If something happened to you, would it create a hardship

[Prairie~Phlox]

For your family. If you passed away that is. I found out today that a homeschool mom with 15 kids passed away & had no life insurance. Kids range from about 22-a few mos old. She ended up with cancer. So sad.

[DawnM]

Oh my word, how horrible.

 

Do you mean hardship financially?

 

There is life insurance on me.   And my kids are older.

When the kids were little we had life insurance too.  I worked full time until they were 8 and 6, then I stayed home.   

[creekland]

Nope - and I'm making sure it isn't any sort of problem.

 

The worst thing I've yet to "fix" is making sure everyone else would have the correct passwords for our online accounts.

 

There's enough life insurance to pay off our bills and then some, the boys all know to keep living their lives rather than mourning for too long, hubby knows he's free to move on living his life - even if it means remarrying should he ever want to - and I think I have all other loose ends at a manageable stage.

[hjffkj]

If I passed away their would be a hardship in the fact that our insurance policy isn't large enough to have dh not need to work so the kids would go to public school and daycare or with helpful family memebers. But we do have enough for dh to pay off the mortgage and then take a good year off of work so he could cope to the changes and when he was ready to work again the financial load would be considerably less.

 

If dh passed away we have enough for the mortgage to be paid off and me to not work for roughly 5 years max. The idea is that I'd take a year off and then have more left over to work with while I work my way up to a better salary.

 

Not having life insurance at our phase of life is simply not an option. Unfortunately, we can't afford enough to go towards the kids' education. But knowing my family they wouldn't let the kids go without if the desire were there. My parents will always bend over backwards for their children and grandchildren during times of need.

[Dmmetler]

We have life insurance on me, so financially it wouldn't be as big of a shock (for example, we looked at how much regular housekeeping would cost, after school care, school costs, and so on). It would, however, be a major change. Homeschooling SAH moms simply aren't interchangeable parts. We also have enough insurance on DH to shelter the transition a bit, and to help make up the difference between salaries, since teachers don't make as much as engineers.

Edited November 28, 2016 by dmmetler

[LucyStoner]

We have life insurance on me but life would need to change if I were dead and those changes would be a hardship.

[madteaparty]

Financially? No. It might be a boon.

But in terms of exactly how my kids would be raised, I worry. DH is amazing but has super lax standards. I often remind self not to drop dead until my youngest is a bit older.

[bettyandbob]

We've always had life insurance on both parents. 

[LucyStoner]

Losing a parent and a spouse is by definition hard.

 

I have a friend whose father died when she was young. Due to the circumstances of his death, financially they were far better off after he died than before he died. All of his kids were made very financially comfortable for life because of the large legal settlement paid out to the deceased's families by the company directly responsible for the deaths.

 

They'd certainly trade the money for their dad. It was a big hardship to lose their father at such a young age.

[Rosie_0801]

Financially, no. 

 

In all other ways, yes.

[Spryte]

Life insurance would help with the financial issues that would arise, but the transition to public or private school would be hard. The grief, the loss, the changes that happen - those are the hard things.

 

My college mentor/best friend/many roles passed away when I was in my mid 20s. Her 14 yr old came to live with me, and I was his physical custodian. We grieved together. It was excruciatingly hard.

[Heatherwith4]

The kids would eventually have to go to ps, which is why we live in a good school district. However, financially things would be much improved, which is a sad thought really.

[Pawz4me]

Financially, no. There's a life insurance policy that would cover funeral costs and pay for a house cleaner for a long, long time,

 

The boys are both young adults now and for the most part can take care of themselves.

 

But you know -- mom is the glue the holds everything together. So I kinda do think they'd experience a bit of hardship.

[Arcadia]

Financially no. My kids would go to a private middle school then to public high school though because our assigned middle school is a mess but the assigned high school is tolerable. Early college would also be on the table if either of us pass before kids turn 17.

 

If my hubby were to pass, I would seriously consider moving back home because of healthcare costs in the states and poor public transportation systems.

[SKL]

I have life insurance and some savings for them.

 

Being a single mom, it would be a hardship for them for other reasons.

[tm919]

Financially, no. I'm insured for the same amount as my  husband is. Sometimes I think I should be insured for more... :p

[TravelingChris]

I have life insurance which would pay for funeral expenses and more.  My youngest is in college and I don't work so there would not be financial problems.  My middle has said a few years ago when I got much sicker than I am currently that she was scared our family culture would disappear if I was dead.  I think her fears have been greatly relieved these last two years.  So they would miss me but not be having that great a life change.  I would be worried about my husband's and daughter's health because I keep track of health things for them and make sure they follow through.

[Tap]

Yes, but no.

 

Dd10 (biologically my great-niece) would go to her bio-dad, so it would be a huge lifestyle change for her. Dh could not keep her.

 

For the rest...life insurance would pay off the house, pay for college and maintain lifestyle for 10 years or so. The major problem is that I am super close to my kids and my husband is not close to them at all. My absence would be almost like losing both parents.

Edited November 29, 2016 by Tap

[Guest]

We have a small life insurance policy on me compared to my husband. But it's enough to cover childcare and such for quite awhile and even pay off the mortgage and any remaining debt.

 

Still, the financial hardship would probably be the least of it for DH.

Edited November 29, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[OneStepAtATime]

Financially not a hardship at first if either of us passed on and initially might be in better shape but if it were me who passed on it might eventually become an issue financially since DH is terrible at budgeting and paying bills and always has been (it's a running joke even among his siblings regarding allowances and such).

 

In most other ways it would be a hardship for many reasons, even though the kids are now preteen and teen. I won't go into detail but I am and always have been the primary caregiver by leaps and bounds. DH just isn't. I suspect if something happened to me the kids would go live with a grandmother.

Edited November 29, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[Farrar]

Obviously emotionally.

 

Financially? Not really. There's a policy on me that would cover funeral and some other things plus some left over. We only have two kids. Now that they're older, there would be a lot less schooling to pay for if private school was deemed necessary. 

 

But this is yet another example of how in general when you're already financially okay, you can keep extending that status. Like, we have enough money to have bought that policy. We have enough expendable income that dh could potentially figure out how to manage childcare expenses without me. We have good insurance so we likely wouldn't incur insane medical debt if I got sick. There are so many elements to this. If we were living on the edge, then none of this would be true and I'm not sure how we'd fix it for the eventuality. We'd just have to live with the risk.

[Julie Smith]

Financially no. Dh and I got life and disability insurance on each other when we were first together and were both young. So the payments have always been little for a large payout.

 

A friend of mine also said she would come and be the full time Nanny/homeschool parent. My kids like her and she doesn't stress people out (ie my mom). I can't see her working out in the long term since she has no experience with homeschooling. In many, many ways she is the opposite of me. But she will be there as long as needed and could act as a buffer between my parents and my Dh and kids.

[katilac]

It would be a financial - not hardship, but a financial negative if either one of us were to die. We have substantial insurance, and the youngest is approaching 18. However, it would be better financially to have the years and years of working. Less so for me, bc I won't make as much as dh, but we're still better off financially with both of us alive and working. 

 

Not just financially, of course!  :laugh:

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 5, 2016 by cathey

[Rachel]

My life insurance policy would pay off our house and pay for private school for my children, financially it would not be a burden.

[Denisemomof4]

I do not have life insurance on myself but my family would be fine financially. I don't see how they will survive without me emotionally. It is something I have worried about for years. Dh is a good dad, but I am much, much closer to my kids than he ever will be. My family calls me the heartbeat of the family.

[gardenmom5]

yes - dudeling requires a lot of support - that I coordinate.   dh has a policy on me just so he can afford to pay someone to do the most critical things I do.

 

1dd had a good friend/work colleague who was going through a divorce.  his wife left him with their five children, the youngest is four. (he was getting  custody, and the house)  apparently, she didn't want to be a mom anymore.  he had a fatal heart attack over thanksgiving.   my heart goes out to  those children.  their father is dead, and their mom didn't want them.

[G5052]

I'm graduating my youngest in June, and I've heard of these sort of situations multiple times. Mine would be fine financially. My youngest could finish homeschooling on her own, and there's college money set aside if they commute, and we have no mortgage.

 

Friends of ours just had their 8th, and they have no life insurance on either of them. The father is 61.

 

Like Tap, I'm the one that is closest to them and who listens to their fears and struggles. I'm the one who keeps the family running and organized. So that would be the biggest loss IMHO.

[Wheres Toto]

Financially no. We have a decent amount of life insurance on both of us.   Depending on if it happened right now, or in a couple years, there would be options as far as school.  Dh could retire, the kids could stay home and work independently (probably by doing online school), my mother could help out.

 

If something happens to both dh and I, our oldest would get custody and the life insurance money.  She could afford to pay off the house and stay home for a few years with the money.  I probably should talk to her about letting them continue to homeschool, just in case.

[Ausmumof3]

We do have insurance. I also suspect some family members would be willing to continue homeschooling the kids possibly. If there was a protracted illness first that would likely create financial hardship.

[FaithManor]

I have life insurance, and a plan is in place for a friend who homeschooled her kids to college to help dh finish up with our last one since local schools do not accept homeschool credits. She is a biologist and her husband an electrical engineer so I feel confident they will be fine assisting my budding aerospace/robotics engineer into college.

 

The other kids are grown, one married with her degree complete, and the other two doing well in college. While I think they seem pretty attached to me, the reality is they will be able to move on without major bumps in the road if something happens.

 

We have enough insurance on dh that if something happened to him, I would not need to go back to work until graduating ds in spring 2018. However, dh is under solemn oath not to leave me alone mentoring the Student Launch Rocket team! :D

[MaeFlowers]

I don't have life insurance but I seriously doubt it. DH has a huge family that would step in to help. I also think he would remarry asap, too. They would be fine.

 

I would be rolling over in my grave on a daily basis, though.

[AimeeM]

We do have life insurance on me (although not as much as we have on DH) and we have excellent health insurance, but I'm sure there would be an initial financial hardship if my death were the result of a long illness. 

Assuming my death is sudden or quick, there is enough to pay for the children's care and funeral expenses. The biggest issue would be coordinating care for DS7 (medical care) and DS4 (OT and ST for autism and overall education). DD15 would have an exceptionally difficult time educationally as there is no school that is truly accessible for her (language-based learning differences in a state that doesn't recognize them and a Catholic high school that doesn't seem inclined to try).

DH is close to all of the children but we are definitely different people with different parenting styles. With me alive, those styles typically balance the other, but left without one I'm afraid the balance would be lost and things would turn... testy. 

 

I know it's the PC and nice thing to say that I hope my husband moves on, but I've made it pretty clear to him that if something happens to me, I do not want him to marry again while the children are still in the house. I hope he's able to be happy, but I hope he can do that without marrying again. I'm sure that makes me selfish, but there it is. 

 

If something were to happen to both myself and DH, financially the children would be fine, I think. DD15 would - assuming she turned 18 prior - receive guardianship of her brothers at her request (well, it was insistence, really, not a request), with the caveat (from us) that she not work while she raises her brothers and attends college. Monies would be doled out by a third party. We have asked that she either stay in this house (a friend of DH's has offered to move in with her while she's still maturing and to act as a mentor/mother to her - this woman is retired and unmarried) or move where she has more support (we have only one aunt in this general area and while she's amazing, she lives an hour away).

 

[madteaparty]

I would be rolling over in my grave on a daily basis, though.

Lol. You and me both. Three times a day to be exact, everytime my kids were fed a "meal".

[madteaparty]

nm

Edited November 29, 2016 by madteaparty

[Melissa in Australia]

financially  no. We live debt free

 

Children are always affected when they lose a caregiver. It would be different if I wasn't here, but DH would function fine 

[J-rap]

It would be quite difficult for us, my husband in particular.  At the same time, I know my kids would work together to figure out how to move forward.  They're good at that.  They'd also take care of each other.

 

I'm slowly putting together a notebook with all the important information in it my kids would need to know.  Things would work out okay, just differently than planned.

 

 

[SereneHome]

I really don't know.....

 

My husband is truly amazing in many things, but handling money is not one of them, so I do worry that no matter how much $$$ he would have, it won't be used wisely and he will end up broke if I am dead.

 

His sister might want to start taking care of the kids.  That fact alone might make me come back to life!  My husband thinks "she is great with kids". I think....well, I don't want to say it bc I don't want to be banned from this wonderful board.

 

So, I have to live at least until my kids are in their 20s and have learned to pretend to take care of themselves, financially and otherwise.

[Guest]

Financially, no.

 

In all other ways, yes.

This.

[TranquilMind]

For your family. If you passed away that is. I found out today that a homeschool mom with 15 kids passed away & had no life insurance. Kids range from about 22-a few mos old. She ended up with cancer. So sad.

Wow, that's horrendous.

 

No, my family is older and everyone would be fine.

[Liz CA]

Not financially. There is life insurance and dh could certainly manage on his own. Ds is grown and lives in another state. I don't know though who would remember to trim the dog's nails... :laugh:

[sewingmama]

Financially it would make no difference....all the rest...well I've sworn I just wont die till my kids are old enough to take care of themselves 🙄

 

We have had two mothers pass away in our homeschool group ...the effects on their families have been miles apart.

 

One father has 3 kids similar ages to mine and those poor kids...they are not in a good place at all and I really wish he would send them to school...he is not a kid person and its heartbreaking to watch how these children are now compared to how they used to be. They used to be friendly and chatty and now they are so withdrawn they wont play with anyone at all. The youngest just cries all the time and his dad is so harsh on him.

 

The other family seems to be doing well... there are two boys ages 13 and 11 and the dad has really stepped up and taken over the role of parenting and raising them well. The biggest difference is that he is very gentle and loving with his boys and very clued in to their needs. The boys seem to be doing really well under the circumstances.

 

I just cant imagine a father having to take over the care of 15 kids. I guess the older ones will step in and help. In the old days they would have just seperated the kids among relatives...not that I advocate doing that at all.

[Melissa in Australia]

Financially, no. We kept life insurance on me until just recently. My youngest is now 18. If I'd died before her senior year, her oldest sister would have finished her out. As it is, she can finish herself up. Dh? That's a different story, with his recent cancer diagnosis. Big changes coming our way. 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[lynn]

No, not at all we have life insurance.

[creekland]

 Dh? That's a different story, with his recent cancer diagnosis. Big changes coming our way. 

 

Evidently I missed something. :(  My Hive time has been a bit limited lately.   I'm sorry you're (both) going through this.   :grouphug:

[Alice]

Financially, no. We kept life insurance on me until just recently. My youngest is now 18. If I'd died before her senior year, her oldest sister would have finished her out. As it is, she can finish herself up. Dh? That's a different story, with his recent cancer diagnosis. Big changes coming our way. 

 

So sorry to hear about your dh. 

 

 

For us, I think financially they would be ok although it would be a hit. Dh and I both work part-time now. I make significantly more even though I work significantly less hours. But we have life insurance on me that is fairly generous and I have a 401K that the benefits would go to dh. 

[BlsdMama]

For your family. If you passed away that is. I found out today that a homeschool mom with 15 kids passed away & had no life insurance. Kids range from about 22-a few mos old. She ended up with cancer. So sad.

 

 

Well, yes and no.  We have a *lot* of insurance on me - we recently raised it to almost what is on DH.  My recent medical worries prompted us to lock in new 20 year rates on term.  It would create a hardship in that it would be hard to parent 11 kids as a single parent and homeschooling would be pretty much impossible, however, it would make the financial stress of putting kids in private school and juggle the crazy without mama possible.

 

Actually, when I signed up for additional insurance, the agent had to "justify" why I'd want that much when I have no income, that is unusual he said.   I explained I take care of several young children and it would be expensive to fill that gap. That was sufficient justification.

 

I am sympathetic to that family. :(  It's so easy to choose *not* to carry insurance on the mama because you don't see the money coming in from her job, but if you had to replace mama, it's spendy.

[BlsdMama]

Financially, no. We kept life insurance on me until just recently. My youngest is now 18. If I'd died before her senior year, her oldest sister would have finished her out. As it is, she can finish herself up. Dh? That's a different story, with his recent cancer diagnosis. Big changes coming our way. 

 

I'm so sorry.  I hadn't heard this. :(

[J-rap]

Financially, no. We kept life insurance on me until just recently. My youngest is now 18. If I'd died before her senior year, her oldest sister would have finished her out. As it is, she can finish herself up. Dh? That's a different story, with his recent cancer diagnosis. Big changes coming our way. 

I'm really sorry.   :grouphug:

[Ravin]

Financially, yes, as I am at this point the main breadwinner. I do have some life insurance, which would hopefully see DH through his degree and into his new career. DD would be stuck with public school, though, and the family would be back on food stamps and medicaid.