Thought on visiting people in the hospital

[saraha]

Mil is back in the hospital and will be there probably a week at least. Fil, understandably, is spending every spare moment there. Sil, bil and dh are also spending every spare moment there, so every evening there are at least 4 people in her room til like 10:00 or whenever she is settled for the night. They aren’t doing shifts, it’s just everyone there when they can be there. Mil thinks she’s in there having a baby and doesn’t care who is there.

I was thinking about it today, just my own thoughts. I would go bonkers if that many people were sitting around in my room watching tv or on their phones. I spent 8 days in an icu and 4 days in a room about 14 years ago. People came in and out but no one stayed a long time. After the first couple of days dh worked half days while a church lady watched the kids, then picked them up and took them to mil’s and would come and sit with me. I loved him but he wore me out just sitting there. I didn’t like people staying g too long. My mom and sister came and stayed one whole day and I begged the icu nurse to make them leave. I know it’s a difference in preference, but like, I wouldn’t want someone in the room all the time.  I know everyone is different and the only right way is what the patient wants.

Would you want everyone there with you, or would you prefer to have people come for short visits?

[Faith-manor]

I am not a person who does well with visitors when I am in the hospital. I really value my physical privacy, and not having my medical conditions talked about constantly by people who are not my husband, kids, or medical team. So I would order people out! But, since your mil has dementia and the nursing and the nursing staff isn't saying anything, I would guess that it isn't an issue.

[saraha]

3 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I am not a person who does well with visitors when I am in the hospital. I really value my physical privacy, and not having my medical conditions talked about constantly by people who are not my husband, kids, or medical team. So I would order people out! But, since your mil has dementia and the nursing and the nursing staff isn't saying anything, I would guess that it isn't an issue.

Oh it’s not an issue. I was just thinking about my own preferences and what I remember from being in the hospital. My only concern for mil is if she persists in thinking she’s there having a baby, will it upset her with no baby? Last time she was in the hospital with her broken hip, she didn’t want to leave, she liked all the attention and visitors. At least I think that’s why she didn’t want to leave.

Edited September 6, 2023 by saraha

[Annie G]

Short visits for sure, but I’m  very much an introvert. And when I don’t feel well I want to be left alone. 
My oldest sister was in the hospital for a month earlier this summer and I was there every day for several hours as her advocate. She didn’t even know what questions to ask and was unable to really keep track of everything, it was exhausting, but necessary.  She absolutely wanted me there even more than I was. 
Different strokes for different folks.

[scbusf]

I would be fine if my husband or any of my kids were there. But everyone else - short visits only.

[marbel]

When I was in the hospital for 4 days several years ago, I hated people visiting me. I was uncomfortable, I had an IV and a catheter and a bag of bloody pee next to my bed... I was a mess and didn't need visitors. At one point our pastor asked my husband if I'd like a pastoral visit and he assured him I did not and would not think badly of him for not making one. In fact, I told him later, I felt better about him because he heeded my wishes and stayed away.  One friend brought me a bunch of paperback books - unasked-for - which I couldn't even read because the old acid paper made my eyes sting. I had a fully-loaded kindle and a bunch of magazines, I didn't need more stuff to keep track of. Sorry I sound so bitter about it. I'm sure there are people who like visitors and have nice visitors who actually cheer them up and don't annoy them! 

I have gone to visit people who have wanted it but honestly I would also rather not do it. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Here hospitals have visiting hours. 

Rooms are mostly shared, 2 to 4 patients per room. It would be awful having a 4 bed room full of other people's visitors all day and night. Nobody would be able to rest and recover 

[WildflowerMom]

This just took me back to my childhood.  I was the baby of a large extended family and I tagged along to more hospital visits, visitations, and funerals than you can believe.   Every time some cousin, second cousin, great aunt, grandparent, whoever was in the hospital, the room quickly filled with people.   It was like a mini family reunion.    Our hospital used to have rooms family could rent like a hotel room, but they were called “hospitel” rooms and had a private bathroom.  I’ve been in so many of those rooms, because apparently some of my family couldn’t bear even leaving the hospital overnight.    Personally, I’m ok being by myself at the hospital, or anywhere really, lol.    I don’t like everyone knowing my medical business, so the fewer visitors the better, for me at least. 

[Kassia]

I'm like @marbel.  I hate visitors.  I'm in the hospital for a reason and I feel bad and need rest.  I don't want people there.  I don't even like DH coming.  Maybe after giving birth would be okay, but otherwise I don't want people there.  It's already so hard to sleep in the hospital, the last thing I want are people in my room when I need rest.  And usually I can't shower and have tubes everywhere and don't feel well.  

[Kassia]

@Melissa in Australia brings up a great point about shared rooms.  That's a nightmare with the visitor situation for the other patient in the room for privacy and noise issues.

eta @Annie G is right about having a patient advocate if needed.  Then it's important to have someone there.  But that's a bit different than just a visitor, IMO.  

 

DH brought dd to see me after one of my major surgeries.  I was a mess with tubes everywhere and in pain.  It was awful.  I didn't want her to see me like that and she was very upset.  I wish DH hadn't done that - he wanted to surprise me.  

Edited September 6, 2023 by Kassia

[Pawz4me]

Just now, Kassia said:

@Melissa in Australia brings up a great point about shared rooms.  That's a nightmare with the visitor situation for the other patient in the room for privacy and noise issues.

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

I'm in the no visitors camp. I kinda feel like nowadays if you're in the hospital you're pretty darn sick. It's not like when I was a kid and they kept you a week for a hangnail. If I'm out of it enough that I need an advocate then sure, I'd want someone there. Otherwise, no.

[Rosie_0801]

How I feel after living alone for years is different to how I used to feel back in the day.

[Ginevra]

15 minutes ago, marbel said:

When I was in the hospital for 4 days several years ago, I hated people visiting me. I was uncomfortable, I had an IV and a catheter and a bag of bloody pee next to my bed... I was a mess and didn't need visitors. At one point our pastor asked my husband if I'd like a pastoral visit and he assured him I did not and would not think badly of him for not making one. In fact, I told him later, I felt better about him because he heeded my wishes and stayed away.  One friend brought me a bunch of paperback books - unasked-for - which I couldn't even read because the old acid paper made my eyes sting. I had a fully-loaded kindle and a bunch of magazines, I didn't need more stuff to keep track of. Sorry I sound so bitter about it. I'm sure there are people who like visitors and have nice visitors who actually cheer them up and don't annoy them! 

I have gone to visit people who have wanted it but honestly I would also rather not do it. 

I think a big part of the problem out there are books/blogs/websites - especially common in Christian circles - that advise people to just do stuff like this with no understanding that not everyone likes this. So, bloggers will say stuff like, “If your friend is feeling down, just drop over her house with pizza and a playlist of 80s songs! Cheer her up unexpectedly; don’t wait for her to ask!” And I’m like, “Oh heck no! Please wait for me to ask! Please do NOT drop by my house with pizzas and your three kids and think *that* will cheer me up!” 

[Ginevra]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

I'm in the no visitors camp. I kinda feel like nowadays if you're in the hospital you're pretty darn sick. It's not like when I was a kid and they kept you a week for a hangnail. If I'm out of it enough that I need an advocate then sure, I'd want someone there. Otherwise, no.

All the hospitals I have visited in the past ten years have shared rooms. (I mean, I guess it wasn’t true during Covid but I also didn’t visit the hospital then.) The last time I experienced a private room was when I had a baby. But for my mom or dad or MIL - shared rooms. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I don’t like visitors, but I still do visit.  Why is that?  I think because people feel supported by it, and get better care if they have visitors, and because I know better than to stay too long.  I show up, all perky and smiley, make sure they don’t need anything, quickly survey the care situation, express support, tell a few anecdotes about mutual interests or people, and then leave.  Half hour to 45 minutes tops.  But honestly I would rather people didn’t do that for me.  I have never been so laid out that I couldn’t advocate for myself.

[prairiewindmomma]

I have had a variety of experiences. My longest hospital stint was several weeks long, and I was far from home. Dh remained home with the kids and I rarely had visitors. It was very lonely at times….especially after the first few weeks.

OTOH, I also really value (IRL) my privacy. Only my parents ever visited in the hospital when I had my kids or had shorter hospital stays, and then visits rarely lasted more than 30 min.

——

OP, I suspect that your dh’s family is doing some pre-grieving. They realize time with your MIL is likely on the short end and a hospitalization is a chance to spend time. In addition, patients with advanced dementia are more prone to medication errors and falls because they can’t self advocate and can’t deal with toileting well on their own. Family is a safety feature in most hospitals, iykwim.

[Grace Hopper]

When I was in the hospital for my c-sections and hysterectomy, I had a no visitors policy - only grandparents and siblings could come to the hospital to see the baby. I felt very comfortable being alone in the room at those times, years ago. I was younger then and not in terrible shape even as I recovered from surgery. 
 

Nowadays, if I needed a multi-day hospital stay, I still would not want a room full of people sitting around, that would make me nuts. What I would want, however, is someone to sit in my room overnight, and maybe on weekend days. With hospitals running short staffed everywhere, I think the overnight staffs are stretched too thin. But still, I am not elderly and not mentally challenged. 
 

For an elder with dementia, if it were my family member I’d want there to be an advocate there 24/7. And probably would enjoy occasional brief drop in visits by others. But not everyone at all at once, staying for hours! And then do they all leave at 10pm? IMO it would make far more sense to stagger times and have someone there overnight. I’m wondering if the siblings are there because your fil also needs assistance? Still, if fil wants to be there all the time, between the sibs there could be rotation. JMO

[Pawz4me]

4 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

All the hospitals I have visited in the past ten years have shared rooms. (I mean, I guess it wasn’t true during Covid but I also didn’t visit the hospital then.) The last time I experienced a private room was when I had a baby. But for my mom or dad or MIL - shared rooms. 

Wow. None of them here have shared rooms at all, I don't think. I do have a very vague, hazy memory of what a semi-private hospital room was like. But it's a really ancient memory. I'm guessing that memory is from at least forty years ago.

[cjzimmer1]

I think it depends on who is in the hospital and why that person is in the hospital.  My mom was recently in the hospital including being med flighted to a bigger hospital.  Normally we would have someone with her for all hours that visitors are allowed.  For this we made sure to have at least 2.  Reason being, the support person needed a break but there were doctors to discuss things with and one never knew when they would appear.  Phone calls had to happen and either you stay in the room and disturb the patient or you step out and miss a doctor/therapist etc.  Mom understands most things but gets confused very easily and also forgets.  Someone needs to be there at all times just so that the family gets the correct information, can ask questions etc and then re explain it to mom everytime she forgets.  

So in the case of your MIL, I can totally see having a couple of people there as much as possible even if it's just to give FIL a break from sitting there all day.  Now if they are making noise and disturbing MIL than sure they need to tone it done but at least in my mom's case, she slept when she was tired and nothing that happened around here interfered with that.

But for someone like a new mother, or who was recovering from surgery who generally just needed to sleep and didn't need a support person to understand what was going on, yeah, I would find having several people in the room exhausting.

[Laura Corin]

8 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

All the hospitals I have visited in the past ten years have shared rooms. (I mean, I guess it wasn’t true during Covid but I also didn’t visit the hospital then.) The last time I experienced a private room was when I had a baby. But for my mom or dad or MIL - shared rooms. 

I was in  shared room after I gave birth the second time. One of the other mothers had lots of visitors who stayed for hours.  I found it really disturbing and inconsiderate of them. 

I wouldn't want long visits if I were in hospital  - short focused visits would be great.

[Kassia]

19 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

 

Our local hospital has shared rooms in the original wing of the hospital while newer wings have private rooms.  That's the only hospital I've been in for the last few decades other than when I had dd and I had a double room then but only had a roommate for a short time.  

[cintinative]

19 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

 

For an elder with dementia, if it were my family member I’d want there to be an advocate there 24/7. And probably would enjoy occasional brief drop in visits by others. But not everyone at all at once, staying for hours! 

Thanks for sharing this.

We recently went through this with my mom who has dementia. My dad would be there most of the time, and then I would relieve him so he could go home and eat, check mail, etc. for a bit.  But I think it was important for one of us to be there.  

But getting back to the OPs post, when I went there, I didn't force mom to talk. I always brought something to do, like a podcast to listen to or a book to read.  I didn't want her to feel like i needed to be entertained. Dad was the same. He would bring a crossword puzzle book, etc. 

[sassenach]

58 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

I'm in the no visitors camp. I kinda feel like nowadays if you're in the hospital you're pretty darn sick. It's not like when I was a kid and they kept you a week for a hangnail. If I'm out of it enough that I need an advocate then sure, I'd want someone there. Otherwise, no.

Yeah, a ton. Like every hospital I've stepped foot in except maybe the veeeerrrry new hospital in the city.

[Melissa in Australia]

And not only are the rooms 2 to 4 beds, but as a bed becomes available it is filled, I have several times during this 6 + week illness had a male room mate. 

 

[cjzimmer1]

18 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Yeah, a ton. Like every hospital I've stepped foot in except maybe the veeeerrrry new hospital in the city.

I never realized how much this must vary depending on location.  25-30 years ago, hospitals in my area were mostly 2 to a room but as they've remodeled (and every single hospital I've been to has), they have all switched out to private rooms.  Even the hospitals that are twice as old as I am, are all single rooms at this point.

Edited September 7, 2023 by cjzimmer1

[kathyl]

No, I wouldn't want lots of people there.  But the longest I've ever been in the hospital is 3 days.  Even for the radical hysterectomy it was only 3 days and I was ready to get out of there.  And no telling what I said when I came out of the surgery heavily drugged.  Dh still won't tell me.

I did ask dh to stay overnight when I was out of it after the hysterectomy.  He stayed and some of our dc came by several times.  

I had a shared room with another lady (big teaching university hospital).  I ended up feeling kind of bad for her because I had family there and she had no one.  And I really didn't like the way her doctor talked to her when he came by.  But I was too drugged up and in too much pain to really think about anything to do to help her. 😞

I definitely think it's best if the person in the hospital has some kind of advocate there with them as much as possible.  

[Bambam]

When I'm in the hospital, I would actually prefer no visitors except immediate family. I'm there because I'm sick, recovering from an operation, had a baby, whatever. I'm not up to entertaining! 

I do go visit folks (friends, relatives) in the hospital, but I try to only stay for 10-15-20 minutes. Exception is folks who obviously are lonely and want someone to talk to. I have spent the night with a couple of friends so they would have someone there if they needed anything (mostly because it seems nursing staff is pretty busy, and having someone there is helpful) - both wanted someone to stay with them. 

In our part of the country, it seems like emergency room visits are family reunion time. So many folks show up to see dear old Grandma who broke her hip or sweet little Becky Sue who broke her leg. I don't understand why someone doesn't kick them out or set a limit to the number of visitors. 

[Melissa in Australia]

32 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

And not only are the rooms 2 to 4 beds, but as a bed becomes available it is filled, I have several times during this 6 + week illness had a male room mate. 

 

The male room mates have all been fine

Better than the street worker I had for 1 day that screamed at my medical team

Or the poor elderly woman with dementia who screamed and screamed the whole day long. 

[Indigo Blue]

We have always been sort of expected to have our pastor visit. I would not want that. I would not mind if certain people were there (immediate family). 
 

One time ds had emergency surgery while he was home for Christmas. I drove him to the ER in the middle of the night. Ds was admitted. At the crack of dawn, the pastor shows up and sits with us for hours. We were still waiting for a diagnosis, I was exhausted, worried, and looked awful. Didn’t even have on a bra under my coat, so I had to keep it on. The lights in the waiting room were harsh and bright. It was awful. And he sat there the whole time. I guess I sound pretty grumpy. 

[J-rap]

I think it depends on the circumstances.  If I was just in the hospital for a routine even though serious condition, but knowing I'd be fine, then I can't imagine people really feeling like they should come every day and stay all day.   If I were possibly dying, then I'd treasure the time with family there, and would want them surrounding me as much as possible.

When my dh was hospitalized for 3+ months and we didn't know if he'd survive, I was there probably 12 hours each day.  Our whole family surrounded him every day from morning til night, along with his siblings and my own own family.  But it was so personal, that we didn't really want others in there much besides family. 

My dh was too out of it to care but it means a lot to us!

[Clarita]

I don't like having visitors in the hospital. The only time I've been is pregnancy. If I'm basically dying I'll tolerate it because I get that people want to say their goodbyes and maybe I'll want to say goodbye too. 

But by all means come by my house with a pizza and a bad 80's movies. Do it even if I'm just feeling down because I'm folding laundry.

[Brave Cat]

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Wow. None of them here have shared rooms at all, I don't think. I do have a very vague, hazy memory of what a semi-private hospital room was like. But it's a really ancient memory. I'm guessing that memory is from at least forty years ago.

I would have agreed with you until a few years ago when I was wheeled to my shared room at the main hospital at UNC-Chapel Hill at midnight. I was shocked and angry but ended up spending a very special week with an older lady. I got to know her and her daughter, I became an advocate for her in many ways (I wasn't on any mind altering drugs and she was, plus I was 30 years younger). She encouraged me. It ended up being such a blessing in disguise. 

Just last year I spent 2 nights in a wing at UNC that was 8 beds with curtain-only walls. It was kind of a place they moved people out of the ER until a 'real' room was ready. 

 

Edited September 7, 2023 by Brave Cat

[Starr]

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

I'm in the no visitors camp. I kinda feel like nowadays if you're in the hospital you're pretty darn sick. It's not like when I was a kid and they kept you a week for a hangnail. If I'm out of it enough that I need an advocate then sure, I'd want someone there. Otherwise, no.

There are many two bed hospital rooms in the US. I haven’t seen a 4 bed in forever though. 

[Starr]

I would love to have my immediate family with me or some of them. But I wouldn’t want social visits from acquaintances.

[katilac]

2 hours ago, saraha said:

 Would you want everyone there with you, or would you prefer to have people come for short visits?

At this point in my life, short visits, but that might change when I'm much older. 

2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Here hospitals have visiting hours. 

As a visitor, I'm kind of starting to miss visiting hours. It's brutally difficult having a loved one in the hospital who would prefer someone there whenever possible, and whenever possible is 20 out of 24 hours. And sometimes 24 out of 24. 

We're not actually attempting that for this hospital stay, more like 10 hours out of 24, which is . . . still quite difficult. 

 

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

Are there hospitals in the US that have shared rooms? I haven't known of any in decades.

I'm in the no visitors camp. I kinda feel like nowadays if you're in the hospital you're pretty darn sick. It's not like when I was a kid and they kept you a week for a hangnail. If I'm out of it enough that I need an advocate then sure, I'd want someone there. Otherwise, no.

Oh, sure, my dad is in one right now, and this is a hospital that was completely renovated just a few years ago. 

Sometimes a person needs treatment only available in hospital, and/or need a close eye kept on them, but they're still awake and alert enough to feel bored. People who are accustomed to using tablets, smart phones, even earbuds, are at a distinct advantage in that case. 

1 hour ago, Laura Corin said:

 I wouldn't want long visits if I were in hospital  - short focused visits would be great.

I think short, focused visits break up the monotony better than long ones. As the visitor, I simply do not have anything to say after 30 minutes or so, lol

[Melissa in Australia]

There are advantages with having a room mate. 

You can buzz for a nurse for them. If they are having difficulty 

It is some one to occasionally talk to

[Elizabeth86]

I’ve only ever been in the hospital for having a baby and I really didn’t want visitors because ya know I just want to snuggle my babe. I am actually really scared in the hospital (it’s honestly embarrassing why) but I’d appreciate all the company. I’m quite introverted, but I’d want all my people there because I’d hate how many strangers I’d have to deal with taking care of me.

[Melissa Louise]

There is a very short list of people I am happy to have visited me when I've been in hospital. It never includes groups of people. If I'm in hospital, I'm not entertaining! 

~

My shared ward experience was good. 

Two of us were mobile (in for IV antibiotics) and could fetch and carry for the other two.

We shared some tears and very dark yet reviving humour with a dear woman who received her lung cancer diagnosis while we were there. 

The other patient was very elderly and had dementia - her family was happy that she was sharing with us, and that we could tell them how her day had been, whether or not the speech therapist had been by, etc.

~

Other patients' groups of people - I have tried to be tolerant - there are cultural differences at play - I appreciate when the nurse comes and enforces visiting hours, however. 

[Grace Hopper]

@cjzimmer1 excellent point about how tricky it can be to catch a doctor! IME they come super early in the morning and only stay a few minutes. It can be tough to actually intercept one. I remember dreading having to use the bathroom or try to stay awake 5 to 8am without the help of coffee. (This on several occasions when elderly parents had long hospital stays.)

@saraha one of my elders with dementia liked carrying a baby doll. I ordered several changes of clothes to fit it. She enjoyed changing the clothes and carrying the baby around. I don’t think she really believed it was a live baby, but it still seemed a soothing, pleasant pastime to care for it. Perhaps if you just brought one, or maybe left it on a chair or sofa for when she returns home, she might pick it up and be interested (ie I wouldn’t present it to her and make a big deal over it, just make it available). 

[BusyMom5]

I think it depends on why you are in the hospital.   I try to go visit close family and friends if I can, once they are stable and things are going well.  When my grandma isn't doing as well, Extra people mean more stress, she over-exterts herself "entertaining" and can't get her rest.  If you are really sick with something unknown, you don't usually want Company and the hospital is constantly coming in to do tests and such- no visitors.  

On the other hand, someone in traction for a broken leg might get bored and want more company.  Bed rest?  Definitely bored!  Even once at home, if you can't get around much it's nice to get Company.  

[Storygirl]

I was also going to recommend a baby doll for your MIL, @saraha. I hope she gets the care she needs, both at the hospital and at home, once she returns.

[Melissa in Australia]

It is standard practice here in nursing homes with dementia patients to have dolls and teddy bears available for the residents. Extremely calming for them 

 

[SKL]

I haven't stayed in a hospital myself, but I assume I would rather not be on public display too much.  I think that if I were going to have a number of visitors on one day, I'd rather they came in one or two shifts rather than having someone hanging out with me all day long.  But I really like my alone time in general.

When I visit someone in the hospital, I try to be aware of signs they want to be done with the visit, so they can sleep, go to the bathroom, whatever.  I don't think I've ever stayed more than a half hour unless asked.

[Pam in CT]

This is one of those issues where I really see two very valid, inconsistent, perspectives.

One POV is that of the patient's comfort. Visitors can be draining, visitors degrade privacy, hospital rooms are small and visitors exacerbate the cramped-ness of the space, when a person is feeling physically or emotionally crappy the enforced cheeriness of some visitors can be irritating, etc.

Another POV is around the real need for someone capable of acting as an advocate for the patient's care.  At least in the US, the medical system is set up so that there is no quarterback. Even without dementia, a person who needs a hospital is very likely unable to fully fill this role. Someone recovering from a recent accident or trauma can't "hear" medical jargon accurately or ask important followup questions, someone under sedatives may forget to mention other medications that might have cross-effects, someone who's exhausted might not be able to say DON'T WAKE ME UP TO ASK HOW I'M FEELING FOR GOD'S SAKE I'LL FEEL BETTER IF I CAN GET THREE UNBROKEN HOURS OF SLEEP and etc.

 

For me personally, and my loved ones: no crowds in the room, please. But shifts, with one person sitting there quietly reading a book just keeping an eye on things - unfortunately, that's what the US system really demands. Patients who don't have that too often suffer for the not-having it.

[Jann in TX]

Having had lots of hospital stays and a family with lots of hospital stays-- my vote is not to visit unless asked.

With my children/grandson, DH or I have always stayed with them-- and the hospitals REALLY wanted us too-- but friendly visitors?  NO

Exception is with critical family members/friends-- those last precious moments are important to share...

All of my hospitalizations have been private rooms-- pretty standard here.  Depending on my issues DH has had to either stay with me or I had a friend come and give him a break.  A few times DH was able to leave for the night as I did not need much after surgery care/watching.

One of our dear neighbors is going through cancer treatment (not looking good).  We have no plans on visiting her in the hospital-- but will bring meals to her DH and disabled adult son.  When/if she makes it back home we will visit only if we are asked (and only if we are 100% healthy).

I really really really do not like friends and extended family visiting me when I'm in the hospital-- too awkward!

[rebcoola]

I think it depends on the circumstances.  If I am feeling pretty good waiting for test results or something than I like visitors and they can hangout keep me company. 

Like in Jan 21 my DH had galbladder issues and because of the overwhelm he was just in the room waiting for a test and have surgery scheduled he felt fine once he had the pain meds and it took almost 2 days.  I would have been out of mine mind miserable just alone.

I do think that long stays with not a lot going on arent as common these days

[Anne]

I like to have a few visitors who don’t stay long.  I’d also like them to call me in advance and not just show up.  When I’m in the hospital I want to read and doze.  Possibly watch a video.  Alone.  Except for the army of medical staff that keeps swarming in and out.  🙂

Anne

[Kassia]

1 hour ago, Jann in TX said:

 

One of our dear neighbors is going through cancer treatment (not looking good).  We have no plans on visiting her in the hospital-- but will bring meals to her DH and disabled adult son.  

I really really really do not like friends and extended family visiting me when I'm in the hospital-- too awkward!

I'm sorry about your neighbor.  I'm sure the meals you bring to her DH and son will be much appreciated.  I forgot that our neighbors did that for my family for one of my hospitalizations. 

Another thing I forgot about several of my hospitalizations is that I had a nasogastric tube - a tube coming out of my nose with green stuff (stomach bile/acid?) shooting through it constantly.  I didn't even want DH to see that.

[Resilient]

Re: the original post: for me it would depend a lot on WHO it was that was visiting.  My dh, great. He can sit and do crossword puzzles quietly for 8 hours straight, no problem. A couple of friends, I would be happy just to have them there, with or without conversation.  One person whom I love, she would drive me insane, asking every 5 seconds if there is something I wanted or just chattering away.  Love her, but hoo boy, she wears me out when I am well.  

I would prefer shifts of one person at a time, OR having 4 people there who were talking to each other, playing Monopoly or something.  Part of why I would want shifts is that I know for a fact that patients do better in recovery when there is an advocate (or series of them), making sure that all the people are communicating well.  

 

[kirstenhill]

I hated the times when I was alone in a hospital room after having a baby (I mean, the baby was there, but not much for conversation.  ;-)).  DH would usually be there, but of course sometimes had to leave to shower or take care of things with older kids after the first.  So I think if I was in the hospital for a long period of time, I would want someone there most of the time...but maybe just one person at a time would be fine. Of course, recovering from having a baby is different from having a serious illness or injury, so it's a bit hard to say if I would feel the same way.