S/o, have you introduced your older teens yo alcohol?

[Prairie~Phlox]

Do you let you teens sample so they know what it's like & are less tempted to party or sneak behind your back? If no, why not? We let ours sample wine with family at holiday gatherings, we've let the older 2 try small shots recently as well (youngest was gone or he would have as well) & our boys used to get a tiny bit of beer left in the bottle. Our teens are now 18, 16 & 15. I think it's important to let them try it so they are less curious & can have it safely on our home. My two older kids work with a 15 year old & he told them he's been wasted before & they told him what we allow & he said we were cool parents. Not trying to be "cool" but trying to lesson the curiosity. No matter if you don't allow it, they will still be curious at some point.

[Guest]

My dh and I very rarely drink ourselves, so I see no point in us promoting it to our children.

[FaithManor]

Our 19.5, almost 18 year old, and 16 year olds have all had a little wine and a little champagne at family functions on dh's side of the family, and an occasional sip of Mike's here at home.

 

We have talked a lot about this. So far the boys really do not like alcohol much and have very responsible attitudes about it. Dd is a married woman and enjoys an occasional glas of wine, her husband an occasional beer. That is about it. She was a medic and has seen the other side of alcohol use far too many times. Thus they are very, very careful and responsible.

[gingersmom]

I have always (since they were young) discussed my feelings about alcohol.

 

My parents attitude was as long as you don't drink ours it's fine. I was not repeating this with my children.

 

Before my daughter went to college I bought 1 beer, wine cooler and mini bottle of vodka (for mixed drink) so she can see what they taste like, be able to say she has tasted alcohol to her friends (her choice)

 

I don't drink at all. She knows how irresponsible I was as a teen with alcohol and she does not want to repeat my mistakes.

 

We discuss news stories all the time where people put themselves in compromising postions/died because of alcohol.

[frugalmamatx]

Don't have an older teen yet {I have a tween} but yes. I would rather she drank the first few times at home where she can safely learn her limits and tolerances. My family has two types - those that alcohol barely affects, and those that get falling down drunk / moody drunk. I would rather she find out which type she is in a safe enviroment. 

 

 

[Spryte]

No.

 

There is a history of substance abuse for each of our kids (all from different genetic pools) and the younger they sample, the more likely to develop addiction, or that's my understanding.

 

Oldest kiddo has fought substance abuse for years, and I don't want to go through that with the youngers, so no plans for sampling. Oldest was given samples by relatives, out of our control (his bio mother and grandparents, when on visitation with them). I do think it contributed to switching on his addiction earlier.

[Loowit]

I have let them have a sip of wine for communion.  DH and I do not drink, so we don't have it around or plan to buy it just to introduce it to our children.  My parents weren't drinkers and I never felt the need to try it as a teen or young adult, and DH was the same.  I have seen the problems alcohol can cause and DH has a family history of alcoholism.  We let our children know that we don't think it is wrong to drink and that it is a personal choice when they are old enough, but that with the family history we have personally chosen not to imbibe.

[marbel]

I would do that if it was legal in my state.  But it is not.

 

My husband and I enjoy wine and he also likes beer and some cocktails.  Our kids have never seen us get drunk and they understand the perils of drunkenness (along with biblical admonitions against it).   My father, older brother, and that brother's son were all alcoholics (the son has been sober for a few years now) so I understand the risks and my kids know about it.  I went through a period of heavy drinking/partying when I was much younger and have talked about that with them; my memories of that time are mostly not happy and lighthearted.  My husband's family has no history of trouble with alcohol.  We talk about the risks and the responsibilities of consuming it.  Since we don't drink to get drunk I am not too worried about it though it is on my radar.

[KungFuPanda]

I didn't want to make it forbidden fruit. You've never seen more out-of-control teen drinking than in a rural, fundamentalist community where drinking is strictly forbidden to the kids and even preached as an immoral activity. When I traveled to France and Germany a daw how those kids were completely unimpressed with alcohol, it was enough to convince me that prohibition wasn't the way to go.

 

My kids have been given periodic tastes throughout their lives. Communion wine, a sip if mimosa, etc. DS declines because he doesn't care for it and is a teetotaler. Dd is more willing to try now that she's 19. She's moving to the dorms soon and I didn't want her to have zero frame of reference. My goal was to remove the excitement and make it a boring parent activity. I think we've succeeded.

[Farrar]

Mine are just 11 but they've had a sip of wine a few times. They both think it's gross.

 

There is a history of alcoholism in the family for them. We talk about it often. I'm glad they can see that dh doesn't drink (sober more than 18 years now) and that I drink in great moderation. Good to see both, I think.

[nd293]

My mom let me try wine and liqueurs occasionally as a teen, although alcohol never played much of a role in my family. Current thinking is strongly against this practice as I understand it, but based on my experience that's probably what we'll do. I never experimented with alcohol as a younger teen and have only been 'drunk' twice (late teens - out of the house already, and I'm talking probably 3 drinks) and knew that I looked pretty ridiculous both times. Overall I think that it has much more to do with the family drinking culture than anything else, and alcohol is not a big part of our life. I predict serious problems with caffeine, though!

[Ivey]

I don't think teens begin drinking because they're curious about how alcohol tastes. If they're curious about anything (and not just drinking to fit in), they're curious about what it feels like. Unless you let your teens drink enough at home to become intoxicated, I'm not sure that letting them taste alcohol will make any real difference. 

 

At least a couple of our kids have asked to taste beer before they were teens. Dh let them stick their finger in his beer and lick their finger. They tasted wine at their First Communion and were put off enough never to ask to try mine. 

 

Because the legal drinking age in the US is so high, and because it's legal in our state, we did allow our oldest son to drink beer in our presence when he was 19/20. Most of our family and friends do the same with their college-aged children. 

[HomeAgain]

Yes, we have.  We've also made it clear to our teen that quantity is much less desirable than quality, and have allowed him to taste specific wines paired with meals so that he can understand the difference between that and, say,  Boone's.  And even though he knows we'll pick him up anytime, anywhere, no questions asked, he has never drank while out with friends.  No wish to, because the junk a high schooler can afford is for one purpose only, and it's not to enjoy a good drink.  He has grown up seeing how you treat a $300 bottle of scotch or an award winning red wine.  Why bother with a Bud Light?

I think introducing him to how to drink like an adult has made a difference in how he perceives alcohol and the abuse that goes along with it.  We don't keep a liquor cabinet in the house or anything that would encourage sampling on his own time.  It's always a social activity.

[bettyandbob]

I would let them taste if asked. Dd18 had some champagne last Christmas, hated it and got out sparkling cider.

[Mimm]

We rarely have alcohol in the house but my kids have tasted wine, Mike's, and a margarita. They thought the wine was horrible but the other two were ok, but they didn't like the alcohol aftertaste. We don't treat alcohol like it's this huge forbidden thing. We preach responsibility and moderation and talk about making safe choices.

Edited June 22, 2016 by Mimm

[MomtoCandJ]

I plan on doing what my parents did with us... we were allowed to try whatever drink at home... We were also allowed to have "parties" as in a couple of friends over for drinks but no one was allowed to leave until the next day. My mom hid all vehicle keys so that no one could leave and she used her car to block everyone in. As for myself since I was able to sample and to drink in a safe environment, I now have no desire to drink at all. Though if I could find something with a low alchol level that I like I may drink that (so far no luck)

[redsquirrel]

Well, they help us make beer and wine, so to them it's more like a chore, lol.

[Rebel Yell]

My state does not allow consumption of alcohol by anyone under 21 for any reason, so none here.

[happypamama]

I would never, ever serve someone else's underage child alcohol.  However, for my own older teen or young adult, I would allow them to have a sip or two of something DH or I were drinking.  We aren't big drinkers at all; he likes the occasional craft beer, and I even more occasionally try a beer or a hard cider, and maybe a couple of times a year, we'll have a bottle of wine.  We have no histories of alcoholism or propensity towards drunkenness in our families at all, so that wouldn't worry me.  However, it's illegal in my state to offer our underage child alcohol, so no, we wouldn't and don't plan to offer it nor to condone it in any way.

[Anne in CA]

After reading In the Realms of Hungry Ghosts I don't see what the point would be in exposing my kids to drinking as a preventative measure. DH's mom tried that with him and it was a big flop. He was still a binge drinker as a young college student. It wasn't curiosity or "forbidden fruit", he drank too much at social functions because he was nervous. No matter how "cool" many young people seem, lots of them see the need to self medicate at parties to function. There are lots of reasons someone becomes an alcoholic, giving a teen alcohol is not a vaccination for that.

 

Also I have worked with lots of Europeans and have some European in-laws who say that teen binge drinking is alive and well in Europe. The idea that they don't do it is American Urban Legend.

[Junie]

I have never tasted alcohol...

 

This was how I was raised and it is how I am raising my children.

[goldberry]

As of 17, I let DD have a taste of different drinks on occasion.  DH and I don't drink very often ourselves, so it's not very often, and it's only a taste.  She's not that interested really.  I would not be okay letting her drink a full drink.  

 

ETA, I know someone who's teen was really interested in alcohol for some reason.  She elected to go the route of having her try it at home as much as she wanted.  She got viciously drunk and (of course) sick.  This person thought that was a success somehow??  Needless to say, I disagree.

 

 

Edited June 22, 2016 by goldberry

[Joker]

We used to offer a sip here and there if they wanted but don't anymore. Oldest took us up on the offer only twice. She had one sip of wine and one sip of beer. She didn't like either. Youngest never tried any due to the smell. We no longer offer sips since oldest has anxiety and is on medication. She knows that would be bad. They are 14 and 17 now and tell us more than we want to know. Alcohol isn't an issue for either.

[madteaparty]

nm

Edited June 22, 2016 by madteaparty

[TranquilMind]

Do you let you teens sample so they know what it's like & are less tempted to party or sneak behind your back? If no, why not? We let ours sample wine with family at holiday gatherings, we've let the older 2 try small shots recently as well (youngest was gone or he would have as well) & our boys used to get a tiny bit of beer left in the bottle. Our teens are now 18, 16 & 15. I think it's important to let them try it so they are less curious & can have it safely on our home. My two older kids work with a 15 year old & he told them he's been wasted before & they told him what we allow & he said we were cool parents. Not trying to be "cool" but trying to lesson the curiosity. No matter if you don't allow it, they will still be curious at some point.

No. We don't drink.

 

However, they have traveled in Europe so they have had it. Not a big draw, thankfully.

 

One is far too frugal. He said a drink was pretty expensive too.

[rebcoola]

Not in an effort to make them less curious just because it is normal in our family.  Kids get sips and teens are offered wine with dinner at family gatherings, adults have 2 drinks a night.  

[Audrey]

Do you let you teens sample so they know what it's like & are less tempted to party or sneak behind your back? If no, why not? We let ours sample wine with family at holiday gatherings, we've let the older 2 try small shots recently as well (youngest was gone or he would have as well) & our boys used to get a tiny bit of beer left in the bottle. Our teens are now 18, 16 & 15. I think it's important to let them try it so they are less curious & can have it safely on our home. My two older kids work with a 15 year old & he told them he's been wasted before & they told him what we allow & he said we were cool parents. Not trying to be "cool" but trying to lesson the curiosity. No matter if you don't allow it, they will still be curious at some point.

 

As it not uncommon around here, he can have wine with supper.  However, he doesn't like it.  He'll occasionally have a sip of something we're having. 

[redsquirrel]

As of 17, I let DD have a taste of different drinks on occasion.  DH and I don't drink very often ourselves, so it's not very often, and it's only a taste.  She's not that interested really.  I would not be okay letting her drink a full drink.  

 

ETA, I know someone who's teen was really interested in alcohol for some reason.  She elected to go the route of having her try it at home as much as she wanted.  She got viciously drunk and (of course) sick.  This person thought that was a success somehow??  Needless to say, I disagree.

 

It will also get you into trouble with CPS and the law.  Purposefully allowing your underage child to become intoxicated to 'teach her a lesson' is also known as 'endangering the welfare of a child" 

 

It's a bad idea, don't do it.

[Guest]

I wasn't exposed by my parents and didn't have even a taste of alcohol until I was nearly of age. I had half a beer at a party one time when I was nineteen.

 

My husband never tasted any alcohol before he was twenty-one. Never did the binge drinking or even partying thing either.

 

Even at our wedding I didn't drink - we had sparkling cider.

 

I plan on doing the same with my kids. Alcohol was consumed lightly by adults with dinner sometimes, and not by minors.

[Audrey]

No. We don't drink.

 

However, they have traveled in Europe so they have had it. Not a big draw, thankfully.

 

One is far too frugal. He said a drink was pretty expensive too.

 

My ds is a frugal one, too.  Booze and cigarettes are VERY expensive here.  He can't understand why anyone would pay $20+ for a mickey of liquor or $15+ for a pack of smokes. 

 

I raised a right tee-totaler!  Who would have guessed?!  :lol:

Edited June 22, 2016 by Audrey

[TranquilMind]

My ds is a frugal one, too. Booze and cigarettes are VERY expensive here. He can't understand why anyone would pay $20+ for a mickey of liquor or $15+ for a pack of smokes.

 

I raised a right tee-totaler! Who would have guessed?! :lol:

That's funny.

 

Back in the dark ages, during college, I waited tables at a place with a bar. Drinks were a couple of bucks. I had no idea how expensive they were today. On tv, someone ordered a drink and was charged $12! I expressed surprise. One of my kids said it was normal. Wow.

[MaeFlowers]

I plan to allow my DC to try alcohol at home in their teens. My parents both allowed me to sip alcohol when young and then allowed me to have a party in my late teens with friends. They provided the alcohol and took away our keys. (They also spoke with my friends parents and asked their permission.) They wanted me to understand how alcohol could impact me. They talked to me about their own drinking experiences, both good and bad. They discussed with me the dangers of alcohol and drinking and driving and encouraged me to only drink in moderation. Alcohol was commonly at dinners and special occasions and my family modeled the behavior they preached.

When I was in college, I studied addiction. One article stuck with me mostly because my experience in life both before and after reading it pretty much aligned with what it said. It said that families that strictly prohibited alcohol use and families who drink excessively (family gatherings and events centered around alcohol) are most likely to produce family members with alcoholism. Basically, that those who came from families that modeled moderate, responsible drinking were the least likely to develop drinking issues. Of course, you could make a chicken/egg argument here but I still find it to be true. The kids I knew whose parents strictly forbid alcohol were the ones I saw drunk every.single.weekend.

For what it's worth, I don't drink. I don't have any issue with others drinking, I just get sick every stupid time no matter how much I have. So, I don't drink. My dh was a wild child. Guess what kind of family he came from...

 

As of 17, I let DD have a taste of different drinks on occasion. DH and I don't drink very often ourselves, so it's not very often, and it's only a taste. She's not that interested really. I would not be okay letting her drink a full drink.

 

ETA, I know someone who's teen was really interested in alcohol for some reason. She elected to go the route of having her try it at home as much as she wanted. She got viciously drunk and (of course) sick. This person thought that was a success somehow?? Needless to say, I disagree.

I know someone who's mother did this with her and her siblings when they reached high school. She never drank after that. Her sister rarely drank either. I think, for some, it works. I'm not encouraging anyone to try it though.

[mamiof5]

We didn't with our oldest. I doubt we'll do with the rest. I was raised in a country where there's no drinking age (or if there is it's not necessarily enforced), I started "sampling" at what? 12-13? Legal drinking age here is 21, and I don't see the need to expose our kids to it before then. If one of them asks in the future we'll see. But me offering it? I doubt it.

[momof4inco]

DH and I don't drink at all. I can't stand the taste of it, he doesn't see the need for it. I definitely won't be giving them anything to drink until they are 21. That doesn't mean I can't talk to them about drinking and being drunk.

 

Drinking to excess will be a huge problem for our daughter with type 1 diabetes. There will be many, many conversations about that with her. I would really love to see her not drink at all, we'll see what she thinks in another 13 years :)

[Laura Corin]

I model responsible consumption to my children and help them to grow into it.  My parents did the same with me.  It didn't stop me from getting drunk sometimes after I left home, but it gave an example of a normal relationship with alcohol.  

 

Calvin has definitely been drunk since he's been at university (the drinking age is 18 here, but lower with food) but it's not a regular thing and when he's at home, his consumption is similar to his father's and mine.

[Arcadia]

I have not check California's laws. Back home, drinking by minors due to cultural reasons are allowed e.g. Weddings, Chinese New Year so most of us had sip champagne and beer by the time we were 5. We dumped a can of Anchor Beer or Stella Artois into a big bowl of fruit punch for parties.

 

ETA, I know someone who's teen was really interested in alcohol for some reason. She elected to go the route of having her try it at home as much as she wanted. She got viciously drunk and (of course) sick. This person thought that was a success somehow?? Needless to say, I disagree.

Considering many of my collegemates in dorms/hostels were drunk and puking from binge drinking on the last day of exams back in the 90s, it was a good thing Facebook and smartphones weren't invented then.

[foxbridgeacademy]

We rarely drink at home . Beer or wine 6-8 times a year, hard alcohol 1-2 a year(some years not at all) , we go "out" 1-2 times per year.  I started letting them try the wine/beer several years ago.  DD hates it, the taste plus the gluten makes her tummy hurt.  DS likes hard ciders and on the rare occasions I buy a 6 pack (they're $$) I'll split a beer with him.  He has no interest in drinking more than that or of getting "tipsy".  This is the kid that takes dental work "straight" because he's afraid the gas and shots will mess with his head.  

[Joules]

We've offered 18yo (nearly 19), but he's not interested.  He's still not sure if he will drink at all.  My parents were tee-totallers, so it's in his family culture.

 

He does cook and cooks with wine at times.  Of course, I've suggested he can taste to pick one for a dish, but he does it by smell.

 

 

[Carrie12345]

My oldest swears he's never going to drink alcohol, and I believe he believes that.  Maybe he will at some point, but I know he isn't interested today.  All 4 of his parents are social drinkers, so it isn't our doing.  I think it's the rigid Asperger's rules stuff.

 

My state (unlike my home state) does not permit parents to serve their own children in their own home.  I strongly disagree with that, but I'm not about to predict whether I will or will not stick to the law when my young teens are older teens.

 

My mother did allow me to drink some foo foo drinks at home when I was over 18/under 21.  I still went through a short party stage.

[The Girls' Mom]

We don't have alcohol in our house at all any more, so no we haven't let our teens try it.  Back when the kids were smaller, and we still drank, they all tried a sip of beer at one time or another.  They still recall it as the nastiest thing they've ever tasted..lol.  

 

In our family, on both sides, there are some pretty bad addiction issues.  Dh and I both stopped drinking because we found it far too easy to use it as an emotional crutch, and relied on it a bit too much.  Not to mention that my mother died of liver cancer, so I don't really want to abuse my own liver any more than I have to.  We talk a LOT about drugs and alcohol with our kids, and they can see real life examples of how easy it is to become an addict.  

 

That said, we don't have an issue with someone having a cocktail occasionally, or drinking a glass of wine with dinner.  We've not taught our kids that it is a forbidden fruit.  It is just something that they need to be very careful with.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

My kids have always been free to sample on special occasions.  One of them takes us up on that and the other is not interested. 

[Night Elf]

Underage drinking in a private home with parents/guardians is legal in my state. I've allowed my children to try alcohol. I don't believe drinking is evil as long as it's done in moderation. There's nothing wrong with nursing a drink over an hour or so. I've also talked to them about the dangers of drinking. Interesting thing, both ds's and youngest dd's state colleges require students complete an online class about drugs and drinking before they can register. I sat with ds while he did his and it was interesting information and trivia.

[kroe1]

Teens involved in time consuming extra-curricular activities are less likely to engage in alcohol and drug abuse. Teens who have parents who use are more likely to use themselves, both as teens and adults. Teens who have jobs are more likely to use.

 

I have never seen any valid study that claims teens whose parents let them sample are less likely to consume. There might be something out there as I have not looked. During the nineties, there was some thought that since French kids are more likely to be served alcohol as kids, there was less abuse as adults. I think that fell by the wayside, however, when it was figured out that French have a different definition of abuse than Americans at the time.

[ktgrok]

Not in an effort to make them less curious just because it is normal in our family.  Kids get sips and teens are offered wine with dinner at family gatherings, adults have 2 drinks a night.  

 

Pretty much how I was raised. And how my mom was raised. At Christmas, etc kids would get a tiny glass (think the size used for an aperitif...really small) of wine or champagne along with all the adults having wine. We've offered the same to my oldest, but he's always declined. When we have a really nice bottle of something, say a neat wine that was sent by a relative from a craft winery and every one is oohing and ahhing over it, we've let him taste it to see what we are talking about. When my husband has a really nice expensive bottle of scotch that has an unusual taste he's let him taste it. I guess the idea is that he will grow up with expensive tastes in alcohol and not be able to afford to binge drink, lol. 

 

But seriously, more we are trying to model what adult drinking looks like. It looks like Dad having one drink in the evenings with or after dinner. Or the family sharing a bottle of champagne in a celebration. Or a nice bottle of wine enjoyed together over a meal. That the culture of alcohol is not drinking to get drunk, or kegs, or whatever. 

 

I grew up seeing my mom have a glass of wine in the evening. My Dad only drank if we went out to dinner, and only one drink. I did go through a college period of drinking more than I should, a few times, but honestly, it was never a big part of my life like it was for a lot of college students. I hope that for my son as well. But I don't trust that any one method will do that. It's just our family culture, so that' what we do. 

 

It may be influenced by the fact that my grandmother was partly raised in Europe, and grew up at a time when children drank diluted wine on a regular basis. Wine with dinner is just a cultural thing on that side of the family. 

[SproutMamaK]

Yes, we let our kids have sips. They almost universally hate it. I suspect my answer would be different if there was a history of addiction in our family, however.

[regentrude]

My children have been welcome to taste what we are drinking, which is the occasional glass of good wine with a meal, or in the evening.

That is how DH and I grew up; in our home country there is no "drinking age", and we were gradually introduced to wine with meals from young teen age on.

They never showed much of an interest beyond a sip.

 

Edited June 22, 2016 by regentrude

[AmandaVT]

Yes, we have.  We've also made it clear to our teen that quantity is much less desirable than quality, and have allowed him to taste specific wines paired with meals so that he can understand the difference between that and, say,  Boone's.  And even though he knows we'll pick him up anytime, anywhere, no questions asked, he has never drank while out with friends.  No wish to, because the junk a high schooler can afford is for one purpose only, and it's not to enjoy a good drink.  He has grown up seeing how you treat a $300 bottle of scotch or an award winning red wine.  Why bother with a Bud Light?

 

I think introducing him to how to drink like an adult has made a difference in how he perceives alcohol and the abuse that goes along with it.  We don't keep a liquor cabinet in the house or anything that would encourage sampling on his own time.  It's always a social activity.

 

This is similar to how my parents raised us. My dad loved to make homemade beer and would enlist my brother and I to help him. We learned all about the qualities of different beers and how to differentiate between them. We would help sanitize bottles, deal with the slightly yucky smell of cooking hops and everything up to bottling. After all that, a "nattie lite" wasn't tempting in the least when out at a high school or college party. 

 

They also modeled responsible adult drinking. I never saw them get drunk. They'd have a glass of wine with dinner some nights, my dad would give his beer to friends as gifts, or have 1 while watching a football game or boxing match or something. 

 

We don't make beer, but I hope to raise DS similarly. 1 quality drink as an adult is far more preferable to a bunch of crap beer or wine that will leave you with a throbbing headache in the morning.

[DawnM]

No.  We so rarely drink that it isn't in the house anyway.  They have smelled it and turned up their noses.

[gardenmom5]

I grew up tasting. And my siblings used drugs, and my brother dealt.

I now practice a religion that does not drink.

My kids didn't drink or party as teens. or adults. It was never an issue. My kids chose to not hang around with kids who did.. 2dd even quit college crew because she was 'expected' to socialize with teammates, who got drunk on the weekends. There is a reason her friends were foreigners.

[creekland]

Yes.  We share all sorts of things about life with our kids.  This includes our beverages (from soda to alcohol).

 

It's not at all legal in PA, but I've never particularly cared whether someone else believes something is right or not.  It's my life and my kids.

 

I can't imagine doing otherwise.