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About lovinmyboys

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    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

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  1. My ds11 started public school fifth grade this year. I think he has some learning disabilities and hopefully we will figure those out. Right now he is having trouble with the amount of writing that is required. He writes slowly. Is there anything I can do to help him? Kind of like reading fluency, but for writing?
  2. Thanks. This has given me lots to think about. I think I will have to say something to my dad. The ds my dad made the chubby comments to is very easy going, so I don’t think it bothered him, but it is still rude and I don’t want him to be self conscious. I think he is just going through a chubby stage right now, so I haven’t been worried about it. My ds who had problems with my dad is not as easy going. I don’t think he has any diagnosis, but I do think his personality and environment aren’t always a good match. I think he would love to have a slow paced routine where most things stay the same. That isn’t really the life we lead, so I try to give him a lot of grace about not doing optional things. He is also an introvert, and my dad as an extrovert just doesn’t understand that ds is not trying to offend him if he doesn’t want to do something-he just needs downtime. This ds is elementary age, so still pretty young. I have been surprised about how my dad is. Looking back, some of it shouldn’t be surprising. I haven’t lived near him since I went away to college, so I forget some things about him. Also, I think he has gotten older and maybe more set in his ways.
  3. I should have made this my main question, maybe. I, of course, think ds should do what he is told in lots of things-put your dishes away, shut the door, take your shoes off, play quieter, etc. The problem is my dad will decide he wants to take the kids on a bike ride, then expect ds to just stop what he is doing and go. That is totally fine for my other kids-they have no problem with it. Ds is just not good with stuff like that. He HATES being told what to do. I don’t know how to explain it very well. If I decide we are going on a family bike ride, I tell him in advance so he can prepare and he usually does fine. And, I don’t make too many demands like that in a day. Honestly, other than what has to be done, I try not to make him do more than a couple of other things (even fun things). My dad thinks he can direct his whole day, and ds can’t handle it. I would like for my dad to not “make” him do things that are really optional. But my dad just doesn’t get that at all. He would just say he is the adult and kids don’t get a say. When I have tried to talk to him about it, he basically makes it all about ds misbehaving without acknowledging his role in it. I get it. It seems ridiculous that ds wouldn’t want to go on a bike ride (or whatever), but I really don’t want to fight him about things that are supposed to be fun. And ds shouldn’t be rude about it, but I think he doesn’t know how to handle it because my dad won’t take no for an answer. What I would like is for him to be able to say “no thank you grandpa” and that be acceptable.
  4. And I need help handling my dad. He is a mostly a great guy/dad/grandpa, but occasionally he does things I don’t like and I don’t know how to handle it. The three main things are: saying things I consider racist (although of course he doesn’t think they are), commenting on a ds’s chubbiness, and being very impatient with my ds who is (how to describe him?) not a people pleaser. We have always had a good relationship, but now I am starting to wonder if it is because he has been a plane ride away for my parenting years. I really can’t emphasize enough all the good things he has done. So, what do I do when he makes comments to my ds that he is getting chubby or says “look at that belly.” Or says things to my kids about people from the “inner city” or “illegal aliens?” So that is one issue-do I say something to him in front of the kids, to him in private, or do I just do damage control when we leave? The other thing is that I don’t like how he snaps at one ds. He is from the generation that expects kids to just do what adults say without questioning it. This particular ds is not built that way and he gets snapped at quite a bit. I never know how to handle it because I don’t have the same expectations of him that my dad has, but then my dad wants me to get on to him when he doesn’t do what my dad tells him to. Ugh, I love my family, but I am sort of missing the distance. OTOH, my kids are getting great experiences being near family.
  5. I don’t know what the age cutoff is, but I was told with ds10 that it is very common for kids to have swollen lymph nodes and is not something to worry about. In adults it is more worrisome. This is anecdotal and I am not a medical professional, but the kids I have known with leukemia were very sick before they were diagnosed. If she isn’t sick, I wouldn’t take her in, but of course if you are concerned it wouldn’t hurt.
  6. I have mixed feelings about this. We just moved to a new city and bought our dream house and I love it so much. I’m so glad we have it, because so far I am not loving this city (only been a month). But, we did pay more for it than I ideally wanted. As the kids get older, things are more expensive. I hope we did the right thing because money does seem a bit tight, which I definitely don’t love. On the other hand, this house is perfect for us.
  7. My oldest ds just turned 13 and none of my kids have ever been to overnight camp. Dh really wants to try to make it happen maybe next summer because he has really good memories of camp. I went to camp for one week during five summers, but I barely remember it. We have 4 kids and I would rather just spend my money on family trips, but now I am wondering if summer camp is a “must do” childhood experience. And if it is a high priority for you, what do you look for in a camp or do you have one to recommend? Yes, this summer isn’t even over yet and I am planning for next summer instead of planning school this year, lol.
  8. I’m following this for dh, who likes to read but doesn’t usually know what to read. I just finished The River by Peter Heller. It is a story of two guys on a canoe trip. They smell smoke and the pleasant trip they had planned becomes a race against a forest fire (and other complications). I thought it was really good. I just started Recursion by Blake Crouch and am enjoying it so far. It is an easy read which makes it feel summery to me. Dh loved Beartown, but that book is set in the cold, so I am not sure if it is right. I also read The Dry by Jane Harper. It is set in Australia in the summer, so the setting is certainly hot.
  9. Thanks everyone. I am feeling better today. I think I am just worrying about things even though it doesn’t help. My oldest (13) loves baseball so much. The last several times we moved, he was a good player so I knew he would get on a team easily. He is still a good player, but hasn’t had a growth spurt yet so he weighs about 80lbs. He just isn’t as strong as the bigger guys. He will be so upset if he doesn’t make a team. Also, I have never sent my kids to school before and my two oldest are going and I am both sad and nervous about that, even though I think it is the right decision. Hopefully we will meet some people soon and get the house unpacked-I’m sure having boxes around isn’t helping my mood. I just can’t believe how overwhelmed I am about doing all the moving tasks-finding the library, getting the car registered, finding a dentist, etc. This is our 4th move in about 8 years, so you would think I would be a pro.
  10. Also, we moved out of a rental and really thought we would get our deposit back. The landlord is charging us for paint. I don’t know the exact definition of “normal wear and tear” but we lived there for 2 years so I felt like some marks on the walls would be expected. He sent us pictures and I didn’t think the walls looked bad. We do have 4 boys so my definition of normal wear and tear may be skewed. There were no holes though. This is the same house that had a wasp infestation and my 7yr old was stung twice. We got nothing for that-not even a hope your son is ok. Now they want to charge us for spots near the light switch
  11. And not a good one. I think I will eventually like it here, but so far we don’t know anyone. My kids all went to baseball tryouts tonight and 2 of them did really well and 2 didn’t. The 2 who didn’t are the ones who like baseball more. And, one of my kids has a rash that I should probably have looked at, but I haven’t met anyone yet to get dr recommendations from. Last time we moved we had a doctor already thanks to the hive. Oh, and my two oldest are going to school this year and I am really sad about it. This is our 3rd move in the last few years. I want to say it is our last for awhile, but so far I am not loving it here. I’m trying to tell myself it takes more than a couple of days. The last 3 places we moved we met people who became friends the day we moved. So far we haven’t met anyone other than at the tryouts and everyone there was in a competitive mood.
  12. I haven’t been sick all year and then it hits when we are moving and in June! I made it through winter...ugh! I started feeling bad Sunday night and I still feel the same. Not horrible, but definitely not good. I haven’t been taking it easy, but in theory I could tomorrow and maybe that will help. I assumed I would at least feel a little better by now, which made me wonder if rest actually does help.
  13. We are moving on Sunday. I have quite a bit to do between now and then and the kids still have tons of end of year activities. However, a lot of it is optional, but Sunday and Monday I need to drive. I’m trying to decide if I should take it easy tomorrow and see if that helps, or just push through because I do have lots to do (although the world won’t stop spinning if some of it doesn’t get done). I really don’t want to drive across the country feeling this way, but I don’t know that rest will prevent it. We have movers so even if I do nothing our stuff will all get to the new house.
  14. I, too, think there needs to be a happy medium. My parents were great parents, but honestly I was really worried about my mom when I moved out. It seemed like I was almost her whole life and she took it a bit personally when I moved out. I think it is healthy for parents to enjoy the stage after their kids move out and it isn’t ridiculous to talk about it. I wish my parents would have been more positive and not just talked about how they dreaded it. Having said that, I can’t imagine telling my kids over and over that I can’t wait for them to move out-especially if it is said while annoyed with something they are doing. I think there is a big difference between “ugh, I can’t wait until you move out and I’m not tripping over your shoes by the door anymore” and “when all you kids are out of the house and happily adulting, I’m excited to have my own craft room.”
  15. Ok I am glad I asked this! Dh is supposed to meet with someone Monday to go over the info. He is under the impression that he does have to designate one person to transfer it to by the end of the month. I think it is two years, but I really don’t understand how that works? Can someone use it for two years at an expensive private school or a cheaper state school and it pays for 2 years either way? I will find out if he can transfer it to someone else later, after he designated someone now. My oldest just finished 7th grade and my youngest 1st so it does seem kind of crazy to pick one of them now.
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