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I talk to the trees

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Everything posted by I talk to the trees

  1. They finally released her name to the news outlets. All day I have just been hoping that DD’s dance instructor somehow got it wrong, that there was some mixup. Sadly, that’s not the case. 😔 Thanks for all the kind words, guys. My heart is just broken for her family.
  2. Poor kid! That’s a tough one, especially since his anxiety (though it might be excessive) is grounded in truth: No once can be absolutely certain that they won’t catch Covid, or have long Covid, or wind up hospitalized. Speaking from experience here, the thing that helps my coronanxiety the most is doing the things I know reduce my risk. (Wash hands, stay as far as practical away from other folks when I am out.) So, for example, you could say, “Yes, I know it’s scary and stressful, but eating a healthy lunch with lots of fruits and veggies will keep your immune system from running down, and that’s just as important as wearing the mask!”
  3. So….thank you all for the replies. It gave me a lot to think about. I had a very good appointment with the therapist this afternoon, and she echoed a lot of what was said here. @Rosie_0801 I told her about some of the questions you asked, and she said you're pretty sharp! Those were good questions! ☺️
  4. She was DD’s age. I watched this kid grow up alongside my dd at their dance studio. I didn’t know her or her family well, and she and dd weren’t best buddies or anything, but still…it’s surreal. I can’t wrap my head around it. I grew up here. Shootings were almost unheard of when I was in school. Now we have had literally dozens so far in 2021. Why? Just why?
  5. Oh. My. Gosh. Y'all aren’t going to believe this! Ok, so I completely agree with the PPs who have said that I need to be seeing a therapist. You are so right. So I logged onto my online visit app, figuring I would throw the dice and try someone new. One copay. What could it hurt, right? And I discovered that my old therapist is Back In Network! Hallelujah! I took the first appointment she had. I am actually looking forward to it, which is something I couldn’t say before!
  6. Another excellent question. I think it’s comprised of the beliefs you have about yourself. So, I believe I was a good parent for homeschooling my daughter because that’s what was best for her, for example. I think a lot of it comes from “shoulds” like you should be compassionate and you shouldn’t treat others poorly. When you live up to those “shoulds” (internally and externally imposed), your self worth increases. Likewise, when you don't achieve those shoulds or shouldn’ts, it decreases. Rosie, you totally need to be a therapist. You are asking really good questions today!
  7. Oh, golly no, I really, really don't like where I am right now, especially the feelings that I'm just not worthy of respect or love, that that simply isn’t something I can expect or even hope for. There are things to be thankful for, of course. I have a lovely daughter, and more than adequate food, clothing, and shelter. I am certainly in no position to complain about those things, when so many lack the basic necessities of life! But my life would have been so very, very different if this hadn’t happened, and right now I am looking back on 20-odd years that I can never get back or change. And that means my life now and going forward is going to be difficult.
  8. Sending gentle hugs! I’m so sorry you are going through this!
  9. Had a great therapist. She went out of network, dagnabbit, and it takes so long to find someone you click with and to give them all the information they need to help you, that I haven’t tried to find someone new.
  10. Yeah, but I did ask for opinions, and those are some really good questions. Makes me do a Poirot and use the little gray cells! Forgiveness for me would be able to look back on the event without bitterness, and without feeling that the old wound was new each time I think of it. Thinking of it less would be nice too, but right now, I am feeling the effects very acutely and it is difficult not to ruminate. Oh, geez! Ideally, I would believe that I am a good human being at heart, worthy of love and respect. After some reflection, I realize that I genuinely do not believe this after years of the ripple effects of this event. (Yeah, could I be any more vague?)
  11. No, honestly, I have laid the blame for the event at their feet for many years. Oh yes, the different perspectives make sense! But I have only recently realized the true extent of the harm they did, and honestly, I just want to walk away from it. I guess I think the only alternative to forgiveness is not forgiving and holding onto the pain for even longer, and I believe that if I do that, it will eventually kill me.
  12. No. I have not for many years, nor do I wish to. But what they did caused many ripple effects throughout my life, and the pain has been present for literally decades.
  13. I know for certain that the anger and hurt that I have carried for decades because of this person's actions is harming only me. This individual is probably blissfully unaware of the degree of devastation which their behavior caused. I can truly say that my entire life has been shaped by this one event, and as a result, I have no self worth. I feel that I am at a crossroads, and that I absolutely must let go of this hurt, and I know of no other way to do so other than forgiveness. ETA: Praying/meditating about it only seems to enhance the hurt, not diminish it.
  14. It's a given that carrying around pain and anger over something someone did to you only serves to harm yourself, right? So the best place to begin to heal from long held pain is to forgive the offender. Ideally, the offender will be penitent, but what if they never were, and never will be? How does one begin to forgive if the pain has been there for years (decades) and the offender has no idea how deep and destructive the hurt was (and has continued to be for a very long time)?
  15. Oh.my.goodness. Totally agree with you, here! I probably post way too much personal garbage here too, and many probably think I’m a bit nuts as well! But this board (for all our bickering) is full of some of the sanest, most intelligent, and most thoughtful folks I have ever had the good fortune to “meet.” Definitely friends.
  16. I like this. It could be like one long Iron Chef episode!
  17. Oddly enough, I know this because dd texted me one night a few weeks ago in a panic because she had chopped peppers without using gloves, then to relieve the pain, soaked her hands in ice cold water, which just served to close the pores and keep in what was left of the capsaicin. Warm water with lemon juice eventually helped her get some relief.
  18. Lemon juice or vinegar. Capsaicin is actually basic, so an acid should neutralize it.
  19. Happy masks just sold out of their restock in under a minute. 😔 I was hoping to get new ones for dd to take to college. It’s a shame because they really fit her well, and she is comfortable breathing in them.
  20. Hey guys, isn’t today the tenth anniversary of the Great Cupcake Kerfuffle? Hope everyone had a great day, and nothing got stuck in anyone's craw! 🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁
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