Fake-authentic women? Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you met them? Are you one?

[JumpyTheFrog]

I don't know what makes them seem fake to you, but makeup and hair dye are kind of the definition of fake (vs no make up and no hair dye). Her face is real and her hair is real.

I think the OP is describing the personality, not appearance, as fake. Appearance is mentioned only because they seem to all have a similar look (natural hair and face).

[Corraleno]

This thread reminds me of Socality Barbie. The photos are spot-on and the captions are hilarious:

"Had to stop looking at the ocean so I could take a picture of the ocean so I could post about how beautiful the ocean is."

"I hope this picture of my hand reminds you to reach out to one another and build community. aka like, comment, & follow please!!"

 

"Can't wait to Instagram my way through San Diego while building authentic relationships!"

 

"Humble enough to know I'm not better than anybody, wise enough to know that I'm different from the rest."

 

"The 3 C's in life: Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the choice, to take a chance, to make a change. You know, like that Kelly Clarkson song."

 

:lol: 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

nm

 

Edited: or I am completely way off base.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Scoutermom

[Heathermomster]

The women that I know who are thoughtful and quiet, got that way by enduring lots and lots of pain through personal loss. They don't worry about makeup and gray hairs because their focus is on what matters to them: faith and family. Relationships come first to them, not Instagramming their way through San Diego. They are too busy living to be taking 100 photos to get one perfect seflie and post it.

 

OP, I can't say as I know many women as you describe.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Heathermomster

[MamaBearTeacher]

I know what you're talking about. I have met these women in certain circles and some of the people on the board might not have been in those circles so might not have met this type. Still, I think there are fake people everywhere who might come across as kind and warm, but this person you are talking about has a certain "look" and "language".

 

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

Unfortunately, at vulnerable times of my life I have been duped by many of these people. I must be naive.

[StephanieZ]

Huh, no, I have very little idea of what you are talking about.

 

Maybe I don't get out enough.

 

Or maybe I'm too busy battling my own demons and those obvious demons that threaten the vulnerable around us to judge the internal contentment/peace/zen-ness of other women?

 

The people who really drive me batty are those who negatively judge those who are going about their business trying to be the best person they can be. 

 

Most of us have aspirations and visions of what kind of person we'd like to be. I personally enjoy being around kind people who are seeking to follow the path they've chosen towards being the best they can be. I guess that's why I enjoy being around serious Christians who are devoted to walking their walk just like I enjoy being around serious humanists/atheists who are also devoted to walking *their* path towards being the best person they can be. And I enjoy being around people who are just confused as heck and struggling and have no idea what path they should be on, but are experimenting and struggling with a goal being to figure out what path they should be on and what they are even aiming towards (teenagers!! love them!) 

 

I've recently had a similar conversation with my 14 year old who was disheartened (judgy) about a friend who is going through a fit-in-phase with a particular clique at that kid's school. I tried to explain to her that "trying on" different personalities/preferences/styles/activities is not only normal but *healthy* as it allows people to explore what sort of person they want to be. It's not in-authentic to start dressing like a flower-child after making friends with some similarly-dressed kids . . . And it's not in-authentic to go for a lot of hikes all of a sudden when you get in with a crowd who likes to hike  . . . And it's not in-authentic to suddenly start going to church twice a week when you've found a church group that is appealing to you . . . Some of these "try ons" might "stick" long term, while most of them will get discarded as the person evolves into whatever their long-term personality/spirit is going to be . . . That's all healthy and good.

 

I don't enjoy holier-than-thou people who spend much of their time tearing down people. I don't enjoy people who spend much of their time finding flaws and weaknesses in others. Not only is that not helpful for the person doing the judging, but it's also just putting energy into a very negative space in relationships and the universe. 

 

We all have weaknesses. We all experiment. We all try to be better (define how you choose) than we are. That's all part of the goodness of humanity, IMHO. We try. We aspire. 

 

I'd rather be around someone who was trying too hard to be a good person than be around someone who is not trying hard enough to be a good person. 

 

[StephanieZ]

It's more than that. Everyone is human and has trouble always "walking the walk" rather than just "talking the talk". But some people whom you can tell are naturally Type A personalities seem to feel like they "should" be all mellow & zen so they fake it and they're really not fooling anyone.

 

I know tons of type A people, myself and dh among them. Being a driven, high stress personality type (type A) does not at all mean that person loves being driven and stressed. Most of us (self included) work hard nearly all the time to be mellower than we instinctively feel. We do this for many reasons, but most of it boils down to the fact that stress is uncomfortable and unpleasant to all the people feeling it and around it. And being driven will drive OTHER people crazy if you don't try hard to tone it down. 

 

In my attempts to tone down my driven nature and chill out my stressed nature, there's no desire or drive to fool anyone. I'm just trying not to be an asshole and trying not to give myself a stroke before age 60. 

[KrissiK]

Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. I know one IRL. I ignore it. Don't have time for that. It's the same "thing" as anyone else who is fake... it's fake. Doesn't matter what kind of fake. It's still fake.

 

I was thinking about this, and honestly, I think it's just an adult version of what you see in high school, like when I was younger there were the goths and the preps and the jocks and the geeks. It's all over the place, you just have to look for it. The Homeschool Moms with Denim Jumpers, the Homeschool Moms but I'm Too Cool for Denim Jumpers, the PTA Crowd, The Soccer Mom... People want to identify with a certain group or way of thinking.

Edited February 4, 2017 by KrissiK

[Anne in CA]

I suppose this sort of woman was the sort of teen girl who seemed to have it all together, and it just continues. I don't know that it's fake, it's just lack of substance you would really expect when someone puts up a certain front. 

[38carrots]

Now I'm paranoid that I'm a Fake Authentic.....  :crying:

 

 

 

I don't actually meet any of the criteria listed here, but it bugs me to think people might be deciding I'm Fake......

 

:grouphug:

Why? Why would you care what others think? It is more about them, than about you, right?

[38carrots]

I know what you're talking about. I have met these women in certain circles and some of the people on the board might not have been in those circles so might not have met this type. Still, I think there are fake people everywhere who might come across as kind and warm, but this person you are talking about has a certain "look" and "language".

 

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

Unfortunately, at vulnerable times of my life I have been duped by many of these people. I must be naive.

 

Yes. But what does this all mean, all together?

 

I don't think I'm judging, at least not in a negative/ derogatory way. Everyone is on their own journey, and this is where they need to be, i.e. they are doing their best to make sense of world or just survive.

 

But I've been thinking whether I imagined this particular "type" or is it just me who sees them this way due to my own issues, or whether there's something to it, in general.

 

 

[38carrots]

I know what you're talking about. I have met these women in certain circles and some of the people on the board might not have been in those circles so might not have met this type. Still, I think there are fake people everywhere who might come across as kind and warm, but this person you are talking about has a certain "look" and "language".

 

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

Unfortunately, at vulnerable times of my life I have been duped by many of these people. I must be naive.

 

And another thought--is it possible to be ALL THAT, *and* totally authentic? Or is there something to this combination that is by definition "fake"?

 

[prairiewindmomma]

I know loads of genuine "hippie" women. Some are my dearest friends.

 

I have, in my circle of acquaintance, a few women who I think you would characterize as "fake authentic". A couple are mentally ill--trauma background, conspiracy theories, etc. One is a BFF to everyone but isn't. Another loves green smoothies, and also greasy cheeseburgers. Another has false prophecies. Eh, to each her own...

[Charlie]

Yes. But what does this all mean, all together?

 

I don't think I'm judging, at least not in a negative/ derogatory way. Everyone is on their own journey, and this is where they need to be, i.e. they are doing their best to make sense of world or just survive.

 

But I've been thinking whether I imagined this particular "type" or is it just me who sees them this way due to my own issues, or whether there's something to it, in general.

 

You agreed to a comment that literally negatively judges women based on certain appearances.

 

This is the most bananas conversation I've read in a long time.

 

Women who don't behave according to expectation are "fake"? Does this include men? When you (in general), don't live up to someone else's expectation, does that mean you're being "fake"?

Women who don't color their hair but wear cosmetics are "fake"?

Environmentalists are "fake"? Does this include men?

Wearing Birks expose you as "fake? Does this include men?

Feminism is "fake"? Does this include men?

 

What makes a person "real"?

 

Edited to add, I'm not angry or trying to accuse anyone of anything. I hope I don't come across that way. I'm just really confused and trying to figure out what makes a person "real," and how something like shoes gives it away. It's like trying to figure out what Deepok Chopra is saying. It seems to "fit" until you try to actually understand it.

 

 

Edited February 4, 2017 by Charlie

[Corraleno]

I know what you're talking about. I have met these women in certain circles and some of the people on the board might not have been in those circles so might not have met this type. Still, I think there are fake people everywhere who might come across as kind and warm, but this person you are talking about has a certain "look" and "language".

 

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

Unfortunately, at vulnerable times of my life I have been duped by many of these people. I must be naive.

 

I used to live in an area of the Southwest where there were lots of people who would fit that description, but none of the ones I knew were fake. Many were artists or musicians and that's just who they were, it wasn't an act at all.

 

When I think of "fake-authentic," I think of a totally different type: people who blog and instagram their lives, as if their lives are so peaceful and perfect when they're really super controlling and trying to hide the messiness. People like Lisa Pennington, whose blog was all about being the perfect, calm, loving mother of the perfect family, selling essential oils and homemade crafts, while her abused daughter was desperately plotting a way to escape.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Yes. But what does this all mean, all together?

 

I don't think I'm judging, at least not in a negative/ derogatory way. Everyone is on their own journey, and this is where they need to be, i.e. they are doing their best to make sense of world or just survive.

 

But I've been thinking whether I imagined this particular "type" or is it just me who sees them this way due to my own issues, or whether there's something to it, in general.

None of this means anything. These qualities can be good in themselves and often are. It is a bit of a stereotype. And a person can be like this on the outside and not be fake and be very nice.

 

I felt bad for the original poster when a lot of people said they had never met a person like this because I know this kind of person exists and it can be double annoying/hurtful when they are fake. I guess when you see a person who is accepting of themselves body and soul and throwing out words of love and sisterhood and they seem genuine, it hurts when you find out they don't really care or try to make money off you.

[Corraleno]

And another thought--is it possible to be ALL THAT, *and* totally authentic? Or is there something to this combination that is by definition "fake"?

 

 

I don't understand this — why couldn't someone be all those things? Those things kind of go together naturally, IMO.

 

It's like asking if it's possible to wear expensive suits and drive a BMW and work a high-powered job and eat meat and not really care about social issues, or is that combination so unlikely that the person must be a fake.

[BlsdMama]

I think it's dangerous to judge anyone as "fake." I'm not saying there aren't people who are; I'm not saying that it doesn't sometimes look or feel obvious. However, you just can't know someone's personal thoughts and motivations.

 

There could be things going on that you know nothing about. Not speaking specifically about these gray-haired empaths, but more generally: Maybe someone is autistic and doing their best to fit in. Maybe someone is going through personal tragedy, but feels it's beneficial to themselves and others to try to remain upbeat and kind. There might be something about these people that doesn't "ring true," but that doesn't mean they aren't doing the best they can, you know?

 

This.  Or that someone thinks they grasp what a person is about (makes assumptions) and then, as they get to know the person better, finds they are disappointed in their assumptions.  I have had this happen.  If this is what the OP is talking about, it is hurtful.  There is a mindset among some homeschoolers that equates to some kind of stereotype like this, "More kids - more godly."  They assume things about me (having it together, being wise, whatever) and while I do try hard as a mama, as they get to know me, I can't help but disappoint them because the me that existed in their head wasn't me.  It isn't that I am working hard to make an appearance, it's that I'm working hard to live up to an ideal, but I *will* INEVITABLY fall short of my ideals and goals.  It is hard to be around people who expect you to perform... because of an idea in your head. You intrinsically know that you disappoint them.

 

It is with any person - take the earth mama type.  They are working on themselves as we all are, to make choices, decisions, etc. that reflect what they really DO believe.  But in that very execution of those beliefs, they are going to trip or stumble in some way.  And the people who held them up as the embodiment of the idea are waiting to pounce on that and say, "Oh, she isn't what she believes... See?  Fake."

 

Yeah, well, no offense, but it doesn't make the wolves on the sidelines waiting for the trip all peachy either.  

 

 

I suppose this sort of woman was the sort of teen girl who seemed to have it all together, and it just continues. I don't know that it's fake, it's just lack of substance you would really expect when someone puts up a certain front. 

 

I think we all shoot for what we feel is right and good.  And I think we all fall short.  It isn't a front so much as not telling everyone your struggles,  your shortcomings, or your inability to achieve perfection in the first 4-5 times you meet them.

 

I think real friends love you where you are.  The rest are just looking for a poster child they can set up on a dresser to look at as someone to help them be more, achieve more, or attach themselves to.  The real ones stick around when you struggle.  The rest walk away and assume you were putting on a front.  The front was the thing that was never real.  The *assumption* was what was fake.

[Carol in Cal.]

Is it that they talk a lot about being patient and kind, and healthful, and loving Mother Earth, and then they do something underhanded?

 

Because most people that I know don't talk about that stuff, so if they do, and then they are unkind, it creates this cognitive dissonence.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Just put me down as another fortysomething woman with no makeup and long'ish natural hair (who really does have folk music instruments and vegetarian dishes proliferating in my house), who tries to be kind and warm to people, but who doesn't really invite everybody into the inner circle because I am an introvert with a lot of kids and a lot of responsibilities...

 

Um. Where was I going with this?

 

Oh, yeah. Put me down as one of the people who thinks this is a bananas conversation. Either because I don't know these people or because I very inadvertently might BE one?

 

Now I'm afraid to be nice to women. WTG, y'all. :p

Edited February 4, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Soror]

I used to live in an area of the Southwest where there were lots of people who would fit that description, but none of the ones I knew were fake. Many were artists or musicians and that's just who they were, it wasn't an act at all.

 

When I think of "fake-authentic," I think of a totally different type: people who blog and instagram their lives, as if their lives are so peaceful and perfect when they're really super controlling and trying to hide the messiness. People like Lisa Pennington, whose blog was all about being the perfect, calm, loving mother of the perfect family, selling essential oils and homemade crafts, while her abused daughter was desperately plotting a way to escape.

Exactly.  Or as someone mentioned someone who lives out the caricature of JP Sears.

 

I mean I'm somewhat of a hippy myself, I could list my credentials but it doesn't matter. I have no problem with fellow hippy/zen people. I am not fond of people who always give off this impression that they are perfect, yes we are all imperfect stop acting like that doesn't include you. Pinterest and blogs started it, with people chronicling their life, but editing it to give an image that didn't necessarily match reality. Even worse these days are those that are trying to be everyone's life coach, social media just perpetuates this. I'm leery of people that use their hippy status(and various "specialties" be it yoga teacher, essential oil or other MLM salesman etc) to act like they are some doctor and can heal every one of al this mental and/or physical ailments, with no training whatsoever. 

[Ms Brooks]

I know what you're talking about. I have met these women in certain circles and some of the people on the board might not have been in those circles so might not have met this type. Still, I think there are fake people everywhere who might come across as kind and warm, but this person you are talking about has a certain "look" and "language".

 

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

Unfortunately, at vulnerable times of my life I have been duped by many of these people. I must be naive.

 

This is just a description of packaging. While it does seem these ethereal beings do look the way you describe, it is not always true. Looks can be deceiving. It's not how one looks, shops, or political affiliation that defines this type of person. Rather it is their way of being, how they interacting with others and the world around them that defines them.  "Fake-authentic" is not a good descriptor because they believe themselves to be authentic. Who am I to decide what is fake and what is real, much less determine what is authentic? So long as no one is being abused, people are entitled to live however they choose ethereal, healing enchantments and all.

[GinaPagnato]

I have never met anyone like this IRL, but I would understand what you're talking about IF you didn't include the physical descriptions.

 

I've read blogs and seen interviews with people like this. And they're not just women. There are some men I've seen who are like this, too. They're overly-warm and effusive about "intentionality," "transparency," "authenticity," and "community." Which are all FABULOUS things, don't get me wrong.

 

But it's almost like they're overly exposing themselves/their families/ their stories in order to reach a target audience.

 

Idk, I can't put my finger on it, but it rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it seems like they lack some discretion in what and how much they share. Like that one woman who was all over the place talking about her porn-addicted husband and how they were fighting to stay together. Then he cheated again, I think, and now she's a lesbian... :confused1:

So, yeah, that seems like way TMI. Particularly because there are kids involved who now have all their family business out there for the world to see.

 

Lol, this may not be at all what you're talking about, but it's what got triggered in my mind.

 

[TravelingChris]

There are two main groups of fakery going on here where I live.  One is the social fakery of acting very nice even if you really dislike the person.  In the South, it is more than just not being rude to a person.  It is actually having a "pleasant" chitchat with a person you know dislikes you and you dislike them.    Then there are people who are fake all the time to everyone.  I have met people like that before but fortunately, I don't have anyone in my acquaintance circle who fits that description.  

 

As to hippie type people, I do meet some occasionally but more likely in a shopping situation or some other impersonal occasion.

[Runningmom80]

Yes, one lady in particular comes to mind it comes off to me like she is trying a bit too hard to imitate Glennon Doyle Melton. Lots of talk about authenticity and truthfulness and openness but all this flowery language bs, which makes it nearly impossible to figure out what the hell she is even talking about. Then knowing her in real life her persona of being 100% open and out there didn't match with her actions. 

 

She comes across as fake real to me! :lol:

[MamaBearTeacher]

This is just a description of packaging. While it does seem these ethereal beings do look the way you describe, it is not always true. Looks can be deceiving. It's not how one looks, shops, or political affiliation that defines this type of person. Rather it is their way of being, how they interacting with others and the world around them that defines them.  "Fake-authentic" is not a good descriptor because they believe themselves to be authentic. Who am I to decide what is fake and what is real, much less determine what is authentic? So long as no one is being abused, people are entitled to live however they choose ethereal, healing enchantments and all.

 

Yes, it is just a fake description of packaging.  Someone else might have the same packaging and be very nice.

 

People do have the right to do what they want.  If someone is hurt by their behavior they have a right to talk about it.

[eternalsummer]

Indeed, the packaging is not always suggestive of the same interior.  I don't wear makeup or dye my hair, I wear flowy clothes, eat very very conscientiously, and wear the vegan equivalent of birkenstocks.

 

I am not, 100% not, a feminist.  I didn't vote this election cycle because no candidate was conservative enough for me.

[TranquilMind]

I know what you mean. I'm an empath and I can feel the difference between neutral, boundaries and disconnect. There's no good peace, love and mung beaning at me if I can feel disconnect.

Pondering the "mung-beaning" you have experienced and what that might look like.

 

:laugh:

[Guest]

I got nothing......these are not the kind of women I am attracted to or turn to for deep friendship.

 

I don't want zen friends, I want real friends.....laugh, sometimes loud, real, down to earth, talk about shortcomings, flaws out on the table types.

Me too. I must be anathema to these sorts. I have seen them in the internet world of blogs and can think of a few types I'm not close to around here who fit that description but never in real life in a relationship. I'm probably too loud and messy to attract those ladies :p

[SKL]

I think I've met those types.  They are out to prove they are more zen than you.  Which is totally not zen.  :P  In reality they are probably immature, insecure, or needing a few screws tightened.

 

I am an authentically gray-haired woman who tries to do the less-is-more thing, and sometimes I'm downright peaceful; but I also get stressed out and act stupid sometimes.  What I don't do is try to make other people "feel my zen" if that makes any sense.  :P

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, I don't go around trying to analyze people, their speech and their intentions, so perhaps I miss a lot of this.  I tend to take people at their word.  I also allow them to decide how much they are going to let me into their inner circle or not.  It doesn't bother me if some people are more superficially polite because not everyone is going to be besties.  Occasionally I've met someone who is an out and out liar and a flake but not often.  I avoid those people.  I can't change them and have no desire to try to do so.  Occasionally I meet someone who is just mean.  I avoid them too.  Again, I can't change them and have no desire to try to do so.  Occasionally I meet people who just see the world in a totally different way than I do.  I try to listen and to find common ground but if we can't, then it's no big deal.  I don't expect everyone to be my clone. 

 

Perhaps it's easier because I am not forced to be in constant contact with people at work.  Though I did work for many years and learned how to get along and to put personalities aside for the sake of the job.  I guess that I do the same when meeting people as a SAHM/ homeschooler / church goer (which is another place where you might be in contact with people who you don't necessarily click with but still need to get along with).  I know how to make small talk and how to ask questions to get people talking about their own passions.  I find that those skills help with those people who I might not have a lot of common with but who are still in my social periphery. 

[QueenCat]

I don't know what makes them seem fake to you, but makeup and hair dye are kind of the definition of fake (vs no make up and no hair dye).  Her face is real and her hair is real.

 

You think wearing make up and dying one's hair makes one "fake"? I really hope I read that wrong.

[gstharr]

I'm trying to get a handle on this. Martha Stewart immediately popped to mind. Yes, I knew quite a few like her.

[eternalsummer]

I don't mean that it makes you fake, I mean that it makes your hair a fake color (that is, not the real color your hair is) and that makeup makes your face a fake presentation (that is, not the natural presentation you have).  It's like calling breast implants fake boobs, or something.  

 

I just think it's strange to accuse someone of being fake because they *don't* change their appearance to appear younger.

[fraidycat]

No. I don't know any.

 

I know real-real women with flaws, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Some are quiet, some are loud, some have natural colored hair, some dyed, some wear make-up, others do not. Every single one of them is human, with human emotions to go with the peaks and valleys of their life. Each one of them has their own personality, from zen-like to frantic and everything in between.

 

You know who was fake-authentic? Milli Vanilli

[TranquilMind]

I have never  met anyone who has tried to 'make me feel their Zen'. I don't know. How can one go through life for 46 years never having met one of these people who otherwise seem to abound ? Am I simply blessed ? 

 

Maybe we don't have them in Sydney. A lot of things about my city seem unique. 

I still don't even know what the heck this thread is about...  ;)

 

[MaeFlowers]

You agreed to a comment that literally negatively judges women based on certain appearances.

 

This is the most bananas conversation I've read in a long time.

 

Women who don't behave according to expectation are "fake"? Does this include men? When you (in general), don't live up to someone else's expectation, does that mean you're being "fake"?

Women who don't color their hair but wear cosmetics are "fake"?

Environmentalists are "fake"? Does this include men?

Wearing Birks expose you as "fake? Does this include men?

Feminism is "fake"? Does this include men?

 

What makes a person "real"?

 

Edited to add, I'm not angry or trying to accuse anyone of anything. I hope I don't come across that way. I'm just really confused and trying to figure out what makes a person "real," and how something like shoes gives it away. It's like trying to figure out what Deepok Chopra is saying. It seems to "fit" until you try to actually understand it.

I think what makes a person fake is when they live a life that is incongruent with who they actually are. It isn't them trying be a better version of their self, it's them trying to be something that they are not. You can feel it when someone is trying to be something they are not because they are intentionally trying to hide who they actually are.

 

I don't think it necessarily comes from a bad place. I think it often stems from insecurity and a genuine desire to be a better person. But, I do find it sad when someone has to be something else because they genuinely believe that what they are isn't enough or the right thing.

 

Like someone else mentioned, this is common personality type in the south but with a different motivation. I think the archetype is probably different given the area you live in.

[laundrycrisis]

IMO the difference between the genuine and the not-genuine is the trying too hard, liking to have certain labels applied to them, wanting to influence people, and wanting attention for fitting a certain type of profile.  The person who lives it genuinely just does it without trying to get attention for it, and may not notice attention that they do draw.  They also may not fit it all perfectly - there will be some rough edges, and they won't care. 

 

Thinking more - they want to impress you with how authentic they are.   They aren't really at peace enough to just be into what they are into.  They want to be noticed for it.   Sometimes they act like they are wiser and more evolved.  

 

I figure whatever their reasons, I hope they find their way to the things they want to learn and the confidence to not need anyone to be impressed.

 

BTW I have gray hair and I don't yet have but want a pair of purple Birks.  

Edited February 5, 2017 by laundrycrisis

[fraidycat]

I think what makes a person fake is when they live a life that is incongruent with who they actually are. It isn't them trying be a better version of their self, it's them trying to be something that they are not. You can feel it when someone is trying to be something they are not because they are intentionally trying to hide who they actually are.

 

I don't think it necessarily comes from a bad place. I think it often stems from insecurity and a genuine desire to be a better person. But, I do find it sad when someone has to be something else because they genuinely believe that what they are isn't enough or the right thing.

 

Like someone else mentioned, this is common personality type in the south but with a different motivation. I think the archetype is probably different given the area you live in.

Oh, if this is the definition, then I guess I was/am a fake-authentic woman.

 

Stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom is very incongruent with who I really am. I prefer working outside the home, I am an extrovert who prefers adult conversations and interactions, and I prefer just to be a mom vs. being a teacher.

 

I genuinely believed it was the right thing to do, for us, at the time I was doing it. In fact, I still believe it, and would/will do it again in similar circumstances. But, it is really not who I am and makes my life exponentially harder when I do it because it goes against all that is "natural" about me (working, being around adults, extrovert). It's still the right thing to do in certain living situations. It's not sad, it's life.

[Donna]

My kids are heavily involved in the folk music world and I know quite a few women who meet your description...minus the "fake" label.

 

They happen to be some of the nicest, kindest people I know and are part of our "music family." They are welcoming and supportive of my kids and their musical endeavors.

 

Of course, they are real people with good qualities and faults just like everyone else but why bother looking for the faults? I love learning from them whether it is vegetarian recipes, gardening, art, music, etc... 

[SKL]

Well, my brown hair is definitely fake. It comes out of a bottle and covers up my real, grey hair. 

 

I wonder whether my hair dye has magical powers to keep the grey haired whackos away. What will happen if I stop dyeing it and start wearing Birkenstocks? Will I get the fake Zen ?

 

Maybe.  They seem attracted to me.  Didn't really think about it before, but maybe it's because I have a relatively "natural" appearance.

 

I don't mean to say this bothers me.  I find people interesting/amusing in most all variations, as long as they don't ask too much of me.  :P

 

[SKL]

There is a person with a similar personality in my church, only in her case it is a "so spiritual" facade which she seems to believe is real.  The reason I don't feel it's real is that she occasionally falls out of it and shows a whole other side.  But the rest of the time she seems unaware of that "other side" - at least while in her church persona.

[MaeFlowers]

Oh, if this is the definition, then I guess I was/am a fake-authentic woman.

 

Stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom is very incongruent with who I really am. I prefer working outside the home, I am an extrovert who prefers adult conversations and interactions, and I prefer just to be a mom vs. being a teacher.

 

I genuinely believed it was the right thing to do, for us, at the time I was doing it. In fact, I still believe it, and would/will do it again in similar circumstances. But, it is really not who I am and makes my life exponentially harder when I do it because it goes against all that is "natural" about me (working, being around adults, extrovert). It's still the right thing to do in certain living situations. It's not sad, it's life.

I didn't mean it like that. I guess my definition needs work. I definitely understand where you are coming from with homeschooling.

 

I wasn't calling you fake because you homeschool when you would rather being doing something else. You would be fake if you lied and said it was the most awesomestest thing ever when you didn't mean it. If you tried to deny to you would rather be working, that would be sad to me. I would wonder why you couldn't be honest.

[Scarlett]

Like one of these?

Edited February 5, 2017 by Scarlett

[BigMamaBird]

Back before I had kids I used to work for a married couple who had a chiropractor office.  They were peace, love and understanding vegetarians.  Hard core yoga and tai chi instructors.  Very liberal, environmentalist, tie dye, earth mother types.  But on the flip side they were racists who fled South Africa when apartheid fell because "those people" were taking over.  It was very confusing to me as a young, just out of college person.

 

It was one of the first times I had encountered people, as an adult, who projected one persona but had a totally different side once you got to know them.  I'm currently trying to work myself through a similar revelation.  It was recently uncovered that my Uncle has been having a two year long affair.  He's always portrayed himself as this super family man who had this extraordinary bond with his daughters and was just the bee's knees, isn't he great. But in reality he's a disgusting hypocrite.  

 

It's hard when you try to think the best of someone and take them at face value, to find out that you've been duped.

[regentrude]

Usually several of the following characteristics:

 

Does not color hair, wear make-up

Has a natural look

Works in the healing arts

Wears Birkenstocks

Wears Native American jewelery

Environmentalist

Feminist

Liberal

Vegan

Or might be obese and self-accepting

One size clothing, flows, batik cloth, bought at farmers market

Uses special words and language of acceptance, etc.

 

The above describes many of my friends. I have no idea what is "fake" about them or why I am being "duped. Can you imagine that they are actually genuine and authentic?

 

I do not color my hair or wear makeup, have a natural look, am an environmentalist, feminist, liberal and wear flowing tie-dye clothing in my spare time, when I am not wearing professional attire for my job as a physics professor.

 

I guess my saving grace is that I am not obese, only self accepting. And that I'm not in the healing arts. Or maybe I don't notice that I am "fake".

 

This conversation is bizarre.

[regentrude]

You think wearing make up and dying one's hair makes one "fake"? I really hope I read that wrong.

 

Fake means "not genuine".

So no, flawlessly appearing skin because of foundation is not genuine flawless skin, and grey hair covered by black dye is not genuine black hair.

I don't see what one can even argue about that. It's the entire point of these things to create an appearance that is different from the genuine one.

[kathkath]

Sounds exactly like my aunt, who doles out unsolicited parenting advice while forgetting she had a full time nanny to parent hers years ago... I think it comes from some sort of needy lack of fulfillment.

[Catwoman]

Like one of these?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I loved that video!!! I know women who fit each of those stereotypes!

[Scarlett]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I loved that video!!! I know women who fit each of those stereotypes!

I know. I love. It.

 

And honestly there is a little bit of all of them in me.

Edited February 5, 2017 by Scarlett