What is one thing that you wish all new homeschoolers could understand?

[amy g.]

I've been thinking about this lately, as I begin my 15th year of homeschooling. There are areas that used to be a challenge for me that are now as much of a habit for me as brushing my teeth, so it DOES get easier. 

 

If I could convince new homeschoolers of one thing, it would be to keep trying and tweaking until you have a system that works for you and your child. Your homeschool doesn't have to look a certain way to be sucessful.

 

Is there anything you wish new homeschoolers could understand?

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

That homeschooling for high school isn't some Huge Scary Thing. 

 

That doing high school is really is just Keep On Keeping On and is actually 'way more fun than the younger years.

[bagel270]

They don't need to learn to read in kindergarten.

 

[kewb]

That one bad day, or week, or month does not mean you have ruined your child forever and that homeschooling is a mistake.

 

Truthfully, there is no way to make a new homeschooler understand any of it. It is a process. We all go through it. There is infancy, adolescence, and finally wisdom.

[Catwoman]

I think the most important thing for new homeschoolers to bear in mind, particularly the ones with young children, is that their kids don't need to learn everything right now, immediately, this year, this month, or this week. One of the biggest advantages of homeschooling is the ability to let our kids be kids and not push and pressure them to spend every minute of every day on serious academics from the moment they are old enough to sit upright in their high chairs.

 

Take your time. You've got years and years to cover all of the subjects your child needs to learn. And please don't try to compete with other moms or to compare your kids with their kids, not just because it isn't productive, but also because people lie. They brag. They embellish. And it can make you feel like you aren't doing a great job and that your kids will grow up to be dismal failures because you didn't teach them Ancient Greek when they were four years old. Work with your children at their pace and on your own schedule, and focus on being happy and content, and set reasonable goals to work toward. Everything will work out just fine. :)

[Anne in CA]

You have to keep at it day after day. So, you have a sick baby and spend the morning at the doctors and you need groceries. You still need to break out those books in the afternoon. Routine is incredibly important, yes, but when things happen to it you can't just chuck it all out the window and not have school for the day and wonder why people don't take you seriously.

 

When I started home schooling the public schools in my area were beyond terrible for low income people like we were at that time. No teacher ever spent time one on one with my oldest to help her learn anything, memorization of any kind was severely discouraged, just spending three hours a day, day in and day out made a big difference in the education my oldest got at home before I found TWTM. Just three hours a day of home school was light years beyond what she had gotten at school for the first four years of regular school. Just plugging away at school day in and day out is enough, if you really DO it.

 

I have never personally known a home school family that was not doing better academically than public school, but I have seen enough moms on the boards who only do school when they feel like it, or when their kids really, really want to and wonder why it's not going well to know that success is in the daily practices of routine.

[Katy]

That your curriculum choices WILL change, either because something better will come out, or something better for your child will come out, so don't obsess and don't be afraid to start with something that's cheap or even free and then switch to something that's a better fit as you get used to your new routine.

 

Make use of local resources - libraries, daytime lessons, classes at museums, etc.  Get a city pass to all the zoos and museums and botanical centers in the area and have a field trip day when you're burned out.  Save educational movies for the days when you need a psychological break.

 

Keep a written record of what you do every day.  It's amazing how much of it is educational.  We even count new bedtime stories if it's the first time the child's been exposed to them.

 

A 4 year cycle of exploring things in depth really is better than going over all of history in a shallow way once a year and never getting much beyond Teddy Roosevelt.

 

Service projects will not only give you a better kid, they'll make you like your kids more.

 

If you have a discipline issue, think through the kid's love language and address it through love, even if it makes NO logical sense to you.

 

If a kid has the wiggles, taking 5 minutes to drive to a park playground, 20 minutes to swing and spin, and 5 minutes home will make it possible for them to focus and learn more in the next ten minutes than making them sit still for three hours and not absorbing anything will.  And you'll all be happier for it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I want the new crop of homeschooling parents to understand that if you destroy your relationship with your child in an attempt to be as rigorous, strict, competitive, driven, and crazy as the school from which you removed him, you have screwed it up but good. Should have just left him in school and let home be a haven, instead of giving him nowhere to rest.

 

Be on your child's side. Don't follow the whims and fashions of the world; rather, know yourself, know your child, and know your values in education and in life. The world needs the person your child was meant to be, and he needs you to help him grow into himself. For most people, their authentic self can be very well-educated and well-rounded, as part of their personality. The college and career requirements will happen if you're reasonably diligent and aware. But leave them a strong sense of self along the way.

[Tap]

The teacher's way of teaching, isn't as important as the student's way of learning.    There needs to be a balance, but it needs to end up in the child's favor. 

[HomeAgain]

The relationship is the most important thing.  It's not about you teaching your child and reading from a script.  It's about you reaching your child, and sharing the highs, the lows, the excitement and curiosity. Planning is good, flexibility to meet your child where he/she is is better.

[JenneinCA]

My kids aren't your kids. Just because a particular method or curriculum worked for you does not mean it will work for us.

[lllll]

nm

[MysteryJen]

Along the lines of Tibbie's excellent advice... Ramp up slowly. Kids need to be ready for middle school when they start middle school, not 3rd grade. Maturity comes more slowly than you might expect. Treat all outside teachers with respect.

[elegantlion]

It's okay to give yourself a timeout if needed. Probably not the most important, first thing that came to mind.

[Guest]

That if you try it and that season passes, it is ok to look at other options. You aren't married to homeschooling.

[Farrar]

That getting a child to learn how to learn and enjoy it in some way is paramount. Anything you do that interferes with that goal in order to get the results you want faster or "better" is like drinking all your water when you're stranded in the desert or like blowing your whole budget without paying your bills. In other words, it's long term suicide.

 

And, stemming from that, to remember that you have time. Homeschooling is one of the only things you can do in your life that creates time. You get more. Don't squander it. I generally like the "it's a marathon, not a sprint" advice.

[Chris in VA]

Small things, done well, over time, lead to big things.

 

Homeschool doesn't need to look like public school, and probably shouldn't.

 

It's ok not to join a co-op and you don't need a million extra-curriculars--IOW, you can stop freaking out about socializing.

[*****]

That whenever you are out talking with a friend, especially out in public, you don't need to 'announce to the world' that you are a homeschooler and continue to list all the things your child is an A+ in...especially in listing that Susie does orchestra, theater...yadda, yadda, yadda, as well.

 

We are all proud of our accomplishments as we homeschool, but to make us appear superior to those in the brick-and-mortar schools really doesn't do anyone any favors, especially in helping your child to fit in socially with others. Enjoy what you are doing with your child, but not everyone needs to know, "Well, you know, we homeschool."

[Amira]

Take it a year at a time and do what works for you and your kids each year.  If it helps you to do things the way other homeschoolers in your life do, that can be a great option, but you are the chooser about your own homeschool.  Be confident in your choices or change them so you can be.  

 

 

[rebcoola]

Plan, read, research etc. but don't get married to being a certain kind of homeschooler.

[lllll]

nm

[Alice]

That you should never make permanent or long term decisions about homeschooling (or any school choice) in February. 

[Janie Grace]

I SO agree with the "don't be a self-righteous homeschooler" thing. It goes along with mine: you do not have to keep doing this. Do it because it's the best choice for you and your kids, not because you have to, because it's the "only way." You don't, and it's not.

[luuknam]

your kids will grow up to be dismal failures because you didn't teach them Ancient Greek when they were four years old.

 

Oh crap. B will turn 5 in November. Do I still have enough time to cram in enough Ancient Greek to make sure he won't be a dismal failure?

 

:P

[ErinE]

The child is what matters; everything else is secondary.

[Carrie12345]

You have to take your own journey.  Others can give advice and share experiences, but none of us can predict what your path will look like. (And neither can you.)

[TechWife]

I want the new crop of homeschooling parents to understand that if you destroy your relationship with your child in an attempt to be as rigorous, strict, competitive, driven, and crazy as the school from which you removed him, you have screwed it up but good. Should have just left him in school and let home be a haven, instead of giving him nowhere to rest.

 

Be on your child's side. Don't follow the whims and fashions of the world; rather, know yourself, know your child, and know your values in education and in life. The world needs the person your child was meant to be, and he needs you to help him grow into himself. For most people, their authentic self can be very well-educated and well-rounded, as part of their personality. The college and career requirements will happen if you're reasonably diligent and aware. But leave them a strong sense of self along the way.

 

:iagree:  :hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:

 

This is awesome advice! It can't be repeated often enough! 

[Seasider]

Along the lines of Tibbie's excellent advice... Ramp up slowly. Kids need to be ready for middle school when they start middle school, not 3rd grade. Maturity comes more slowly than you might expect. Treat all outside teachers with respect.

I completely agree with this whole statement, but will take it a little farther. Come middle school, your kids should be ready for it. Come high school, they need to be ready for it. The "relax, they're young" advice is great in its proper season, but there comes a time when you will run out of time if you don't develop good habits.

 

Yes, life happens. But as Anne in CA notes above, you must press on. I tend to notice (not here but on a local yahoo group) that it's the same folks over and over bemoaning how behind they are for this or that set of (not usually dire) circumstances. It makes me wince at how often and how great come the cascades of "no worries, there's always tomorrow." For some of these folks, running out of tomorrows seems like it might actually happen. If you take on home schooling, then get it done. If, week after week, month after month, year after year, you're not getting it done, you need to reevaluate.

 

One more soapbox, know your state homeschool laws inside and out. HSLDA may appear to sell full-protection membership cards, but they don't. Compliance with the law is your responsibility. (Not wanting to start the HSLDA debate, just noting that some new home schoolers tend to treat that membership as a life jacket and neglect to fully understand their own state regulations.)

[TechWife]

Remember that academics should not consume your family life.  Live a balanced life.  Leave plenty of time for family dinners, walks, extra curricular activities (without regard to whether or not you will be able to give them credit for any particular subject), friends, chores, trips, just hanging out and even, yes, watching t.v. .  

[Seasider]

I SO agree with the "don't be a self-righteous homeschooler" thing. It goes along with mine: you do not have to keep doing this. Do it because it's the best choice for you and your kids, not because you have to, because it's the "only way." You don't, and it's not.

Love!

[Dmmetler]

It's harder to mess up your kids permanently than you think it is-and choosing the wrong math book, or using workbooks when everyone around you says to unschool, or not reading the read-aloud that every list recommends and you dislike immensely isn't going to do it.

 

 

[Mrs. B]

Don't buy all years of the math program you think you like with all the extra books for the younger siblings in one big swipe. If you buy a math program, buy one year at a time for each child.

 

Does anyone want to buy a bunch of CLE workbooks from me? j/k

[Jane in NC]

That home school is not public school.  You don't have to do _______  in 9th grade because your local public school does _______ in 9th grade.  Home school allows for amazing opportunities, class-wise and with hands-on experiences. Allow your kid not only to educate outside of the box--allow your kid to participate in shaping his education.

 

And all parents of rising 8th graders (or thereabouts) should find a thread that Nan started. Best advice ever.

 

ETA:  Haha!  I found it:

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/68058-to-all-you-people-with-8th-graders-or-there-abouts/?hl=+8th

 

[Aelwydd]

Home schooling is almost mainstream in many areas. You're really not that countercultural. :D

[6packofun]

That you CAN homeschool very cheaply or even free, but it takes a HECK of a lot of work. As a new homeschooler I constantly heard that I could "just find something on the internet!" and "just read books from the library!".  Oh, I wanted that to be true so badly.  lol

 

While it may be true in K-2 or so, after that, you really cannot give your child a good education, IMO, without MONEY to invest in it unless you are willing and able to spend hours and hours of your week making sure that the cheap/free stuff you are using is up to snuff.

[elegantlion]

Best advice I never got: Research homeschooling methods AFTER you've homeschooled for a year. I used one provider for 3 years because that's what everyone else did. I don't remember hearing anything about WTM. After 3 years I started looking and was amazed. By the 5th year we were doing something totally different. 

 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

Know stuff.

 

Knowing why you're doing what you're doing is a good start. :p

 

And pay attention to the kids.

 

If you know stuff and pay attention, a lot of what you should be doing will come "automatically."

 

 

[SproutMamaK]

That we're all just making this up as we go along. You may look at what someone else is doing or how well their children are progressing and think "why doesn't my family have all that going on? What am I missing?" and that they're probably looking right back at you thinking the same thing. You do what works, and if it stops working you try something new. Those people that you look up to and admire may be fantastic at what they do, and that's probably because they've figured it out one step at a time and did what seemed right to them at the time, just like you're doing. In other words, there are no trade secrets or magic answers... just parents muddling their way through as best they can, one day at a time.

[Ausmumof3]

Homeschooling is what you do, not who you are.

 

All of the stuff above is such good advice.

 

If you buy curriculum and it's not going to work sell it while it's still new, shiny and fashionable.

 

And yes, homeschooling with free resources is a lot more hard work!

[Audrey]

Cycling through endless curriculum changes because something new and shiny caught your eye or ear does not help your child learn more or better.  IOW, stick with what works for your child and quit buying stuff because YOU want it.

[Murphy101]

That home schooling is not a religion.

[klmama]

Even though you are enjoying living books and weekly field trips right now, remember that school work gets harder and will take more time as your dc gets into upper elementary and middle school; you need to let him have the time he needs to do it well. High school will be here before you know it, and then one blink and he'll be graduating. Don't drag your older dc to every fun activity geared for your younger dc; he needs to get his work done. Just because you homeschool him doesn't automatically mean he will get a better education than he would in public school. Really. You need to provide him with the materials, the instruction, and the time he needs to learn.

 

 

 

 

[Janie Grace]

Just because you homeschool him doesn't automatically mean he will get a better education than he would in public school. Really. You need to provide him with the materials, the instruction, and the time he needs to learn.

 

YES. I have seen so much of this "at least he's homeschooled!" attitude. As if NOT attending public or private school automatically guarantees a superior education??? Uh, no... it is possible to just play hooky and call it homeschool if the kid isn't actually LEARNING.

[Erica in OR]

Not every single day that you homeschool will be happy, shiny, and Pinterest-worthy. You don't need to give up when you hit those times.

 

Erica in OR

[Another Lynn]

1)  Your "parenting" mistakes will mess them up more than your "teaching" mistakes.

 

2)  You will never be able to implement your perfect homeschool plan, so learn where you all benefit from compromise.

 

3)  You still need to teach manners.  If you want to listen to every brilliant thought your child wants to share with you all day long, that's great.  But please teach them that not everyone else does.  There's a time to be quiet.  There's a time for self-control.

[AppleGreen]

That homeschooling, especially for the long haul, is hard, really hard some days. 

 

 

ETA a vital word & punctuation. Yeesh. Told you this was hard.

[Rachel]

Thank you ladies! I am going to print this thread out so I can keep referring back to it.

 

Those of us in the beginning stages (year 3 is still the beginning, right?) have so much to learn from those of you who have been at this for more years.

[LucyStoner]

That handing a young child a stack of workbooks is not the same thing as teaching.

[Audrey]

That handing a young child a stack of workbooks is not the same thing as teaching.

 

AMEN to that!

[myfunnybunch]

I wish they could understand that it's so individualized that their homeschool will not look like my homeschool, or my friend's homeschool, or their neighbor's homeschool. Sometimes new homeschoolers will ask me what we do, as though I know the way to homeschool. I don't know a single homeschooler who schools exactly the way I do.

 

Also, there's a learning curve. It took me three years to really truly get the hang of scheduling and choosing curriculum and adjusting to learners' needs and so forth. All of the details and juggling that go into making things run smoothly. So I usually tell newer homeschoolers not to panic if it feels like things are getting away from them the first couple years.