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EmseB last won the day on April 16

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About EmseB

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    Amateur Bee Keeper
  • Birthday October 12

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  1. I think it looks way better with the dark brown!
  2. I'm not saying it's a fix, necessarily. And they do exclude people with certain diagnoses. But I know that there are people who, based on what is said on this board, would be considered undiagnosed EFD or ADD or ADHD who do respond to the method of training that the military provides in order to obtain a level of self sufficiency that allows them to exist in an environment with very high pressure expectations and decreasing amounts of supervision. For example, in basic or boot camp you're told when to clean for inspection. When you leave basic, you're told when your barracks room is going to be inspected, when you're having a uniform inspection, when you're having an academic test, but your time outside of class or your primary duty is maybe restricted to base, but you have to divide your time to meet those things. Consequences are punitive, and punitive is ideally restorative forthose they want to keep around, if that makes sense. By the time you've been in a year, doing all that stuff, making it to work on time, etc., is on you. Academic classes are generally taught with the idea that everyone has a high school diploma but haven't been through rigorous college classes. So there is a lot of structure to get people to pass a class. However, my career development courses were all self study. My on the job training was self study on the academic side. I was expected to maintain proficiency in my primary skill set (tested annually) largely on my own. My supervisor may have asked about my progress or if I had a study plan, but he wasn't coming up with one for me. Anyway, I really digress. Oops!
  3. I was looking up attrition rates...for air force basic training, it's only 7 or 8 percent. The testing beforehand is aptitude (*very basic* academics and spatial reasoning type stuff) and medical/physical. I wasn't tested for LDs at any point, although I suppose if one really has trouble with standardized testing it would be a problem. I'm just saying that I know there must be undiagnosed people with EFD in the military, and for the most part, it seems like the yelling/punitive model works on a broad range of people. In fact, a lot of people I know joined the military in order to get their stuff together. These were not dumb people, but had trouble with college or real life for whatever reason or just wanted more self discipline. And that started with a very punitive model applies broad brush on anyone who was there. The scaffolding, as it was, was yelling and physical discipline.
  4. If you know what unit your person is in, you can usually get some kind of duty desk number to call. Maybe you don't get ahold of the first line supervisor, but you get someone who knows enough to pass along the message to the right people. That is, the people who are going to yell at your person and/or make fun of them for having your mom call in. I was thinking about this thread in light of the military. It's interesting that people say punitive doesn't work for EFDs. That's almost the entire structure of the military. Get your hair cut, keep your room clean, study, show up on time, shine your boots, etc. All of that is enforced via an entirely punitive system of consequences, recruits come from all walks of life with all different sorts of LDs and abilities, it's very sink or swim + high pressure with stakes of failure being pretty high...and yet all kinds of people manage to make it through training (both boot camp and technical schools). There are known elite jobs and tougher schools with higher attrition rates, but even then, a lot of the reasons are medical or stuff like that. I wonder what makes this work for the military effectively? (I'm not arguing parents should be drill sergeants, just wondering about the effectiveness aspect).
  5. I don't know if she had LASIK or PRK, but I have a friend who had very bad results and did almost go blind because of the surgery. She didn't advocate for people not to have it done, just that they should be aware of the risks.
  6. It's a pretty loaded question.
  7. We are really loving Decrypto. It's quick to play, a fun game where you get your partner or team to guess words without the other team figuring out your code.
  8. Right, but a project manger is not coming to an individual's desk and telling them how to spend their time between checking email, daily tasks, dividing time between work on Project X, and Project Y, etc. They manage Project X for the whole organization and want to see that tasks are getting checked off the list for that thing so they send reminders. At least in my admittedly limited experience.
  9. I will bow out of commenting because my intention is not to say that anyone's kids are stupid or lazy. I do fundamentally disagree with some things said here about college level expectations and what college prep looks like, but I don't think it would be well received if I try to articulate. I don't have experience having a kid in college. In case it matters, I also don't think that people who don't fit a college mold are stupid or lazy. It took me 17 years to get a bachelor's. Off the top of my head, the five most intelligent and/or hardworking people I know don't have degrees. I don't think being able to "do college" or not says anything about one's character or Intelligence. FWIW.
  10. After reading this entire post, I don't know how what you're talking about would be able to be done by someone who doesn't know your son intimately. I don't know how someone who can't read him or know this stuff about him in detail would be able to do what you're doing. Or at least, the bolded sounds a lot like what people pay a life coach or even a therapist per hour to do for them and that's with taking weeks or months to develop a good relationship. But maybe I'm incorrect and still reading it wrong.
  11. Nope, not equivalent at all, but also probably the most malicious way to interpret what I was saying. Everyone in college or university has to intake information and give output in some form or fashion. A lot of what goes on there is dependent on life and study skills one has learned through middle school and high school. It is higher order thinking, learning, digesting, and analyzing with significant requirements for writing papers and independent studying for big exams. Even if one needs a different method to ingest the info or provide the output, it still has to happen within a certain time frame because semesters are limited. College prep happens in middle and high school, that's just a fact. It isn't demeaning to say that a college-ready student should be able to produce a term paper without the same level of teacher guidance as a middle schooler. That goes for people with APD, dyslexia, whatever. I had a friend who was legally blind. When she got to college, she had to produce college-level work regardless of her disability and it was on her to get the necessary accomodations because her parents lived 1000 miles away. But, like I said in my previous post, if mom is organizing one's time and due dates and projects for them as the necessary accommodation, it doesn't affect me in any way or other students. More power to them for figuring out a system that works to get through college. I disagree that is the best solution for long term success, but not my kid so it doesn't really matter what I think about it, and my oldest is a whopping 12 years old, so what do I know anyway? But I suspect that some of us probably fundamentally disagree about the purpose of university and how it should function, so we're probably talking apples and oranges here to some extent.
  12. Maybe, but part of the meeting was us setting those things up and us figuring out when we had to finish X so that the other department could get it to complete Z. And if I had those deadlines or benchmarks or taskers, I still had to come up with how to accomplish the tasks by the deadlines. I mean, at some point I had to schedule my own time even if someone broke down one project into smaller tasks and gave me deadlines. I had to figure out how to work on the project, then the other project I had going, make travel arrangements for my business trip next month, keep my inbox cleaned up, give input to daily briefings, etc. To go back to the OP, in 6th grade I can see a teacher setting multiple due dates for a paper: submit your topic and thesis sentence first, a week later I need your bibliography/sources, a week later I need your outline, a week later I need your rough draft, a week later your final draft. In college, a prof *should* be able to give a rubric and instructions with a due date and a person should be able to break that up into manageable chunks because that skill was taught in middle school/ high school. I think it's great if a college offers resources to help someone do all time management, but IMO, getting into college presupposes that you've learned at least somewhat how to organize and write a paper. I guess if part of the way you've learned to accomplish that is by asking a parent for help then it's not like I mind that personally. To each their own. It's just a strange idea to me that a parent would be doing that scheduling for their kid at 18-20yo. And I have never been a super organized person, FWIW. Managing time well does not come naturally to me, and I did need failures to see how my poor planning led to bad outcomes that stressed me out.
  13. In the military it was, "You have 6 months to pass this board. Here are two binders full of everything you need to know. The education and training office is Building 123." Or "The promotion test is on September 3rd. Everything you need to know is in instruction 12-345." You were usually allowed one failure and had to pass a certification on a second try. Promotion tests weren't a must-pass unless you were hitting high-year tenure. The advantage being that all your buddies were probably taking the same tests around the same time so you could study together...but no one was getting study help from their mom. And most, IME anecdotally, did pass. It was kind of a big deal when someone failed to certify on their job or career coursework. At work I was given projects and deadlines. It was up to me to work on them as I saw fit and complete them by the deadline, unless my boss was a super micromanager and that wasn't seen as a good trait in a middle manager. I would sometimes get asked, "Where are you with this?" but individual tasks within a project I was asked to do were on me to organize and complete.
  14. I feel like I live on a different planet than a lot of lawmakers and child safety advocates. Then again, in the intro to the article a case was cited where a mom left three kids ages 6mo to 4yo. That's demonstrably negligent. A 4yo can't care for an infant. But arresting a mom for leaving a 7yo for 45 minutes is nutso in the other direction.
  15. Ina Garten's pie crust recipe never fails me. Never. All-butter is overrated when I can get such good results with hers every time. I put the butter cubes and shortening in the freezer for 10 minutes and use my food processor.
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