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EmseB last won the day on December 4 2018

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About EmseB

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  1. I just ask because your first sentence... that's not the general vibe I've gotten (either from produced PSAs about the topic as it relates to casual hook ups or from discussions here that lean more towards the marriage aspect). Which makes the enthusiastic part seem a bit more awkward/cheesy/ruin the mood. The pp that I was replying to seem to suggest a lack of adult communication skills if it wasn't verbally stated and I was left wondering how odd it actually is to not use words in expressing these things with, say, decades with the same partner, mutual trust and understanding, etc. Or even if a new partner, certainly consent can be non-verbal?
  2. Is there any possible way, within the 'enthusiastic consent' framework, consent can be non-verbal?
  3. That's...not at all what I was referring to, but I'm glad it works for you guys!
  4. I'm sorry that is your experience with biblical teaching or practical Christian living, but I don't think it's an accurate reflection of Ephesians (the head is specifically supposed to sacrifice himself for his wife, including unto death if necessary, and he is supposed to care for her body as he cares for his own... so I think that includes not raping her or cajoling relations when she doesn't feel up to it). I suppose the biblical debate is probably beyond the scope of this thread. In any case, I think in any marriage there are going to be times when the wife wants some and her husband doesn't and vice versa. Maybe in the case of injury or illness this goes on for a long time. Maybe it's a difficult week at work. In either case I think they are supposed to treat each other with respect and that can vary quite a bit practically depending on a lot of individual circumstances. But I don't know why it would always mean the woman having to lie back and think of England, biblically or otherwise. But, as an aside, I have to say that the idea of "enthusiastic consent" sort of weirds me out. Enthusiastic by whose standard? How does this work practically? Who is judging enthusiasm? What if someone is less emotive or just feeling lazy in the moment, but they still wanna...? Do they fail the enthusiastic consent test? What if they want to for utilitarian purposes like conception or something? What if they were bored and couldn't think of anything better to do? 😂 I don't even know how you would judge someone's level of enthusiasm as a standard and trying to do that seems creepy somehow. I can't imagine a dude judging a woman that way..."Are you enthusiastic enough for me to have relations with you?" And how insulting if he decided, nope! Especially someone's DH...oh man. Sorry, honey, you weren't enthusiastic enough tonight; no soup for you. I'm sure I am not getting this framework as its intended because it all just seems to awkward and judgy.
  5. But it is supposed to be mutual. Each spouse is supposed to treat the other's body as their own. How one interprets that can mean different things in different seasons of life, but it isn't a simple "follow the leader" because the "leader" is supposed to put everyone else's needs above their own.
  6. I can understand that. However, if she's framing it to herself that he's "not being mean, just being lazy" in the same paragraph where she's saying he's willing to do these things if he's trying not to look bad in front of company, then I think it's not so much working up confidence as it is seeing the problem for what it is (ie, that it *is* being mean and selfish).
  7. The fact that he knows better and does better in front of company is more disrespectful (to me) than anything else you've said. Like it's not just habits and laziness and growing up a certain way. It's treating you a certain way in private and knowing it's not right so he does differently in public. IOW, he could change his behaviour quite quickly and easily, but you have to wear kid gloves with him and take is slowly?
  8. Since I have had four toddlers I would have spent a lot of my time being irritable by that criteria! Not that the occasional sigh does not escape from time to time, lol.
  9. But if sex is viewed simply as the satisfaction of a biological urge that is undertaken with no emotional, spiritual (or whatever you want to call it) component, then it is really difficult to view it outside of the consent/transactional model. What else could there be? This, I think, is also reflected in the idea that in a good portion of society today, any sex is okay, and there is no real "sin" or anything verboten in terms of sex except for assault/rape. Anything goes as long as both people are willing, and the idea of sex being some sort of union or commitment between two people is considered laughable. It's simply mutual self-gratification. And to that end, the consent model is the only thing that (sort of) works.
  10. No, but curiosity was killing me until I googled and figured out autocorrect probably changed a word in your title! 😄
  11. Right. Sorry I'm not being clear in what I was trying to say. She said he was done eating and she was not, but he was refusing to help with _insert basic dinner task at a family meal_. That was my point. I couldn't imagine a grown person saying no to something like that. It seems like it would just be so awkward.
  12. Ah, I was picturing a kid who wasn't capable of the self-serve thing. It's one thing to tell a kid they can serve themselves, but it sounded like he was being asked, refusing, and deflecting the task to the OP. I say, "Go ask your dad," for certain stuff, but at the dinner table? When I'm right there anyway? So weird (to me).
  13. So am I the only person who can't imagine an adult in a household saying no to a dinner request? How does this play out? Can I please have more green beans, Dad? refuses to scoop them out? That's not even marriage dynamics; it's like basic etiquette! Anyway, glad to hear of the baby steps, OP!
  14. Unclear on why you think it's ignored? That's precisely the reason (well, one of the reasons) I want more people here in the US to be vaccinated.
  15. Totally reasonable. Middle school is about when my parents stopped financing movies, mall trips, random stuff I wanted at the drug store. But I could work for the money, so it wasn't like I couldn't do those things. My kids right now get $5/week base pay and it goes up if they mow or do something extra like that.
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