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Everything posted by Ravin

  1. My likely-college-bound kid is probably going to have to get there by way of Uncle Sam's Canoe Club (or, if he insists, some other service branch) the way I did. I pray for his continued good health. I should have my own student loans taken care of by the time he graduates high school, at least.
  2. One thing I found interesting from my 23andMe results was that my current weight was accurately predicted by my genetics.
  3. My husband has a disabled parking spot because he can't walk far. He is very obese. He is also, overall, quite healthy aside from his weight and sleep problems that have plagued him since he was in his 20's. He does have one knee that is in bad shape, and causes him pain daily; he uses a cane if he has to walk a distance, but there's not much that can be done about the knee unless he can lose a lot of weight first, and his ability to exercise is limited by the problems with his knee. At one point he got the weight off by fasting and walking miles every day, but it came back when he hit 40 and his hormones shifted a bit (lower testosterone). He does not eat to excess. He eats less than I do by a long shot. He doesn't always use his disabled parking permit, mostly places like on campus at the university where it saves him walking literally kilometers. Most places, if he can find a spot reasonably close he won't bother. He eats very little and the weight doesn't budge. He's looked in to surgery, but even if we could afford it (doubtful as our insurance doesn't cover it), he's been told he's not a good candidate for it. It's very frustrating. Growing up, my mom struggled with weight and health problems, and my father was extremely critical and emotionally abusive about it, even as he continued to smoke despite otherwise making a point of keeping himself very healthy/fit. I very much internalized seeing that as a lesson in what not to do. Would I rather DH be a couple hundred pounds thinner? Yes. But mostly because I don't like that he's in pain and has to deal with the limitations he's dealing with, and because I worry that it could shorten his life. Not because I think he got where he's at through some moral failing. People should own their own hardships in life. But they shouldn't judge others for how they handle theirs, because you never really know the whole story.
  4. Do they post requirements that aren't really necessary for the job? Do they automatically exclude anyone from consideration if they have a felony criminal record? Removing any question about felonies from the initial application could be helpful. Just because someone has committed a felony in the past doesn't mean they're going to be a bad employee in the present. How are they advertising? Maybe they need to broaden the search.
  5. Sounds outrageous to me. My DD's therapist is similarly credentialed, does similar-ish therapy (I think there's a little more substance to it, and we only do biweekly 50-min sessions), and her rate for insurance is $175/session. Because my insurance bites, they won't bill them, so I pay a negotiated self-pay rate, get the detailed bills, and submit to insurance myself as out of network for...eventually...getting some reimbursement.
  6. I think it stems from an unacknowledged sense of inadequacy with respect to the ability to adapt to rapid pace of technological change.
  7. To get DH's prodigious DVD collection to go away, I got on board with assigning space in what would otherwise be my craft room for a server to hold all those movies. Nothing else he has comes close to taking up an excessive amount of space, except books, and being a bibliophile myself, it would be rather pot calling the kettle black to object to his book collection!
  8. Any advice on where to shop? We have looked at Walmart (juniors sizes thru XL too small, nothing she likes in women's/ladies' styles), Justice outlet (18+ fit in a tankini she tried on, but she didn't like it, nothing in the limited selection of 20+ sizes she liked enough to try on), Ross (nothing she liked fit), Forever 21 outlet (she didn't like the styles in the regular section (too skimpy/revealing), I'm pretty sure a 0x will be too big, though we may go back and try, she was tired of trying things on before we found that section), and Burlington (nothing she liked fit), and Amazon (nothing she liked that might fit cost less than $69 for just a bikini top) She wants a bikini or maybe a one piece (though she is convinced she won't find a one piece that fits because she's short and her bottom is not as large as her top), does NOT like tankinis. She's at least a 32DD (probably; might be bigger since she was fitted at Victoria's Secret last fall). She likes sunflower yellow best, has liked some navy blue and white styles, definitely does not like solid black. She doesn't want anything that relies on being tied to keep the suit together (at back, or neck, or hips) and will not wear an underwire. Our budget does not extend to spending over $100 for a suit that might not fit in a year. I would prefer to spend less than $50. Help!
  9. I like designated seats, because it makes it easy to ensure a group can sit together even on opening night without waiting in line for 12+ hours. That said, I wouldn't go to a theater anymore unless I was doing it as a group activity. My couch is more comfortable!
  10. This sounds like an executive function deficit masking strategy. A very familiar one as I used it a lot as a kid and see DD do it too.
  11. PeachyDoodle, I get that the behavior and the privilege are connected. But, what about the underlying reason for the behavior? One thing I have found with my daughter's issues is that reason-based consequences aren't going to have the desired effect on behavior stemming from emotional disorder. If she will go through the process of internalizing the consequence and guilt and still be unable to change her behavior, then she may need more help with the behavior than 'natural consequences." That's not to say you should cave and change your mind about the consequence. Rather, could you sit down with her and help her come up with a plan to improve things? Would she be open to that (once she calms down after the bad news)? Such a plan is most likely to succeed if it's her idea and she has help making it happen.
  12. If he needs to bring in income for the summer, he needs to get over himself. I graduated from law school in May 2015. The bar exam was near the end of July. When none of the clerkships I applied for panned out, I applied at the Walmart where I'd worked before starting law school (and during the first summer of law school while also doing an externship), and spent the summer stocking shelves (my bar review course was online). We needed the money--any money. I was also job hunting for a career related job, which I found and started in August. I worked at Walmart right up through the weekend before starting my attorney position. He's probably too late for hiring deadlines for things like summer camps. There are plenty of gig jobs around--he has a car, he could drive Uber or Lyft, UberEats, be a Shipt shopper, etc.
  13. Justice. They have juniors sizes up to, like, 23 I think.
  14. Eh. Tattoos are one way of signifying memories. She could add on to it, cover it, or just get a new tattoo when/if she's in another relationship. I haven't gotten "Daddy's girl" covered on my ankle yet even though my dad and I do not see eye to eye AT ALL and I transitioned, but I don't regret the tattoo even though it's kind of complicated and problematic now. I might eventually cover the "girl" part for safety reasons though. Maybe with his birth/death dates after he dies. I just thought of that...mostly I don't think about my tattoos and forget they are there except to make sure I get them when I slather on sunscreen.
  15. I have seven tattoos: Back: a raven and an owl Right upper arm: eagle with American flag right ankle: spider right ankle/lower calf (above the spider): butterfly with image of a tiger in its wings left ankle: rose; says "Daddy's girl." left breast area (above and towards midline from nipple): valknot I got them all while I was in the Navy, though I've thought about getting others. The raven, owl, rose, valknot, and spider were all done in Orlando, the butterfly and Eagle on Saipan, iirc,
  16. We enjoy tent camping, and have been enjoying camping with our Cub Scout Pack and Girl Scout Troop the last year and a half. DD sleeps on a cot, DS and I are fine on mats. However, next time we go up into the pines, I want to take a hammock and see how that is! My favorite thing is that everyone has to unplug for a while.
  17. I will raise an eyebrow at the lack of jail time. However, 10 years of probation is, as a practical matter, a whole lot of rope to hang himself with. He will face revocation proceedings and probably more serious consequences for ANY offense, and in many states any probation violation resets the registry clock as well, even if it's not a sex offense. The purpose of sex offender registry is supposed to be to protect the public, not to punish offenders, and so should be evidence-based on the individual's recidivism risk. The lower level registration appears, from my understanding of criminal justice research on recidivism plus what I know of the case from the news, to be evidence-based and targeted. Odds are, if he doesn't re-offend in the next decade, he's not likely to at all. People do change. Not all types of sex offenders are at high risk of re-offending.
  18. I don't watch any TV that involves "personalities." I get my news from NPR and stick to scripted television for the most part (and not even much of that these days). Every now and then I'll binge watch a home improvement or reality show that catches my attention, but not if the people in them annoy me.
  19. Take him to the ER. When my DD escalating to "has a plan" and disclosed it to her therapist, she gave us two options: have the county MH crisis team come in, or take DD to an ER. We chose to go to the ER at the children's hospital because that hospital is familiar to DD and she was more comfortable with that option. We were advised on a safety plan and told to get her in to her regular psychiatrist ASAP. The next week, our totally awesome PNP then made an adjustment to her meds and she's doing much better. An ER visit should trigger referrals, if it's documented that you reported the escalation to a plan and the psychiatrist isn't taking suicidal ideation seriously. Counseling along with meds IS a good idea, fwiw. But if a kid is on meds and escalating suicidality, those meds in my experience need changed/adjusted.
  20. My DD has a mood disorder, and we have had to be careful about what ADHD meds she takes. Some are flat-out not good options when there are other issues. She has also always taken them along with other psych meds. Currently she takes focalin, which works well for her, and she's on 3 other meds for anxiety/mood. My younger brother who is adopted (and drug-exposed in utero to meth) has ADHD with rage issues, but has been doing very well with the right other psych med put together with the ADHD medication. At the eval, be honest, make sure they get a very complete history, and hopefully they can help you find some better solutions!
  21. My mom makes an orange jello salad with cottage cheese and jello powder (no actual set jello involved) and I think coconut and canned mandarin oranges and marshmallows. Everyone loves it except me. But then I can't stand cottage cheese at all. Now that my sisters have taken over doing most of the cooking at Thanksgiving, they still ask her to make this stuff! She doesn't make it any other time, though.
  22. The coupon you can get through your prescribing doctor limits the copay to $25 (assuming the copay without it is within some number I don't recall--it does have a maximum cap on the difference it will cover). This has made it just barely affordable for me. (And if the doc didn't keep us supplied with samples for one of DD's meds, I'd have had to give it up for something cheaper and generic that might not work as well to pay for DD's meds).
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