it took me until this year (41 with youngest 11yr) until I really felt done. I have always known we were done at 4, but would have been happy with a surprise. It has just been in the last few months that I for sure feel very done.

For me it was about the logistics. If we have a 3 bedroom house, we can have two per room. It gets trickier to add a third. We all fit mostly comfortably in a 7 person vehicle. Having 3 kids in orthodontics is expensive. We wanted them to be able to do some extracurriculars. I know people with more than 4 kids who make all of that work great, but for us 4 was what we can logistically handle. And they have gotten more expensive as they got older- I don’t think I realized that when I was having the babies.

[Ginevra]

I didn’t have that feeling until the hormones went away. It was very abrupt. I kept knowing friends who had a surprise caboose baby past 40 and, until I was around 43, I kept wishing that would happen to me. Then, a good friend told me she was pg with a caboose baby and, for the first time ever, I thought, “Wow, I’m glad that isn’t me!” (I did not *say* this to her, but I thought it.) 

After that day when biology turned the switch off, I never spent another minute wishing I had more kids. Quite the opposite; I’m glad I did not get my wish because I’m really, really glad I don’t have, say, an 8yo kid now. 

[Pawz4me]

We're both INTJs, so our decisions are driven much more by logic and facts than by emotion. Being able to provide a secure, stable (financially and emotionally) home and especially being able to pay for their college was important to us. That didn't seem do-able for more than two.

[Elizabeth86]

Idk. I thought I was done for a minute after #4, but y’all know how that worked out. I was hoping I’d feel done after #5, but I felt so annoyed when my ob asked me about birth control. I have been thinking my new baby needs a close in age sibling since the day he was born. I definitely want another, but my age, health (overweight and high bp in my last pregnancy and ICP in the one before that) and the fact I’ve had a csection with #4 makes me really dread pregnancy again. I’d love just 1 more before I’m 40. I really want the decision to be made for me to be done (menopause) because I know I would instantly regret either of us being sterilized. It just feels so incomplete to have a little one and him.l not having a buddy. 
 

ETA I guess it’s a good thing I have miserable pregnancies because if not, no telling how many babies I would have because my babies have all been so wonderful. I’ve never had a fussy baby or anything. I enjoy the new baby days so much. I get such a rush of happy emotions. It’s almost like the complete opposite of ppd. I feel almost high. So… there’s that. lol Whatever the combination of hormones I have at that time, I wish it would never end. lol

ETA again: I’ve never had a loss or have something majorly wrong with my babies and my horrible anxiety sometimes tells me I should stop before my luck runs out. It would be the end of me if something bad were to happen. Also, I had such a hard time dealing with the emotions from having a csection. I had a vbac with #5 and I’d like to end on a positive note with all that, but the thought of never doing the new baby thing again…

And again. It doesn’t help at all that I’m in a super easy phase. The big kids are so helpful. When the big kids were new, 2.5, 5 and 6,I was so tired, but they are almost 12, 10, almost 8 and 5 and the baby. It’s so much easier than it used to be.

Edited August 29, 2023 by Elizabeth86

[JustEm]

Hmmm. Well I thought I felt done after #5 because my body was exhausted after so many C-sections and I was ready to get it back into tip top shape and give it a long overdo rest. I told everyone we were done.

Then I got pregnant with #6 before we took care of things permanently. And that felt really right but was mixed with a bit of panic. But man, I can't imagine life without that sweet girl. I did have my tubes tied when she was born. But I wouldn't be devastated if it failed and we had a 7th. I'm happy either way

[MercyA]

I had a miscarriage a few years after I had DD. It reminded DH that, yes, in spite of my many years of infertility, I could still conceive. After the miscarriage he said no more. 😞 

Don't quote please.

[DawnM]

I don't know.   I said I was done after 3.   And I was.   Until #4.   But I would not have chosen to have a child this late in life.   The child came to me.   And I would step up again if asked.   Although I would hesitate at an infant.   I am in my mid 50s.   I just wouldn't think it fair to the child, however, some children that can be better than the alternative.

I have 4 boys.   Two bio and two adopted.   

[Carrie12345]

Resources.

 We had 2 girls and 3 boys (boys with a big age gap) in 2 very small bedrooms in a very small house with no escaping clutter and noise. Don’t get me wrong, we had some incredible times in the chaos! But we couldn’t fit any more chaos, physically, financially, or mentally!!! And we didn’t know if or when that might change.    
As someone who defied hormonal bc, we went permanent for security.

It worked out. By the time we did have more resources, we were tired.

[Kidlit]

7 hours ago, Ting Tang said:

I never felt done until we had #4, my rainbow baby. I had our first three very close together, though he was just 26 months after the third. Now that they (and I) am older, I’m learning it gets harder and more expensive. In all honesty, I think if I’d experienced the school years before having subsequent children, I would have been done sooner.  I probably sound negative, but I made my choice to have four with my heart and not so much my brain, lol. I think others do big families much better. So for me, I just think I finally know my limits. 

Excepting the rainbow baby part, I could've written this.  The part that has made ours doable is a 4.5 year gap between the first two and the last two.   I will be old when the baby graduates, but I'm thankful for the gap.

[Melanie32]

I didn’t feel done until I hit my early 40’s. My husband was done after #2 and he had a vasectomy but I would have had more. I love babies! I love children! I love homeschooling! I always longed for more babies until I hit my early 40’s and finally started thinking I might be a little stressed out if i were to become pregnant. Now I can’t even begin to imagine having a baby although I still have friends older than me who have conceived. 
 

 

[elegantlion]

Also one and done. I hated being pregnant I was miserable for most of the time. I had a previous surgery that created scar tissue and put me into early labor (3 1/2 weeks). I ended up having a fully open abdominal c-section to remove a healthy son & scar tissue. When my doctor suggested I not give birth to more children, I was relieved. Ex-dh was okay with that. 

On an emotional level, I never wanted more. On a practical level, one was enough as our finances were tight and ex-dh often had issues that were like having a second child. /sigh/. 

[ScoutTN]

Almost didn’t get to have any at all. Married late, 36. Difficulty getting pg. Dd was born when I was 39, Ds when I was 41. When I weaned Ds my body just quit. Menopause instantly. Ugh. 
 

I wanted 3 or 4 and wanted to have them when I was much younger. But dreams often do not come true. I am happy to have 2 healthy children. Ds is super challenging to parent and idk if we could handle more kids right now. But I still wish we had a larger family.

Edited August 29, 2023 by ScoutTN

[Heartstrings]

I knew we were done after #3, but I don’t think I was at peace with that until recently and she’s 8.  It wasn’t a feeling as much as it was a decision.  Our kids have big age gaps, money only goes so far, my 3rd pregnancy was hard.  We decided we were done.  My husband has never had a second thought about it.   I don’t regret it, although I often wish there had been more.  
At this point I know I’m done because I don’t like little kids anymore.  I might like a baby, but I no longer wish to raise more children.  Chasing toddlers at the park, entertaining them at a restaurant, potty training, enriching preschoolers, dealing with the crying.   Not interested.   
 

 

[mommyoffive]

5 hours ago, lovinmyboys said:

We have four and it took me until this year (41 with youngest 11yr) until I really felt done. I have always known we were done at 4, but would have been happy with a surprise. It has just been in the last few months that I for sure feel very done.

For me it was about the logistics. If we have a 3 bedroom house, we can have two per room. It gets trickier to add a third. We all fit mostly comfortably in a 7 person vehicle. Having 3 kids in orthodontics is expensive. We wanted them to be able to do some extracurriculars. I know people with more than 4 kids who make all of that work great, but for us 4 was what we can logistically handle. And they have gotten more expensive as they got older- I don’t think I realized that when I was having the babies.

A lot of this was the same for me.  We have 5 and at the time I normally had another kid our life was just exhausting and I couldn't imagine more at that point.  There are times now that I regret that and wish that I had more.  But it isn't because I feel like someone is missing in our family, it is because I get really sad as the kids get older and i just wish my kids were younger.  I look at babies now and sort of wish I had one, but then think of how exhausting that was.  

I had really hard pregnancies and the thought of doing that to my kids yet again.  They were really into an activity that was very expensive, time consuming and far from our house.  Our house was pretty maxed out for space.  We squish into an 8 person minivan.  We are starting our 4th in Invisalign and one kid will need yet another round.  On every level it just made sense. 

But I still wish I had another.

[Ting Tang]

1 hour ago, Kidlit said:

Excepting the rainbow baby part, I could've written this.  The part that has made ours doable is a 4.5 year gap between the first two and the last two.   I will be old when the baby graduates, but I'm thankful for the gap.

I read comments here and elsewhere about loving homeschooling, and honestly, it really stresses me out.  I wish I could enjoy it.  But I worry about stupid Covid, which my husband and I differ on, and I know our school is bad, so here I am.  I think I would love it if there were not four of them of differing abilities, despite a close age.  And the fighting.  I feel like I did something wrong, ugh! 

Edited August 29, 2023 by Ting Tang

[Kassia]

I had a lot of trouble conceiving (years of infertility treatments) and tried everything unsuccessfully for #4.  I was very sad for a while and then as the kids got older, our family felt complete and I was content.  I knew we were done when we were at a family party for a first birthday and I watched that baby and thought, "boy am I glad those days are over."

And then I conceived our #4 naturally just a few weeks after that.  Life is funny sometimes.  

 

 

[mommyoffive]

10 minutes ago, Kassia said:

I had a lot of trouble conceiving (years of infertility treatments) and tried everything unsuccessfully for #4.  I was very sad for a while and then as the kids got older, our family felt complete and I was content.  I knew we were done when we were at a family party for a first birthday and I watched that baby and thought, "boy am I glad those days are over."

And then I conceived our #4 naturally just a few weeks after that.  Life is funny sometimes.  

 

 

I think we tried to have #5 for a bit and then we went on a 4-week road trip with our kids, and I declared that I decided that 4 was enough.  I conceived #5 on that trip.

[barnwife]

I always said that if I had a 10 lb. baby, that'd be it. #5 was just over 10 lbs. Add in our ages, financial concerns, and that all seats in our van are now filled, and 5 is the right number for us. Also, I really, really have no desire to be pregnant again. 

[ArteHaus]

I had two babes back to back by the time I was 28. After those babies, I thought I was done. Like, for ten years thought I was done.

However, something happened at 35, and I began to absolutely crave a baby, but we decided that two was enough.

Apparently not, because we just had a third, a month ago. After he was born, I said I would never give birth again, but that was because the pain was bloody intense, not because I didn’t want another baby. I have already forgotten what it felt like, so yeah, thinking little one needs a sibling (closer to his age, his brothers are 10-12 years older). But the thought of sending four to private school (we homeschool to 6th grade) is cringy. Also, how do you guys fit all your kids in a vehicle?? We can seat 7, but I dunno. It’s cramped with 5 people. And two car seats, forget about it. So anyway-

Actually, this last pregnancy (I am 38), was absolutely amazing, and the whole time I kept thinking that I would have to do this again. Honestly, I was filled with regret that I didn’t have more children when I was younger. Now, time is ticking-

So, I don’t know when you feel “done”. I did, but now I don’t. 

Besides, having children this late in the game makes one ponder mortality way too much. I will be almost 60 when my youngest is twenty. Life goes by too fast. 

 

 

[Kassia]

32 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

I think we tried to have #5 for a bit and then we went on a 4-week road trip with our kids, and I declared that I decided that 4 was enough.  I conceived #5 on that trip.

that's impressive on a road trip with 4 kids!  😛

[mommyoffive]

5 minutes ago, ArteHaus said:

I had two babes back to back by the time I was 28. After those babies, I thought I was done. Like, for ten years thought I was done.

However, something happened at 35, and I began to absolutely crave a baby, but we decided that two was enough.

Apparently not, because we just had a third, a month ago. After he was born, I said I would never give birth again, but that was because the pain was bloody intense, not because I didn’t want another baby. I have already forgotten what it felt like, so yeah, thinking little one needs a sibling (closer to his age, his brothers are 10-12 years older). But the thought of sending four to private school (we homeschool to 6th grade) is cringy. Also, how do you guys fit all your kids in a vehicle?? We can seat 7, but I dunno. It’s cramped with 5 people. And two car seats, forget about it. So anyway-

Actually, this last pregnancy (I am 38), was absolutely amazing, and the whole time I kept thinking that I would have to do this again. Honestly, I was filled with regret that I didn’t have more children when I was younger. Now, time is ticking-

So, I don’t know when you feel “done”. I did, but now I don’t. 

Besides, having children this late in the game makes one ponder mortality way too much. I will be almost 60 when my youngest is twenty. Life goes by too fast. 

 

 

When we had 4 kids, we were in a 7-passenger minivan.  All 4 in carseats.

When we went to 5 kids, we were on the fence of an 8-passenger minivan or 10 or 12 passenger van.  The bigger van wouldn't fit in our garage and that is what stopped us at that point.  I wish we had the bigger van for space in the car.  However, my kids got into an activity that is really far from our house, and that would have made it cost even more to get there.  When we had 5 in the 8-passenger minivan all 5 were in carseats.  It is just as squishy now with 3 of my kids adult sized and the 4th almost at the point.  

[Faith-manor]

Our last was a surprise. We had only planned on three. I nearly died in that pregnancy, and the doctor told Mark, I would not survive another. I was 32 so lots of years left for another oops pregnancy, and the fourth was a failure of two forms of birth control used simultaneously. So he decided to get a vasectomy. 

That was that. I was just fine with it and have never longed for more. But maybe part of that was also that I had a strong desire to live to see my children grow up.

[Condessa]

I had four in 5 years with hypertension problems starting earlier and worse with each pregnancy, so that #4 was induced as soon as I reached 37 weeks and then had all kinds of premie-like problems for the first few years of his life.  My midwife said that if I had another, the baby would be born premature to prevent me having a stroke, and that was it.  

But I had vivid dreams of more children, especially another little boy, and would wake up crying because I missed someone who wasn’t there so much.  I was constantly looking for someone who was missing when all four kids were there, when I called them for dinner or we were crossing the street or anywhere.

Almost 7 years after #4 was born, we were in crisis mode dealing with ds’s cancer diagnosis when I found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby.  At the time it felt like some kind of sick joke, but #5 has brought so much light and joy and healing back into our lives.  And the pregnancy went much better than expected after my prior midwife’s dire warnings.  We made it to 37 weeks 5 days before having to be induced.  Ds spent one day in NICU but had no further issues.  I was treated for preeclampsia in the hospital after he was born.  And I thought that was it.  
 

But again I had vivid dreams about a baby girl (or sometimes two baby girls) and I worried about #5 missing out on the close sibling buddy relationships that my other kids have and that he would be a lonely kid when all his siblings left home.  After consulting with the OBGYN and being reassured that I could have a healthy pregnancy with precautions, and after taking some time to improve my health, we decided to go for one more.  I am 8 weeks pregnant now and sick as a dog, and I am quite sure this is the last pregnancy.  (I was hoping for a two-for-one, but I had an ultrasound yesterday and it is not twins).

Edited August 29, 2023 by Condessa

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, Condessa said:

I had four in 5 years with hypertension problems starting earlier and worse with each pregnancy, so that #4 was induced as soon as I reached 37 weeks and then had all kinds of premie-like problems for the first few years of his life.  My midwife said that if I had another, the baby would be born premature to prevent me having a stroke, and that was it.  

But I had vivid dreams of more children, especially another little boy, and would wake up crying because I missed someone who wasn’t there so much.  I was constantly looking for someone who was missing when all four kids were there, when I called them for dinner or we were crossing the street or anywhere.

Almost 7 years after #4 was born, we were in crisis mode dealing with ds’s cancer diagnosis when I found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby.  At the time it felt like some kind of sick joke, but #5 has brought so much light and joy and healing back into our lives.  And the pregnancy went much better than expected after my prior midwife’s dire warnings.  We made it to 37 weeks 5 days before having to be induced.  Ds spent one day in NICU but had no further issues.  I was treated for preeclampsia in the hospital after he was born.  And I thought that was it.  
 

But again I had vivid dreams about a baby girl (or sometimes two baby girls) and I worried about #5 missing out on the close sibling buddy relationships that my other kids have and that he would be a lonely kid when all his siblings left home.  After consulting with the OBGYN and being reassured that I could have a healthy pregnancy with precautions, and after taking some time to improve my health, we decided to go for one more.  I am 8 weeks pregnant now and sick as a dog, and I am quite sure this is the last pregnancy.  (I was hoping for a two-for-one, but I had an ultrasound yesterday and it is not twins).

Congrats!!!!!  So happy for you.  I hope you feel better soon.

[stephanier.1765]

Like others have said, a switch switched. I had scheduled a tubal to happen directly after the birth of my 3rd child. He ended being born prematurely and in fragile health so my doctor advised not having a tubal right then. Even though I had scheduled the surgery, when he said those words the switch switched so hard that I argued adamantly to go ahead with it despite the circumstances and ended up having the surgery the next day. Before that happened, even DH was trying to talk me out of it and offered to have a vasectomy instead. Still I was adamant. The "no more babies" switch had definitely switched.

[wintermom]

"The switch" did eventually turn off, but I went through a miscarriage and C&D along with tubal ligation beforehand. I was still hoping the tubal might fail for a few years. Then when my period was late, I was hoping I wasn't pregnant. That's when I was SURE the switched off. My 4 dc were in the teens by then, though. 😅