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Bluegoat

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Bluegoat last won the day on October 30 2018

Bluegoat had the most liked content!

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About Bluegoat

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee
  • Birthday 08/10/1976

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    Canada
  • Interests
    Reading, rug hooking, cooking, gardening.
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    Mom

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  1. My youngest sister was given all her money for everything from the time she was in about grade 8. At first she had it in 6 month instalments and then yearly. She used to keep an account book to keep track of her spending, and her job money and such. Anyway, the first year she had total control, she spent all her clothing money on fashionable stuff and didn't get winter boots. My mom said she had a really time not just buying her a pair, but she managed not to, and my sister never made that mistake again. Of course, lack of boots has some real disincentives once you have experienced it.
  2. My dh would say they'd only spend it on hats and cocaine anyway. Which in their case means junk from Dollarama.
  3. Ha! It's fine. It's good for them. My dd11 went to mini-golf on Tuesday with my cousin and paid herself. Sometimes I will pay for things, and sometimes I won't.
  4. How so? The post was talking about social gender roles that are more closely observed than ours are. Now, who knows really about that particular couple but as far as what she seemed to be thinking about in terms of how that affects people - I don't think that social norms of that type, or ones that are more like ours on the other hand, can help but impact relationships of individuals that live in those settings.
  5. In cases like the OP mentioned, I am not sure the jerk thing works in the same way. You have your social role to play, and the expected way people do things, and that is just how it is done, it's not that your spouse personally is deciding you are stuck with it. It can in some cases be protective because a jerk isn't really able to ask you to go outside your role and has obligations to the expectations of his own role. (Though - a jerk always finds some way to assert himself...) I think this on the one had can be extremely cloying and disheartening if you don't really have any interest or talent for whatever it is you are supposed to be doing. But it also has a kind of stability to it, in the sense that people know their place, the expectations, what needs to happen for things to run smoothly. And I suppose related to that, when roles are more fixed in this way, the rest of the society is often set up to account for that, whereas for us with all our flexibility, it sometimes seems like society is not set up to account for anyone. Psychologically, there is a sense when certain things are simply what is, that you can make a sort of peace with them. I used to find this when my dh worked away - while I had all the work, there was only me so no resentment over what he was doing or not doing. But - I wonder if it can actually go farther than that - It's a bit fanciful, but I think for example of some societies that live in ancient hunter-gatherer or primitive agricultural modes. Often the sex roles are pretty set, but then, everyone's roles are pretty set - work looks very similar for everyone, much the way it did for their ancestors and would for their descendants if they maintain that way of life. I find myself wondering - are they really discontented because they don't have a chance to become a professional musician, or a doctor, or "find their authentic selves"? My suspicion is that those people aren't more inclined to be discontented or unhappy than other groups people who have all kinds of choices. So I'm just not sure how much our happiness is really about the ability to negotiate our social roles, either in a large or small social scale, to suit our individual preferences. I think there is some other element that may be more important at play, but I am not sure what it is.
  6. I have heard of this approach, it's pretty much true in the jobs my dh has had when we've been married, and some I've had. I always assumed it was just easier than trying to keep track of the occasions when it happens and partial days. As for abuse - really, it's abuse if it's not in good faith. If it seemed to be happening a lot, I'd be wondering, and asking, what was going on with the person's health, and whether they were coming in because they knew their sick days would not be enough.
  7. Negotiating can be very energy intensive, and people are not always very fair about it. THe person with the greater will or who will dig in their heels the most can often prevail.
  8. Ah, that is very interesting. I think there is some real truth in the idea that having defined roles an take certain kinds of pressure off. There can be real downsides of course to very prescribed roles. But there is a price to pay too for the freedom to negotiate anything at any time. But as far as your dh, I think you probably need to tell him you will be taking a certain amount of time to yourself.
  9. Well, JT did go all the way with the personality thing when he thought he could get away with it on that trip to India...🤨
  10. My experience with these kinds of memes is that they often take on a life beyond the kind of deeper discussion you are talking about, and people start to use them as a way to decide which words are ok to use, and which aren't, without much regard to who they are saying them to. It's like FB has a way of taking a real thing and making it shallow.
  11. Sometimes. In church on Sunday there was a notice in the leaflet about a Camino pilgrimage. For some reason I read it as "Casino pilgrimage" and for a few moments I was quite confused.
  12. Well, people talk about the prime minister's socks all the time. Which is fine, and in fact I think he wears them in part so that people will notice and comment and think he is a bit of a free spirit - it's a way of presenting himself as young and hip.. They also comment on his hair and supposed general good looks which is a bit sillier, and sometimes his body which I think is inappropriate and a bit gross. I kind of wonder if the issue is that people are uncomfortable commenting on something that seems connected to religious belief?
  13. Unfortunately I haven't been able to dig up the clip that caused the complaint, so I could not tell tone or anything like that. However, the person who was upset said that it wasn't meant in a nasty way, so I would tend to think that was probably true. It does seem like it hasn't created any kind of real stir, or it would be all over the news.
  14. Ha, now I am wondering what flowers political figures would want to be compared to, and which would be derogatory. I am thinking roses and lilies would clearly be seen as good comparisons. Bad - maybe hogweed invasive causes burns), or monkshood (poisonous)? People might argue over the dandelion. Crunchy folks might say they are very tasty and bring up deep minerals from the soil. I am not sure what that is a metaphore for in politics though....
  15. So - I think this is sometimes the real issue. People use the word in various ways. I tend to say "Nana is going to look after you" or "you will stay with Aunt M" and reserve "babysit" for someone a hire or especially a teenager I hire. Or actually, maybe even a teen I wasn't paying. But some people seem to use it far more broadly. I don't know that that is really wrong, it's just different.
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