Update in 1st post - I know now why people cry at funerals JAWM

[Laura Corin]

Update  - thank you, everyone. The day went very well. The caterer came through with the order - right quantities,  wrong contents. They made it for two vegans and the rest vegetarians. Not what we ordered but it was fine. I didn't complain.

I'm in bed early with a book.

-- --- 

Apart from the obvious.

It's the exhaustion.  We had longer than normal to prepare for Mum's funeral tomorrow - there were some extra formalities to complete - and there has been no conflict with my brothers over the ceremony or the will, but it's still been hard work.  Unexpected pressures - 

- an award-winning cafe that seems to not want our catering order but took it anyway. I really don't want to be chasing grumpy people.  Too late to change caterers.

- we offered to hold the reception at our home, knowing that attendance would be very low. The invitation was 'spread' into my father's family - acrimonious divorce - and now people from that side are coming too. Lovely people but a surprise. Too late to change venue.

- my eldest brother being 'helpful' by telling me every detail of his own arrangements. 

- same eldest brother unable to produce relevant memories for the eulogy. Other brother produced a lot but very disjointedly. So I did all the writing.

- protracted and fruitless negotiations with the churchyard where Mum's parents are buried about interring her ashes with them. Graveyard is otherwise full. Discussion of ashes placement finally postponed until after funeral.

I'm just not sleeping - mostly worrying about arrangements.  I suspect that mourning will come later. I have a busy morning at work today - exam season at the university - and then a work Christmas lunch before I can escape at 3.

I'm irrationally worried every morning that our healthy 16-y-o dog won't have survived the night. 

I have Tuesday and Wednesday off work. My house guests will be gone by mid-morning on Wednesday,  but I have an essay to submit by Friday. I can't wait for the weekend. 

Edited December 6, 2022 by Laura Corin

[ikslo]

That’s a lot. ((((Laura Corin))))

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm sorry, Laura.  Yes, it is very common to not have time to really mourn until after the funeral. 

[Melissa Louise]

Sending warm thoughts for some sleep to get you through. 

[Kassia]

Sending hugs.  That's a lot.  

[Ausmumof3]

I’m sorry, that sounds like way too much to deal with. I hope you get some better quality sleep soon.

[Melissa in Australia]

Huge huge hugs

Edited December 5, 2022 by Melissa in Australia

[kiwik]

My condolences.

[Shoeless]

I'm so sorry, Laura ❤️ 

[rebcoola]

Hugs and yes it's exhausting 

[Wishes]

I am sorry Laura. It is utterly exhausting. It really seems unfair that on top of our grief we have to deal with paperwork and trivialities. It's overwhelming.

[Laura Corin]

15 minutes ago, Wishes said:

I am sorry Laura. It is utterly exhausting. It really seems unfair that on top of our grief we have to deal with paperwork and trivialities. It's overwhelming.

Luckily Mum's estate is simple - her  house has already been sold - and Husband has been looking after her accounts for years,  so the next stages shouldn't be too bad. I hope.

[Guest]

I’m sorry. That does sound difficult. 

[Soror]

I'm sorry Laura. That's a lot of stressors on top of an already hard situation. I hope the week goes as smoothly as it can and you get at least a moment of peace. 🤗

[mom31257]

I'm so sorry for so much stress around a difficult time. I hope that you will be able to find peace, calm, and solace so that you can grieve and work through it all properly. 

[saraha]

Hope today goes smoothly for you!

[ScoutTN]

That is a heavy load. I am sorry for the stress on top of the loss. I hope it all goes well and that you get time after the rush to grieve and process.

Edited December 5, 2022 by ScoutTN

[Ali in OR]

That's a lot. I hope it goes well and that you can slow down and have some mental space to process it all soon.

[fraidycat]

I'm sorry. I hope you are able to get some real rest soon.

[fairfarmhand]

That’s a lot. You’re absolutely right it is exhausting. I’ve told my kids to avoid that funeral circus she I go because it’s too tiring.

Edited December 5, 2022 by fairfarmhand

[DawnM]

I understand.   I am sorry.

[Scarlett]

(((Hugs)))) that is a lot.  

[Faith-manor]

That is a lot! And yes, exhaustion is it. My sister and I cried at our father's funeral for absolutely no other reason than that. Many, many hugs!

[happi duck]

Many (hugs)

[Pam in CT]

(( hugs ))

Holding you in the light through all this busy.  And wishing you time for rest and proper grief after Wednesday.

[mommyoffive]

Thinking of you today and sending good thoughts to you. That sounds so much on your plate at a hard time.  

[lauraw4321]

I’m so sorry, Laura. 

[Eos]

Holding you in the light today and hoping for a peaceful family event for you. 

[AroundtheCorner]

That is a lot. Sending good thoughts and hugs. I hope that everything goes smoothly and that you will be able to rest and relax this weekend. My condolences again as well. ((((Hugs))))

[wintermom]

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all this. It is completely exhausting being forced to do something one doesn't want to have to do right at the time one needs to mourn. 

Big hugs. Hope it all goes smoothly and you get your paper finished off so you can relax. 

[Storygirl]

I understand, and I'm sorry. When Mom passed, we didn't have the same kind of stressors that you do, but it was in 2020, and my family insisted on having a regular funeral in the midst of Covid. The funeral home was packed with visitors, and I spent that week terrified that my elderly dad -- or others -- would get Covid. In the middle of my stress, I would remind myself, "these are the final things that I get to do for Mom," and that gave me a sense of comfort.

Thinking of you during this time.

[Harriet Vane]

Laura, it IS a lot. Especially when you're the Strong One, as you seem to be. I'm holding you in my prayers. 

[mominco]

(((hugs)))

[Laura Corin]

Thanks everyone.  I think the caterer is sorted. I had a lie down after work - I didn't sleep, but it was good to close my eyes.

Now waiting for one brother and his family to come over for pizza - poor people, their train was delayed by hours and then they missed their stop.

[ddcrook]

I completely agree with you. Exactly a year ago we were trying to make arrangements for my dad. The stress of trying to arrange the  burial under bizarre circumstances and unnecessary drama left my sister and me sleepless and emotionally spent. It took us about six months before we could begin mourning the loss. 

Hugs. 

[Annie G]

I’m sorry. That’s a lot.  Hope things go smoothly, and glad to hear the caterer is sorted. 

[stephanier.1765]

My heart goes out to you! That is a lot for one person. Hugs!

[Kareni]

@Laura Corin, sending sympathetic thoughts in this challenging time.

Regards,

Kareni

[Garga]

My friend lost her husband of 50 years in October. She didn’t take any action for a memorial until just 2 weeks ago. At first I was wondering why she was waiting so long, but now I think she was wise. Instead of a flurry of activity immediately following the loss, she had time to process and then have a memorial service with those who loved him most. 

Laura, I hope things settle down soon and you can have times of quiet reflection.

 

[Resilient]

We just went through this, and I am pretty sure I understand where you are coming from.  I think, in some ways, the planning for and completing of the formal goodbyes are a way to keep you busy while you are still super raw...it gives you something to DO (I need something to do...). But it is exhausting, and when it is over, it's over for most everyone except the family...and then a quiet descends...people move on with their lives, but you still have things to do (executor, clearing up) and emotional things to process...and you are more alone.  

I hope things go well for you in this, that people will behave themselves and be kind...but if they aren't, let it go. It's the end of one thing, and the beginning of another.  (((Laura)))

[Laura Corin]

Update in first post .

[Jean in Newcastle]

I’m glad that it went well and that you are able to get some alone time now. Be kind to yourself. 

[Soror]

I'm so glad to hear you made it through without too much difficulty (hugs)

[Melissa Louise]

Glad you made it through the day. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs

[catz]

Glad the day went ok.  Thinking of you.  ❤️  

[Kassia]

Glad it's over and went okay.  I'm thinking of you too.  ❤️

[Starr]

I've been thinking of you. Glad you got through it okay. My mom died this year and it was so exhausting. Rest up as you can.

[wintermom]

Thanks for the update, Laura. I'm glad that everything went smoothly. I hope you are sleeping better, too.