Happy Camper Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 So last night didn't go as I had hoped. Dh got to Skype with MIL, which really cheered her up. But he didn't bring up how she was feeling, what was going on, etc. It was more of a social call. She left the room for a minute and I said, "aren't you going to talk to her???" and he made it sound like there's no rush. Um, what?? So then I attempted to talk with her later and we got interrupted. When I tried again later, she sort of shut me down by talking about her faith, then went to her room for the rest of the night to read her books. Let me clarify a few things. She is at least 90% competent as far as I can tell. She has had this faith since she met Dh's dad (who grew up with that faith, but died in the early 90s). So it's not a new thing. She doesn't feel bullied or fearful of SIL. The healthcare proxy was prepared when she was in good health, and dh and I agree that given her long-standing faith, she would not change her treatment (or lack thereof). We don't think elder neglect applies here given the religious element and the proxy. This cult has often made the news for families keeping medical care from their seriously ill children, who then die, resulting in arrests and/or loss of custody of other children. But for adults or elderly, it's not as cut and dry. My dh and SIL are incredibly fortunate that they didn't have more serious health issues as children, that's for sure. Dh told me he had to suffer through painful ear infections with nothing more than a hot water bottle more than once! So as I was leaving this morning, I spoke privately to SIL. She asked if any of us would be able to come down again soon. She still feels like MIL shouldn't be left alone *in case something happens again and MIL is unable to call for help*. I then asked SIL, "so, to clarify, do you not believe she had a stroke, or did you just tell your mom that to keep her positive?" She didn't exactly answer the question, but said she just didn't want her thinking that way. I still don't understand whether SIL even believes in disease at all (even though she said her grandmother died of a stroke - I know, it makes no sense). In addition to the drama with MIL, I have other struggles causing stress and it started to catch up with me today. It just feels like we are being hit on multiple fronts at the moment. I encouraged dh to call or email his mom to lay it out for her. The problem is that she struggles with email (reading) a bit, so he'll have to "dumb it down" a little, and also, SIL will probably be reading her emails. I don't care if she does, I'm just wondering if she will pre-screen and delete them. His biggest concerns are that she make an effort to prevent another stroke or TIA, even if those efforts are homeopathic. So hopefully he can at least persuade her to do that, and possibly seek speech therapy, but that would probably require a diagnosis (which I briefly mentioned to SIL today). There's actually much more to this drama, but I just can't go there at the moment... Continued prayers are appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 HC, what a nightmare. I'm sorry. It does not sound to me as if you believe mil is 100% capable of making independent, informed decisions right now. You two may be all she's got, to give her a chance to prevent/avoid real suffering. I'm not comfortable with the line of thinking that says "this is what she believed when younger, so she wouldn't want treatment now" because those beliefs were seated in a healthy life experience. She wasn't sick. She wasn't suffering. A lot of people can talk a good game when it's all hypothetical, anyway. Does that really mean they're ready and willing to suffer, when accident or illness comes, if they've never known what that's like? Especially if they can't reliably make those decisions from an informed perspective? I'm still seeing a potential for neglect here. Not telling you what to do, and I can read between the lines and guess at what you will be facing if you "overstep." This whole situation is awful, and it's not your fault. Just please realize what it means to be the only one in mil's world who might be able to get her some relief from suffering. Lastly, I want to do bodily harm to SIL, who wants someone there in case mil needs help! So she recognizes mil might need help, but restricts mil to the help that she, sil, will allow instead of what mil actually needs. That really stinks. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Camper Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Update in OP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So sorry to see the update that MIL passed. Hugs and prayers to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guinevere Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beetkvass Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Oh, wow, I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly in IN Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry, Happy. You were there to support your husband's mother during a difficult time. Give yourself time to grieve. [emoji173]ï¸ Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry for your loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hugs to you. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hugs and prayers for all of you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am so sorry...you and your family are in my prayers. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: you have my condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry she passed. Hugs to you :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachaheart Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Sorry for your loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 (hugs) {hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hugs and prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am sorry! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: Edited July 22, 2017 by Lizzie in Ma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So sorry Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm very sorry for your loss. Keeping you all in my prayers. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I am so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vintage81 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I didn't realize there were any groups in the U.S. that didn't allow any medical care of any kind at all?? I know JW's refuse blood transfusions and many try and use natural means and use others as a last resort. But nothing at all? Right this is definitely not JW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 *snip*.... Update 7/21 MIL died this morning. It's been a difficult and emotional week. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. Thanks for all of the support. It means a lot. I'm so sorry.. hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Right this is definitely not JW. I think Christian Scientists refuse medical intervention.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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