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I never thought it would happen to us, hubby just got laid off...

HeatherL

By HeatherL,
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HeatherL

HeatherL

Posted
Posted

PLEASE DON'T QUOTE - JUST NOT READY TO DISCUSS THIS IRL YET :(

 

I'm panicking and want to throw up, but have to show none of that in front of hubby and the kids don't need to know any of this.  He's worked for 10 years for a huge national company that employs people all over the world.  They are having some budget cuts and reorganizing departments but was sure he was safe.  But no, his boss told him yesterday.  Out of all the managers in his group he had the smallest team, and probably made the most money, so they cut him. 

 

I work part time subbing, but still have my teacher certification up to date.  He does get a 6 month severance equal to his regular pay, so it helps, but what if can't find a job in that time?  Youngest will be kindy age next year, so hypothetically I can go back to work next school year and put the kids in school, but we really don't want that for the kids.  And teaching in our state only pays 1/3 of what he makes in the IT world and in our current situation we can't live on that.  He's had many work peers calling him shocked because they all value him so much.  Many have offered to help him find something else.  I am trying to stay positive that he can.  His company has some openings on other teams, it's just a matter of finding one he can fit into and make the same salary he was making before.  We live pretty tight, but ok on his current salary and have been doing a good job trying to pay off debts, but there are still a lot of them outstanding.

 

I just keep thinking what if....

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Aiden

Aiden

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. Deep breaths. Calm, rational thoughts. You and your hubby both know what needs to happen now--get started. Resumes, calling of personal/professional contacts, contingency plans in case the income is limited longer, etc etc. You've got a grace period; you can get through this.

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milovany

milovany

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Hugs to you!!!  We've BTDT!  You'll make it through. We didn't get a severance package but for some reason, I had just spent a couple of months stocking up on food supplies (full pantry and freezer) so that helped a lot.  I'm glad you have some breathing room.   This might be a good time to consider a dream that your husband has always had regarding work.  For example, my husband considered the idea of going back to school to get a Master's degree so he could teach English to international students at the local university.  Something else developed instead, but it was good for us to think along those lines.  It's okay to let the kids know, when you're ready.  It's life and things happen.  It's good for them to understand that.  Hugs again. 

 

 

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lexi

lexi

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I'm so sorry! We've been through this and it was so scary. My hubby used to work for a bank that was bought out by a bank in another state. He was a manager and they replaced most of the management team with their people. They laid him off on our daughter's first birthday just one month before we were set to close on our new house. I thought we would die! 

However, he did find another job and it turned out to be a better fit for him with more opportunity for advancement. But at the time it was terrifying since I wasn't working and we were on a single income.

Praying for peace for you and a wonderful new job for him!

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Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

Posted
Posted

Very sorry, Heather.  Where are you guys again?

 

We went through this and it was very rough on DH emotionally on top of everything else.  Even though it was really impersonal, he took it very personally.  From what I have heard that is pretty common.

 

The first thing I did was walk him through the lay off step by step.  I was home, so I had the time to do that, and the law in our state is that you have to have 60 days notice of a layoff, so he was still working with that sword over his head.  He couldn't keep much about it in his head, he was so upset, so I would give him one question per day to get answered.  Or we would go together in the middle of the day to visit the benefits office 40 miles away.  Or I would say, let's apply for a HELOC on our house in case we need cash, and do it now while we can still show good regular income.

 

It was close to the end of the year so I went to the mall to apply for a seasonal job just as a stopgap, but we quickly concluded that my time was more valuable on the 'benefits' end of our family issues than on the income end, at least at that income.

 

But I did start looking at other positions and landed a fulltime job at a higher level that I have had ever since.  It didn't pay the bills at the time but was helpful, and  it has been pretty good.

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FriedClams

FriedClams

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HUGS. We've been there, done that. It's hard. Breathe. You'll get through this. Really.

 

The first thing I'd recommend you do is to sit with DH, hug him, tell him you love him and you're proud of him. Then commit together to be a team through this. Verbally. Clearly. Commit to love and encourage each other, and to work together. No bickering. You're on the same team with the same goals. If you're a Christian, I'd pray and commit this time for His growth and direction in your family like never before. Together. Don't let this divide you. Then, I'd talk to the kids. I'd be honest but comforting. Some things may have to go - like anything you have to pay for that won't offer scholarships. Christmas can be awesome, but it'll likely be different. So, communication is important. And hug a lot. Talk a lot. You can do it.

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UCF612

UCF612

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Posted

So sorry!! That sucks, I know cause we went through it too.  I remember that AWFUL sinking feeling and the fear.  My husband didn't get anything from his job, no severance.  I wasn't working, we had 10 month old.  He found part time work with maintenance at a golf course because he couldn't bare the thought of NOT working somewhere, we sold our house and moved in with my in laws.  Thankfully it wasn't long before he found a job (the job he has now).  We moved down to FL (from NC but I am from FL).  It ended up being a really great thing for us.  It was an awful, scary, trying time but we came through it.  You will too!  Praying for your family and that his time out of work is short lived.  

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HeatherL

HeatherL

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Very sorry, Heather.  Where are you guys again?

 

We went through this and it was very rough on DH emotionally on top of everything else.  Even though it was really impersonal, he took it very personally.  From what I have heard that is pretty common.

 

The first thing I did was walk him through the lay off step by step.  I was home, so I had the time to do that, and the law in our state is that you have to have 60 days notice of a layoff, so he was still working with that sword over his head.  He couldn't keep much about it in his head, he was so upset, so I would give him one question per day to get answered.  Or we would go together in the middle of the day to visit the benefits office 40 miles away.  Or I would say, let's apply for a HELOC on our house in case we need cash, and do it now while we can still show good regular income.

 

It was close to the end of the year so I went to the mall to apply for a seasonal job just as a stopgap, but we quickly concluded that my time was more valuable on the 'benefits' end of our family issues than on the income end, at least at that income.

 

But I did start looking at other positions and landed a fulltime job at a higher level that I have had ever since.  It didn't pay the bills at the time but was helpful, and  it has been pretty good.

 

Thank you for all this!  Yes he is taking it very personal.  I keep pointing out all the shocked phone calls and support he is getting from co-workers to prove this is not due to his ability.  He told me he was so scared I'd be mad at him, that he caused this, but of course I'm NOT!  Yes, he has 60 days, but only 30 working and 30 not working and then the 6 month severance kicks in.  And  I can see it totally effecting him.  He has no desire to be working today because he feels like it just doesn't matter.  I just keep telling him it does because if he stays with the same company (which is what we are hoping for) he needs to give good face to this whole process.

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Tess in the Burbs

Tess in the Burbs

Posted
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Been there.  My biggest advice is go get signed up for WIC today.  I had 2 young kids when dh was laid off the first time. I was embarrassed, but my mom said it's why we pay taxes.  it took HOURS to get through the line, but those food vouchers kept us going until DH found another job.  We lived off his severance and savings.  We sold our house.  And he got a job just when the money ran out.  This will all work out.  Just be open to new opportunities even if they suck.  DH took a crappy job for 3 months and keep job hunting.  It allowed us to have money, be together(when the house sold the kids/I went to family and dh lived hours away with friends where the jobs were), and get back on our feet.  Dh found another job and we moved to another state.  That move was hard on us emotionally, but it was a blessing in disguise.  We didn't want it, but it turned out to be very good for us.  

 

Right now you are in shock.  Cry, scream, break something.  Get outside to walk/exercise.  You will need an outlet.  

 

But get signed up for everything the state offers.  Even if he made more $$ for IT, go to unemployment.  It won't be much, but it is something.  And WIC food vouchers fed us for months.  In fact, I had so much juice every week we had it for almost a year after I stopped using the vouchers.  They come in 3 month supplies, so I declined our second round since dh had a job, but we were eligible for another 3 months.  It's a resource you paid taxes toward, go use it.  It really was our lifesaver.  

 

Your dh is emotionally freaking out inside.  My husband said he felt like a loser when he was laid off.  They had moved us cross country just 6 months prior.  So it wasn't a planned thing, but it happened.  We had a the move, I had my daughter, we bought a house, and bam, lost the job.  We lost our home and ended up in another state.  I never saw it coming.  And for DH is was the end of a dream and he took it hard.  Support your husband emotionally.  Let him talk.  Offer to help search or send emails if he needs it.  Right now, the best thing he can do it network with friends.  

 

((HUGS))  Having gone through a few other job *bumbs* in the road, I can say you will get through this.  And you will be so much wiser for it.  And you will both be very proud of how you did it together.  

 

 

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HeatherL

HeatherL

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I'm so sorry! We've been through this and it was so scary. My hubby used to work for a bank that was bought out by a bank in another state. He was a manager and they replaced most of the management team with their people. They laid him off on our daughter's first birthday just one month before we were set to close on our new house. I thought we would die! 

However, he did find another job and it turned out to be a better fit for him with more opportunity for advancement. But at the time it was terrifying since I wasn't working and we were on a single income.

Praying for peace for you and a wonderful new job for him!

 

This is the banking world too.  I am trying to focus him on the fact this may be a blessing in disguise.  He has not been totally happy in his position lately and was talking about applying internally for a change, but was putting it off.  Now he can look for a position that really makes him happy.  He is just so mad because he wanted to do the change on his terms and time frame, not theirs.

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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Posted

Hugs. Lots of hugs. Doesn't matter how likely it is that he will find something else....doesn't matter if you can go back to work fairly easily. Doesn't matter if you are in better shape than many people getting laid off....it is STILL Terrifying.

 

You will get through it,

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prairiewindmomma

prairiewindmomma

Posted
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A few thoughts:

1. I am sorry this happened. It's so stressful and scary and it feels like your world turned upside down.  Corporate layoffs in IT (in our experience) are rarely about individuals and more about structural organization and politics.

2. LinkedIn is a great resource for IT people. There are IT headhunters out there--find one pronto.

3. Get into the dentist, pediatrician, fill prescriptions, get glasses---max out those benefits while you still have them. Be strategic.

4. Network, network, network.....particularly with those who may have left the company in the last year or two, are familiar with dh's strengths, and have an in at a company he may want to work for. Likewise, vendors, contract employees, whoever he bumps into at work---time to reach out to them as well!

5. Good things can come from this in the big picture.

 

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ktgrok

ktgrok

Posted
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Hugs!

 

In IT, it's all about who you know, and about finding the right place. Make sure he contacts a recruiting firm ASAP, they are really good about putting people into the right spot at the right salary. Insight Global is the one my husband has used and they are great.

 

Now is the time to reach out to everyone he knows in the IT world and see what they can do. 

 

I do think the field is on the upswing over all, so I bet he gets something great well before the 6 month mark. But in the meantime, breathe!

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goldberry

goldberry

Posted
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 He told me he was so scared I'd be mad at him, that he caused this, but of course I'm NOT! 

 

:crying:  Gosh what a sweetie you have.... Poor guy!  And what a great employee he must be to be getting so much support from his co-workers.

 

Hang in there.  It's scary, but you are lucky to have the severance.  You will get through it!

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Southern Ivy

Southern Ivy

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Been there.  My biggest advice is go get signed up for WIC today.  I had 2 young kids when dh was laid off the first time. I was embarrassed, but my mom said it's why we pay taxes.  it took HOURS to get through the line, but those food vouchers kept us going until DH found another job.  We lived off his severance and savings.  We sold our house.  And he got a job just when the money ran out.  This will all work out.  Just be open to new opportunities even if they suck.  DH took a crappy job for 3 months and keep job hunting.  It allowed us to have money, be together(when the house sold the kids/I went to family and dh lived hours away with friends where the jobs were), and get back on our feet.  Dh found another job and we moved to another state.  That move was hard on us emotionally, but it was a blessing in disguise.  We didn't want it, but it turned out to be very good for us.  

 

Right now you are in shock.  Cry, scream, break something.  Get outside to walk/exercise.  You will need an outlet.  

 

But get signed up for everything the state offers.  Even if he made more $$ for IT, go to unemployment.  It won't be much, but it is something.  And WIC food vouchers fed us for months.  In fact, I had so much juice every week we had it for almost a year after I stopped using the vouchers.  They come in 3 month supplies, so I declined our second round since dh had a job, but we were eligible for another 3 months.  It's a resource you paid taxes toward, go use it.  It really was our lifesaver.  

 

Your dh is emotionally freaking out inside.  My husband said he felt like a loser when he was laid off.  They had moved us cross country just 6 months prior.  So it wasn't a planned thing, but it happened.  We had a the move, I had my daughter, we bought a house, and bam, lost the job.  We lost our home and ended up in another state.  I never saw it coming.  And for DH is was the end of a dream and he took it hard.  Support your husband emotionally.  Let him talk.  Offer to help search or send emails if he needs it.  Right now, the best thing he can do it network with friends.  

 

((HUGS))  Having gone through a few other job *bumbs* in the road, I can say you will get through this.  And you will be so much wiser for it.  And you will both be very proud of how you did it together.  

:iagree: 

Sign up for unemployment and WIC today. Do your best to get onto your states Medicaid for the kids, too. 

My sister has had to do this twice when her husband has been laid off due to budget cut-backs. 

 

My husband's company is a pretty big IT company with several offices around the US. I'll PM you the information. They almost always have an opening due to growth. :) 

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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I'm so sorry, Heather -- what a terrible shock! :grouphug:

 

One thing that stood out to me in your OP was that your dh is trying to find another position that will pay him the same amount of money. Please don't get too caught up in matching his salary right now, as I have seen many people turn down solid job opportunities because their pride wouldn't allow them to accept less money... only to discover that no other offers came in for months and months.

 

I know it's hard to hear this, but your dh may very well have to accept less money at first and then work his way back up to his current salary. It is no reflection on his abilities, but on the job market in general.

 

Also, if your financial situation is already tight, now might be the time to consider downsizing your home and sticking to a very strict budget. Make that severance pay last as long as possible by cutting back dramatically on your spending if you can. Many people want to keep living their regular lifestyles when they are out of work, until they don't find a new job as quickly as they had hoped, and then they end up in debt, when if they had assumed the worst about the job market and been super-economical, they could have made their money last a lot longer.

 

I'm not trying to be discouraging -- I hope your dh finds a new job right away; I just want to be sure you are prepared to make do on a lot less money for a while, and the time to start economizing and planning is today.

 

Basically, this was just my very longwinded way of saying to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Being prepared can help you feel like you are taking some control in an out-of-control situation. :grouphug:

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Anne in CA

Anne in CA

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Been there, done that, twice. That's why we bought the restaurant, because it was so hard on dh emotionally to put everything into a company and be given the door. Dh also is very  competent, so he was well paid and that made him a target.

 

We make almost nothing compared to DH's generous six figures right now, but we are building something to leave our kids so that hopefully they will have income that keeps them from this very situation.

 

I am so, so sorry.

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Anne in CA

Anne in CA

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Been there, done that, twice. That's why we bought the restaurant, because it was so hard on dh emotionally to put everything into a company and be given the door. Dh also is very  competent, so he was well paid and that made him a target.

 

We make almost nothing compared to DH's generous six figures right now, but we are building something to leave our kids so that hopefully they will have income that keeps them from this very situation.

 

I am so, so sorry.

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tm919

tm919

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I know it's hard to hear this, but your dh may very well have to accept less money at first and then work his way back up to his current salary. It is no reflection on his abilities, but on the job market in general.

Yes, this is unfortunate but so true. And there is a bias against hiring people who are out of work for a long time, so if you hold out too long, it could really hurt you guys. :(

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Lanny

Lanny

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Tell EVERYONE you know, IMMEDIATELY,  that your DH is looking for a new position. Many positions are filled because a Recruiter calls someone and that someone gives them the name of the person who gets hired.  I've given names of colleagues and they've given my name.

 

Update his Resume and keep it VERY short.   One page would be ideal, but 2 pages maximum, unless he has a Ph.D. and has incredibly special experience.. When Recruiters and H.R. people scan resumes, it is for 30-60 seconds. If they want more detail, they will request it.

 

Register on and take the time to give a lot of detail about his experience and what he is looking for on: (1) CareerBuilder.com (2) Monster.com and (3) Dice.com  Devote many hours to each of those web sites.

 

If he is a member of IEEE, check out their web site and register there if they have a job board.

 

File for unemployment benefits IMMEDIATELY.

 

GL

 

BTW nobody is immune from layoffs.  Years ago, a late friend, another Contractor, was working on a temporary job assignment. I believe she was working in CT.  The client corporation was going to have a big layoff. She assumed that she would be cut.  However, they terminated "Direct" ("Permanent") employees and kept her. They needed her skills and experience. There are no guarantees...

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East Coast Sue

East Coast Sue

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Posted

It happened to my dh too. He made so much money for the company, but it was just not what they wanted.  Coincidentally, I found out I was pregnant with baby #4 two days later.  My dh told everyone we could think of that he was looking for a job.  It took 6 months to find a job, but it was a much better work environment than he had ever had before- so in the end we were so thankful for the job loss. But, I remember being scared and feeling so very helpless initially. We did put our house on the market right away so that we could move as soon as a job offer came.  It was a wise choice for us because my husband had already been searching for new employment for over a year and we knew that we would have to move (the job he lost was a horrible job with 80% or more travel).

 

(((Hugs)))

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aggieamy

aggieamy

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Been there and done that.  It happened to my DH at 8 am and he went through the day just as normal as can be until we got DD in bed.  Then he asked me what he should do with his severance check. 

 

:mellow:

 

Okay.  How did you keep this a secret for 12 hours?!?!  Had it been happening to me I would have been text messaging people while I was in the meeting with HR!

 

It was a blessing in disguise.

 

Tell EVERYONE you know, IMMEDIATELY,  that your DH is looking for a new position. Many positions are filled because a Recruiter calls someone and that someone gives them the name of the person who gets hired.  I've given names of colleagues and they've given my name.

 

Update his Resume and keep it VERY short.   One page would be ideal, but 2 pages maximum, unless he has a Ph.D. and has incredibly special experience.. When Recruiters and H.R. people scan resumes, it is for 30-60 seconds. If they want more detail, they will request it.

 

Register on and take the time to give a lot of detail about his experience and what he is looking for on: (1) CareerBuilder.com (2) Monster.com and (3) Dice.com  Devote many hours to each of those web sites.

 

If he is a member of IEEE, check out their web site and register there if they have a job board.

 

File for unemployment benefits IMMEDIATELY.

 

GL

 

BTW nobody is immune from layoffs.  Years ago, a late friend, another Contractor, was working on a temporary job assignment. I believe she was working in CT.  The client corporation was going to have a big layoff. She assumed that she would be cut.  However, they terminated "Direct" ("Permanent") employees and kept her. They needed her skills and experience. There are no guarantees...

 

1.  Everything that Lanny says DO.

 

2. Figure out if he wants to do something different.  My DH had been talking about wanting to start his own business for a long time.  The first thing I said to him when he told me he was laid off was, "I guess now you're self employed."  This is the time to make a change.

 

3.  Cut expenses.  Cable - gone.  Eating out - nope.  Christmas on a strict budget - yep. 

 

 

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3 ladybugs

3 ladybugs

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Posted

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. (((hugs))) We have also been through this, though DH's company closed so no one was working. He was also in an industry that is dying, regardless of what the politicians say. 

 

What we learned is:

1. There is no set "hiring season". DH was sure in about December, that he wasn't going to find a job. He still was looking but figured nothing would come of it till January. WRONG, he ended up getting a job a week before Christmas (he had been out since May of that year). 

 

2. Leverage your hubby's talents. There are bound to be things that he does really well in his last job, that he may or may not like. Make sure to go after jobs in that. It may be a bit of a pay cut (we went through that too, he started his job in December 2011 with a BIG pay cut, that just LAST month he starting making what he was prior) but it is WAY better then nothing. 

 

3. Make sure he is looking for a job as many hours a day as he wants to be working in said job. It sounds insane, and some days I am sure it is hard, but your husband's job right now is finding a job. So make sure he is doing EVERYTHING in the hours that he should be working, to do that. My husband ended up applying to over 175 highly technical jobs in his time off.

 

4. Don't forget what Maria VonTrapp said in Sound of Music - "Whenever God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." This is very true, and in our case my husband had a SEVERE crisis of faith that Thanksgiving of 2011. I forced him to go to a different church the following weekend and 2 weeks later he got his job. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I don't think so. 

 

ETA 5. Make sure your husband has clothes that fit him properly for interviews. We didn't want to spring for a new suit when hubby got laid off at first and I am sure it reflected bad on him. Eventually we did and he got the job. Get what you need now. It will pay off in the long run. 

 

Since your hubby is in IT, he may also want to see if he can do some working part time with a computer repair place in town. I know my father owns a computer repair business and there are times he would GLADLY throw some work to someone else. My dad is a 1 man show. 

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mom2scouts

mom2scouts

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Posted

Been there.  My biggest advice is go get signed up for WIC today.  I had 2 young kids when dh was laid off the first time. I was embarrassed, but my mom said it's why we pay taxes.  it took HOURS to get through the line, but those food vouchers kept us going until DH found another job.  We lived off his severance and savings.  We sold our house.  And he got a job just when the money ran out.  This will all work out.  Just be open to new opportunities even if they suck.  DH took a crappy job for 3 months and keep job hunting.  It allowed us to have money, be together(when the house sold the kids/I went to family and dh lived hours away with friends where the jobs were), and get back on our feet.  Dh found another job and we moved to another state.  That move was hard on us emotionally, but it was a blessing in disguise.  We didn't want it, but it turned out to be very good for us.  

 

Right now you are in shock.  Cry, scream, break something.  Get outside to walk/exercise.  You will need an outlet.  

 

But get signed up for everything the state offers.  Even if he made more $$ for IT, go to unemployment.  It won't be much, but it is something.  And WIC food vouchers fed us for months.  In fact, I had so much juice every week we had it for almost a year after I stopped using the vouchers.  They come in 3 month supplies, so I declined our second round since dh had a job, but we were eligible for another 3 months.  It's a resource you paid taxes toward, go use it.  It really was our lifesaver.  

 

 

It is extremely unlikely that she is eligible for WIC or any other program while he is getting severance pay. Severance pay still counts as income and unless it causes a drop in income that puts them below the eligibility numbers, they won't be eligible for that six months. Also, at least in my state, unemployment won't pay while a person is getting severance.

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HeatherL

HeatherL

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It is extremely unlikely that she is eligible for WIC or any other program while he is getting severance pay. Severance pay still counts as income and unless it causes a drop in income that puts them below the eligibility numbers, they won't be eligible for that six months. Also, at least in my state, unemployment won't pay while a person is getting severance.

 

Thank you, I was thinking this and have been trying to research it on the internet today and couldn't find any info one way or another.

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