Ramblings about an article someone told me about “All parents have a favorite child”

[Indigo Blue]

Someone I know (not my mom, lol) read that everyone has a favorite child. The article said “not that you don’t love them equally, it’s just that one is your ‘favorite’”. The person told me that lots of commenters down below were agreeing. 
 

They were comparing to having a favorite pet. The article also said that you are never supposed to tell your children that you have a favorite child. It’s just something you “know” to yourself. 
 

I asserted that I don’t have a favorite child. The person asserted that, according to the article, every parent does. 

Okay, so, I don’t know if it was the lived experience of my childhood which made me fiercely mindful of NOT having a favorite child when my children were being raised….. or not, but I don’t have a favorite child. Neither in the mindful, intentional sense nor in the depths of my heart sense. 
 

If you don’t feel the same as I do, it’s fine. I can understand the concept that some people “like” one child better than another, but I just don’t feel it. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t or don’t or won’t, again because of my experiences. 
 

I am perplexed by the idea that EVERY parent has a favorite child. I don’t think the article was implying favorite as in the context of a golden child/scapegoat setting. That’s a completely different thing. But it was still weirdly triggering. 
 

I think both my sons are decent human beings with their own personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. They were each very different as children. I respect them, then and now, just for who they were and are. And I hope they feel the same about us, as parents. 
 

For me, personally, I disagree that all parents have a favorite child. One person can’t just make that decree and will it into being truth. 
 

I hope you don’t think I’m being weirdly staunch on this. You just have to know I have strong feelings about this because of history, so just consider that. I don’t think everyone will feel exactly the same. 
 

Do you agree/disagree that every parent has a favorite child whether they admit it or realize it? 

 

 

 

[Carrie12345]

I don’t have a favorite child.  HOWEVER, I openly declare a “favorite child of the day” when someone does something extra good, and threaten eligibility when they’re being a butthead. 🤣

(They’re all old enough to be in on the joke!)

[Kassia]

I disagree that every parent has a favorite child.  I don't think I do.  One of mine is much easier than the others, but I don't feel like he is my favorite and I don't think my other kids would feel that way.  Another was a difficult child and got more attention than his siblings and they may have felt he was the favorite at the time because of the attention he got (he's on the spectrum and his personality just needed more soothing and time than the others).  

I'm an only child.  DH had a sister (she passed away) and his parents didn't even try to hide that she was the favorite and her daughter was the favorite grandchild. Before her daughter was born, my MIL would tell my kids that ds1 was her favorite because he was her first grandchild.  

[Kassia]

This might be weird, but when my kids were very little and DH would go out of town, I would test myself on this by imagining there was a fire and I could only get one kid (or two) out.  There was never an answer and certainly not a quick one, so I will say that proves I don't have a favorite.  😛

 

 

[Pawz4me]

13 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Do you agree/disagree that every parent has a favorite child whether they admit it or realize it? 
 

Disagree.

Call me crazy, but any time someone claims that every single individual within a massive group of people thinks, feels or acts the same way I call falsies.

[easypeasy]

First, I don't think there is any single subset on the planet that we can say “ALL” or “every single one” about.  Just makes for a good, controversial headline, which is exactly the point. 

No favorites here! They’re all wonderful in their own ways and I appreciate them for exactly who they are. 
 

Funnily enough, I am less mom-critical of the ones who take mostly after my husband (I did handpick him, after all 😉). The ones who are more like me, I see their characteristics that I don’t like in myself and want to “help” them out of those habits/characteristics. I reign it in most of the time… 😇 but it doesn't make me favor the others whatsoever. 

Edited August 18, 2023 by easypeasy

[TheReader]

I wouldn't think this is true; I think I agree with you. 

I will say, at various times throughout the years, one child or another has been my *easiest* child at that point in  time, and thus my "favorite" at that point....but not "my favorite kid ever for all time" if that makes sense. 

But, for ex, right this minute my youngest is just doing great. No worries about his current life, his future, his anything. Right this minute, in that sense, he's my favorite. But if you'd asked me at any point from his birth until about 10 years ago, he would have 10000000% been my *least* favorite kid. He was HARD. Exhausting. So difficult. My DH will look at me wistfully and say "Don't you miss when they were little?" and I feel panic rise in me. No, no I do not miss when that kid was little. (I am not exaggerating here at all; it literally causes an anxiety/panic response when DH talks like that, wanting to "go back to when he was little...") 

Middle went through a phase where everything he did was just freaking adorable. He was for sure my favorite then, b/c that's during the time when Oldest was entering his sullen "I"m a teenager now and so I can't play anymore or enjoy life" phase (his literal words to us when he turned 13...)(maybe minus the "enjoy life" part....), and youngest was the aforementioned hellion, and so, for that era, middle was for sure my favorite. 

But then Oldest entered his "talk to you about literature" phase and that was really cool, and for a time he was the favorite again (I mean, he was the only for a long time and so the favorite from his birth until Middle hit his stride as master of cuteness). And so it has gone, through the years, with one being more enjoyable than the others at that point in time. But never one at all times, for all time. 

[vonfirmath]

Just because an article states it does not mean it is true.

My parents did not have a favorite between my sister and I.

(My dad likes to say I am his "Favorite oldest daughter" and my sister is his "Favorite youngest daughter" -- that's just it. We have different positions in the family and different reasons they appreciate each of us.

I do not have a favorite child. There are different things I like doing with each child. But I want to spend time hanging out with BOTH of them

 

Edited August 18, 2023 by vonfirmath

[fraidycat]

It's not true.

My parents did not have a favourite child. I do no have a favourite child. My DH does though, and it breaks my heart.

[Katy]

I don’t have a favorite. My parents did and it nearly wrecked me when they divorced and I didn’t get to stay full time with my dad who loved me best. I felt like I had no one for a very long time. 

I think some relationships are easier due to personality traits and love languages but I don’t think it’s okay to have a favorite child. 

[SanDiegoMom]

I have three, and at different times one or the other has been my "favorite" just because we are synched in our interests or personality.  Sometimes one will be going through an anxious time period and they are lashing out all the time, or maybe have a lot going on and so aren't around much.  My oldest I expect our relationship to drastically improve as she has moved out this week, lol.  

I grew up as the troublesome child and my sister did everything right, so I did have some baggage for sure! 

All that being said, I remember distinctly a dream I had when my twins were four -- going down an impossibly high water slide  and each child was on either side of me, and they both lifted off the slide.  For some reason in my dream I could only grab one child.  Without hesitation I grabbed my son.   In real life, my son's personality is most like mine, and I had a pretty hard time growing up, dealing with other people, other kids, social situations.  He was always slightly quirky so I think I have always tried a little harder to protect him as I would have wanted to be protected, and I see myself most in him. 

But when it comes to actions, I give of myself equally, and I don't think anyone could easily  say I have a favorite.

[Murphy101]

I think there are children a parent might click more with or get along better with, but that doesn’t mean that’s their favorite child.

Now, do children have a favorite parent and is it fair that it’s usually the one who was the least involved making the other parent question why they put so much effort into parenting at all? Asking for a friend. 😒

[Shoeless]

Well, I only have one child, so I guess he's my favorite 😂

My parents have a favorite. They also grew up with parents that had favorites. It's a lousy thing to do to your kids. My parents are still fiercely competitive with their siblings. It's uncomfortable and sad to watch.

[Terabith]

33 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I don’t have a favorite child.  HOWEVER, I openly declare a “favorite child of the day” when someone does something extra good, and threaten eligibility when they’re being a butthead. 🤣

(They’re all old enough to be in on the joke!)

Exactly!  

I do go through seasons of being closer to one child or the other, ironically usually the child who is having the hardest time or needs me the most then.  

[Farrar]

I think universalizing an experience is silly. Of course "everyone" doesn't much of anything beyond breathe and eat.

I think it's very *normal* to have a favorite child. And it's also not necessarily unhealthy, though obviously it can be. I think how it manifests varies and it can be healthy or not for the child to recognize it, at least as adults. Sometimes there's a child who is just more like one parent or the other, more interested in the same things, has a personality that's more compatible. It's okay to realize that as long as everyone gets what they need. It's when other children aren't getting the love and support they need at that child's expense that it becomes toxic.

My favorite varies. It's often whoever I end up spending more time with, honestly. I spent a lot of time with Mushroom during the pandemic. Balletboy was busy with ballet. Mushroom's activities were all over. And he was applying to college, which I knew more about. He and I got closer. He was sort of my favorite then. But now he's at college. We're not quite as close. I see and hang out with Balletboy more. He's kind of my favorite at the moment. I love them both just as much as the other. And as they continue to develop as adults, I might even swing back and forth more times. It's all fine, I think. I hope.

[WildflowerMom]

My parents had a fave and I have a fave.  But… I’m an only and so is my kid.  It’s like my fil when he tells me I’m his fave daughter in law and I reply back, I’m your ONLY daughter in law.     
 

on the flip side, I know ds22 has a fave parent— me.   I also have a fave parent— my mother.   

I roll my eyes when “all” or “always” or “every” is mentioned…. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[HomeAgain]

I have favorite stages.  There are times in a child's life where they cease to become human and become a hot mess instead.  And it's hard to parent that day after day without reprieve.  I may or may not have been guilty of telling my 13yo that we all like him better after he starts his day with exercise.  The rest of the table, 13yo included, may have been guilty of agreeing with me that he's more pleasant then, too. 😄

[SKL]

Yeah I don't think I have a favorite child.

My folks ... I think they have some kids they enjoy more than others.  Whether any are "favorite" I don't know ... and I don't care.

[SKL]

I do think that any article that uses "every" in the title is probably doing it for click bait ....

[stephanier.1765]

I just had a hard think and I really don't believe I have a favorite child. We do tell them, "You are our favorite oldest child. You are our favorite middle child. You are our favorite youngest child." They all in on the joke.

[73349]

DH and I totally each have a favorite child and have each told our favorite who he is. 😉

But the claim is unreasonable. There's no reason for anyone to suppose that everyone has a favorite child, any more than that everyone has a favorite movie (I don't!) or favorite anything else.

[Kidlit]

8 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

I just had a hard think and I really don't believe I have a favorite child. We do tell them, "You are our favorite oldest child. You are our favorite middle child. You are our favorite youngest child." They all in on the joke.

I, too, think the title of the article is clickbait. 🙄

I used to tell my kids when they were little, "You're my favorite (insert kid's name here) in the world," and it's true.  
 

I'm a fairly self-aware person, and in my heart of hearts I really don't think I have a favorite child. 

[Jaybee]

I have six. There are times I have felt closer to one or the other. And times one or the other was more challenging. But it has shifted here and there over the years, so it has honestly never landed on the same child all or even most of the time. And I am definitely an equal-opportunity worrier--if they have anything in their lives that isn't going well, you can bet I am thinking, worrying, and praying about it!

[BusyMom5]

I wouldn't say I have a favorite, but my kids think I do.  She's my easy one!  The one who doesn't get into trouble.   That's not to say she's perfect or never in need of a talking-to.  It's just that usually she listens and changes her behavior- often times with just a look or a word.  I think they assume she's my favorite just because she's rarely in trouble.

I also have one that has been more difficult her entire life.  I love that kid!  Soooo incredibly much!  But she makes it so hard on everyone.   I wish it were different, but I'm starting to give up hope.  I'm sad that our relationship will have space. I'm really sad that her siblings have sort of written her off in a lot of ways.  I wanted them to be close, but personality wise its just won't happen.  It isn't a rift really, just a space.  I hope that as she matures (currently 20) she will realize her behavior pushes everyone away.   I don't think she does it on purpose, it's just her first instinct.  Always has been.  

It's hard to be a parent- you want to treat kids equally,  but equality is a myth.  Each kid comes to you with a different personality,  they need different types of structure, discipline,  and correction.  Some are much easier than others.  Some are difficult babies, then terrific toddlers.  Some are easy babies and difficult preschoolers.  Some teens are easy,  some really butt heads.  We just have to do our best.  Having a favorite isn't helpful.  I think we need to try to give each kid what he or she needs- and that's different for each kid at each stage.  

[teachermom2834]

I think this is really complex. I have four and from the outside people probably think the oldest or youngest is my favorite. They were the easiest and they are the people pleasers and the ones that would be the ones to “show off” if I wanted to brag on my family. They are not my favorites but outsiders probably think so. 
 

Inside our family people probably think my hardest child is my favorite because they have seen him get much more latitude and they have seen us be more lenient and provided more resources…because he needed it and because he was just so much harder we were trying to stay afloat. So he isn’t my favorite but the other siblings could make that argument. And they sometimes do. And he might even think he is the favorite. It’s complex.

My only girl is my baby and much younger so effectively an only. Is she my favorite? I don’t think so but there is no denying it is a different relationship and there is a closeness that does not exist with her brothers. But favorite? Nah. And next year I might be closer with a different kid. Relationships ebb and flow. Life is tricky and messy and complicated. But I don’t think I have a favorite. They are all just so very different it is like comparing unlike objects. 

I grew up in a home where parents admitted their favorites (and it wasn’t me). That was very strange but as a kid I remember thinking “well yeah it sucks but at least they admit it because it is so obvious they have favorites that it would be insulting if they denied it.” So some families very clearly do have favorites.
 

 

Edited August 18, 2023 by teachermom2834

[Katy]

58 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Now, do children have a favorite parent and is it fair that it’s usually the one who was the least involved making the other parent question why they put so much effort into parenting at all? Asking for a friend. 😒

I preferred my dad because he was fun, we had the same love languages, and similar personalities. My relationship with him was just easier. But my mom was the reliable parent. I knew she was the one I could rely on, but I didn’t feel loved by her. 

I’ve noticed one of my kids prefers the parent who they feel most insecure about at the time. 

[SKL]

I have a secret theory that the more challenging a loved one is, the more attached one gets to that person.  Like anything we feel invested in.  (For better or worse sometimes!)

So I don't think easy = favorite, although it may look that way from the outside.

[maize]

Writers of articles can write anything they want.

That doesn't make the thing true.

What this article-writer wrote is nonsense.

[teachermom2834]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

I have a secret theory that the more challenging a loved one is, the more attached one gets to that person.  Like anything we feel invested in.  (For better or worse sometimes!)

So I don't think easy = favorite, although it may look that way from the outside.

When I was upset as a child and complaining to my mother about how she favored my siblings and did so much for them and didn’t do those same things for me or give me the same attention she shrugged and said “you take care of yourself. You don’t need anything.” 
 

 

[Brittany1116]

Just now, teachermom2834 said:

When I was upset as a child and complaining to my mother about how she favored my siblings and did so much for them and didn’t do those same things for me or give me the same attention she shrugged and said “you take care of yourself. You don’t need anything.” 
 

 

Yeah but that's how Kevin got so messed up on This is Us. LoL

[teachermom2834]

Just now, Brittany1116 said:

Yeah but that's how Kevin got so messed up on This is Us. LoL

Yeah…it is not without damages that is for sure. It is not good!

[Kassia]

54 minutes ago, Kidlit said:

I, too, think the title of the article is clickbait. 🙄

I used to tell my kids when they were little, "You're my favorite (insert kid's name here) in the world," and it's true.  
 

I'm a fairly self-aware person, and in my heart of hearts I really don't think I have a favorite child. 

Same for all of this. 

[annandatje]

2 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

 

 

Do you agree/disagree that every parent has a favorite child whether they admit it or realize it? 

 

 

 

I suppose I would agree.  However, at any moment in time, my favorite child is whichever one is going through a difficult time and is in need of extra loving care and attention.  If all kids are in good place, then I do not have a favorite child.  

When they were younger, I was careful about shared interests with kids.  For example, one  kid and I shared interest in Scots Irish heritage, poetry and supporting certain sociopolitical stances.  Another one and I enjoyed hiking, outdoors in general and travel.  I had little in common with the youngest child but learned enough about fashion and makeup and anime so could enjoy and discuss with her.

Edited August 18, 2023 by annandatje

[Bootsie]

I don't think I have a favorite child.  I enjoy doing some things much more with one child and other things much more with another child.  There have been ways one child has been easier and ways that child has been more difficult.  If, now that they are adults, I had to live with one child, I do not know which I would choose (or which would be more likely to be willing to have me around all of the time).  I do not think DH has a favorite either. 

DH was his parents' favorite--he was an only child.  I would say that my mother has a favorite, DH thought I was crazy to say that when he first met me, but he is now more convinced than I am that it is the case. 

[Corraleno]

I think "favorite" is a really loaded word — it implies not just a difference in feelings but a difference in treatment. A "favorite" child would get favorable treatment compared to the other kids, and I don't think that's ever a healthy dynamic. My mother most definitely had a favorite child and made sure everyone knew it — there was the scapegoat (me), golden child (sister), totally ignored middle child who moved in with another family as a tween, and the baby, who got a lot of attention but also an occasional beating (although not remotely as often as me). My ex also had a clear favorite, who was very indulged and got whatever they wanted, while he was quite harsh and critical of the other, and that definitely affected the "unfavored" child's relationship with him.

But I do think it's totally normal for parents to have more in common with some kids than others, to enjoy some kids' company more than others, to even feel closer to some kids than others, but I hope that doesn't translate to treating those kids "more favorably" than the ones the parent has less in common with. One of my kids is very much like me and we have long conversions about academics, politics, philosophy, etc. My other kid has zero interest in those things, but I try to spend the same amount of time and energy hanging out with them and learning about things they're interested in even if those are not naturally topics or areas of interest to me. One kid was incredibly difficult as a baby/toddler/youngster but was super sweet and cooperative as a tween/teen while the other was the sweetest, easiest baby/toddler/youngster ever who turned into a raging lunatic as a tween/teen — and now they are both sweet, kind, helpful young adults that I'm so lucky to have in my life.

[Danae]

I don’t have a favorite anything.  Maybe color. But I absolutely hate security questions and ice breakers that want to know favorite book or favorite movie.  I have to pick one?  Can’t do it.

[Wheres Toto]

14 minutes ago, Danae said:

I don’t have a favorite anything.  Maybe color. But I absolutely hate security questions and ice breakers that want to know favorite book or favorite movie.  I have to pick one?  Can’t do it.

I don't have a favorite color (changes based on mood), movie, book, tv show, or anything.   

When my younger two were little, it was a family joke that they preferred dh and loved him best.   Now that they are teenagers, I am definitely the favorite.  Dh is a great dad but he was a little slower to warm up to/more likely to roll his eyes at the non-binary/LGBTQ+ stuff.    

I don't have a favorite kid.  They are all really different.  Oldest dd is 29 years old and we've been relating primarily as adults for a long time now.  That's a very different relationships than my other kids, even though they are teenagers now.   Ds is my only son and is extremely quirky but fun.   Younger dd is the most like me.  

[Soror]

3 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

I don’t have a favorite child.  HOWEVER, I openly declare a “favorite child of the day” when someone does something extra good, and threaten eligibility when they’re being a butthead. 🤣

(They’re all old enough to be in on the joke!)

We grant 'favorite child status' to the kids when they do something especially nice. Which then causes a lighted competition at times. Status only lasts until someone else dies something. It's all in good fun. 

[Faith-manor]

My parents had my golden brother, and to this day my mother actively defends his horrific behavior and decisions. This propelled me to proactively not favor a child and make sure I was really invested in the uniqueness of each one. It seems to have worked I guess. I have a lovely relationship with each of my adult kids, and adore them all. I can't think of anyway in which I definitely prefer one over the others.

Mark definitely favors Dd in adulthood. The boys laugh about it because it comes from giving him three adorable grandsons to play trains and rockets with. 😂😂😂. They are also relieved because they feel this means if they never have any kids of their own, we still have "grandchildren". Meanwhile, given how much I am enjoying my freedom, I think, "3 is fine. We don't need anymore grandchildren." 😁

[Heartstrings]

2 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

When I was upset as a child and complaining to my mother about how she favored my siblings and did so much for them and didn’t do those same things for me or give me the same attention she shrugged and said “you take care of yourself. You don’t need anything.” 
 

 

That’s why I still “baby” my kids to a certain point.   Sure they can make a sandwich, but doesn’t everyone like it when someone else makes it?  Isn’t everyone happy when a warm cup of cocoa gets handed to them for no reason?  
 

I sort of baby the middle the most on purpose.  Middle kids in general complain about getting lost or overlooked within a family so I try to be purposeful about counteracting that, especially at times when I know one of the other kids is requiring more attention.  
 

[Indigo Blue]

2 hours ago, maize said:

Writers of articles can write anything they want.

That doesn't make the thing true.

What this article-writer wrote is nonsense.

I agree

[SKL]

Oh, I used to prefer it when my mom didn't bother with me.  Maybe it's the introvert thing.  😛

I don't know if I was "the favorite," but I was relatively less trouble than several others.  I don't recall my mom ever asking me if my homework was done or really any questions at all about school ... I was self-motivated.  No health issues, pretty mellow personality, most prudish, most likely to actually do my chores without being forced.

That said, I used to feel like my younger sister was favored, because she would get away with stuff I wouldn't even think to try.  She'd get her way after throwing a tantrum.  Like what?  In turn, that sister used to resent when our younger brother got away with even more.  😛  As an adult, I understand that those two siblings probably had some in-born behavior challenges that the rest of us didn't have.

[Melissa Louise]

You can have children with whom the fit is smoother than others.

[rebcoola]

I dont think everyone has a favorite child.  My siblings say I am mu dad's favorite idk if its true he has never said that I am the only child he got to raise from baby to adult and he was my soccer coach so we spent alot of time together.

 

I dont have a favorite we all dote on the youngest but that's because she is little and cute. I really enjoy both my older kids as people.

[Lecka]

I don’t have a favorite and can’t imagine it with my actual kids (as opposed to theoretical kids lol).  
 

I will say my mom has a favorite child, but I don’t think I think of it in the same way that I think it’s coming to across to someone who has had negative experiences of favoritism.  
 

One of my sisters, as an adult, is single with no kids, and she has some similarities to my mom that only the two of them share.  As an adult, I am more focused on my own husband and kids.  My sister likes to take vacations with my mom and they will read the same book at the same time and things like that.  
 

As a child I never had a thought of her being “the favorite child.”  
 

She has also had times she feels like she doesn’t have the same “status” as I do because I am married and have kids… so it’s like it’s the opposite of her feeling like she’s less popular because of not having kids (grandkids for my mom).  
 

So I do say it but it’s not in a negative way.  
 

I am also my step-dad’s favorite because he came into my life when I was a lot younger compared to my sisters, so we just are closer, my sisters are not interested in the same kind of relationship with him.  
 

This sister also desires to spend time with my mom without my step-dad, sometimes, and my other sister and I have no opinion about it, we are fine either way.  
 

Edit:  and to be fair, my father does do negative favoritism with my oldest sister, which has been hurtful to this sister, so she would like to be a favorite, even though my mom doesn’t “actually” have a favorite.  I am just close to my step-dad and it does not bother me in the same way.  

Edited August 18, 2023 by Lecka

[J-rap]

I think it's a silly article and the author isn't basing it on anything but her own feelings.

[maize]

3 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

My parents had my golden brother, and to this day my mother actively defends his horrific behavior and decisions. This propelled me to proactively not favor a child and make sure I was really invested in the uniqueness of each one. It seems to have worked I guess. I have a lovely relationship with each of my adult kids, and adore them all. I can't think of anyway in which I definitely prefer one over the others.

Mark definitely favors Dd in adulthood. The boys laugh about it because it comes from giving him three adorable grandsons to play trains and rockets with. 😂😂😂. They are also relieved because they feel this means if they never have any kids of their own, we still have "grandchildren". Meanwhile, given how much I am enjoying my freedom, I think, "3 is fine. We don't need anymore grandchildren." 😁

I tell my kids that I very much hope to be a grandma some day, but that with seven kids it's pretty much assured that SOMEONE will have kids and I'm not expecting any particular child to produce grandchildren for me 😀

It really would be quite statistically unlikely for none of them to ever have children...

[maize]

Thinking more,  I think one advantage of being a child in a large family is that any sense of parental expectations can be diluted among the children.

Growing up, my dad often said he would love for one of his daughters to become a doctor because he had been so impressed by the female doctor who was on the treatment team when my sister had cancer. I think that, had he only had one daughter, that daughter might have felt a need to make dad's dream come true. As it happened, my dad had six daughters; I know several of us considered the medical school path but ultimately none of us opted for it--and none of us felt the personal weight of potentially letting down a parent.

So much is family and individual dynamics so I don't really know how much of my experience is generalizable--but I was often grateful to have so many siblings (9 all together) that my parents' attention and concern was never focused exclusively on me! 

[bookbard]

7 hours ago, Kassia said:

This might be weird, but when my kids were very little and DH would go out of town, I would test myself on this by imagining there was a fire and I could only get one kid (or two) out.  There was never an answer and certainly not a quick one, so I will say that proves I don't have a favorite.  😛

 

oh my goodness I do this - not really a test, more an anxiety response. How would I get to both children, who would I get to first, would child A who has an easier escape route have the sense to use it, etc. 

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, bookbard said:

oh my goodness I do this - not really a test, more an anxiety response. How would I get to both children, who would I get to first, would child A who has an easier escape route have the sense to use it, etc. 

I think anxiety is where it started. DH would travel and I'd be left with small children and no one around to help (we were the only home for miles at the time) and I didn't know what I would do if we needed to get out of the house quickly.