cintinative Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Praying for your strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Was the legal appointment helpful yesterday? I was also wondering how it went. I hope you received the information necessary to handle the business to come, and protect yourself and children. And many hugs to you, moonhawk. His leaving is NOT your failure, don't be tempted to let your mind drift that direction. I'm hoping for the best outcome for all, but in the meantime, keep doing what ya gotta do. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 oh crap. so so sorry moonhawk.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I'm so sorry. with the latest, I hope the lawyer yesterday was helpful and gave you good advice on how to be proactive in protecting yourself and your children. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I'm so sorry, Moonhawk. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Well, he just left to go sign a lease on an apartment. So, that's that. I know this is difficult for you, but from a legal perspective, this is actually a good thing because you are able to remain in your home with your children. It may even end up better for your marriage, because you will be able to take a step back from the daily drama he has been causing, and he will see firsthand what it's like to live away from you and the kids -- and it probably won't be nearly as much fun as he is imagining it will be. One thing I will suggest is that if he moves out, don't allow him to pop in at home any time he feels like it. Don't make it too easy for him to think he still lives at home even though he also has the apartment. Let him fend for himself for his meals and his laundry, and insist on being informed when he plans to visit the kids. I'm not trying to be cold or vengeful here; I just want to be sure he sees what he's giving up in order to live his new lifestyle. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Praying for strength and wisdom for you. ETA: I'm sorry because you are going through this whole thing, and you must feel so overwhelmed. Yet, his moving out may give you a little space emotionally, and may make him realize he needs help more quickly. Edited April 29, 2017 by Jaybee 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Unless the attorney said not to, I'd consider changing the locks now. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) Unless the attorney said not to, I'd consider changing the locks now. I was thinking the same thing. Once he gets his stuff out of the house, I don't think he should have unlimited access without Moonhawk's permission. (Edited because my iPad decided I meant to type Moonsong and not Moonhawk. :) ) Edited April 29, 2017 by Catwoman 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry you're going through this, moonhawk. ((Hugs)) Unless the attorney said not to, I'd consider changing the locks now.Ditto. If nothing else, the unattended pilfering that can happen will drive you crazy. I know several couples who had one person move out, the other stay but without changing locks, and each time the person who moved out would stop in and grab things while the other party was out. Toasters and household goods (seriously, true story) were the least of it. More serious were the valuables that aren't often thought of - silver, knickknacks, just the weirdest stuff that one might or might not notice until it's time to "officially" split things up. Edited April 29, 2017 by Spryte 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I'm sorry you're going through this, moonhawk. ((Hugs)) Ditto. If nothing else, the unattended pilfering that can happen will drive you crazy. I know several couples who had one person move out, the other stay but without changing locks, and each time the person who moved out would stop in and grab things while the other party was out. Toasters and household goods (seriously, true story) were the least of it. More serious were the valuables that aren't often thought of - silver, knickknacks, just the weirdest stuff that one might or might not notice until it's time to "officially" split things up. Dh's ex took the microwave one day and the dog the next! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 My heart breaks for you. Praying for peace for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: So sorry for this trial, Moonhawk. I agree that it's best for the kids and for you that he left at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Well, he just left to go sign a lease on an apartment. So, that's that. I don't 'like' this. But I just wanted to say I'm praying for you both and am glad he left voluntarily, however this goes from here. You have had preternatural calm in the face of massive emotional stress and I cannot believe how well you're handling this. Truly, you're doing the absolute best you can in an impossible situation. His choices, however much control he has over them, are not your responsibility. I just hope the consequences are as minimal and painless to you and your children as possible. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) My heart hurts for you and your precious children. I am so very sorry you are having to face this. I am continuing to pray for you & your family. May the Lord bless you with comfort and strength! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaluv+2more Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Unless the attorney said not to, I'd consider changing the locks now. Please don't do this as it would not be legal at this point (he still legally owns the house as well and you have not yet been given sole rights to the property). I would hate to see you get into any trouble. If you worry about him coming and going, then you would really need to seek legal advice on how to prevent him from doing so. You should do this asap. IME, he will try to enter the home as he sees fit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Sending many hugs and prayers for strength during this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Thinking of you. I know it is hard but I am relieved he is moving out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 ((((((((Moonhawk))))))))) Cry if and when you need to. You've done all you can, and I know you'll keep doing all you can. Protect yourself, and, please, please, ask your church for support for YOU and your babies, not just him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Moonhawk, Hugs to you. You are such a strong amazing person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I've been put of town and away from electronics for a few days so I'm just catching up. Please look into a restraining order. It's something more easily done with the advice of an attorney but you can also fill out the paperwork yourself. At least go to the county courthouse and get the papers to be filed and start filling them out. It takes some time. You may never file them, but you don't want to wait until you need them. This would be the first step in getting the locks changed. If he becomes more delusional, especially if those delusions relate to the children, you'll wish to file quickly. They generally take from 1-5 days to be issued and then they still have to be served. Also consider asking the lawyer about a legal separation as a way of protecting yourself from his debts during this situation. Manic episodes can result in a lot of financial destruction. It might be something you need to do not just for yourself and the kids, but to help him when he recovers. Chances are he will not be able to maintain the lease, either becoming unable to work properly, or losing income as a result of being in treatment. The protection of a separation will depend on your state. I'm sorry again that this is happening. Manic episodes literally affect the consequences area of the brain. He cannot think ahead to the obvious results of his actions. He may appear at times to understand and seem to be getting better, but without treatment he is most likely sliding away from reason. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I am just so sorry. Please remember to be compassionate to yourself. You seem to have done more than enough, it is not your fault that it was not enough. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm sorry you're going through this, moonhawk. ((Hugs)) Ditto. If nothing else, the unattended pilfering that can happen will drive you crazy. I know several couples who had one person move out, the other stay but without changing locks, and each time the person who moved out would stop in and grab things while the other party was out. Toasters and household goods (seriously, true story) were the least of it. More serious were the valuables that aren't often thought of - silver, knickknacks, just the weirdest stuff that one might or might not notice until it's time to "officially" split things up. I know it's not the case here - but because my ex-sil was the one in the house . . she SOLD my *mother's* silver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTRMom Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Prayers. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Oh! I'm so sorry it has come to this. My heart hurts for you and your kids, and I'm praying for strength and wisdom to saturate your life right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 (edited) I'm so sorry for you and the kids. Edited April 30, 2017 by Garga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm so sorry. Many hugs to you and your children. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 :-/ I don't know what more you could have done. Mercy and peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Praying for you as you face this challenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I've been silently following. I'm so sorry. Many prayers and hugs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof1plustwins Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Just wanted you to know you're not alone. My husband experiences similar episodes. I just bite my lip and pray Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Well, he just left to go sign a lease on an apartment. So, that's that. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've been the picture of grace and strength in this impossible situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm so sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Hugs Hugs Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm so sorry. Sometimes people just aren't capable of being marital partners, at least not when we want them to be. None of this is your fault. It may not be his fault either. But it still is. And it sucks. I'm sorry. But you are strong, and will be okay. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 You've done everything you reasonable could - actually above and beyond what a lot of people would do. Hopefully he will come back to his senses soon, but until then you can move forward guilt-free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 (edited) Have you been able to find a therapist for yourself? One thing you are almost certain to encounter as you walk this path is the suggestion from well meaning but uncomprehending people that :you: ought to be able to somehow change your dh's behavior. There will be people who suggest that if you could be (more supportive, more attentive, more romantic, more forgiving, more....) your husband's behavior would change. Most of these people mean well but honestly have zero comprehension of the realities of serious mental illness. There is nothing you can do behavior wise that would cause your husband to not be and act mentally ill, anymore than there is some behavioral change on your part that would cause him to be cured of cancer if that were the illness in question. I am quite certain though that exactly this type of reasoning will be thrown at you, and having someone with the professional and clinical understanding to counter it can be one of the benefits of having professional therapy for yourself. Thinking of you and sending hugs this morning. Edited April 30, 2017 by maize 30 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm so sorry. I hope this decision makes him realize he is behaving irrationally and want to get better. But even if that doesn't happen, you've done all you can to help him. My SIL and BIL went through something similar because he had several manic benders with outrageous spending and cheating, etc. It wasn't until they were separated and divorce proceedings started that he finally got help, agreed to treatment, and got serious about staying on medication and going to counseling so they could fix their broken marriage. Your DH is responsible for the harm he's causing to your family, and now your focus needs to be on protecting yourself and your kids from the fallout. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Praying for you today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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