I just wanted to thank you both for your responses to my need. My dd had attended one funeral prior to the calling hours tonight but never at a funeral home. I wish I had thought of doing a dry run (being able to go though the funeral home ahead of time when it was empty). What a brillant idea! But, since there wasn't time for that to happen prior to this event, I did do a lot of talking about what to expect. I gave her opportunity to ask questions and to role play. I assured her I would be right next to her (actually me going first through the line with her behind me) and that she didn't have to do anything other than shake people's hands. I chose to introduce us together when appropriate so that almost eliminated the need for her to say anything. She only knew one person in the receiving line so that worked out fine. We knew ahead of time that my dd's childhood friend was cremated so that eliminated what to do in front of the open casket issue. While I knew this was going to be hard for my dd, I felt it was important for her to do this, 1. because this was a friend, and 2. because I want her to not shy away from social situations that are an important part of life. Also, I believe that she is up to the task , that is provided she has the level of support she needs in those social situations. Personally, I think a lot of it is her lacking the confidence and a lack of awareness of the skills she already possesses. Ahead of time, I did say that she could wear whatever clothes she was comfortable in (meaning no need to wear a dress if she wasn't comfortable in that) and, as one of you shared,that however she ended up acting (laughing or whatever), it wouId be fine. She was absolutely superb. She rose to the occasion, acted normally and appropriately, even introduced herself to some of the relatives in the receiving line. Thank you for your help in this. I so appreciate it.

I home schooled my dd and was part of this forum for many years. She is now an adult. I'm not sure if she's on the spectrum (recently I posted something about that) but whether she is or isn't, she does have her struggles socially. When she's uncomfortable in social situations she laughs or smiles. She knows that's wrong but doesn't know how to correct it. This friend died tragically in a car accident a couple of days ago. My dd was not close to this friend but when they were little, they played together. On Friday, we are going to visiting hours at a local funeral home to pay our respects to this friend's family. My dd remarked to me today that she's afraid she will laugh or smile when seeing this friend's relatives. How can I help my dd in this situation and all the other uncomfortable situations that she will encounter in her life?

I have never heard of the Social Thinking site. I am assuming it's just what it sounds like? A place to help folks with social situations... I'll have to check it out.

Thanks, Rosie. I like those 3 things AND I especially like one of your quotes,""I believe in homeschooling because I don't think people should be mass produced." - Someone with a Great Mind" That's why I homeschooled my dd :-)

Yes, it is an interesting point -- that's it 's my question and not hers. I hadn't thought about it until you wrote the above. I have always had a need to understand about life, about what makes people tick, especially about myself. For my dd, when she and I started talking about autism and Asperger's, it's like the burden of life fell off of her. She no longer has to understand it all out or decipher why she's different than her friends or than the "normal" young person her age. I have told her numerous times, that we are in this together and we'll figure it out. Just knowing that she might be autistic or be an Aspie seems to be enough for her, for now.

Wow. So much information! Thank you for the thoroughness of your post. I especially appreciated the part about telling me that they would ask WHY? WHY does she want to know (at this point). In thinking this through, I'm not sure if she needs any confirmation, at least not official confirmation. When I first started to "see" some things, I talked with her about it. She was relieved to hear that there was something different about her. It was like she could relax for the first time, not having to try to be something she's not. She knew she was different all along but now she knows she is and it is freeing. :-)

Thank you, everyone for your thoughts and ideas. My dd loves art, animals and books. She has expressed interest in walking dogs at a local animal shelter so I think we'll start there. As to an evaluation, the resources I've read seem to indicate that there aren't any? tests for autism in adults and that most tests focus on boys and therefore many females fall through the cracks (also because they tend to watch and imitate social behaviors). Are there good tests for adult females that anyone knows of? I appreciate all your help!

I am so sorry. We know all about renal failure and having to put a kitty down. It's never ever easy. Lots of hugs to your whole family. :grouphug:

My dd is now 20 having been diagnosed at age 11 with dyslexia. At that time she was reading at the 2.9 level although she was in 6th grade according to my book. Having found a super teacher who would tutor her in Lindamood Bell methods, in one year she was reading at grade appropriate levels. My dd also had issues with skipping small words, misreading words, skipping lines or reading out of order. Many of these have resolved themselves in time, but most of them she has figured out how to work around or work with her issues. Reading more and more and writing (fiction for her) has helped her the most with many things. With that said, she still has issues with spelling (though she has learned many words through her novel writing) and sometimes wrestles with words as she reads. Will she always have these issues? Probably. Will she always wrestle with spelling and the mechanics of writing? Probably. But, she has progressed tremendously that most people wouldn't even know she has an issue. Be encouraged. Most things are not static. You just never know how things will work out. I'm always hoping and praying for the best.

It's hard to speak your mind and say no, especially to a relative (IMO). Good for you! :hurray:

Adding to all the thoughts and prayers that people are lifting up. Praying also for a miracle. Hugs and hugs to you all during this very difficult time.

I like this very much !!!!!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Food for thought!

I totally get this! My dh retired 2+ years ago and that's when our routine went out the window. Then I started working more and because of that although my dd has officially graduated (as of June) :party: we still have some work to finish up but I just can't get myself enough time to step back and reflect, see what my goals are, and come up with a plan and a schedule. I feel your pain. I agree wtih klmama, HELP!!!!!

We are about 2 - 2 1/2 hours from Worcester. Thank you for the information. I was hoping for something a bit closer.