Fake-authentic women? Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you met them? Are you one?

[38carrots]

Let me try to explain. There's a type. Some similarities. And yet I'm not sure what makes me see them as "fake."

 

Some characteristics are typically superficial, but this goes deeper, and yet I'm not sure how.

 

Superficially they are gray haired (if older); they wear no make up. They speak softly. They move flowingly. They appear centered, wise, introspective, mindful. They might be "spiritual" or talk to animals. They are viscerally offended by any violence / force and call themselves "empaths."

 

I've met quite a number of them. My first reaction is to be drawn to them and admire them--I too would like to achieve certain level of mindfulness. My second reaction, which comes quite quickly, is that they are utterly fake. In what way? I don't know. It is not that they are trying to dupe me, but there's something off-putting, almost skin-crawling, in how they *are.*

 

Which is interesting, because in theory, that's how I'd like to be (the first impression of them) and I'm slowly moving towards something that I consider being more mindful, living simpler life, being more attuned with myself and nature. Is it *them* who are fake, or I'm not seeing them as they are (sincere and authentic?)

 

Have you met such "fake authentic" women? Do you feel you are leading this kind if mindful life and believe that you are authentic? Does anyone know what I'm talking about???

 

 

 

 

[momacacia]

I'm lost.

[Storygirl]

Maybe you feel this way because you would like to be like them but are not. You would have to change something in yourself to be that way, so you in some way suspect that they changed themselves to be that way, too.

[38carrots]

Maybe you feel this way because you would like to be like them but are not. You would have to change something in yourself to be that way, so you in some way suspect that they changed themselves to be that way, too.

 

I've thought about this possibility a lot. And yet I don't think that that's it. DD15 sees them too. We can now pick them out and we call them "A Celine" after the first one we met. There's a certain something that unites them, which I think is independent of myself.

 

 

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

My first thought is the bird who runs the anger management class in the Angry Birds Movie. I've definitely met people like that IRL living in the S.F. Bay Area. They want to be zen but it's so clearly an act rather than authentic (as opposed to other folks who really ARE zen).

[Soror]

Yes, one lady in particular comes to mind it comes off to me like she is trying a bit too hard to imitate Glennon Doyle Melton. Lots of talk about authenticity and truthfulness and openness but all this flowery language bs, which makes it nearly impossible to figure out what the hell she is even talking about. Then knowing her in real life her persona of being 100% open and out there didn't match with her actions. 

[38carrots]

Yes, one lady in particular comes to mind it comes off to me like she is trying a bit too hard to imitate Glennon Doyle Melton. Lots of talk about authenticity and truthfulness and openness but all this flowery language bs, which makes it nearly impossible to figure out what the hell she is even talking about. Then knowing her in real life her persona of being 100% open and out there didn't match with her actions. 

 

YES!!

 

[kbutton]

Maybe they are so outwardly peaceful because they are holding people at arm's length. It's a lot easier to be peaceful, nonviolent, and empathetic in theory, lol! 

 

I know people who give a lot of advice about how to deal with people, and then you find out that they really just say "no" to everything that isn't their idea to begin with. All no is no more a healthy boundary than all yes.

[bookbard]

Yes, and I find it hard to put my finger on it. It's not hippy exactly, not new age or hipster. But it is like they have a religion, they are saved, and they will sell you essential oils so you can be saved too. You try to have a meaningful conversation but they don't have anything solid to really talk about except like that the institutions are bad and stuff. 

[SJ.]

Perhaps it is because they intend to live mindfully yet they are human, like the rest of us, and don't always live up to their intention.

[38carrots]

Yes, and I find it hard to put my finger on it. It's not hippy exactly, not new age or hipster. But it is like they have a religion, they are saved, and they will sell you essential oils so you can be saved too. You try to have a meaningful conversation but they don't have anything solid to really talk about except like that the institutions are bad and stuff. 

 

I'd like to try to put my finger on it!

[38carrots]

Perhaps it is because they intend to live mindfully yet they are human, like the rest of us, and don't always live up to their intention.

 

But I don't find "other" women to be as fake?

[Guest]

I think I know what you are talking about, at least a little.  People who call me "dear friend" but never call me, or have time for me when I call.  That sort of thing.  Everyone they talk to and about is their "dear friend" and every conversation they have is "special."  I have experienced this phenomenon with different people at every age of my life and I'm a-nearing 60.  The ubiquitous flowery, directionless writing makes me crazy.  I wonder if they get paid by the adjective?  Anyway, yeah.  

 

But I also think there are some people who are genuinely like this and not putting on an act...it's just that we don't share much in common and I feel like a big loud clumsy dog in a small room when I end up in the same room.  It's as likely to be my personal insecurity as anything in that situation.

 

 

[bookbard]

 People who call me "dear friend" but never call me, or have time for me when I call.

 

 Yes, this is part of it. There's a kind of implied intimacy in conversation which doesn't fit the relationship. 

[LMD]

I think there's also this persona of being enlightened or at peace but the urgency to impress you with it negates the philosophy?

[Outdoorsy Type]

I feel uncomfortable around people who seem to know all the answers, but don't seem compassionate enough. I actually prefer a person who is a little rougher around the edges. If "you never" then you probably don't know how I feel.

[SamanthaCarter]

You mean those people who are like JP Sears in real life?

 

 

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[Catwoman]

Let me try to explain. There's a type. Some similarities. And yet I'm not sure what makes me see them as "fake."

 

Some characteristics are typically superficial, but this goes deeper, and yet I'm not sure how.

 

Superficially they are gray haired (if older); they wear no make up. They speak softly. They move flowingly. They appear centered, wise, introspective, mindful. They might be "spiritual" or talk to animals. They are viscerally offended by any violence / force and call themselves "empaths."

 

I've met quite a number of them. My first reaction is to be drawn to them and admire them--I too would like to achieve certain level of mindfulness. My second reaction, which comes quite quickly, is that they are utterly fake. In what way? I don't know. It is not that they are trying to dupe me, but there's something off-putting, almost skin-crawling, in how they *are.*

 

Which is interesting, because in theory, that's how I'd like to be (the first impression of them) and I'm slowly moving towards something that I consider being more mindful, living simpler life, being more attuned with myself and nature. Is it *them* who are fake, or I'm not seeing them as they are (sincere and authentic?)

 

Have you met such "fake authentic" women? Do you feel you are leading this kind if mindful life and believe that you are authentic? Does anyone know what I'm talking about???

Are you talking about the women who act all zen and refined and like all they do is be creative and introspective and artsy and la-dee-dah, but you secretly suspect that they go home at night and kick the dog and scream at their kids because no one could possibly be that peaceful and enlightened and self-aware?

[MysteryJen]

I know exactly what you mean. Implied intimacy but never time to get together. Lots of talk about kindness, ethics, etc. But actions don't quite match up.

I know a few. Takes a while to figure it out.

 

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[38carrots]

Are you talking about the women who act all zen and refined and like all they do is be creative and introspective and artsy and la-dee-dah, but you secretly suspect that they go home at night and kick the dog and scream at their kids because no one could possibly be that peaceful and enlightened and self-aware?

 

Well, I really don't suspect a drastic personality change behind the closed doors. I suspect the same level of la-dee-dah, only it is just not sincere?

 

[madteaparty]

I don't have this many women in my life... I do think no one has it together, really no one. Some of us just wear the mess more comfortably.

[Farrar]

I have definitely known people who act very much like they're all in tune with the elements and so forth but then if you scrape beneath the surface you find a lot of nonsense and pseudoscience.

 

It's such a fine line. Like, I'm friends with my yoga teacher. She's really great. But she was telling me about a yoga teaching friend of hers who is also a "spiritual healer" and teaches aromatherapy classes. And I kind of was like, ugh. And she was more like, well, if you're into that, okay, whatever, but I find there's often a whole boatload of nonsense among the people who are most into some things that I think are truly beneficial like mindfulness and yoga and nature walks and various other things. Like, why must that come with a side order of astrology and other junk for so many people?

[Peaceful Isle]

Ugh, yes...someone who used to be close to me. It is never what it looks like. Stay far away...

[Stacia]

What I'm picturing is that you're picking up on their inner insecurities. They mask it well, but you're feeling something deeper that they're trying to hide under their outward persona. Not that the outward persona is 'fake', but more that's it's their ideal being, they're just not wearing it quite comfortably enough because, underneath it all, they're as insecure as the next person.

 

Maybe??

[Rosie_0801]

I know what you mean. I'm an empath and I can feel the difference between neutral, boundaries and disconnect. There's no good peace, love and mung beaning at me if I can feel disconnect.

[EmseB]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I have met these women. I interviewed one to be a doula for my first birth. I felt judged by her when I was interviewing her for the job! They pop up at the Y too. And LLL meetings, back when I used to go to those.

[Crimson Wife]

Perhaps it is because they intend to live mindfully yet they are human, like the rest of us, and don't always live up to their intention.

 

It's more than that. Everyone is human and has trouble always "walking the walk" rather than just "talking the talk". But some people whom you can tell are naturally Type A personalities seem to feel like they "should" be all mellow & zen so they fake it and they're really not fooling anyone.

[BlsdMama]

But I don't find "other" women to be as fake?

You have lower expectations of "regular" women? I suspect I disappoint women on a regular basis.

[SJ.]

It's more than that. Everyone is human and has trouble always "walking the walk" rather than just "talking the talk". But some people whom you can tell are naturally Type A personalities seem to feel like they "should" be all mellow & zen so they fake it and they're really not fooling anyone.

This is an interesting perspective. I tend toward being more type A but I want to live a more relaxed, mindful life. I see nothing wrong with fake it til you make it in most cases. I try to be more mindful, I want to meditate regularly, but I fail. A lot. I guess I'm not fooling anyone, but I am not trying to either. I am just trying to live a more mindful, present life.

 

Honestly, I don't think I come off to anyone else as being Zen or wise or anything like that. Maybe one day I will conquer this idea of being present and mindful! I hope none of my friends think I am a faker.

[Ausmumof3]

I know what you mean ... Yes.

[Katy]

Sure I do.  But they don't have to have gray hair.  Gwyneth Paltrow is one of them.

[Plink]

IMHO maturity and mindfulness comes with a sense of contentment in yourself and those around you. These overly-intentional folks you are describing always strike me as discontent, self-focused, and judgemental. Their internal struggle is obvious, and is uncomfortable to be around.

[DawnM]

I got nothing......these are not the kind of women I am attracted to or turn to for deep friendship.

 

I don't want zen friends, I want real friends.....laugh, sometimes loud, real, down to earth, talk about shortcomings,  flaws out on the table types.

[Hannah]

IRL, if someone has to tell you that you are X, then I'm immediately suspicious.

Actions should speak for themselves.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I just stay far away from all people.  Problem solved.

 

LOL

 

I'm not 100% sure of what you mean because I don't recall meeting such a person.

 

 

[marbel]

Yes, I know what you mean, and I know a few women like this.  They are not people I am close to.

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

I do know what you mean, though I think they are being as genuine as they can be, and they just aren't my kind of person.

 

There' a super famous singer and DH confessed the other night that he just DOES NOT get the appeal at all. I was like yeah babe, they are not for us :laugh: 

 

It takes all kinds.

 

But I refer to the people like in the OP as the believe-in-everything crowd. If you believe in everything, it all cancels out and everything== nothing. There is a hardness under those caftans that doesn't necessarily have to be there :lol:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Deleted because I think what I was talking about is something quite different than what others are discussing.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Scoutermom

[Chris in VA]

I think I know what you mean. I just need people to be authentic. Sometimes that means sharing that they aren't perfect, i.e. sharing struggles and foibles, but even those really classy women who don't cuss and share fart stories and whom you know really don't yell at their kids can seem more authentic than the floaty types. But I do know a couple floaters who really do have it together much of the time and really are wise and all. But even they seem humble, not in a fakey way.

[MercyA]

I think it's dangerous to judge anyone as "fake." I'm not saying there aren't people who are; I'm not saying that it doesn't sometimes look or feel obvious. However, you just can't know someone's personal thoughts and motivations.

 

There could be things going on that you know nothing about. Not speaking specifically about these gray-haired empaths, but more generally: Maybe someone is autistic and doing their best to fit in. Maybe someone is going through personal tragedy, but feels it's beneficial to themselves and others to try to remain upbeat and kind. There might be something about these people that doesn't "ring true," but that doesn't mean they aren't doing the best they can, you know?

[I talk to the trees]

I think I know what you are talking about, at least a little. People who call me "dear friend" but never call me, or have time for me when I call. That sort of thing. Everyone they talk to and about is their "dear friend" and every conversation they have is "special." I have experienced this phenomenon with different people at every age of my life and I'm a-nearing 60. The ubiquitous flowery, directionless writing makes me crazy. I wonder if they get paid by the adjective? Anyway, yeah.

 

 

This is exactly how I feel about the gal who manages the local yarn shop. Conversations with her make me feel like I have been talking to a slimy, used-car salesman, even though all appearances point to her being a very nice person. Ick.

[Jackie in AR]

I know 1 or 2 women who seem to be obsessed with presenting their lives as comparable to those you see in magazines. Everything perfect, all the time. But when you carry on a conversation with them they are about 1/4 inch deep. They talk about household decor, clothes, shoes, trips, etc. I've often wondered what their lives would look like if they would just be themselves. It's like they don't think they are enough, so they have to mimic what pretend perfection looks like. But they present themselves as that is who they really are.

 

Is that what you're talking about?

Edited February 4, 2017 by Jackie in AR

[eternalsummer]

I don't know what makes them seem fake to you, but makeup and hair dye are kind of the definition of fake (vs no make up and no hair dye).  Her face is real and her hair is real.

[Reefgazer]

I think the word you're looking for to describe these types is "self-righteous".

[Ms Brooks]

1. Fake-authentic women--I think it applies to men too.

I've met both men and women like this. Many have a self-important smugness about them that belies a vacuous being. Some are truly lost. These folks need to grab onto something to make sense of life-they're the walking wounded. 

 

I am not sure I would call these folks "fake-authentic." They're just posers.Yet I imagine, under all the garbage of their projection, there must be something painful.

[AK_Mom4]

Now I'm paranoid that I'm a Fake Authentic.....  :crying:

 

 

 

I don't actually meet any of the criteria listed here, but it bugs me to think people might be deciding I'm Fake......

[Jean in Newcastle]

I must run in the "wrong" circles.  I don't know any people who fit the OPs description.  I do know one woman who gushes.  And in a way, it comes across as fake because it is so over-the-top but I don't think that it is fake as such.  It is tiring to be around, though. 

[Lady Florida.]

No, I only seem to meet real women. Genuine. 

 

Maybe that means I am one ? Who knows ?!

 

I don't think I understand the OP.  What is a fake person ? 

 

 

I got nothing......these are not the kind of women I am attracted to or turn to for deep friendship.

 

 

 

I don't think I understand the OP either. Or I just don't have these kinds of people in my life so I don't know what they look like. The closest I can come is Farrar's description of the pseudoscience types. However, I don't think they're fake-authentic. I think they sincerely believe their woo.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Well, I suppose there is one thing to appreciate about being me. I don't think anyone has ever called me fake. Other words? Sure. But not fake.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Maybe these women are manipulative and you are seeing through it?

 

In high school there was a boy in my grade that seemed to me like he had too much control over his flock of friends. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but he seemed too influential. Now, looking back, it is possible that he just annoyed me because a good friend of many years dumped me to hang out with him. But on the other hand, it is still possible that this boy turned my friend against me and then others laters as well.

 

ETA: I forgot to make my point. This boy may have turned people against me because he didn't like that I seemed to see through him.

Edited February 4, 2017 by HoppyTheToad