fairfarmhand Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 One of my kids is hard. Always has been. We’re in the midst of the hardest hard we’ve ever experienced. I look at normal families and wish so bad that we were normal. I’m tired of this. It was supposed to be easier than this. 5 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Many (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs. Would it help to chant "This too will pass?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 oh man, I'm so sorry. hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I’m so sorry. Praying it gets easier and you have the strength to bear it until it does. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I’m so sorry things are rough right now - I totally relate. I’ve decided there is no such thing as a “normal” family -everyone has something, even if they’re not public about it. I have so much stuff going on in my family that nobody knows about, literally nobody. Huge hugs, I hope things get better! 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 {{{hugs}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I don't think there really are any "normal" families. That doesn't make what you're dealing with any easier, though. ((Hugs)) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I get it. There is normal hard and there are extraordinary circumstances that make EVERY day harder. It’s physically impossible to get my son anywhere with less than two hours notice. It’s incessantly exhausting and people with normal kids really don’t understand. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I’m so sorry. I wish something I could say or do would make it better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs and prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs to you, mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I think those struggling just don't share as much, and those that share are the ones viewed as "normal." But I also think that even those who only share the good stuff, aren't being honest and don't share the tough stuff as much. I have seen it a lot, at church, on Facebook, etc..... It is hard to share the hard stuff...... I had a special needs child. He couldn't handle school. It is the main reason we homeschooled. I couldn't even leave him at a party or event and drive away until he was about 16 or 17, and even then it was only certain people I felt comfortable doing it with. I was fearful of getting a call saying, "Could you please come get him? He is disruptive, angry, won't listen and is walking away in a public place, or any number of issues." It was hard to see all the FB posts about the "perfect families" and yet, some of them, I KNEW their families weren't perfect......it was a farce. Hugs. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I'm sorry. That is exhausting. I agree with the quote in your signature line, but I know that even if you agree with it, it doesn't erase the 'hard'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 3 minutes ago, DawnM said: I think those struggling just don't share as much, and those that share are the ones viewed as "normal." But I also think that even those who only share the good stuff, aren't being honest and don't share the tough stuff as much. I have seen it a lot, at church, on Facebook, etc..... It is hard to share the hard stuff...... I had a special needs child. He couldn't handle school. It is the main reason we homeschooled. I couldn't even leave him at a party or event and drive away until he was about 16 or 17, and even then it was only certain people I felt comfortable doing it with. I was fearful of getting a call saying, "Could you please come get him? He is disruptive, angry, won't listen and is walking away in a public place, or any number of issues." It was hard to see all the FB posts about the "perfect families" and yet, some of them, I KNEW their families weren't perfect......it was a farce. Hugs. You know that they say the definition of a dysfunctional family is 'one that has more than one person in it'. No offense intended to families who are really struggling, but sometimes it does help to remember that many people are just able to hide the struggles, and comparison steals joy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 27, 2018 Author Share Posted September 27, 2018 Boy I’m even more glad that I’m not on Facebook. It’s hard enough attending church on Sunday with all the happy families. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 (((fairfarmhand))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 9 hours ago, fairfarmhand said: One of my kids is hard. Always has been. We’re in the midst of the hardest hard we’ve ever experienced. I look at normal families and wish so bad that we were normal. I’m tired of this. It was supposed to be easier than this. I get it. I could write every word of this post. Always hard, since birth. Yup. Although I will say right now isn't the hardest patch, just a more frustrating patch, if that makes sense. Hugs to you, as the really hard times are scary and defeating. Praying for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 1 hour ago, DawnM said: I think those struggling just don't share as much, and those that share are the ones viewed as "normal." But I also think that even those who only share the good stuff, aren't being honest and don't share the tough stuff as much. I have seen it a lot, at church, on Facebook, etc..... It is hard to share the hard stuff...... I had a special needs child. He couldn't handle school. It is the main reason we homeschooled. I couldn't even leave him at a party or event and drive away until he was about 16 or 17, and even then it was only certain people I felt comfortable doing it with. I was fearful of getting a call saying, "Could you please come get him? He is disruptive, angry, won't listen and is walking away in a public place, or any number of issues." It was hard to see all the FB posts about the "perfect families" and yet, some of them, I KNEW their families weren't perfect......it was a farce. Hugs. I mentioned something similar in another thread re parents who claim they don't help their children once they become adults/turn 18. Some parents talk a good game but the reality is some of it is just Big Balls Billy talk and they are helping their kids as much as the next guy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 ((hugs)) this too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I get it. Mine is younger than yours, but I have a kid like that too. ((((Fairfarmhand)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 (hugs) I'm sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I’m sorry. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 (edited) I’m sorry!! You have my sympathy. Or maybe I can even say empathy. Things have been a nightmare with my difficult one, too!! ((Hugs)). Edited September 27, 2018 by KrissiK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Sorry this is a hard time. I hope it not only passes, but passes as quickly as possible. As far as comparisons with FB and such, I try and always remind myself and my kids that we are comparing our inside with their outside. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Many hugs and I hope things get better soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Hugs. I understand. Praying for you. You'll get through this. ❤️ You've gotten through all of the other rough times. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Sometimes, it's just really hard. I'm sorry you're having a rough patch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I’m sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I could have written this. I’ve been grieving these last few months because I think I’m accepting that it’s NOT going to get better. That this doesn’t pass. For 7 years, I’ve been getting through the day by believing that he’ll get better (you’ve been doing this so much longer than me. I’m in awe of you). That this will get easier. That I’ll find the right thing. Or at least that people will stop thinking that if I just parent their way, he’ll stop. Hugs. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Many hugs. I so remember that feeling of looking at other families when my ds1 was hospitalized for the second time. So worried for his future, so sad, frustrated, and angry- I could hardly bear it. With the right diagnosis and ds1 doing the work of staying well, we are generally optimistic now. And dh and I have found that being open and honest about the hard times is better for all of us than pretending everything is perfect. It allows other people to be open and honest as well and it can bring healing to everyone. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I totally relate. I have one of those kids too. Just tough for years. I am so tired. Just sending you a hug. I wish I had more encouraging words than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said: Boy I’m even more glad that I’m not on Facebook. It’s hard enough attending church on Sunday with all the happy families. But remember how many of those happy families are the families everyone is shocked about when they fall apart. They aren't always as happy as they seem. Or they may just be happy right now. No-one gets out of this life without difficulties. Please don't compare yourself and your family to others, it never helps. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I'm really sorry. When you try so, so hard to do everything right as a parent and yet have a child who grows up to be a very challenging young adult, it is not only heartbreaking but it's extremely confusing. You constantly ask yourself what happened. It's almost a surreal experience. It sounds like you're at a very crucial point right now, and I'm praying for your dd. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 I'm sorry. I know it makes your heart hurt. Hope things get better soon. Sending big hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 1 hour ago, Patty Joanna said: I agree that people don't share the hard stuff, but I don't think it can all be called dishonesty. When we were in our toughest times, I had no qualms about talking with people who knew and loved my son and me about what was going on. But I didn't put much (if any) of the struggle on FB because that is public, it is forever, and it is not ALL my story. I wanted to leave space for my son to come through everything without having future employers nosing around in his junior high/high school past. (Ironic timing, this post.). I wanted him to have a chance to become the best person he could be without my angst and his difficulties following him through all the days of his life. And furthermore, had I posted everything I knew about what had gone on in his life, I could *easily* have destroyed the life of another person, who is now finding *her* way in life. Believe me, some days, I *wanted* to destroy her. But the better angels prevailed and I am thankful that they did. I'm *very* glad I didn't post bad stuff about our situation. I don't think it makes me dishonest--I didn't pretend things were rosy and sunny. I just didn't overshare the stuff that could come back to bite anyone but me. That wasn't really my point.....my point was not to compare yourself with what you see and think everything is so great with other families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 (edited) . Edited October 4, 2020 by MissLemon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 5 hours ago, Patty Joanna said: I agree that people don't share the hard stuff, but I don't think it can all be called dishonesty. When we were in our toughest times, I had no qualms about talking with people who knew and loved my son and me about what was going on. But I didn't put much (if any) of the struggle on FB because that is public, it is forever, and it is not ALL my story. I wanted to leave space for my son to come through everything without having future employers nosing around in his junior high/high school past. (Ironic timing, this post.). I wanted him to have a chance to become the best person he could be without my angst and his difficulties following him through all the days of his life. And furthermore, had I posted everything I knew about what had gone on in his life, I could *easily* have destroyed the life of another person, who is now finding *her* way in life. Believe me, some days, I *wanted* to destroy her. But the better angels prevailed and I am thankful that they did. I'm *very* glad I didn't post bad stuff about our situation. I don't think it makes me dishonest--I didn't pretend things were rosy and sunny. I just didn't overshare the stuff that could come back to bite anyone but me. ITA One of the sad lessons I learned (probably pretty late in life) when I lost my baby is that not all people are kind, true, real, decent. Some are cruel, self-centered, ignorant and just glad that crappy thing didn’t happen to them. I am GLAD social media was not well-developed at that time and I still had a dial-up internet connection, because I was very open, very trusting and totally naive. I shared anything with anybody who asked and it never ocurred to me to say, “I don’t wish to share that information.” I wish I had known then what I know now and trusted far fewer people with my heart-felt, honest feelings. Some people scarred me so deeply. Some people did favors for me but with strings attached. One “friend” was mad I hadn’t noticed she put roasted garlic - not merely ordinary garlic - in the chicken marsala meal she made for my family one week after I buried my baby. This same person was offended I did not send her a thank you note. (Although, actually, I did, and I also sent her Baklava because I knew it was her favorite dessert. But I waited something like a month or so before I did that, so I guess that was not prompt enough.) I am very judicious about what I put on social media, especially when it comes to my kids’ problems, but even when it is my own. Stuff can be used against me, my family, my kids and I don’t want that. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 12 hours ago, fairfarmhand said: Boy I’m even more glad that I’m not on Facebook. It’s hard enough attending church on Sunday with all the happy families. I am with you. I'm so with you. We did not set out on this journey for this life. It's hard. So hard. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 So sorry. I wish we could talk and ease each other's burdens. Raising a difficult child is so hard. The hardest thing I never want to do again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 (edited) . Edited October 4, 2020 by MissLemon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 On 9/26/2018 at 11:54 PM, Patty Joanna said: Yup. I stood in church for five years, crying. (((You))) Like Patty Joana, I get it, too. Once I wrote a song called Lone Goose. It contains the line, "Some nights, I just Howl in my soul" ❤ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 I'm sorry things are harder than ever. (I identify with a lot of what you wrote--you aren't alone in those feelings). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Do you have friends that you can be totally honest with? I don't think people who seem happily normal (whatever that is, I don't even know what that looks like anymore) are living a farce or being dishonest. I think humans suck and we are usually right to listen to our instinct to be very hesitant about being completely open with them. Don't get me wrong. I know I need to love my fellow humans too. But I don't think loving them means giving them a knife to stab in my back either. Or more concerning, my husband's or kids backs. But having people you can call at 5am when you can't sleep because your whole world is falling apart and they will meet you for coffee and a good cry. Or who understand that being in a dark place can lead to some dark humor and laugh with you? No joke, I'd leave my husband before I'd sacrifice those friends. I'm blessed to have 4 of them. I have no idea what I ever did to deserve any one of them, but I do my best to be one of them too. But to people who aren't those 4 people? They probably think I live some charmed life of marital or parenting or financial bliss. I don't. And am unlikely to ever have it regardless of what I do. So I'm trying to find joy where I can and that's likely all someone sees on my FB page or in the pew or during polite social conversation. So do you have someone IRL you can be totally honest with and who can be totally honest with you? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 And so far 40s suck. I thought if we were responsible and kind and did the right things we were supposed to be "settled" by our 40s and after 25 years of marriage. That was total bull shirt propaganda. I may be a bit bitter about that. Or a lot. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 28, 2018 Author Share Posted September 28, 2018 15 minutes ago, Murphy101 said: Do you have friends that you can be totally honest with? I don't think people who seem happily normal (whatever that is, I don't even know what that looks like anymore) are living a farce or being dishonest. I think humans suck and we are usually right to listen to our instinct to be very hesitant about being completely open with them. Don't get me wrong. I know I need to love my fellow humans too. But I don't think loving them means giving them a knife to stab in my back either. Or more concerning, my husband's or kids backs. But having people you can call at 5am when you can't sleep because your whole world is falling apart and they will meet you for coffee and a good cry. Or who understand that being in a dark place can lead to some dark humor and laugh with you? No joke, I'd leave my husband before I'd sacrifice those friends. I'm blessed to have 4 of them. I have no idea what I ever did to deserve any one of them, but I do my best to be one of them too. But to people who aren't those 4 people? They probably think I live some charmed life of marital or parenting or financial bliss. I don't. And am unlikely to ever have it regardless of what I do. So I'm trying to find joy where I can and that's likely all someone sees on my FB page or in the pew or during polite social conversation. So do you have someone IRL you can be totally honest with and who can be totally honest with you? Yes. One of them sent me a lovely text yesterday that brought tears to my eyes. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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