JonesinIndiana Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Do you accept friend requests from former boyfriends? The issue has never come up until recently when an old boyfriend sent a friend request. I don't have my maiden name on my FB account so I'm not sure how he found me. I've recently moved back to my old hometown so i could conceivably "run into him" at the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Probably not. I don't friend people I'm not actually friends with. So I suppose if we became friends again I would at that point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Sometimes I do. Depends on who it is. I was FB friends with some of them before I met DH (he's my 2nd husband) but I've accepted FB invitations from at least one since then. It's not a big deal to either of us. All of that was years and years ago, and it's nice to see how they're doing, the pictures of their wives and kids, etc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Before I deleted my fb account, I did. Dh sent his h.s. gf a friend request and was a bit offended when he got rejected. I had no problem with it. I think it depends on the situation though. I know some people do get in trouble that way, rekindling former relationships. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Depends on if you'd be tempted ever, in any way, whatsoever, to flirt with him or cheat with him. If you are 100% solid in your marriage, and your husband wouldn't mind, then I'd do it maybe, if I liked him as a person and wanted to casually touch base and see what he's been up to. I have one or two exes on my Facebook, but we are very lightly in touch -- just a few times a year commenting here or there on a post very casually. (Sometimes there are a couple messages when someone first friends you, that's different, IMHO.) No men I know do a lot of Facebook, lol. If there was a bunch of PM'ing, etc, I'd unfriend just because I wouldn't want my husband doing that with an ex, lol. I'm the jealous type, so I wouldn't want to do something myself that I would NOT enjoy dh doing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes. I don't have that many ex-boyfriends, but the ones I have had have remained friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Really, no, because I've slept with all of them, and for my dh, that was pretty much a deal breaker. But it's kind of weird, because I see them all over FB through many mutual friends (different parts of my life, you know), so it's like we ignore each other. But I'm good with it if it works for my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 The issue hasn't come up. I don't think I would though. I was never friends with any of them after the break up, so I think it would be weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm friends with old middle and high school boyfriends. There was never any serious intimate involvement with them, though, and most are friends with many in my family. It's nice to see them with their own families and keep up but I'm not friends with any boyfriends I had when older as there are zero connections outside of that relationship. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Not really. There was a 6th grade crush that I saw on FB on a friend's page, and I did say hello in a pm. It was actually very sweet--not the least flirty, and it was lovely to connect a tiny bit. We are both happily married, with children and absolutely no interest, but I just wanted to, IDK, acknowledge that he was once an important part of my childhood and a sweet memory (my goodness, we never dated or anything, just a crush). It was nice to know I'd been special to him, too. But we did not become FB friends, and it did not go beyond a hello and here's what I'm doing now, 40 years later--kinda like seeing someone at a reunion. I would not feel comfortable with anything more, and I SAH wouldn't feel comfortable with any of dh's girlfriends being on his FB, 6th grade or not. He got way more serious way more early than I did (I did not have a serious BF until 16). Anyway, that's the only incident I can think of where I communicated in any way with anyone from the past who was a BF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 There aren't many, but I'm FB friends with two of them. One came to our wedding, and we have hung out socially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I did. We have mutual friends and are both members of a fb group. The group shares pictures and memories of a specific activity we all have in common. We're both married and have busy family lives and don't live near eachother. At one point he did private message me to ask me advice about therapies and educational options for his ds who has disabilities--he knows I have expertise in the field. that was our longest and onot private conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes, I would. But honestly, it hasn't come up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes. We are friends after the breakups and hubby knows them since college days as we are all school mates in the same faculty (engineering). We talk about the tech industry and about kids education issues including LDs. We don't talk about marital issues since that would be tricky but I can ask them about guy's opinion of stuff in general like what is the in thing in men's fashion or the most rugged laptop backpack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I accept requests from friends that are male but would have to think twice about accepting one from an old serious boyfriend. It has not been an issue, maybe because I don't use my maiden name on fb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I wouldn't, though it's a non-issue here as dh was my only real boyfriend. I keep my facebook list pretty small and it's mostly female friends--the only guys are my brothers and friends of my immediate family. People who know both dh and I. At one point I had some guy friends as facebook friends who I had known in high school and some of their posts just made me feel weird. I don't know them well enough to hear posts on their depression, political rants, etc., and I decided that I didn't need them reading about my kids' exploits, so I unfriended them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I have very few former boyfriends because I married young and didn't date much. I have a number of male friends who I may have dated briefly but only two people I would call former boyfriends. One, we are both friends with on facebook and he came to our wedding and came over and put together furniture with us when we were expecting our first son. Actually, he is how I met my husband and I did call it off with him because my now husband was a game changer. He obviously took it in stride. We aren't super close, are basically in different circles now but are friendly enough. He came to my mother's funeral and vice versa, stuff like that. The other boyfriend, I would be more inclined to sucker punch him in the face were I to ever run into him again (no, I'm not still mad, he was just an ass and was always going to be an ass IYKWIM) and no, no I would not accept his friend request on FB. I think there are some guys I went on a few dates with on my FB. At least two, maybe three or four. I closed my old account and opened a new one so I don't know for sure. I wasn't really serious or physically intimate with anyone besides my husband so my husband doesn't really consider any of these people to have ever been in competition with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 No interest in friending former boyfriends, I do think that would be awkward. I'm Facebook friends with plenty of male friends, even former crushes are fine. The couple of guys I dated somewhat seriously though I was not really friends with much before or after; I wish them well but it was a time in my life when I was looking for a marriage partner and the relationships that didn't go that way ended up really without much significance to my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm friends with one of my exes. Actually I think I friended him when I still thought we might get together again, LOL, but now he's been married for years and we're still friends. I'm still friends with another ex, but not facebook friends. I'm not sure he's on facebook. He lives too far away for it to be awkward; we just touch base once in a while by email. My third ex is a person I avoid, though he has tried to maintain contact. I'm a little scared of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Not if his only qualifying relationship was that of an ex! I have one ex-boyfriend (sort of) who was also a colleague and a friend. I'd friend him. First boyfriend ever (HS, we were basically children, nothing beyond kissing involved) was not friended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingaway Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes. I'm Facebook friends with four of them. I consider them friends in real life, too. It's not awkward and hubs has no worries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 No, I wouldn't. I keep my friends list very tight. Fb is basically only for homeschool group stuff. I don't really have family on there - only a couple that it would have been weird to refuse - and their settings are locked down so there's nothing for them to see anyway! I only had one ex before dh and I have no interest in letting him in to our lives. I'm sure he's grown up a lot since I knew him, I'd hope so! But he was quite manipulative back then. I wish him well, but no, he's not a part of my life anymore and I'm very happy about that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I have in the past, but had to unfriend. I likely won't be doing it again. My teen boyfriends weren't of the most upstanding quality though, so that is part of the problem..lol. I do have guy friends on FB that I went to school with and have no issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Really, no, because I've slept with all of them, and for my dh, that was pretty much a deal breaker. But it's kind of weird, because I see them all over FB through many mutual friends (different parts of my life, you know), so it's like we ignore each other. But I'm good with it if it works for my husband. Yeah, that makes a huge difference. I didn't sleep with any of them and I went to boarding school with them. We are more like siblings in many ways. Our whole school was pretty close knit. I didn't date in college. I dated in my early 20s, before DH, but not a huge amount. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm friends with my first boyfriend ever, but the breakup was pretty amicable (think along the lines of "I'm joining the military and we're both too young") and he's happily married to someone else. I congratulate them on pics of their kids occasionally. They're pretty cute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I did. I only had one significant boyfriend. I truly wish him all the best, and I am so glad that he is happy. There is nothing weird nor an lingering feelings what so ever. My husband and I are both "friends" with his ex-girlfriend who was pretty scary and awful towards me. But again that is way in the past, and now it just makes for fun stories to tell me kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 No. Neither of us (dh and I) felt like it was a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes. I'm FB friends with all my exes, though one of them never posts. I like seeing their baby pictures and so forth. We're still friendly. I mean, I get if other people feel differently or have a different situation, but they're people I like and respect and the romantic element is so far in the past now - I've been married for the better part of two decades. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I wouldn't have a problem doing this just because they were boyfriends - so it would really depend on whether I would be interested in keeping in touch at all. I have two guys I dated as FB friends, actually they are all people my dh knows as well. I have one ex who was more serious, but the relationship ended rather badly - I did make an effort to contact him once but he wasn't interested, which I understand. I probably regret that more than the others as I considered him a good friend and he is a fun guy. I peeked at his FB profile once, I have to confess. My dh wouldn't be bothered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) . Edited November 8, 2016 by ErinE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Do you accept friend requests from former boyfriends? The issue has never come up until recently when an old boyfriend sent a friend request. I don't have my maiden name on my FB account so I'm not sure how he found me. I've recently moved back to my old hometown so i could conceivably "run into him" at the store. I only had one serious boyfriend before DH and I loathe him. So, I'm saying absolutely not. I think it does depend on the relationships, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I did, but we were friends before and after dating. It had been 30 years so there was plenty of distance between dating and Facebook friending. Interestingly enough, he also had four children, and homeschooled them! He ended up marrying his high school sweetheart (we dated while they were broken up, but clearly they got back together). No issues with dh being jealous or the old friend and I crossing any lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm not opposed to the idea. They're not tainted because they went out with me! However, I'm not FB friends with any of them. Ex-husbands would seem like a completely different and much worse idea. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 If we remained friends and it seemed like a natural thing to do, then sure. My pre-married life with boyfriends seems so distant from where I'm at now though, that it's laughable. But also, I live in a completely different part of the country now, so I never run into anyone from my past. The boyfriend I had all through high school and I did keep in touch. We exchanged letters every year at Christmas. He died an early, tragic death, and now his wife and I exchange letters. She's a real sweatheart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Yes. DH knows & is okay with it. If conversations go private for some reason I tell DH & offer to have him read it. So far he hasn't been interested. Probably because he knows I've lost respect for these men & no respect = never going to be attractive to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Not if we were in a serious relationship. Instead of rejecting outright I message that I'm married and don't keep in touch with exes and wish them well, etc. I'm not very FB active but I think stirring up old feelings just by chatting (even occasionally) can be a bad idea. And I wouldn't want DH to either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonesinIndiana Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies. It was a serious relationship. I broke up with him before Christmas and I found out later he had bought an engagement ring for me for Christmas. ETA I broke up with him because I met my DH at church and I fell head over heels in love. 33 years later, I think I made the right choice. I would like to catch up but I have a weird feeling about accepting the request. I know some of it is because I'm living in my hometown now. I think I'm going to just ignore it but I do want to talk to DH and tell him about it. I have old crushes and childhood boyfriends on FB that I'm friends with, but this feels different and I'm not comfortable with it. Thanks again 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Don't friend anyone that you don't feel comfortable with. I have a couple old boyfriends that I look for occasionally on fb, but they aren't there. I would like to know how they are, I really, really hope they are happy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies. It was a serious relationship. I broke up with him before Christmas and I found out later he had bought an engagement ring for me for Christmas. ETA I broke up with him because I met my DH at church and I fell head over heels in love. 33 years later, I think I made the right choice. I would like to catch up but I have a weird feeling about accepting the request. I know some of it is because I'm living in my hometown now. I think I'm going to just ignore it but I do want to talk to DH and tell him about it. I have old crushes and childhood boyfriends on FB that I'm friends with, but this feels different and I'm not comfortable with it. Thanks again You have a weird feeling for a reason. He's in your past, not your present, for a reason. I would leave him there. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 One is in jail. Another belongs in jail if he isn't there already. Another had a serious problem with me breaking things off with him. None would be healthy relationships to rekindle even in a very superficial way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof4babes Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Depends on if you'd be tempted ever, in any way, whatsoever, to flirt with him or cheat with him. If you are 100% solid in your marriage, and your husband wouldn't mind, then I'd do it maybe, if I liked him as a person and wanted to casually touch base and see what he's been up to. . This exactly. I have most of my ex boyfriends on Facebook. I mostly like to see photos, thank God that I'm not still with them. 😜 If my DH had a problem with it, I absolutely wouldn't. Facebook likes to suggest friends of friends. You may have popped up in his suggested friends, if you have a mutual friend, or if you have lurked his profile. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 You have a weird feeling for a reason. He's in your past, not your present, for a reason. I would leave him there. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 One is in jail. Another belongs in jail if he isn't there already. Another had a serious problem with me breaking things off with him. None would be healthy relationships to rekindle even in a very superficial way. Ok, now we all know that Jean liked bad boys. :P 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies. It was a serious relationship. I broke up with him before Christmas and I found out later he had bought an engagement ring for me for Christmas. ETA I broke up with him because I met my DH at church and I fell head over heels in love. 33 years later, I think I made the right choice. I would like to catch up but I have a weird feeling about accepting the request. I know some of it is because I'm living in my hometown now. I think I'm going to just ignore it but I do want to talk to DH and tell him about it. I have old crushes and childhood boyfriends on FB that I'm friends with, but this feels different and I'm not comfortable with it. Thanks again If you aren't comfortable with it, you aren't comfortable with it. End of story. You certainly don't owe him a response. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Ok, now we all know that Jean liked bad boys. :p :leaving: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristi26 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 No. I had one ex who persistently friend requested even when I rejected him multiple times. I ended up messaging him and telling him that it wasn't appropriate for us to be friends, even on facebook. He finally got the message and stopped requesting. Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 No, and I blocked the ex that requested. However, that was also a really toxic relationship, woth someone who may not be clinically narcissistic, but had many of the traits. I don't need him in my life, even on FB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kareng Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 You have a weird feeling for a reason. He's in your past, not your present, for a reason. I would leave him there. Exactly my thought as well. I had a boyfriend from a LONG time ago contact me when I was on FB. At first, I thought, "Oh, it's so-and-so! How nice." But when I stopped and thought about it, and said, OK, -- We are both married and have been for quite some time. We haven't been in contact with each other since we broke up. (over 20 years) What would we "talk" about? Our marriages and families (not of his business or mine)? Our history together (not helping our current lives)? I blocked that friend request (he had asked). I totally agree with laundry crisis - He's in your past, not your present... Leave him there." :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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