Do you wish your life was totally different than it is right now?

[mommyoffive]

I was reading an article in Good Housekeeping about a single mom that quit her job and traveled the world and the country with her kid.  And some other families that sold everything and are traveling the world.  So I thought hmm maybe I would want to do that.  

I brought it up with dh just to see if he would want to and he was a firm no.  He likes our life. 

 

Do you wish your life was totally different?   And what do you wish you were doing? 

Traveling the U.S. in a RV

Living in another country

Traveling the world

Doing mission work 

[fairfarmhand]

The biggest thing I would change would be that my oldest daughter would not be struggling with mental illness to the point of alienating herself from the rest of the family.

Other than that, I am content.

(although I would like a maid. Yes, definitely a maid and a guy to cut our grass in the summer.)

[EMS83]

Yes, but not in that sort of way.  My big changes have to do with interpersonal and faith stuff.
I wouldn't mind traveling; I love seeing new places, but I'd want to spend several months in each place.
I'd love to volunteer...my idea of mission work is more helping people build/repair houses, though.
Spend quite a while in a women's monastery (months).
Otherwise, it's changes I can make now--hike more, camp more, find a few live entertainment events, go to the beach...things I just haven't given myself permission to enjoy for the past 15 years.

Edited February 22, 2019 by CES2005

[gardenmom5]

the only thing I would change is knowing how to successfully help dudeling - he has a number of challenges.  his anxiety exacerbates everything, and makes him much more resistant to doing anything...

 

but I'm on the tail end of parenting, so I'm no longer dealing with the mundanity of the day to day of meeting needs of young children.

[purpleowl]

In general, I'm very happy with our lives. I'd prefer not to have a cold right now. 😉

 

[HSmomof2]

I’d like to travel someday. But, the things I would really love changed would be feeling better overall—I live with some chronic autoimmune issues.....and I’d like to have more financial security and not always be worried about money. 

[Scarlett]

I am in a major transition phase already.  I couldn't sleep last night and I found myself weeping.  Twice in 2 days.  I loved my days of SAHM to my son.  It was  the best part of my life so far.  He is almost 19.  Dating seriously.  We are thick in the drama of helping launch both him and dss17 (almost 18).  Nothing is the same.  Everything is changing.  I know I have no choice in this because this is life, but I don't feel good right now.  

Whine over.  😉

[Wheres Toto]

I'm actually very happy with my life as it is right now.   Not that I wouldn't change things, but mostly things dealing with stuff not people.  Our house is small and needs a lot of work, I'm lousy at keeping up with housework (which is not a new thing), so that sometimes bugs me.    But all our relationships are strong and we're enjoying life.   I've had times where that wasn't the case, so I appreciate those small things. 

[Carrie12345]

I wish we had tackled finance issues sooner.
I wish we had taken better care of our house.
I wish the housing market hadn’t crashed, or at least improved more in our area.
I wish I hadn’t collected so much crap.
I wish I’d say “yes” less.
I wish I’d get my butt in gear to finalize a project I’m working on faster.
I wish the gym were closer.

Those things would have made my current life more ideal, but my current life is pretty fine and making it’s way toward the place I want to be!

(For what it’s worth, dh was so opposed to my dream homesteading life.  Now that we really need to be making actual decisions for the future, I’m the one pulling back on that, lol.)

[May]

DH and I are now empty nesters and I like it😊 I still worry about some of the choices our daughters have made but it’s there life. We are in a good place and have few regrets.

[Kidlit]

The only thing I would change right now is slightly more income so we could travel more without financial worry.  That must mean my life is pretty good, eh?  

(Not that things are perfect--several of the people I live with have major anxiety issues, and I'd wish that away if I could.  However, we are coping and learning to deal with these challenges is the stuff of life.)

[solascriptura]

No, my life is wonderful.  We have been too blessed.  

[City Mouse]

I don't wish my life was different right now. It is what it needs to be to support my children (financially and emotionally), but I know that things will naturally change when the kids don't need us so much. In the future, I would like to relocate and/or travel for longer time periods. Although I enjoy watching YouTube videos of full timers, I don't think I want to only live in an RV, but a trip of several months sounds fun.

However, I will admit that there have been times in my life that I absolutely wished my life was different and contemplated drastic changes, but those extremely difficult times passed eventually.

Edited February 22, 2019 by City Mouse

[Selkie]

Nope. My life now is everything I dreamed of when I was a kid. A close & loving family, lots of horses & dogs, a cozy house on a big piece of land. What more could I want?

[sweet2ndchance]

Dh and I have talked about this many times. But always come to the same conclusion. Our life experiences thus far, the good and the bad, have made us who we are today. We love each other and our life together, how ever mundane it may seem to others. If we changed our lives, we wouldn't be the same people.

I'm not saying this is the case of the OP but I often wondered what it would be like to live a different life when I was married to my ex-husband. It was a bad situation all around and he was abusive in many ways. I always wondered if things would be better if things had gone differently. But in my current marriage that is healthy and not abusive in any way, I don't constantly wonder those things any more. I am happy where I am and have come to realize with without my past experiences, I might not be as happy and content with my life as it is now.

That said, I would love to travel again, I did travel a lot in my younger years. Dh and I have talked about having an RV and traveling for months at a time. I would be content with just traveling and having no home base but dh wants somewhere to come home to when we get tired of RVing. When my kids were younger and I was in the thick of raising them, it seemed like a pipe dream but now that there are no babies or toddlers and some of my kids are full fledged adults, it is getting easier to see that these dreams could become reality. As much as I think I would have loved living that lifestyle with the kids, I'm not sure I could be content with myself and the life I was providing for them if we were constantly transient.

In short, I may daydream about a lot of things, but I am truly happy with my life as it is.

[Teaching3bears]

If my children were healthy I would be travelling around the world with them if they wanted.  The other day I saw some beautiful pictures of Arizona on Pinterest and it made me so sad.  I don't know if I will ever travel again.  I love traveling.  

The past week I hardly left the house for groceries.   I am in a constant state of fear for my kids health.  I spend my free time doing laundry and cleaning around the toilet.  I love reading with them but today one son is still asleep and the other is super lethargic.  

I do wish my life was totally different than it is right now but much more I wish that my two older sons lives were totally different.  I wish they had health!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Yes, I do. Most of my unrest stems from a lack of experience, self-efficacy and self-esteem. If I could go back and do it all over, I would change many things.

I wish I knew how to change my life but, without making drastic life changes, I don't think I can. 

[rebcoola]

I love our life but I would love to sell everything and do mission work.  DH is on board if and when the right oppurtunity comes  along.

[Twolittleboys]

Tricky question.

There are a number of changes that I think would make me happier with my life (which isn't too bad anyway) and I am more or less working on those (maybe not hard/fast enough though):
Our home needs a serious overhaul/renovation and we are doing that but at the moment are stuck in the unpleasant stages of having piles of stuff everywhere and things boxed up etc.
I would like to spend more time with the kids instead of spending my time either working or watching TV - hopefully I will feel less exhausted once the house is done.
I am having a difficult time finding the right balance between work and relaxation.
I have been working on building up more friendships etc.

There are also a number of changes that will happen fairly soon, impact as yet unknown. Mostly older son will be done with school in about a year so lots of changes because of that.

I would definitely like to travel more.

So, all in all, my life is fairly good and hopefully should improve further in the near future.

However, if I compare it to my "dream life" it is quite a bit different. I always thought I would have a loving husband, our own house. I never really planned on working other than being home/taking care of the family. Ideally, I would like to be somewhat wealthy and I would have liked more kids (and definitely some girls!). But life is what it is and all in all I am pretty happy with mine.

 

[alisoncooks]

I fairly content but I do wish I'd made some wiser choices when I was younger (which would make life now easier). 

[mathnerd]

No. I need to do more with my life and abilities in order for my life to be more different than what it is now. I feel frustrated that I am disappointing those closest to me by not being "more" of what they expect. It feels like I need to kick my own butt more and get more things done to make that change happen.

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:

Do you wish your life was totally different?   And what do you wish you were doing? 

Traveling the U.S. in a RV

Living in another country

Traveling the world

Doing mission work 

 

My husband and kids would love your first three wishes if my husband’s job allows. We aren’t religious but we are open to doing more volunteer work. My husband is seriously thinking of sending both kids to universities in Canada as a feasible possibility.

I wish I am not going through breast cancer treatment right now but thankful that it is not worse.  My husband’s department has been very supportive so I am grateful for that. 

I wish my husband’s current employment has sabbatical leave after four years of employment just like his previous employer. However it is a nice to have and not a need. 

[Janeway]

Somewhat different, but not totally. 

 

I had planned to be a midwife. I was in school for it and had a fullride grant/scholarship to pay for it. Not sure which it would be called. It was one specific to the program I was in. I have a bachelors degree and had already worked in a career, but always always wanted to be a nurse, always. After working in my career for a little while, a career that was awesome, I felt pulled still to nursing and hoped to become a nurse practitioner and either specialize in midwifery or neonatal. But, sadly, I was in an abusive relationship at the time and was forced to drop out of school. 

 

More, I wish I had had more children. I had the first two and then got stuck on the perfect kid syndrome. I had the children in preschool and gym classes and swim classes and music classes and so on, so I stopped having children for a while.  Later, I had more, but I was older, and suddenly, it is like my fertility has run out and it is too late. I wish I had not gotten so stuck on things needing to be perfect. My house is a lot messier now and I am much happier and really am loving my children and wish I had that big family I had wanted so much when I was growing up. 

 

That is about it. 

[TCB]

I have a couple of things in my life that are hard to deal with, but not as hard as some people have to deal with. I wish I didn't have to cope with them, but I really believe the secret to happiness is being able to learn to be content with what you have and where you have to be. Even if some things would change I'm pretty sure it is rare to have a perfect life so contentment is definitely my goal. It's a long road to get there though.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, TCB said:

I have a couple of things in my life that are hard to deal with, but not as hard as some people have to deal with. I wish I didn't have to cope with them, but I really believe the secret to happiness is being able to learn to be content with what you have and where you have to be. Even if some things would change I'm pretty sure it is rare to have a perfect life so contentment is definitely my goal. It's a long road to get there though.

Yes generally no one really wants to trade their problems for someone else's.  Because everyone has problems.

[wendyroo]

I desperately wish my kids did not struggle so much with mental health challenges.  It is scary and painful and frustrating and disheartening...to them, to me, to DH, to their siblings.  It dictates and limits our lives.  It is a huge stress and burden psychologically, physically, financially, socially, etc.

[lynn]

I love my life.  Dh is semi retired. I enjoy having him home.  I miss Navy boy but am thankful for now he's within visiting range and has a phone and we can talk/text daily.  All my kids are in a good place and that makes me happy.  Spring will be here soon and dh and I can ride the motorcycle more.  No I wouldn't change a thing.  

[marbel]

I'm not particularly happy with my life right now.  But, several years ago we made a huge change in our life that hasn't turned out well for us.   It's easy to see mistakes we made, some of which were compounded by outside factors.   (Like, buying a house at the peak in 2007, and then having the value drop hugely.)  

So I am working hard on contentment.  

[lavender's green]

I am happy with my life. Sure, there are things I wish I had done differently, and there are some minor tweaks that would make life a little more comfortable. But on the whole I'm  satisfied. I'd actually be pretty sad if my life were totally different than it is now.

DH was recently given the option to relocate to a nicer and more exciting place. We seriously thought about it - it sounded like so much fun to start over, and in some ways the new city would be a better fit (it's a place that we sometimes go on weekends when we want to do something fun). But a comparable house over there costs 50% more (he wouldn't get paid more), so I'd need to either get a job or settle for a lesser house. Each of our kids has a best friend they'd need to leave behind. His company's culture at that location is not as family-friendly, and we'd live too far away for DH to come home for lunch like he normally does here. It made us think about how much we have, and commit to things we'd felt a little meh about. 

[G5052]

My life is hard, but I've truly learned to be content with life as it is. For me at least, wishing for something that isn't possible right now takes me down a path that makes me unhappy. I'm a big proponent of mindfulness, where you enjoy the moment.

Do I have dreams like the OP? Of course. I'm not where I'd like to be, but there are good things about where I am now.

[Moonhawk]

We decided we want to travel in an RV across the US with the kids. We've sold our house and are working towards this goal. It's slower progress than we hoped but we're treating it like an adventure. But really, even if we never make it, I'm happy with my life right now. 

[Mergath]

I don't know. I've gone through enough huge life transitions to know that the grass really is greener on the other side. Right now, I'm a sahm. If we decided to sell everything and travel the world, after a while we'd start to long for stability and friends. If I had an exciting career that I loved, I'd miss homeschooling and being home with the kids. You can drive yourself crazy always longing for something different. It's never going to be as amazing and perfect as you thought when you were dreaming about it.

[Storygirl]

Philosophically, in the different stages of my life, I have always had discontent and had the feeling that if I could only change X or have Y, I would be happier. And I now have some of those things at this stage of life, but I also have new challenges that I didn't anticipate, and I have found that the outer circumstances of my life aren't what make me happy. I keep adding examples and then erasing them, because the examples aren't important. The real change I need is internal, to find contentment within myself.

Practically, there are specific things that are hard and that I wish were different but that I cannot change. There are also things that I COULD change, hypothetically, that might make me happier. I have seasonal depression, for example, so moving to a sunny location would surely help that. But moving presents major drawbacks, as well, and so is not something we would do, even though we could.

Magical thinking -- I'd like to buy a cabin on a luxury cruise ship, where the owners all determine the worldwide year-long cruising destinations and live permanently on the ship (this is a real thing!). In my magical world, I would also be able see non-cruising family whenever I wanted, which would reduce the big disadvantage of the plan (other than the cost 😀).

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Carrie12345 said:

I wish we had tackled finance issues sooner.
I wish we had taken better care of our house.
I wish the housing market hadn’t crashed, or at least improved more in our area.
I wish I hadn’t collected so much crap.
I wish I’d say “yes” less.
I wish I’d get my butt in gear to finalize a project I’m working on faster.
I wish the gym were closer.

Those things would have made my current life more ideal, but my current life is pretty fine and making it’s way toward the place I want to be!

(For what it’s worth, dh was so opposed to my dream homesteading life.  Now that we really need to be making actual decisions for the future, I’m the one pulling back on that, lol.)

We’ve done the homesteading and I’m finding that it is less appealing as I get older. I don’t regret it and I’ve really enjoyed it but it is so much work. It’s hard physically. The older I get the more my energy   Needs to go to other things I value more. I can actually see a day when I putter around with a handful of chickens and some tomato plants rather than the cattle and large garden we do now. I think my dh will struggle with that. 

[Liz CA]

16 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

We’ve done the homesteading and I’m finding that it is less appealing as I get older. I don’t regret it and I’ve really enjoyed it but it is so much work. It’s hard physically. The older I get the more my energy   Needs to go to other things I value more. I can actually see a day when I putter around with a handful of chickens and some tomato plants rather than the cattle and large garden we do now. I think my dh will struggle with that. 

 

Very true for me as well. 10 years ago I lived on acreage with chicken, horse, dogs and an occasional pig for 4H. I loved it and I love that I had that experience and ds had that experience but I would not want to do it today. Physical work gets harder, the body aches more - at least mine does. 

Other than the recession kicking us in the rear but that falls into the "that's life" category, there is little I would change now.

[Liz CA]

Oh boy. I guess my emoji blew up. Forgot about that and mindlessly inserted one. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I love my life.  

But if I wanted to change any one thing, similar in size to what is mentioned in the OP... I would actually want to use our resources to become MORE grounded in our location- a house with a very large yard or very small acreage.  I've done the world travel thing and I think it's over-rated.  My dream is building local community, and that is tough when I feel like we don't have physical roots here (we're renters, like most Europeans, but my American side is saying, "buy a house!!!").

[freesia]

Interesting question. Life right now has almost never been smoother. Everyone is thriving and using appropriate coping skills to manage stress ( we had a lot of probably genetic anxiety around here.). The kids have friends and we’ve found opportunities that we can afford ( tough as we are in a HCOL area without the salary to match.)

However, as beautiful as where we live now is, everyone is crazy stressed out and it’s cold and people have no filter. I would give anything to move back “home.”  Well anything except uprooting my kids right now. Not to mention we are affording sending ds to private college with a state scholarship we’d lose if we move. So, sigh, it looks like we are here for another ten-12 years!

[SKL]

I wish some things could be done at a more leisurely pace.  But for the most part, I don't really mind how my life is.  I am aware how blessed I am to have all our physical needs met, no very serious issues with the kids, not living in a war zone or other crisis situation.  I am so blessed to be able to still use my eyes, ears, and mind and to get around.  I do get stressed out rather often, but it is really my own fault, and I'd probably get stressed out no matter what my life was like.

[moonflower]

4 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

...

 

Do you wish your life was totally different?   And what do you wish you were doing? 

Traveling the U.S. in a RV

Living in another country

Traveling the world

Doing mission work 

 

No RV, we have 7 kids!  I'd go crazy.

I'm content here but I could move to another country if necessary.

Travelling I loathe.

I'm not religious so no mission work.

Overall I am content.  Changes in my life I would like are peripheral, like a vegan donut shop in the area or less snow this winter.

[Amira]

I’m doing exactly what I hoped I would be doing at this point in life. I’m living in a country I love and I spend my days volunteering, studying another language, and exploring where I live.  I love what I’m doing. There are plenty of other hard parts about my life, but waking up excited for what every single day will bring makes a huge difference in dealing with the hard parts right now.  The last country we lived in was exactly the opposite and it made the hard parts so much worse to get through, simply because daily life was so difficult there.

[Donna]

I am happy. Sure there are some things I wish were a little different-like that my boys lived closer-but I am generally happy with where I am in my life.

It hasn't gone at all the way I thought it would or planned for it to go for a number of reasons but I am enjoying the time I get to spend traveling with dd while she builds her career, I love where we are currently living, and I'm happy in most of my relationships. We could have made different decisions and would have had more money/stuff but would have given up time spent with the kids while they grew up so I am definitely happy we actively chose to live more modestly and raise the kids. I've recently repaired sibling relationships that were not so great which was huge for me because I am not one to risk rejection and it took stepping outside my comfort zone to initiate the repairs. I still have no relationship with my parents despite trying over the years but I have come to terms with that now six years later. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don’t let myself “go there” with questions like this. If I haven’t had 30 years of chronic pain and illness I would have had different choices available on lifestyles that require good health to pull off.  My health has even affected our financial situation so that affects available choices as well. Thinking “what if” tends to depress me and I don’t see that as healthy or helpful. 

But- I have learned (somewhat) to be content where I am. And my goals in the past few years has been to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. That has led to new adventures including a bit of travel. 

[PrincessMommy]

6 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am in a major transition phase already.  I couldn't sleep last night and I found myself weeping.  Twice in 2 days.  I loved my days of SAHM to my son.  It was  the best part of my life so far.  He is almost 19.  Dating seriously.  We are thick in the drama of helping launch both him and dss17 (almost 18).  Nothing is the same.  Everything is changing.  I know I have no choice in this because this is life, but I don't feel good right now.  

Whine over.  😉

Hugs.. I totally, totally understand.   I've been doing the launching thing for 10yrs.  I wish I could go back to parenting littles.   It was the best part of my life too.. and I have grandkids. They're sweet, but not the same.  Yes, I wish my life was different right now.

I wish I'd finished my degree about 20yrs ago.  I wish I'd gone to school slowly starting when my oldest was little.

I wish we'd moved away from where we are now.  I've always wanted to move away-  that's nothing new.  My dh is a hobbit and has been at his job for 40yrs.  Now that I'm older (and he's even older) and kids are getting settled close-by, I realize my dream of living somewhere else is pretty much gone forever.  It makes me sad.

 

[Crimson Wife]

Kind of. I wish that i had known at 20 that it would turn out to be fairly easy for me to conceive a baby at 41. I gave up a career dream (becoming a physician) because I was afraid that if I spent my 20's in medical school and residency, that would mean I wouldn't be able to have as many children as I hoped. My parents were in their early 40's at the time and several of their friends were going through infertility struggles. I didn't realize that while it's common to have age-related fertility problems, I personally wouldn't.

BUT if I had gone to medical school, I wouldn't have my 2 oldest kids. So I can't really say that I wish my life were totally different.

I looked into nurse practitioner master's degree programs a few years ago but my science pre-reqs are too old so I'd have to retake all those courses. No thanks.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I wish K wasn't dealing with serious mental illness and was on track to do something productive with her life.  I wish I had my old life, the one I had before K's illness and the implosion that followed.  I miss having friends, feeling connected to my church, having a faith life that fulfilled me rather than brought heartache upon heartache.  I miss having less strained relationships with family.

I wish most of my family of origin wasn't so focused on alcohol.  It is really hard to have relationships with people when most of the get-togethers are so focused on getting hammered.  I miss the people they used to be (or maybe who I thought they were.) 

I wish my body's deterioration would slow down so that I could make some progress on doing the things for long-term health.  

But, like  I have to accept things they way they are.  Dwelling on what I've lost only fuels the depression that I have struggled so hard to crawl out from.  So, I forge ahead.  Going to school and hoping to get into the Sonography program this fall.  Volunteering at a transitional care home for children with complex medical needs.  Trying to reconnect with dh as our relationship has been one of the casualties of K's illness.

[SereneHome]

I would like to live a life of a calm, collected, "together" person and not the life of a neurotic mess that I have become.  Does that count?

[Shoeless]

I'm pretty content with my life.  There's a few petty or mundane things I'd change, (like I wish I could wave a magic wand and all my home reno ideas were completed), but I'm generally pretty content with the way life is.

[ScoutTN]

Well, I'd like to be in south Florida, with a condo on the beach, for a couple of weeks. Does that count? 

I am over February, big time.

[sassenach]

I know someone who did the whole sell everything and sail around the world thing. It ended up being more expensive than they anticipated so a large majority of their time was just living on a boat that was docked in California. It took them over a year to be able to afford to move out and back into an apartment. She said it was pretty rough.