Gentlemommy Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I don't post too much here, but I read daily, and feel like this group is 'home' in so many ways. I hope you all won't mind me dumping all this here... Today our foster son goes home. We've had him since he was discharged from the hospital, and he will be 1 this week. He is a dream angel baby, and we love him so, so much. The move is good, it means the system did what it was intended to do. So part of me is celebrating with his bio family, our case workers, and especially for him. But a bigger part is devastated. I knew it was coming, I know I signed up for this, I know all that. It doesn't make it any easier. My kids are losing their brother, and we are losing our son. I have moments where I can't breathe, where the realization of what is happening is too much. I know in time, we will heal, and it won't be so very hard. Right now though, I just want to hold him forever and not let go. This really sucks. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Oh I am so sorry. Many hugs to you today! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 ((((Gentlemommy)))) I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you for the gift of love you have given that sweet baby. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I am so sorry - that would be so hard. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process. Big hugs! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 hugs and prayers for you and all in your family Thank you for being a foster parent! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I will be thinking of you today. What a sad and hard thing, even if it is good, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Thank you for parenting him. Praying this transition goes smoothly and that you will heal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I'm sorry. I understand, we foster too. Good job for being part of the process & know the love and care you gave him started him out in life with what he needed. It does get easier. (& a call from the placement person with another kiddo who needs a home is often what helps it get better fast, just because you wind up so busy) Or, take a break for awhile and then jump back in. Thanks for doing what you're doing. Hang in there. Thinking of you 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) Hugs to you and your family. That must be so difficult. Edited May 30, 2017 by Selkie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I am always in awe of our fellow boardies who do this type of work. Many hugs to you and your family. :grouphug: 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 So grateful there are people like you willing to face a broken heart to do such important work. Hugs and prayers sent your way. What an amazing way to leave your mark on the world. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterbaby Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 It takes a special kind of person to do this work. Think of how much better off he'll be long term for having had a stable, loving environment in that time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: Sending big hugs and thanks for making a difference in this child's life! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 You are my hero. Seriously. :grouphug: Prayers for your & your family's hearts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen A Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 It sounds so, so hard. Hugs and prayers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 :grouphug: Thank you for risking your emotions and peace of mind to care for kids in need. :grouphug: I hope his return home goes beautifully for his bio family. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 ((((((Hugs)))))) You are so brave and amazing to know the pain you'll face and love regardless. You're amazing. Take time to heal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 ((((((Hugs))))) and thanks for making an impact in his life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 It is so hard. We had a foster child go to a relative and head towards home.after 2 1/2 years. It is hard. Hopefully you can stay in touch with him and even support the birth family over time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 We had a foster baby leave us at age 1 years ago. Hardest thing I've ever done. I was shocked at how I mourned that loss. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Many many hugs to you and your family. And prayers that your son has a smooth transition. Thinking of you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixpix5 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Sending so many hugs to you right now as my eyes brim over with tears. I cannot imagine how much your heart aches but what a blessing you provided him while you had him. That love and thst bonding will provide him a lifelong foundation. You are amazing for what you do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 So so many hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'm so sorry, and thank you for caring for him the right way. Hugs to you, so many of them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakeside Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Many hugs to you and your family during this transition. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noreen Claire Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Thank you for the love you have given him. There is no greater gift than that! I can't imagine how difficult it must be now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Thank you all for the hugs and kind words. It means a lot, really. I cried on and off all day, but tried to hold it together for my kids sake. They are so very sad. Tonight is sure to be long and hard, and I don't think sleep will come. I'm imagining him, in a totally new place for the first time, and wondering what his little brain is thinking...that is breaking me right now. I'd never left him, all he knows is our family. He is really easy going, and I know he will adjust and be ok, but I wish he could understand what was happening. His bio family has our contact info, and I'm hoping so hard they will keep in touch. It would mean the world to all of us. I think this is the hardest thing I've ever done. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artichoke Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 love and hugs to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) May God bless you for your labor of love. I am so sorry for your pain. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Edited May 31, 2017 by MercyA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Sending many :grouphug: this morning as you adjust. He was lucky to have you there when he needed you. May his biological family be here for him too. I hope they stay in touch, esp if they have questions, and you can watch him grow up into a fine young man. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Thinking of you this morning and praying that you feel some degree of peace. Hoping that you do something special for you and your kids today. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Hugs to you - you have done a wonderful, hard thing. Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Hugs Hugs And more hugs 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 How are you doing today? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 :grouphug: How heartbreaking even though it's a happy milestone for his bio parents. I'm in awe of what you and your family have given this child, and I'm sure your love will stay with him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I have nothing but the highest regard for foster parents! You may never know what a blessing you are to him and your influence in his life is permanent even if his time with you is not. Many hugs! :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 How are you doing today? I'm hanging in there. I still cry at random times...when I found a pair of his socks tucked away in my car, or when I glanced at he time and almost went into his room to wake him up from a nap...stripping his crib to wash the bedding was hard. When I walk through the store and find myself in the baby aisle, looking to see if there is a sale on wipes. Any time a friend texts to see how I'm doing, their kindness brings me to tears. And yesterday I got a reference form for another friend who will be doing foster care, so that made me cry...happy tears because her family is incredible and they will be an amazing foster family, and also because it will break her heart. She is just like me-she will love fiercely and with wild abandon, and will also experience a huge loss. Last week one of my very best friends made me a beautiful wall hanging with the quote "Grief can only exist because love lived there first" and a space on the side to add our foster children's names. I can't hang it yet, but it's a comfort to know that all this terrible sadness is worth it because there was so much love for him. My kids are doing ok, they are tip toeing around me...they totally sense that mommy isn't ok. My oldest gave me permission to go hole up in my room whenever I needed to and she said she'd watch the other two. She's a great kid. Every night, the girls and I sit in their room and watch old videos and look at pictures of him. It's good therapy. My hubby left for three weeks the day before baby left, so that kind of stinks too. While we haven't been super close lately, it would be comforting to have him here at this difficult time. He has been calling or texting multiple times each day to check in on me, so that's a good thing. It's all surreal. He just....disappeared. I keep having moments of anxiety that I'm forgetting him when we load up the car or that I hear him cry, and I realize no. He is gone. I really wish it would have been more gradual. We went from a 2 hour weekly visit to completely gone, and I am so worried about how he is handling that. Does he think we abandoned him? Is he crying for us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I am always in awe of our fellow boardies who do this type of work. Many hugs to you and your family. :grouphug: Me too. The strength, patience and love you must have as I'm sure your entire family must have as well. I'm so, so sorry for your pain but congratulations on a job well done. In a way, it's like a graduation. A child moving from one stage of life into another with you behind him the entire way. :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 It's all surreal. He just....disappeared. I keep having moments of anxiety that I'm forgetting him when we load up the car or that I hear him cry, and I realize no. He is gone. I really wish it would have been more gradual. We went from a 2 hour weekly visit to completely gone, and I am so worried about how he is handling that. Does he think we abandoned him? Is he crying for us? I think you are wise to be concerned that he might think *you* were the ones who disappeared. Forgive my ignorance; I know nothing about foster care. But are you "allowed" to contact the bio family? Can you ask how he's doing, can you maybe request that now *you* get the two-hour weekly visit, at least as a transition period? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Last week one of my very best friends made me a beautiful wall hanging with the quote "Grief can only exist because love lived there first" and a space on the side to add our foster children's names. I love this! That's a great friend... Your family sounds awesome too. My prayers and best wishes are with you - and with him and his family. Kudos for the "job" you lovingly do to help your neighbor. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 I think you are wise to be concerned that he might think *you* were the ones who disappeared. Forgive my ignorance; I know nothing about foster care. But are you "allowed" to contact the bio family? Can you ask how he's doing, can you maybe request that now *you* get the two-hour weekly visit, at least as a transition period? Contact with his family is in their hands. Up until this point, I had only briefly met some of his bio family. We got along and everything was very comfortable, but no information was exchanged. I did give them my phone number at our last drop off, and I heard from them last night! He's doing well, settling in, and they've said they will send us pictures soon. I'm so happy to hear he is ok. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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