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luuknam

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Everything posted by luuknam

  1. See, I thought that the flies were supposed to be drained of blood. I don't have advice for that though.
  2. So, this is pretty out there, but for some reason it's the thing that popped into my head reading the OP, so... DBT. It helps people be accept/cope/be okay with/function despite extreme emotions. It's been shown to be effective (at least for some people) for a wide range of issues, including anxiety. But, it could very well be that one of the other suggestions above is more appropriate.
  3. I got diagnosed as having a mild hearing impairment, iirc my doctor (when I was 12) said that my hearing was like that of a 70yo or something (I had ear tubes when I was 10.5yo, which helped, my hearing was really bad before that). I probably do have CAPD, but no diagnosis. Any kind of background noise makes it exponentially harder to understand what people are saying. I watch TV with subtitles on, though that's not necessary for every show - it varies based on how much background noise there is. Most of the videos for my online classes had subtitles, though some were AI-generated, and the ones that didn't at least could be played back to try to figure it out a second, third, etc time or to ask someone else their opinion on what on earth was said (didn't really need to do that last thing). Having problems with multi-step instructions sounds more like ADHD or language-processing disorder like BandH said or something than CAPD to me, so long as you say them clearly enough (and possibly with enough of a pause between each).
  4. If you can't make staying with friends/relatives work, could you buy/borrow a cheap used travel trailer and find free/cheap campsites in your area (if your vehicle can't tow that much, do you know anyone who could do that for you)? BLM, state parks, etc have places where you can stay for 2 weeks (or some places more, iirc) before having to move, and you can rotate through them. That way you could rent out the house (fully furnished!) or sell it, because the last thing you want is to foreclose on it, and even if you're motivated to sell it and the buyer is motivated to buy it, it can take a while to actually sell it (after we made an offer it took TWO MONTHS before it was finally ours, ARGH!, and that was despite the fact that the house had already been inspected by the previous person making an offer, who died before completing the purchase (obviously we did have it inspected too, as was required by the mortgage company)). Not saying that all sales take that long, but it sounds like you really need to work on renting or selling it now. On the bright side, I feel like in most places around the country house prices are a bit bubbly, so if you do sell, you might get lucky and be able to purchase another home when prices are lower again. Has your husband gone to employment agencies like Manpower? What about trying to do some menial jobs (mowing the yard etc) for neighbors? You also mentioned medical costs... if you have substantial out-of-pocket costs for medications, could you try asking your doctor if there are older meds you can try that would be (much) cheaper (that may or may not have more side effects... honestly, I often feel a lot of newer meds that are touted as having fewer side effects simply have a shorter list because they're new and people haven't reported as many yet)?
  5. I'm not sure that most people calling it a hoax believe covid never existed; I think a fair number of people think that yes, it exists, but no, it really is just a cold/flu and all the drama was a hoax. IIRC I don't know anybody who died from it (I've seen a few reports on a game I play of players who died of it, but I didn't ever talk to them), but I also don't know all that many people. A fair number of the people who knew someone who died from it might have known an elderly person who died from it who they might think might have died from the flu a month later if they hadn't gotten covid, kwim? Not that I believe it was a hoax; the excess deaths numbers are pretty clear, and a large number of deniers are clearly rather ignorant and/or batty. Even after the vaccines were out and it was pretty clear the odds of family or I dying from it were pretty low, it was still scary that hospitals were overwhelmed and people with other conditions sometimes didn't get needed care, which is something that a lot of deniers conveniently chose to ignore too.
  6. Biograndma might not, but she lives with the biodad, who probably is much more likely to (iirc she gave him the pics and then he gave the pics to biomom?). After the update, my vote is definitely no more photos unless extremely unrecognizable (no face). Part of me is wondering how old biograndma is, whether she's likely to still be alive when your kid is 18, but then the other part of me thinks that even if she isn't (or possibly especially if she isn't) he might like to read the email back-and-forths from her, so it doesn't really matter. But, I'd go super generic.
  7. This, and I didn't even get my first period until I was 12. My passport (which I first got at 17) even has me listed as 2.5 cm taller than I am because the person at the desk figured that "surely you'll still grow a bit," so they rounded up (and didn't subtract the height of the shoes I was wearing either), because I'm rather short by Dutch standards. I was thinking that it was extremely unlikely I'd still grow since I hadn't grown in years (even from 12 to 13 I only grew like half an inch), but figured it was pretty funny so went with it. I wonder how the bar association feels about judges lacking, well, judgment. But, it sounds like the judge didn't misinterpret the law but only was grossly incompetent wrt biology and psychology, so... probably another dead end?
  8. :hugs: I know you two already texted back and forth since this so it's too late to reply to this, but going to give my idea for possible future use: "Hey mom, thank you for noticing I was just trying to be helpful. I know it may seem silly, and you probably feel like this text basically was an apology already (it very well might in her head), but it'd make me feel so much better if you were to say "I'm sorry about telling you to shut up in front of everyone" directly. I look forward to seeing how the mirrors look installed! Love you." And it'd be perfectly reasonable to sit down with her one day and tell her how confused you feel by on the one hand being expected to anticipate needs but on the other hand also being expected to not do things for her she wants to do for herself. Maybe insert some joke about somehow not having come equipped with a mind-reading unit (if you think that's the kind of thing that might help). Maybe she'll say some things that might be helpful. Maybe she won't. But in case she wasn't aware enough, it'll make her more aware that you're trying and that you're confused about how to balance opposing values she taught you. You might even want to mention that she taught you those values including the ways in which you feel/have experienced they're good values to have - plan ahead to think of examples. Then, after good examples, maybe mention some cases where they tripped you up, and, if she tells you you just "should have known," be firm on "mom, I really wish I would've known, but while I try my best, I can't read minds so I will make mistakes." Maybe this will work great, maybe it won't. If it's not helping, maybe just end on some platitudes about how you wish life and social interactions were easier, but you love her, and give her a hug, and then switch to smalltalk (think of some topic in advance - of course, if she just becomes horrible, leaving is fine too). Hope that helps.
  9. Not really. It's basically chaos theory at that point, with sensitive dependence on initial conditions (like the butterfly effect). The furthest I tend to get is "wow, my life would probably be crazy different!" and then imagination fails me. Like, I'm capable of thinking that I might be a successful scientist with a PhD, or dead, or have no kids or many more than I currently do, or living in another country, etc, but it's too open-ended to really even bother. It's complete fantasy, and anything I could imagine could easily be completely different and way worse (well, I guess you can't go much worse than dead, other than maybe tied up in some torturous serial-killer's basement).
  10. This trailer has the same floor plan as the one we lived in for the past 3 years: https://www.jayco.com/rvs/travel-trailers/2022-jay-flight/32bhds/. It's roughly 300 sq ft inside if the slide-outs are out. If you were to take that floor plan and remove the part with the bunk beds, you could make it a rather livable smaller place for one adult (though I'd be inclined to remove the bunk beds and install bookcases, lol). It doesn't require folding or flipping anything to live there (other than there is storage under the couches surrounding the table and under the big bed, but just don't store stuff there that you want to use regularly). The couches can be converted into beds, but it sleeps 4 people without doing that. We did get a crack in the bottom of the bathtub towards the end and fixed it, but it cracked again not too long after, so I'm not sure about recommending the bathtub they used, but, it was big enough to sit in and take a bath (but not stretch out/lie in, obviously, and if you're tall, sitting in it might not be so great). Like others have said, check and double-check zoning, permit requirements, etc (you can apply for a zoning variance if necessary... which you might or might not be able to get, but, it's worth a shot). I'd also be hesitant about tiny houses on wheels, since more and more places are making rules against them and might or might not grandfather you in if/when they do. If, like someone above mentioned, you're not allowed to do a full apartment above the garage (I'm having a really hard time imagining a bathroom isn't allowed, since the US seems bathroom obsessed with houses, but okay), cooking can definitely be done on hotplates, electric wok, electric rice cooker, etc (my first half year in the US we lived in my in-laws' garage apartment and cooked on a shelf we folded down over the toilet (with the toilet lid closed, duh!) in the bathroom). Also, my grandparents' house had sinks in every bedroom other than the attic ones, but only one bathroom in the entire house - you might be able to get away with a sink but no toilet/shower if you somehow aren't allowed to do a 1/2 or full bathroom? Not ideal, of course, but should still be nicer than nothing. Whether an apartment above the garage or a separate building is preferable probably would depend on too many other details about your property and general surroundings, and might change with demographic, cultural, and building trends too.
  11. That sounds crazy, tbh. I also wouldn't call a 15yo a young teen, just a teen. If it's common around there for parents to be in the backseat and your daughter wants it, I don't see a big problem with riding along at least the first time, but it seems odd to me... kids that age should be working hard on independence, since the moment they turn 18 they're legally adults and might do whatever and go wherever and it'd be good if they had experience doing things without mom or dad being there. Now, if I had a bad vibe about the instructor and I really didn't have an option to use a different instructor, then that'd be different. FWIW, when I was 14, once a month I'd bicycle to the train station and take a train to another city, walk to where I needed to go, work on a magazine with others, and then take the 11-something pm train back and then bicycle home (getting home after midnight). I did a year as an exchange student living with a host family in rural Thailand right after graduating high school, when I was 17. I did truck driving school with a male instructor and 5 male classmates when I was 23, and after graduating that the company I was with put me in a truck with a male trainer from some African country who's English sucked and who thought women belonged at home. That didn't work out so I got a new trainer after a week or so, and spent a month with a different male trainer (both were OTR, so, sleeping in the same truck, etc (bunk beds)). I also in various places I've lived have had a bad habit of going for a walk around the block late at night. Nothing bad ever happened to me. I'm almost 5'4", so not big, but I do have enough of a "don't mess with me" vibe that probably helps, though most guys wouldn't want to put their job and freedom at risk over a stupid move on a 15yo (or any age). Anyway, long story short, if I had a bad vibe or my kid really begged me to ride along I probably would, but in the latter case I'd encourage my kid to try the second lesson without me (again, assuming neither my kid nor I had a bad vibe about the instructor). I need to enroll my 15yo in driving school the moment we get our driver's licenses here (can't get him a learner's permit until we are residents, lol), and the thought of riding along hadn't even crossed my mind (and I don't think it would've had he been a girl).
  12. Not sure. We just bought a house in NM after traveling around for 3 years, but, I'm not convinced that that's the best option wrt COL and climate change. We lived 8 years in Western NY and it's better on those two counts (climate change will likely make lake effect snow a bit worse though for a decade or two before making it less).
  13. Also, aging software already exists. It probably has limited accuracy since it can't predict what weight a person will be, or what haircut they'll have, but, the shorter into the future it has to project, the more accurate it's likely to be. I don't know enough about the backstory, but if you send any more pics, it seems they'll definitely need to be happy ones. Personally, I'd maybe be happier seeing more of a mix of a range of emotions, because I wouldn't think a happy pic once a year or w/e proves the kid is happy, but the biomom at least clearly cannot handle less than happy pics. If she's going to end up seeing any pics, at least make it easy for her to believe that her kid might be better off with you, or be okay with you, etc. I'd imagine the doubt of what someone else is doing with your kid could really eat away at people. Personally (not knowing more background), I might go with the one-more-goof and they're out, and/or just send them the occasional pic of a drawing the kid made.
  14. What Clemsondana said. Middle school is a great time to experiment and try new things before everything in high school becomes too serious, important, and time-consuming, but I wouldn't drop other classes you already signed up for for it.
  15. Yeah, for college I'd be surprised if they cared about the ITBS or w/e at all, but for doing 10th or 11th grade abroad there might not be much in the way of SAT/ACT/AP/etc yet (my younger kid kind of wants to go as soon as he's old enough, so probably 10th grade).
  16. The Great Courses have a wide variety of humanities-related courses, especially a lot of history. Wondrium has most of them, Amazon Great Courses Signature Collection has fewer, and Audible has some (no clue which/how many) if you prefer podcasts you can listen to while doing chores/driving/etc (but is obviously not suitable for art appreciation unless you want to google pics of all the paintings/sculptures - probably possible since I think they mention them by name, but, sounds like a pain, and if the prof is pointing out some specific part of a painting you wouldn't be able to see what part they're zooming in on). You'd also want to read some books etc, but, a lot of the lectures are easy to watch when you're feeling too tired to tackle something harder.
  17. Yes, with a note of explanation is sounds a whole lot less sketchy. This is really giving insight into what people are doing, thank you.
  18. He very well might have written that in one of the books - prealgebra really is a mixture of advanced arithmetic and basic algebra. The books aren't a good review for algebra 1 & 2 though because they only use the most basic of algebra there is, like, the general idea that you can have equations with letters in them. From what I remember, the prealgebra books don't teach things like factoring (that's in Beginning Algebra) and they definitely don't teach things like logarithms (Advanced Algebra), and a huge variety of other topics. There's a reason the beginning and advanced algebra books are the first big books in the series - they really do cover a lot of material. Khan would be much better as a review than LOF prealgebra, and I agree that a variety of approaches is good. My youngest is pretty happy with Danica McKellar's Hot X: Algebra Exposed and says she gives some tricks that aren't in LOF, but her book isn't a full review of Alg 1 & 2 either (not even a complete review of Alg 1, I think). She also uses girly examples of real life uses for algebra, which neither of my sons mind(ed), but, ymmv.
  19. Thank you. By possible fraud I meant that it could be seen as either willfully lying to the state, or to the college (not that I think the state has any business caring about my kids' grade levels - they have a legitimate interest in making sure my kids are educated, sure, but in their grade level? Nah...).
  20. So, do you not put the grade at all anywhere then, just the calendar year? Because both in our previous state and our current state we have to tell the state what grade level the kids are in, so, I feel that retroactively changing the name of the grade would be wrong and possibly fraud... Or do you just graduate them at the end of 11th grade if they have sufficient credits and are ready to graduate (and if so, would the PSAT still be an 11th grade thing)?
  21. Thanks for the idea. Well, what grade they would've been in school might very well be a higher grade than what they were in in homeschool, since if things are way too easy skipping a grade or more makes sense in school (most of the textbooks they used were above the grade level I reported them as being in (since I had to tell the district what grade they were in), but what level varied by subject). Giving them a test based on grade level by age (using NY cutoff or the rest of the country? - my second half of November bday kid would be wrapping up 6th grade anywhere except NY public schools, where he's wrapping up 7th... but even the local private schools would've placed him a year lower because they use a June instead of December cutoff, which is one of the tricks they use to show that their students 'outperform' public school students) and having them score at the top in everything doesn't tell me anything worth knowing - akin to what you said about "what to work on next," I already know they're above average. Since we were in NY, we had to do standardized tests, and my reasoning was that if I was going to spend $$ and they were spending hours on that stuff, I might as well give them a test that would be mildly informative and would teach them to not just collapse if they encountered a question they didn't know the answer to, which happens to some really bright kids if they're always given tests that are too easy. All they needed to do was score >33rd percentile overall, after all (they both scored at the 94th percentile last year). I did realize yesterday that I don't really have 3 years, so I can't really switch them back to a lower grade test without things looking odd, because even though they almost certainly wouldn't go abroad until at least 2 years after this year (so, 3 years of testing including this year), the application for going abroad would possibly be done in 1.5 years or so, so before that 3rd year of testing, so, the 3 years of standardized tests to be submitted would possibly be last year's plus this and next year's. I also realized that even if whomever at the school's English is insufficient to understand an explanation for why their tests don't match their grade level, any of the reputable programs would surely have a coordinator in that country who could explain it. So... meh. I'll just have them continue doing what they were doing and it'll probably turn out fine.
  22. Not sure which books you're talking about exactly, but the high school books have expanded editions (which is just the combination of the original books and the home companions (I think it was called)), and the Beginning and Advanced Algebra books also have Zillions of Practice Problems books you can buy as well. I don't see how the pre-algebra books would be a reasonable review of Alg 1 & 2 to keep things fresh. Depending on your kid, they might be fun and review *some* things and/or teach some basic other stuff covered in them (though there are a couple of questionable opinions in iirc the Pre-alg 2(?) with Econ book to do with the causes of the Civil War etc), but if you wanted to keep Alg 1 & 2 skills fresh you should probably use Beginning and Advanced Algebra and maybe Chemistry and Financial Choices. You could also try to put together a bunch of non-math that uses math (like aforementioned Chemistry and Financial Choices, but also possibly do some computer programming, especially if you get him to create computer models of things that use math). I would make sure that *some* math happens on a regular basis though, because it's pretty easy to forget a bunch of math.
  23. We used Essentials in Writing for 9th grade English and will again for 10th grade English. It feels a bit light to me, especially on the readings for literature, but I needed to outsource English, and I'd say it's good enough - this kid isn't planning on becoming a writer or anything, nor interested in trying to get into a top university, so, w/e. It's also affordable and secular. Like others have said, independence doesn't magically happen, and an online class is not the same as independent. He actually was a lot more independent in some (not all) of his other subjects which were just textbook, workbook, answer key, etc (yes, I checked that he was getting work done - I've seen horror stories before where someone doesn't find out until half a year later that the seemingly good kid had completely slacked off). Ideally, for independence, I'd want him to become more involved in selecting materials as well, but I digress. I briefly had my younger kid do time4learning a couple of years ago because I was tired of his complaining. He's never been in school, and felt that homeschool should just be fun and easy (but not TOO easy) all the time and telling him that in normal school there's a lot of drudgery etc wasn't really working. It was an affordable option to give him some clue about having to tediously do a bunch of stuff for many hours a day. He got sick of it rather quickly.
  24. And if you can't find one, you can email the prof. Whether/how fast the prof replies and with what kind of attitude might give a hint too (though it of course doesn't prove anything), but in my experience many are happy to send you a copy and encourage you to take their class.
  25. Ah. I think a lot of news might have gotten kind of buried in 2020 under other news, especially if you weren't on a homeschooling website or school of some sort. Not that I expect FAFSA to do much good for us anyway... we're not rich, we're not even donut hole, but it's my understanding that most 'aid' is loans and work/study anyway. At a lot of college fees are exorbitant too, and you can't dodge those by living at home/with relatives/etc.
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