Final update in OP! Started new job! (Was The job search continues and Can I get some prayers, good thoughts, sympathy?)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm having a really rough time right now ... job related ... life related...  Sorry about the novel here.  

After K's illness and issues and youngest dd going to high school, my family and friends started distancing themselves.  As my youngest's graduation approached, my future looked really bleak and lonely.  So, I went back to school to get a degree in medical imaging sonography - one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Due to Covid, our clinical experience was shortchanged.  We did get the required hours in but some of us had less than ideal sites to do our clinicals.  After suffering through a 6 month rotation at a soul-crushing site, I was fortunate enough to finish out at a wonderful vascular clinic and ended up getting a PRN job ( "as needed") there.  I typically work 2-3 days a week. 

I have struggled to keep up with the clinic schedule, but everyone tells me that one of the last things to develop is speed and just keep plugging.  A full-time position was created a few months later.  I overheard the lead tech talking with the practice manager (I wasn't eavesdropping, they were having their conversation in a not private area near my workstation.)  The practice manager suggested me for the full-time position, but the lead tech (my direct boss) said that she wanted to keep me PRN and hire someone with more experience.  It was a bit demoralizing to hear, but I figured I was just so new that it made sense. 

However, it began to be clear that my hours were going to get cut.  I knew that I would not develop the skills in needed to progress (for that job or any other job) working fewer hours.   So I figured I needed to get more experience and I took a hospital job PRN. That job has involved 1-2 evenings a week, 1-2 weekends a month, and at least 2 nights of call a week.  Well, call is just killing me.  I'm really struggling with being functional after getting called in in the middle of the night.  The weekend schedule is killer.  One weekend, I ended up working 28 hours and had to go to work at my vascular job on Monday morning.  

In the meantime, the full-time person just up and quit.  And I made myself available to pick up more shifts.  Always the "team player." 

Taking this 2nd job has affected me physically and mentally and has affected my performance at the vascular job.  And I don't think I'm as resilient as I was before I had Covid in April. A couple months ago, the lead tech had a sit down with me to discuss my performance (not a formal review yet.)  She said my exams are good, but I'm not developing as fast as she would expect someone with my experience.  She said my scanning skills are good, but I've been making mistakes on some of the workflow tasks that is creating more work for others and there are things I "should know by now."  We discussed what might be contributing to this (my exhaustion and fear of failing that I put so much pressure on myself to be "good enough".)  We came up with some strategies to address this (setting better boundaries with my hospital job, more information on how to improve my workflow, etc.) 

2 weeks ago, I had my formal review.  Although she said that I had showed significant improvement since our last discussion, she still gave me poor marks because it was based my performance for the year.  (I've never had a poor performance review before - I was sick to my stomach.)  She told me that, as long as I wanted to be there, management was supportive of me staying since they recognized that I was motivated to improve and that I had shown improvement.  She did bring up the full-time position but was strongly hinting that I wasn't quite ready for it yet.  And she said that she expects there to be a regular part-time position coming.  I'm doubting that because my hours would get cut if they hired the full-time person and one of the docs retired and the new doc isn't fully up to speed - not seeing the growth in the near future.  I did tell her that I only took the other job to get more experience so that I would get better here, which appeared to backfire.  I was learning 2 jobs (two different types of ultrasound exams) and it was like a toddler learning 2 languages at the same time.  Slower visible progress at first with the hope of being better in the long run.

Fast forward to Friday ... my lead tech told me they hired a NEW GRAD with NO experience for the full-time position.  That felt like a huge slap in the face.  She tossed in a "you don't want full-time anyway"  (says who?!?!)  and then changed the subject to something that she wanted my input on.  It was so hard to hold myself together to finish my shift.  

I bawled in the car on my way home.  I couldn't stop crying all night.  I feel so defeated.  I must really SUCK if someone with no experience is better than someone who has struggled but is improving.  This was my dream job.  I just can't stay there. 😭

So, I polished up my resume and started applying for jobs.  There appear to be a lot out there, but most seem to be similar to the hospital job I already have - mostly evenings, weekends and call.  I did find a posting for a vascular clinic job that appears to be week days.  If this works out then I can quit both jobs and have a more livable situation.  If it doesn't ... I may have to ask for more hours at my hospital job 🤮 or find something else. 

So, if I can ask for prayers and good thoughts ... that my broken heart heals, that my wounded pride doesn't get in my way of moving forward, and that something rewarding comes my way.  I've had to lick my wounds and pick myself off the ground so many times in the last few years.  I'm not sure if I can get up again if I take any more hits.  

UPDATE: My interview went very well.  The job has a more limited scope in what exams they do, which I didn't like at first, but I can get really, really good at them.  i got a really good feeling from the interviewer about the tone of the place.  She was impressed with my experience and with my questions showing that I do know what I'm doing.  Since outpatient clinics have a reputation for trying to pack as many exams in as possible which can lead to injuries for the sonographer, I was relieved to learn that this place isn't like that.  I would have similar volume that I do now, but more time to do them.   The schedule is 4 ten hour days which includes an hour for prep (researching patient histories, order appropriateness for symptoms, etc.) - something I have to squeeze in between patients at my current job.  Oh, and one of the days would be at a location within biking distance of my house! 

I called one of my old instructors and she told me to "RUN to this job!!"  My husband really thinks I should take this, for my mental health alone.  I may be able to keep a couple of shifts a month at  my hospital job which would keep those skills fresh.  The next step is I meet the team in person next week.  Not sure if it will include a scanning interview, but I'll be prepared. I'll keep you posted on how this goes.  If they offer me an hourly rate that I told them I wanted (blurted out when put on the spot thinking it might be too much.)  Now, I need to get some business casual clothes since my old go to doesn't fit (too big YAY!)  

Oh, and I did find out that this mythical part-time position at my current vascular clinic job may be a reality, but it would be at their newly formed vein clinic doing pretty the same 2 exams over and over - boring as all get-out.  If I wanted to work at a vein clinic, I would have done that ages ago.  

UPDATE #2

So, I had my interview with the other vascular lab on Thursday.  I thought it went OK.  They had me meet with the lead tech and another tech.  She asked some questions and had me scan.  I did OK - proving I know my anatomy and how to scan, but it wasn't perfect because I wasn't used to their equipment.  But she asked me several times if I would regret giving up general sonography to do just vascular.  I tried to tell her that I was looking for full-time work and felt that I had tried the different fields of ultrasound and liked vascular best.  She then expressed regret for giving up doing general.  But then she made it sound like they were mostly a vein clinic with a few other exams thrown in.  Hmm. ...  Not how it was presented to me. Then she said something about how we write up the doctor's impression and he just signs it.  Hmm ... Isn't that why they get paid the big bucks?   Then she asked a couple of times how I felt about working alone.  I told her that I usually worked alone at my hospital job since I had the off shifts.  But that I was looking to be a member of a team.  When I left, the nurse manager told me that they were interviewing another candidate and I would hear the following weel,

I left the interview with an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.  The two of my sonographer friends that  I talked to seemed to think it was due to feeling like I didn't answer the questions as well as I would have liked.  Later that evening, I sent thank you emails, working in clarifying answers to the questions I felt I didn't answer well.  But, the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to work there.  The job was not as it was presented to me and it looks like, once I was trained, I would be working alone.  The workstation for each tech is in their own exam room so there is little interaction with other people.  That little room was so dreary looking.  I'm used to working in the dark, but I like having a workstation separate from the exam room so while the patient is getting changed, I can get paperwork and other things done as well as go over exams with collegues.  But what really made me uncomfortable was how this lead tech seemed so unhappy being pigeon-holed.  If they offer me the job, I'm going to turn it down.  

I guess I feel fortunate that I'm in a position that I don't have to take the first job that accepts me ... that I have work right now.  I'm still looking, but most of the positions that I would want/am qualified for would require a horrendous commute.  If I have to take call, I'd rather do it closer to home.  I found out that my hospital job had a part-time position open (.6).  Not sure why it's open because they were looking for more PRN.  So ... the search continues.  

Interestingly enough, now that I'm sort of checked out at my vascular job ... I'm doing so much better there - getting exams and paperwork done on time and making fewer mistakes.  🤷‍♀️

UPDATE 3

Sooo ... I didn't get that vascular job and I'm not broken up about it.   I did hear that my current hospital job had a part-time position open that was 11 am to 7:30 pm 3 days a week, so I would actually get to work with people.  When I asked my lead tech about it, the look on her face was not encouraging.  Horror was the word I would have used to describe it.  Maybe she was just surprised.  Or maybe she was dismayed that she would lose me for the evening and weekend slots and still have to fill those.  Whatever it was, I didn't have a good feeling about it.  And I've seen her a couple of times since and she has not said one word about it.  As I thought about it, I realized that I would just have to take more call and I am so over taking call.  I had a particularly rough weekend with call (hard cases where I had questions, and nobody to answer them - hard patients with difficult needs and no support because the nurses were short-staffed.)  

I  contacted the clinical director at the school about another vascular job at another hospital that was 4 ten hour days.  She bluntly told me that the lead tech was "a pig."  (When I was a student, she never spoke badly about a place, so it was refreshing to hear an honest opinion.)  But she said that he was older than dirt and should be retiring soon, so it wouldn't hurt to apply.  But, she also told me about another hospital vascular job that was also days and that one of my classmates works there and loves it.  The commute is not fun, but there are worse ones.  So, I reached out to my classmate who works at this job and she was super excited to hear that I want to apply.  She says the commute sucks but the people there are wonderful and that I would be a good fit.   

So, I applied to both jobs.  At the hospital where my classmate works, I got a call to schedule an phone interview.  In the meantime, my classmate must have put in a good word for me that they cancelled the phone interview and are having me come in for an interview.  That one is on Wednesday!!  This job is full-time days and doesn't take call.  The commute isn't great so I will need to stock up on audio books.  

The other hospital job that I applied to (4 ten hour days) is a somewhat long commute as well, but not as bad as the first.  I received an email to schedule a phone interview. with the HR person.  So, I scheduled it and waited for a call.  But it never came.  I thought I might have screwed up and that there was a string of numbers in the confirmation email that might have been a phone number (not formatted as such), so I called it.  It went to the voicemail of the person I was supposed to interview with so may be I was supposed to call her.  I tried again and it still went to voicemail.  So, I used the link from the email to reschedule my phone interview.  And I called her.  No answer, just voicemail, so I left her a message.  She emailed me later that evening telling me she was "called away" and wanted to talk to me the next day.  Well, I was scheduled to work so the only time was before or after work (not a place where I can get away to take a 30 minute phone call.)  Never heard back.  I reached out today and still haven't heard.   

Meanwhile, back at my vascular dream job at the clinic where they hired a brand new grad ... she started last week and I had my first day at the same site as her.  She seems nice, but really green.  And I happened to see this packet they have her working through ... a well-thought out plan of training her on everything she needs to know with lots of scaffolding.  And I was pissed.  I never got that much hand-holding or scaffolding, not even as a student.  So many holes in my training that she won't have.  More confirmation that I need to leave. 

I am cautiously optimistic about the hospital job in the city with my classmate.  I hope to hear soon.  

UPDATE #4

So ... 

My interview at the city hospital job where my classmate works went really well.  The department head seemed impressed with what I bring to the table, liked my "why", and felt that what I'm looking for and what they have are a good fit.  I told her that I wanted to be part of a team, where we have each other's back, we work well together, we can vent about difficult exams, etc.  That I was looking for people and fit over location or flashy environment.  I met with the other vascular tech and she had me scan a student.  I thought I knocked it out of the part on the carotid exam and I did well enough on the upper extremity venous exam (one of my weakest because I do one every 2-3 months.)  

In the meantime, I finally connected with the flaky HR person at the other job and had a "video" interview with their department manager.  I have that in quotes because they didn't have their camera on.  She was impressed with my experience.  I found out that they are separating this area out from the general ultrasound department, which would mean that I wouldn't be interacting with "the pig".  But it is a brand new department so a lot of things are really up in the air.  The just hired a lead tech for this new department so I don't even know who this person is.  They plan on growing the outpatient side and I asked about exam time slots and her answers did not make me feel super comfortable - less time than I get at my current clinic job and I feel time pressure there.  They did say they want me to come in for a scanning interview and meet the other staff.  But there will be only one other sonographer in this department and that would be my boss.  So, I did set up that scan interview for next week, but I have some misgivings about that situation.  The also said that they may have call in the future.  And they couldn't give me an answer about what kind of exams I would get called in for and how often it would be. If I had a year or two more experience under my belt, I feel like I could go in there and help shape the department, but I feel too new at this career to be able to assertively advocate for things that I think would be good.  

So, as I was just discussing this with my dd, I got a phone call from the city job and they made an offer.  The money is good (was hoping for another $ or two an hour but its still good for full-time with benefits.  And it has a generous sign-on bonus that's paid over 2 years.  (I'd rather that be rolled into the salary, but it isn't something to sneeze at.)  Jumping for joy at this.  I'm 99% sure I'm just going to take this job.  The more I think about it, the more sure I am.  

Now, my stomach is in knots about giving notice at my other 2 jobs.  I keep telling myself that their staffing issues are not my problem.  I just need to make sure that I can arrange it so that I can give enough notice to not burn bridges.

Thanks for all you support on this difficult journey. 

Final Update:

So, I did it.  I accepted the vascular job at a busy urban hospital in an underserved area with the signing bonus. 

Giving notice at the vascular job was hard.  I wanted to go in to give notice, but my boss didn't get back to me in time.  In order to give 2 weeks notice, I had to do so by phone.  She was very nice on the phone ... I think she was expecting it.  She was supportive of me choosing this path.  And over the subsequent 2 weeks, she kept making comments on how this would be a better fit and that my instincts were good about making a change.  Sort of support, but kind of a dig that I wasn't good enough to be there.  The atmosphere was definitely cooler with the other techs, they were nice to me, but they had definitely moved on.  I had to work with the new inexperienced girl a few times.  She seemed really nice, but  it made me so upset to see that they were giving her all sorts of hand-holding that they didn't give me.  Like they were trying to make up for all the holes in my training.  I struggled to not be bitter.  I had a sit-down with my boss on my last day, and I expressed how I felt like working the two jobs ruined my career there.  She made a comment that I was struggling before I took the 2nd job - but the only reason I took the 2nd job was to get more experience.  It was like she had made the decision on about my growth potential a year ago and that I really had no shot.  That was hard to hear, but I think it was necessary for me to totally let this job go.  She did go on to say that if I ever needed a reference, she would be happy to give me a glowing one (shock!)  My favorite doctor was there and he gave me a hug when I left.  I still want to burn those scrubs (they have the hospital system logo on them so I can't wear them any place else.)  

Quitting the other job was easier.  It was harder to get a hold of the people I needed to give notice to but my boss was super supportive.  Even though it made things really hard for her schedule-wise, she appreciated that I gave a full 2 weeks and didn't renegue on my last call shift.  

And my first day was today!  I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the new information.  But I'm trying the strategy of hanging the new information onto the "pegs" (a SWB term) of things I already knew.  I hope to build on today and be able to be contributing soon.  The commute sucks, but I've been listening to audiobooks and podcasts.  

Thanks again to all of you who followed my saga and have been so supportive with your prayers, good thoughts, and encouragement. 

 

 

Edited November 30, 2022 by dirty ethel rackham

[Frances]

I’m so sorry for this horrible situation. It sounds like you have worked very hard and really focused on improvement. I hope you get a FT position you love soon. Best of luck!

[NorthwestMom]

Hugs to you, Ellen.  I really admire that you are working so hard to improve your skills. I think your determination plus your ability to take and implement feedback are huge strengths that are currently quite rare in the workforce. I hope you are able to evaluate the value of the hospital job and then decide how many job changes you need to find the right fit for YOU. Your satisfaction, happiness, and stamina in your job matter too. Life is too short to feel cruddy at work all the time. 

[Kareni]

I send good thoughts and sympathy your way, @dirty ethel rackham. I hope you will find a position that feels right and in which you thrive.

Regards,

Kareni

[freesia]

I will pray for you. That is so hard. 

[Annie G]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have so much respect for folks who take on such a big challenge after raising kids. Praying you find the right job to help your skills grow without the exhausting schedule you’ve been dealing with. 

[fraidycat]

I'm so sorry. What a sucky situation. I hope you are able to find a weekday, full-time position ASAP. 

[mom31257]

That is such a difficult situation! I pray you will find just the right place where you can be appreciated, enjoy your work and schedule, and also flourish! 

[MercyA]

Hugs and prayers that you will get a day position you enjoy. I'm so sorry things have been so rough.

[Junie]

Sending hugs.  And praying that you will soon get a job that you love.

[Melissa in Australia]

Sendi g positive thoughts 

Hugs

[Loowit]

That sounds like such a hard situation.  I hope you are able to find something better soon.

[sbgrace]

I'm so sorry. Praying you are able to process and heal from this in a healthy way and that the right option makes itself clear to you soon. 

[itsheresomewhere]

You don’t suck.  The newbie without experience is most likely  cheaper to hire than someone with experience.  
 

Good luck with finding a job that fits you.  I know you can do it.  

[Harriet Vane]

My prayers are with you. My sympathetic hugs, too.

[klmama]

Praying for you!  

[Kassia]

I'm so sorry!  My heart hurts for you - I would have been bawling too.  Sending big hugs and hopes that you find something better where you are appreciated very soon.  

[Eos]

3 hours ago, Kassia said:

I'm so sorry!  My heart hurts for you - I would have been bawling too.  Sending big hugs and hopes that you find something better where you are appreciated very soon.  

What she said.  

[DawnM]

I am so sorry.   If it helps, I have had somewhat of a similar deflating experience.   I got my first bad review in 23 years working in public education.   My current boss is horrible.   

I think you have the right attitude that you need to move on and wipe the dust off your feet if you can.  

Hoping you can find the perfect place for you, where you feel valued and fulfilled.

[Pawz4me]

Hugs, Ellen. I admire you so much for retraining for a new career! I hope you can find a job where you can grow your skills and flourish.

[regentrude]

Sending good thoughts.  You have been working so hard at this, I hope a good opportunity is coming your way soon. 

[East Coast Sue]

I’d have cried too. My heart goes out to you! I can relate to so much of what you shared. Many hugs and prayers for you. 

[ScoutTN]

You have worked so hard. Praying for a good FT position that you really enjoy and where you are appreciated. 

[plansrme]

Awww, I'm so sorry. You are right; that sucks. What do you tell your kids when this happens, though? That, in the long run, you will look back and think this was the best thing that could have happened to you. I very much hope (and believe) that this will be true for you. That doesn't change the fact that, in the short run, this hurts. FWIW, (gross generalization alert ahead) my observation in professional settings is that women can be so much harder on other women than they are on men or than men are on women or that men are on men. Women seem to project onto other women, to fill in what they don't see right in front of their faces. That your supervisor mentioned that you don't want full-time anyway may mean she's doing that. I hope your next position, whether there or elsewhere, is perfect for you.

[Katy]

Praying you’ll find a job that’s a better fit, with a more intuitive workflow and better management. 

[kbutton]

Praying you find a good fit and reflecting back to you the thoughtful and supportive words already said here. 

[Scarlett]

So sorry. You have worked really hard, so don’t let one place ruin it  for you. 

[mommyoffive]

Oh man I am so sorry.  I just want to give you a huge hug.  You are so inspiring for going to school and starting a brand new career.  I am so sorry it is having so many bumps getting started.  I hope the new vascular job works out and that it ends up being the perfect job for you. 

[stephanier.1765]

That is a crazy lot of crazy! Anyone would be feeling demoralized in your situation. I am so sorry! I hope you are able to get that other vascular job so you can heal from all this stress. Hugs!

[chiguirre]

How does your boss at the hospital job treat you? Do they make you doubt yourself as much as the vascular person did? 

If not, quit the vascular job immediately and add hours at the hospital until you can find a daytime full time job. It may not be ideal but having a crappy boss is far worse for your mental health than working evenings and weekends. Plus, it doesn't sound like your vascular boss will give you a good reference so there's no point in being a team player for them. Cut them loose. 

(If you're vindictive like me, you can enjoy imagining your boss trying to keep her work flow moving with a newbie and no one available to come in and help out when they're slammed.)

 

[Corbster98]

I just want to give a you hug 🤗

My heart aches just reading your story as I can relate to the 'soul crushing' you are experiencing right now though mine was not job related.

You are worth a job that you love!! You have worked so hard and I can tell you are a great employee just with your heart and empathy alone. 

I pray the right door is opened for you and you find a great fit. Keep your chin up.... 

Prayers being sent. 

[Lilaclady]

Much hugs. Prayers for clarity and better outcomes. 

[mominco]

(((HUGS)))

[Soror]

I'm sorry. What total crap. I wonder if there is age discrimination at play. It's so hard to put yourself out there and learn something new. Kudos to you for all your hard work. I hope things turn around soon and you find a good fit that appreciates you.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry you are feeling so under valued. That stinks.

[Laurel-in-CA]

I'm so sorry! All that effort and commitment to retraining and building your skill and speed. It really sounds like time for a readjustment and evaluation of which job (if either) you want to stick with. Perhaps your current vascular boss will be just as hard on the newbie as she is on you, or perhaps you can go to her and say, yes, I AM interested in one f/t job (she may have assumed  not from you taking on another p/t position). It also sounds like it would be best for you to have something with a regular schedule. I know I would absolutely HATE midnight wakeups and functioning on minimal sleep at unpredictable times. It's one thing if you're paying the dues in a new position, but not something I'd want long-term.

I hope the bad experience produces clarity. My daughter's struggling right now because she's in a position that doesn't pay what she's worth, with a boss who doesn't respect her boundaries but she feels like she has to stay because of a current medical issue that will last into the new year. It's really hard to hang in there, but I hope you will soon know your next best step, and I am sure you will take it with the same determination that you have showed so far. The transition *out of* homeschooling can be rocky.

[Grace Hopper]

On 10/2/2022 at 11:28 PM, itsheresomewhere said:

You don’t suck.  The newbie without experience is most likely  cheaper to hire than someone with experience.  
 

Good luck with finding a job that fits you.  I know you can do it.  

You absolutely one thousand percent do not suck. You have experience based crystallized wisdom that is of great value. I’m sorry it’s not appreciated. 

On 10/3/2022 at 11:10 AM, chiguirre said:

How does your boss at the hospital job treat you? Do they make you doubt yourself as much as the vascular person did? 

If not, quit the vascular job immediately and add hours at the hospital until you can find a daytime full time job. It may not be ideal but having a crappy boss is far worse for your mental health than working evenings and weekends. Plus, it doesn't sound like your vascular boss will give you a good reference so there's no point in being a team player for them. Cut them loose. 

(If you're vindictive like me, you can enjoy imagining your boss trying to keep her work flow moving with a newbie and no one available to come in and help out when they're slammed.)

 

I also would leave that job right away and take more shifts at the hospital, if your budget can afford it. Use the time to begin looking for full time day work, or let your hospital boss know that you are interested in a full time day shift should one become available. Don’t stay where they denigrate you, you don’t need that. 

16 hours ago, Soror said:

I'm sorry. What total crap. I wonder if there is age discrimination at play. It's so hard to put yourself out there and learn something new. Kudos to you for all your hard work. I hope things turn around soon and you find a good fit that appreciates you.

I’m currently investigating jobs… ageism is real. 

Edited October 4, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[Rosie_0801]

I knew a Hard of Hearing guy who was working for the company that serviced the Deaf school's computer system while completing his Teacher of the Deaf certificate so he could teach computers. He knew the computer system, he knew the staff, he knew the students, the current computer teacher was retiring and held off a year for him to finish his qualification, but he didn't "interview well" so the job went to a hearing person with zero Auslan skills and they had to hire an interpreter too. Yup, two people to do one job, instead of the person who was already a popular part of the team. Someone who could directly communicate with the students. Uh huh.

Sometimes it's them, not you.

Your current employers sound like ageist arses, so they don't deserve you. I bite my thumb at them!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I want to thank all of you for prayers, words of encouragement, and prayers.  I don't have much to update at the moment.  I haven't heard on the jobs I applied for and am looking.  Most of the jobs are either a long and icky commute (frequent bottlenecks), are 2nd shift where i'd work alone, or with a field of ultrasound that I'm really NOT interested in, or I'm not qualified and don't intend to go in that direction.  

I worked 2 days this week at that job.  1 day was with my boss.  She seemed all cheerful and we were busy.  I was just trying to hold it together since I didn't have a plan for how I wanted to proceed.  The 2nd day was with the one tech who really doesn't seem to like me.  (She used to be friendly to me, but I think she sees me as dead weight.) She was mentioning some travel jobs and how much they pay as if to say - you could make a lot of money doing this and we would be rid of you.  I couldn't say any more than "wow."  My husband thinks its an age discrimination thing.  Which surprises me because the lead tech is close to my age and she went back later in life to get her degree.  She graduated 5 years ago. Now that I've had some time to think about it and ask a few contacts in the field for advice, I'm going to sit on things until Monday when I work with my boss again.  I plan to have my letter of resignation on hand and may turn it in then based upon how that conversation goes.  Although it's not ideal, I can ask for more hours at my hospital job while I look for something else.  

So, I'm sort of paralyzed, sort of in a holding pattern.  I'm struggling with letting go of this dream, hoping that its all just a big misunderstanding ... that she really didn't think I wanted full-time, (like wanting to have my feet in both vascular (this job) and general (the hospital job)) and would have been happy to have me go for it.  I know that this is highly unlikely.  I need to rehearse a professional discussion so I don't get all emotional.  Even though I really want them to know how badly they've crushed me ... I want them to feel really bad about what they did.  Childish, I know.  And not realistic.  They'll just think I'm unhinged ... and, in my current state, they wouldn't be wrong.  

[Scarlett]

4 hours ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

I want to thank all of you for prayers, words of encouragement, and prayers.  I don't have much to update at the moment.  I haven't heard on the jobs I applied for and am looking.  Most of the jobs are either a long and icky commute (frequent bottlenecks), are 2nd shift where i'd work alone, or with a field of ultrasound that I'm really NOT interested in, or I'm not qualified and don't intend to go in that direction.  

I worked 2 days this week at that job.  1 day was with my boss.  She seemed all cheerful and we were busy.  I was just trying to hold it together since I didn't have a plan for how I wanted to proceed.  The 2nd day was with the one tech who really doesn't seem to like me.  (She used to be friendly to me, but I think she sees me as dead weight.) She was mentioning some travel jobs and how much they pay as if to say - you could make a lot of money doing this and we would be rid of you.  I couldn't say any more than "wow."  My husband thinks its an age discrimination thing.  Which surprises me because the lead tech is close to my age and she went back later in life to get her degree.  She graduated 5 years ago. Now that I've had some time to think about it and ask a few contacts in the field for advice, I'm going to sit on things until Monday when I work with my boss again.  I plan to have my letter of resignation on hand and may turn it in then based upon how that conversation goes.  Although it's not ideal, I can ask for more hours at my hospital job while I look for something else.  

So, I'm sort of paralyzed, sort of in a holding pattern.  I'm struggling with letting go of this dream, hoping that its all just a big misunderstanding ... that she really didn't think I wanted full-time, (like wanting to have my feet in both vascular (this job) and general (the hospital job)) and would have been happy to have me go for it.  I know that this is highly unlikely.  I need to rehearse a professional discussion so I don't get all emotional.  Even though I really want them to know how badly they've crushed me ... I want them to feel really bad about what they did.  Childish, I know.  And not realistic.  They'll just think I'm unhinged ... and, in my current state, they wouldn't be wrong.  

I am so sorry these people are making you feel bad.  It is very likely age discrimination. I would caution you to not quit this job in haste IF you really want to stay in this field and if you want to keep working. You might feel differently in a few weeks.   If not and if you need the money you could work more at the hospital.  But those weird shifts are very hard on body and mind and you really don’t need that.

((((hugs))))

[dirty ethel rackham]

5 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am so sorry these people are making you feel bad.  It is very likely age discrimination. I would caution you to not quit this job in haste IF you really want to stay in this field and if you want to keep working. You might feel differently in a few weeks.   If not and if you need the money you could work more at the hospital.  But those weird shifts are very hard on body and mind and you really don’t need that.

((((hugs))))

Me quitting this job would not be a detriment to me staying in this field.  The clinic job is vascular and the hospital job is general and vascular.  I could get more hours at the hospital job and it looks like I can pick up some day shifts.  But the issue is that call is wearing me out and most of my shifts would still be evenings and weekends.  

However, I just got a call back about the full-time job at a vascular clinic and have an interview tomorrow.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm starting to make peace with leaving the clinic job.  Working on my questions for this new potential job.  

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

Me quitting this job would not be a detriment to me staying in this field.  The clinic job is vascular and the hospital job is general and vascular.  I could get more hours at the hospital job and it looks like I can pick up some day shifts.  But the issue is that call is wearing me out and most of my shifts would still be evenings and weekends.  

However, I just got a call back about the full-time job at a vascular clinic and have an interview tomorrow.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm starting to make peace with leaving the clinic job.  Working on my questions for this new potential job.  

YAY!!!!   Sending all the good luck your way.

[Harriet Vane]

Continuing in prayer for a better job situation. (((Ellen)))

[klmama]

I'm praying the interview goes well for you!  

[NorthwestMom]

Also, do you read Ask A Manager? https://www.askamanager.org/ 

 

She has AWESOME advice for phrasing for difficult conversations at work. I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend reading her site if you aren't confident how you want your conversation with your current job to go. There's also great job-related advice for any worker, plus tons of crazy reader letters. LOL.

Hugs to you! Good luck with your interview! 

[dsmith]

Sending prayers!

[Frances]

Just saw the update. I hope your interview is wonderful today and you get a job offer!

[Harriet Vane]

Eager to hear how your interview went. 

[mommyoffive]

Hoping it went well. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Update in original post.