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EmseB last won the day on April 16 2019

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  1. And I think people define how their family "does well" differently, too. For some it means their kids being able to get along independently for whatever reason, for some it's building a large inheritance and leaving their kids set up with a house and car purchased for them so that they don't have to worry about those things. And there's a whole lot of in between like buying groceries during lean times or paying a mortgage payment or loaning money to start a business. But I don't think there are a whole lot of people who don't want to see their kids doing well even if it might look that way based on external circumstances. For example, my aunt really wanted to help my cousin out and he lived with her for a long time, wanted for nothing, car, clothes, shelter all paid for for him. Of course from the outside it looked like she was helping him. In reality, on the inside, it was a hugely codependent relationship and now that she is gone he can barely function as an adult and is at serious risk of becoming homeless. So it's hard to judge by looking what is help and what isn't and if tough love is good or bad for any given situation. I am just riffing off your post, not picking on you.
  2. Oh, also I have seen situations where help or loans or gifts are used as leverage or manipulation. So it might seem to an outsider that a person is too proud to accept or ask for help but really there is a lot of baggage that comes with taking money from family that doesn't come from a bank, interest rates be damned, lol. I guess maybe when I think of money and close relationships is very rarely simple and sometimes it's best not to entangle the two. I actually thought this was pretty common advice when it comes to loans to/from people you love.
  3. Oh totally, that's why I put the caveat at the end! 🙂
  4. The other thing I wonder about is, my grandparents weren't in a position to help my dad with any expenses until my dad was well into adulthood. My parents, too, have their own bills and expenses and mortgage. My mom still works and they are both going to be on retirement/fixed income soon. My DHs parents already are. So I do think some of it is a class issue maybe? As in, even if there were no issues surrounding asking for or taking help, or someone was happy to give money, there's not always ability to do so.
  5. All that said, if we wanted a truck for whatever reason, in my family it would be really weird for us to ask either of our parents for a loan rather than financing it through a third party. I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask family to do that for us. If we were in dire straights with no credit and trying to get back on our feet and needed a car to get back and forth to work, I know family would help. This isn't a comment on anyone else's situation, just how it would work for us.
  6. I actually don't think it's that weird that someone might feel embarrassed saying they can't provide for their family or embarrassed to ask anyone for money. It seems like that would be pretty common even if you know help is readily available. I think there's another aspect that can complicate things, which is that involving money in relationships, even with family, can and often does create complications and hard feelings. It would be great if no one ever felt taken advantage of or no one ever took advantage or no one ever flaked out on loans or got persnickety about what people spend their money on (I loaned nephew Bobby $5,000 for a car to get to work and now his family goes out to eat twice a week and he hasn't made a payment!), but money makes things sticky. I have always taught not to loan things out unless I expected never to see them again and that's also how I think of asking for would it affect the relationship if I couldn't pay this back? It's not never done in my family but it's a big deal when it happens...with a contract and expected date of payback and such. On the other hand, if we're just hanging out my mom will grab lunch or buy the groceries and prefer it that way because she likes to and doesn't like me paying for her. But big chunks of money...I wouldn't like having that between us unless absolutely necessary
  7. I would drop scouts so this may be beside the point, but this stood out to me. When we get home from an evening activity, we just do jammies, teeth, and bed. Is there a reason for a late night snack? My kids rarely eat after dinner is over around 6 or 6:30 so I might be missing something, but snack at 8:30 at night would not be happening because it would add at least 20-30 minutes when I'm already fried for the day.
  8. Virgin River on Netflix is decent.. only one season made so far though.
  9. Can you tell me about natural calm? Is it the gummies I see on amazon? How does it make you feel wrt anxiety?
  10. Why would you assume the worst possible motives of people who want help remembering names? At our church with nametags, basic social interactions like introductions were still the norm. How odd would it be to think that because I can see someone's name on their tag that I wouldn't still greet them?
  11. Mine used to be that long and I don't know how you can swim without it being contained!! Mine absorbed so much water without a cap it felt like I had a brick on my head, lol.
  12. My hair is down to the middle of my back and very thick. I use this one and it works well. Just in case anyone else is looking.
  13. I am not a huge fan of them either (how they feel on my head), but I will say that they help immensely with swimming for excercise. Of course, I have a lot of thick hair and swam competitively for years, but I almost can't do laps without one anymore. The drag and hair messing up my goggle fit, etc., is way more annoying than the cap itself.
  14. I would look and see if there is a Napro doctor in your area. They are usually more interested in solving female reproductive issues rather than just treating (or ignoring) symptoms.
  15. Another vote for speedo, I'd look on, but you need a swim cap to really make any goggles fit well. Cheap latex caps work well, but dry them and put a bit of baby power inside after each time you swim.
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