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Bluegoat

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Bluegoat last won the day on October 30 2018

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About Bluegoat

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee
  • Birthday 08/10/1976

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    Canada
  • Interests
    Reading, rug hooking, cooking, gardening.
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    Mom

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  1. I think it's often a few leaders who suck the others in. The latter learn to recognize and avoid it most of the time, and even most of the leaders grow out of it. Some never do though.
  2. I'm not sure whether seven is really old enough to appreciate apologetics. And especially good apologetics. Could you say something more about what his questions are, or are there specific things that bother him? There might be some more specific sorts of things that are appropriate. One thing I would say is that while it can feel weird to be part of a minority, it's important for young people Christ in the worship or religious community they belong to, to be able to value that., to feel they belong there.
  3. Is this a change for her, or has she always been like that? And is she distant geographically? What do you mean by reaching out? One of my good friends I have a hard time connecting with him when he's living away. It's mostly just the way he is, super-busy in work and a little emotionally exhausted, and disorganised about day to day things. Typically, when he is away, I rarely talk to him. Right now, I haven't spoken to him or had an email for about a year and a half, though I know he intended to give me a call about a year ago - he said so to another friend who went to visit him. I've just learned not to worry about this. If he comes this way, he'll make contact. Or I've considered going to see him this summer though the plane ticket is dear and it's one of those tiny planes, so I am not sure I'll be able to. It might not be similar, but with those kinds of friends I don't think it is always an absolute necessity to have regular contact when you are actually distant.
  4. Women do seem more likely than men, overall, to have a lot of very personal sharing in relationships. Though I think some of that is cultural. But it maybe also makes women more likely to be sucked into things with emotional vampires. In school I remember it was a real thing to have these weird power dynamics between girls, built around self-revelation and gossip about others who were being excluded. Often there were girls who were part of the group in a marginal way who periodically were cut out while the higher status girls talked about them in a nasty way. I never saw anything quite so diabolcal with the boys who I often hung out with, mainly because they seemed a simpler lot.
  5. Hmm, I find more and more I am influenced by the effect things have on different kinds of relations. Which tends to mean relatively less emphasis on individuals, because individuals inevitably act to a large degree as the larger social or economic or cultural or political context pushes them. Often without realising it. Chages in political policy or laws or people's beliefs rarely remain at the individual level.
  6. Yes, this is just the kind of thing I am talking about. "Situational friends" sounds odd, but they exist, and it's not a bad thing. Sometimes they also become lifelong friends eventually. It's more than an acquaintance, but it's about being in the same place at the same time more than anything. I also have cousins like you say. Some I have not met much, have no real relationship with though I'd recognise the duties of family. But my one cousin I grew up across the street from, I see a few times a year usually, sometimes a bit more. He lives about an hour a way, but he has a young family, a busy job. If he comes to work in town we will try and have lunch. But it's a deep relationship, he's someone I would trust absolutely if I needed to divulge something terrible, who I know would understand where I was coming from if I came to him with a problem. That's also what my relationships with my other "old friends" are like. And like you, it's not a large group, probably about five people and then maybe a few others who I am not as close to but who have a similar quality of relationship.
  7. I don't know, I don't think I really have a loose definition of friend. I would not call people in my neighbourhood that I have neighbourly relationships with friends. And what the article is talking about makes no sense to me. You can't have friends that just ignore you, or you ignore them. It's one thing to be a little relaxed about stuff, another to be simply thoughtless. But I don't see that friendship has to mean you are actively engaged in things like hanging out or talking. Two of my longest and best friends are currently living thousands of miles from me, both are busy. One in particular has always been a poor correspondent. This has gone on for a long time, interspersed there have been periods we move back closer and then we spend time together. But we don't go from being friends, to "we used to be friends" to friends again. Again though I don't think the article is even talking about people like that, it seems to be talking about new friendships.
  8. This is more common in military settings I think because everyone knows that people need the support, and they are away from family and often friends. So it's become part of the culture and in many cases that is explicitly encouraged and sort of passed on through those communities. Given how unsettled many communities are these days it would be a nice thing to adopt more widely. But people are becoming increasingly cut off from each other. I think it's different than the sort of relationship where you know someone pretty intimately for many years, growing up together or living together, but you aren't in a season where you see them. It's in a way deeper than a friendship, it's more like a family connection, these are people you have shared your history with, a community and who know you and your life in a special way. There is still goodwill between you. We don't really have a separate word for that kind of relationship though.
  9. Yes, these buttons usually IME aren't really made out of leather, they are wood or plastic. But they are meant to look like leather.
  10. I think there is probably going to be a difference between "serious" artistic movies that are remembered because they are really good films, and then those that are more nostalgic to young people who grew up with them. I wonder about the Marvel and latest crop of Star Wars films, or even some of the Disney films over the last few years. I don't think they will be remembered as great films really, though maybe as technical feats. But I do wonder about whether people who were young will remember them fondly or with nostalgia. I can't decide if its more a matter of having enjoyed them at the right age, or whether there needs to be something about the films themselves that they need to have. But the "big" movies people might remember are those plus HP, LOTR. There are lots of good quality films between 2000-2010 but I think fewer since, a lot of the best writing moved to television.
  11. I don't know what they are called, but they are meant to look like they are made out of leather.
  12. Yes, I think this is a tricky thing. What I would say has been true for me is that there are some people who I may not see or even hear from a lot but we remain close. But these were also people who at one time I did see often and had the opportunity to grow close to. Some are former roommates, or people I worked closely with for years, or studied with for years. Many of them I had a lot of meaningful experiences with and discussed lots of issues and questions, in some cases quite personal ones. When I do get together with these people, or they move back to town, etc, we fall right back into contact like family. They are people who I think of often. It's a bit different when someone you don't have that solid base with, and they aren't close by, and you don't interact with them much. I'm not sure what that is really, not quite a friendship? I have met a few people over the years where I think there could be a friendship but it doesn't quite get the chance to take off for external reasons. I always think, maybe at a later time it will, but in the mean time they don't really fulfil the emotional or other needs a friend does. I do think that a certain amount of availability is important. And that often can mean just that you will see them regularly, maybe at a club or church or even better, they live nearby and you can easily see them anytime. That seems to create the best chance of developing the sort of relationship that is lasting even when circumstances don't make it easy. Just thinking - over the last few years, probably the friendship that has flourished most for me is with someone who gives my kids lessons. We are very similar and have a lot of interests and values in common, but it helps a lot that I see him a few times a week at lessons even if its brief, that he's single without kids so his social time is pretty free, and that he lives 5 min from my house. I remember reading once that studies show that if it takes more than about 1/2 hour to meet up with someone, chances are people won't do it much. I think that's true overall IME.
  13. Someone I think always looks great but has a simple look is my aunt. She gets a good haircut, but essentially as far as her wardrobe, it's all black. Black slacks, even good leggings, so generally a fitted shape, and a top, maybe a t'shirt or tunic or longer sweater. And god quality black shoes. But she always has some statement earrings or a nice scarf next to her face, and that really makes the difference between boring and put together.
  14. No, you just plop it, don't try and dry it. You won't have straight hair, it only works if you are ok with curly. Not everyone likes it but for many they say it totally avoids frizz. I am with you on perimenopause hair. Mine has thinned a little and while it's not bad like I'm balding, I am just not happy with it. I am thinking of getting a shortish haircut, but I don't really want that older woman short haircut. Maybe that is just another vanity though.
  15. Have you ever tried plopping your hair? My sister is curly, and also gets itchy with many products, and she says it changed her whole hair routine. You can see tutorials etc if you google, but it's not hard to do.
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