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luuknam

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luuknam last won the day on March 24 2018

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  1. See, I thought that the flies were supposed to be drained of blood. I don't have advice for that though.
  2. So, this is pretty out there, but for some reason it's the thing that popped into my head reading the OP, so... DBT. It helps people be accept/cope/be okay with/function despite extreme emotions. It's been shown to be effective (at least for some people) for a wide range of issues, including anxiety. But, it could very well be that one of the other suggestions above is more appropriate.
  3. I got diagnosed as having a mild hearing impairment, iirc my doctor (when I was 12) said that my hearing was like that of a 70yo or something (I had ear tubes when I was 10.5yo, which helped, my hearing was really bad before that). I probably do have CAPD, but no diagnosis. Any kind of background noise makes it exponentially harder to understand what people are saying. I watch TV with subtitles on, though that's not necessary for every show - it varies based on how much background noise there is. Most of the videos for my online classes had subtitles, though some were AI-generated, and the ones that didn't at least could be played back to try to figure it out a second, third, etc time or to ask someone else their opinion on what on earth was said (didn't really need to do that last thing). Having problems with multi-step instructions sounds more like ADHD or language-processing disorder like BandH said or something than CAPD to me, so long as you say them clearly enough (and possibly with enough of a pause between each).
  4. If you can't make staying with friends/relatives work, could you buy/borrow a cheap used travel trailer and find free/cheap campsites in your area (if your vehicle can't tow that much, do you know anyone who could do that for you)? BLM, state parks, etc have places where you can stay for 2 weeks (or some places more, iirc) before having to move, and you can rotate through them. That way you could rent out the house (fully furnished!) or sell it, because the last thing you want is to foreclose on it, and even if you're motivated to sell it and the buyer is motivated to buy it, it can take a while to actually sell it (after we made an offer it took TWO MONTHS before it was finally ours, ARGH!, and that was despite the fact that the house had already been inspected by the previous person making an offer, who died before completing the purchase (obviously we did have it inspected too, as was required by the mortgage company)). Not saying that all sales take that long, but it sounds like you really need to work on renting or selling it now. On the bright side, I feel like in most places around the country house prices are a bit bubbly, so if you do sell, you might get lucky and be able to purchase another home when prices are lower again. Has your husband gone to employment agencies like Manpower? What about trying to do some menial jobs (mowing the yard etc) for neighbors? You also mentioned medical costs... if you have substantial out-of-pocket costs for medications, could you try asking your doctor if there are older meds you can try that would be (much) cheaper (that may or may not have more side effects... honestly, I often feel a lot of newer meds that are touted as having fewer side effects simply have a shorter list because they're new and people haven't reported as many yet)?
  5. I'm not sure that most people calling it a hoax believe covid never existed; I think a fair number of people think that yes, it exists, but no, it really is just a cold/flu and all the drama was a hoax. IIRC I don't know anybody who died from it (I've seen a few reports on a game I play of players who died of it, but I didn't ever talk to them), but I also don't know all that many people. A fair number of the people who knew someone who died from it might have known an elderly person who died from it who they might think might have died from the flu a month later if they hadn't gotten covid, kwim? Not that I believe it was a hoax; the excess deaths numbers are pretty clear, and a large number of deniers are clearly rather ignorant and/or batty. Even after the vaccines were out and it was pretty clear the odds of family or I dying from it were pretty low, it was still scary that hospitals were overwhelmed and people with other conditions sometimes didn't get needed care, which is something that a lot of deniers conveniently chose to ignore too.
  6. Biograndma might not, but she lives with the biodad, who probably is much more likely to (iirc she gave him the pics and then he gave the pics to biomom?). After the update, my vote is definitely no more photos unless extremely unrecognizable (no face). Part of me is wondering how old biograndma is, whether she's likely to still be alive when your kid is 18, but then the other part of me thinks that even if she isn't (or possibly especially if she isn't) he might like to read the email back-and-forths from her, so it doesn't really matter. But, I'd go super generic.
  7. This, and I didn't even get my first period until I was 12. My passport (which I first got at 17) even has me listed as 2.5 cm taller than I am because the person at the desk figured that "surely you'll still grow a bit," so they rounded up (and didn't subtract the height of the shoes I was wearing either), because I'm rather short by Dutch standards. I was thinking that it was extremely unlikely I'd still grow since I hadn't grown in years (even from 12 to 13 I only grew like half an inch), but figured it was pretty funny so went with it. I wonder how the bar association feels about judges lacking, well, judgment. But, it sounds like the judge didn't misinterpret the law but only was grossly incompetent wrt biology and psychology, so... probably another dead end?
  8. :hugs: I know you two already texted back and forth since this so it's too late to reply to this, but going to give my idea for possible future use: "Hey mom, thank you for noticing I was just trying to be helpful. I know it may seem silly, and you probably feel like this text basically was an apology already (it very well might in her head), but it'd make me feel so much better if you were to say "I'm sorry about telling you to shut up in front of everyone" directly. I look forward to seeing how the mirrors look installed! Love you." And it'd be perfectly reasonable to sit down with her one day and tell her how confused you feel by on the one hand being expected to anticipate needs but on the other hand also being expected to not do things for her she wants to do for herself. Maybe insert some joke about somehow not having come equipped with a mind-reading unit (if you think that's the kind of thing that might help). Maybe she'll say some things that might be helpful. Maybe she won't. But in case she wasn't aware enough, it'll make her more aware that you're trying and that you're confused about how to balance opposing values she taught you. You might even want to mention that she taught you those values including the ways in which you feel/have experienced they're good values to have - plan ahead to think of examples. Then, after good examples, maybe mention some cases where they tripped you up, and, if she tells you you just "should have known," be firm on "mom, I really wish I would've known, but while I try my best, I can't read minds so I will make mistakes." Maybe this will work great, maybe it won't. If it's not helping, maybe just end on some platitudes about how you wish life and social interactions were easier, but you love her, and give her a hug, and then switch to smalltalk (think of some topic in advance - of course, if she just becomes horrible, leaving is fine too). Hope that helps.
  9. Not really. It's basically chaos theory at that point, with sensitive dependence on initial conditions (like the butterfly effect). The furthest I tend to get is "wow, my life would probably be crazy different!" and then imagination fails me. Like, I'm capable of thinking that I might be a successful scientist with a PhD, or dead, or have no kids or many more than I currently do, or living in another country, etc, but it's too open-ended to really even bother. It's complete fantasy, and anything I could imagine could easily be completely different and way worse (well, I guess you can't go much worse than dead, other than maybe tied up in some torturous serial-killer's basement).
  10. This trailer has the same floor plan as the one we lived in for the past 3 years: https://www.jayco.com/rvs/travel-trailers/2022-jay-flight/32bhds/. It's roughly 300 sq ft inside if the slide-outs are out. If you were to take that floor plan and remove the part with the bunk beds, you could make it a rather livable smaller place for one adult (though I'd be inclined to remove the bunk beds and install bookcases, lol). It doesn't require folding or flipping anything to live there (other than there is storage under the couches surrounding the table and under the big bed, but just don't store stuff there that you want to use regularly). The couches can be converted into beds, but it sleeps 4 people without doing that. We did get a crack in the bottom of the bathtub towards the end and fixed it, but it cracked again not too long after, so I'm not sure about recommending the bathtub they used, but, it was big enough to sit in and take a bath (but not stretch out/lie in, obviously, and if you're tall, sitting in it might not be so great). Like others have said, check and double-check zoning, permit requirements, etc (you can apply for a zoning variance if necessary... which you might or might not be able to get, but, it's worth a shot). I'd also be hesitant about tiny houses on wheels, since more and more places are making rules against them and might or might not grandfather you in if/when they do. If, like someone above mentioned, you're not allowed to do a full apartment above the garage (I'm having a really hard time imagining a bathroom isn't allowed, since the US seems bathroom obsessed with houses, but okay), cooking can definitely be done on hotplates, electric wok, electric rice cooker, etc (my first half year in the US we lived in my in-laws' garage apartment and cooked on a shelf we folded down over the toilet (with the toilet lid closed, duh!) in the bathroom). Also, my grandparents' house had sinks in every bedroom other than the attic ones, but only one bathroom in the entire house - you might be able to get away with a sink but no toilet/shower if you somehow aren't allowed to do a 1/2 or full bathroom? Not ideal, of course, but should still be nicer than nothing. Whether an apartment above the garage or a separate building is preferable probably would depend on too many other details about your property and general surroundings, and might change with demographic, cultural, and building trends too.
  11. That sounds crazy, tbh. I also wouldn't call a 15yo a young teen, just a teen. If it's common around there for parents to be in the backseat and your daughter wants it, I don't see a big problem with riding along at least the first time, but it seems odd to me... kids that age should be working hard on independence, since the moment they turn 18 they're legally adults and might do whatever and go wherever and it'd be good if they had experience doing things without mom or dad being there. Now, if I had a bad vibe about the instructor and I really didn't have an option to use a different instructor, then that'd be different. FWIW, when I was 14, once a month I'd bicycle to the train station and take a train to another city, walk to where I needed to go, work on a magazine with others, and then take the 11-something pm train back and then bicycle home (getting home after midnight). I did a year as an exchange student living with a host family in rural Thailand right after graduating high school, when I was 17. I did truck driving school with a male instructor and 5 male classmates when I was 23, and after graduating that the company I was with put me in a truck with a male trainer from some African country who's English sucked and who thought women belonged at home. That didn't work out so I got a new trainer after a week or so, and spent a month with a different male trainer (both were OTR, so, sleeping in the same truck, etc (bunk beds)). I also in various places I've lived have had a bad habit of going for a walk around the block late at night. Nothing bad ever happened to me. I'm almost 5'4", so not big, but I do have enough of a "don't mess with me" vibe that probably helps, though most guys wouldn't want to put their job and freedom at risk over a stupid move on a 15yo (or any age). Anyway, long story short, if I had a bad vibe or my kid really begged me to ride along I probably would, but in the latter case I'd encourage my kid to try the second lesson without me (again, assuming neither my kid nor I had a bad vibe about the instructor). I need to enroll my 15yo in driving school the moment we get our driver's licenses here (can't get him a learner's permit until we are residents, lol), and the thought of riding along hadn't even crossed my mind (and I don't think it would've had he been a girl).
  12. Not sure. We just bought a house in NM after traveling around for 3 years, but, I'm not convinced that that's the best option wrt COL and climate change. We lived 8 years in Western NY and it's better on those two counts (climate change will likely make lake effect snow a bit worse though for a decade or two before making it less).
  13. Also, aging software already exists. It probably has limited accuracy since it can't predict what weight a person will be, or what haircut they'll have, but, the shorter into the future it has to project, the more accurate it's likely to be. I don't know enough about the backstory, but if you send any more pics, it seems they'll definitely need to be happy ones. Personally, I'd maybe be happier seeing more of a mix of a range of emotions, because I wouldn't think a happy pic once a year or w/e proves the kid is happy, but the biomom at least clearly cannot handle less than happy pics. If she's going to end up seeing any pics, at least make it easy for her to believe that her kid might be better off with you, or be okay with you, etc. I'd imagine the doubt of what someone else is doing with your kid could really eat away at people. Personally (not knowing more background), I might go with the one-more-goof and they're out, and/or just send them the occasional pic of a drawing the kid made.
  14. What Clemsondana said. Middle school is a great time to experiment and try new things before everything in high school becomes too serious, important, and time-consuming, but I wouldn't drop other classes you already signed up for for it.
  15. Yeah, for college I'd be surprised if they cared about the ITBS or w/e at all, but for doing 10th or 11th grade abroad there might not be much in the way of SAT/ACT/AP/etc yet (my younger kid kind of wants to go as soon as he's old enough, so probably 10th grade).
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