Annie G Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 That title is not very well explained. Here's the situation: a friend's oldest daughter is dating a guy and he decides he wants to propose to her. Her family throws a large party, with relatives and lots of neighborhood friends. Just a summer BBQ type thing, but pretty big. Then towards evening the guy, girl, and some of their friends go off on a walk around the neighborhood. In the meantime, the other folks set out candles, fairy lights, etc. When the couple returns, 'their song' starts playing and the guy proposes. It's all very sweet, and is recorded by everyone so there is video, pictures, etc. on Facebook within minutes. She truly had no idea this was planned. We didn't attend- they live over an hour away and we're introverts. We're just friends who knew them when both families' kids performed with the same theater group. They're nice people, but we wouldn't have known anyone else... Anyway, whatever other people want to do is their business, so there's no right or wrong here. I just felt weird knowing before she did that he was going to propose that day and what the plan was. And having everyone there and the guests posting stuff on Facebook meant she didn't get the joy of telling everyone she was engaged. When dd got engaged, she really enjoyed telling her friends and extended family. So my real question is whether you would have enjoyed being proposed to like this (and do you think the answer to this depends on whether you're introverted or extroverted?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I don't like public proposals. It seems like a way for one person to really pressure another person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would not have enjoyed that, but I am very private. Hopefully her soon to be DH knows her well enough to know this is what she'd like! (I'm more on the introvert side, to answer that part of your question.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeAndTheBoys Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 nope. Introvert here. But I know several people who have done very dramatic proposals and LOVED it--so it's perfect for some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I am an extrovert and I wouldn't have like that. However, my proposal was a HUGE surprise (long, long, long story) and I wouldn't have wanted to be so shocked in public. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*lifeoftheparty* Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would have *LOVED* that and treasured the videos for the rest of my life :) But I'm an extrovert to the nth degree, so... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Dh proposed to me in public without my prior knowledge. He worked at a Christian school and coached basketball, and my church had a school, too. He proposed at half-time in the middle of the court during a game between the two schools. It was awesome because so many people were there from our two churches. Of course, there wasn't Facebook then, but I would have been thrilled for that, too. I wish we had video of it instead of just pictures. I am an extrovert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would have HATED that. To me it feels show-offy and manipulative. I would not want to even witness it. And yes, I am an introvert and also quite private about personal matters. I think those two are related but not exactly the same thing. I am uncomfortable with public displays of intense emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm an introvert and I wouldn't have liked it. Maybe this young man and woman have talked about getting married so he was certain of her answer. Still, I would have been mortified to have everyone holding their breath waiting for me to say yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I don't think I would, but I know this is becoming more fashionable these days. It seems like Americans enjoy more and more turning everything into a big party! I know some people who love it and others not so much. For the record, my husband and I didn't really have an official proposal. We just talked it over and decided to get married. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 It was a perfect proposal for this girl. She loved it. I think if the crowd had broken out in song and dance it would have been even better for her. Her dad is more introverted than I am, and through the whole thing he was just sitting there holding their dog, looking away much of the time. I think he felt uncomfortable watching it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm an introvert and I wouldn't have liked it. Maybe this young man and woman have talked about getting married so he was certain of her answer. Still, I would have been mortified to have everyone holding their breath waiting for me to say yes. I'm sure he knew she would say yes. She's 25 and he's 35 so there's been lots of discussions about this since they started dating last year. It's good to talk about age differences, whether they want kids and when, will she work, etc. before the 'will you marry me' part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would not. What happens when the answer is no? Or if the intended would rather be able to say let's wait a year, or, I'll think about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 It does sound terribly romantic and sweet :) With that said, no, in reality I would not have enjoyed that. I'm not a huge "crowd" person in general. My husband proposed to me in a car wash. We had been out all day and something seemed odd. We went out to lunch, back to his house, back out again, he said he wanted to have my car washed... just odd. While in the car wash he jokingly said "wouldn't it be funny if I proposed in a car wash?", I laughed and told him it would be cute. Apparently he had been a nervous wreck all day, waiting for the right time, and that was all the push he needed - right there in the middle of the car wash he pulled a ring from his pocket and proposed. Lol. <---- That's my kind of proposal :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No. I knew when dh was about to propose to me (even though he tried to keep it secret ;)) Since we both knew we were getting engaged, I suppose it would have been ok to do it in public. But the idea makes me uncomfortable in general. Too much pressure to say yes in front of everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 No, I would not have liked it. Fine for other folks, but not for me. I feel the same way about those public military deployment returning parents surprising their kids. It felt weird enough having dh's coworkers at the airport when he returned. I'd have much rather had it be just me and the kids. I feel the same way- the dad shows up at the kid's school and the kid falls apart. No, I would not have liked that. Navigating teasing at school is difficult enough without totally losing it because your dad shows up unexpectedly. But again, that's the introvert in me, wanting to hide my feelings in public. Most others probably would love this kind of thing. I fully recognize that my hangups are goofy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Cute story, but no, definitely not for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I know someone who turned down her boyfriend of many years, in part because he proposed in public. I understand it was all very awkward. They were married several years later, after a private proposal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm an introvert, and shy at that. I don't like being the center of attention in anything, so no that wouldn't be my dream proposal. I can certainly see how others would love it though. I was engaged pre-facebook. But everyone I knew (our friends, family, etc.) knew he was going to propose before I did. That really didn't bother me at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm kindahalf introvert and half extrovert and i would have hated it. Dh didn't even know he was gonna propose until right before he did it. He bought the ring and was planning to do it in a month or so at a specific place but was too impatient and did it about 3 hours after buying the ring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 no. I've seen a number of "production"/'flash mob' proposals online, and I generally don't like them. one in particular was truly a "run away now!" flag. (you really don't want to marry that guy.) sometimes I wonder if the guy thinks she'll forget to say 'no'. with everyone posting video's to youtube, and photos to instagram - it seems to have become a competition. some have been sweet - but public? really? though my favorite one of involving the bride's whole family was the girl who walked into her house being greeted by her sister exclaiming "Mr. bingley has returned to netherfield at last" while holding out a regency dress for her to put on. (and since everyone was in costume, and had parts to read - it looked like an absolute riot.) but still - miss bennett and mr. darcy went on their walk by themselves for the actual proposal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No. Yes, I am an introvert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I think it is a horrible idea because the setup pressures the girl to say yes if she does not want to embarrass the guy in front of all these people. Proposals should be private so that she has a chance to speak her true mind. ETA: I am an extrovert, but I find the whole idea of "proposing" ridiculous and antiquated. My now-DH and I came to the decision to get married through conversations where we were both at the same level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm kindahalf introvert and half extrovert and i would have hated it. Dh didn't even know he was gonna propose until right before he did it. He bought the ring and was planning to do it in a month or so at a specific place but was too impatient and did it about 3 hours after buying the ring. dh hadn't even bought a ring. he also proposed almost immediately upon deciding he would. (with the caveat I didn't have to answer right away.) he was slow - I knew I was supposed to marry him weeks beforehand. eta: I think it makes a bigger difference on how you feel about all the people watching than if you are an introvert or extrovert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Not only no, but hell no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 It was a perfect proposal for this girl. She loved it. I think if the crowd had broken out in song and dance it would have been even better for her. Her dad is more introverted than I am, and through the whole thing he was just sitting there holding their dog, looking away much of the time. I think he felt uncomfortable watching it. Well, she loved it. It's her proposal, not his. I think it totally depends on the person. I guess I would prefer mine private, which it was, but I also think a proposal like the one you described is very romantic and fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Not only no, but hell no. Ditto. DH and I are both introverts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Not only no, but hell no. Exactly! It would've been a sign he didn't know me at all as well. I'm glad the proposal worked out well for the aforementioned parties though! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Being an extrovert does not equate to airing every bit of my life in public. I agree with those saying that a public proposal puts undo pressure on the potential spouse. Within our extended family there was a proposal about a decade ago that involved both sets of parents traveling to the same destination as the couple. The proposal was staged and involved the parents. Frankly I thought the entire thing was bizarre but then I learned that these public proposals are all the rage--as are prom-posals, etc. If someone wants to tell all, write a memoir. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 When DH proposed my parents, his son, and his parents, all knew he was going to propose that specific time before it actually happened. When I realized that after the fact it didn't bother me. The proposal itself was private and intimate and I think that suited us and our lives at time. I do think that public proposals can work and for some couples can give them one more special thing. Ideally by the time the public proposal happens it really is more of a formality proposal because if the couple isn't at that point then I can see how there can be a lot of pressure and some awkward, uncomfortable moments to follow. I have a friend who's husband considered proposing at a wedding of close friends which they were both in. He ended up not going that way because he decided that it might take away from his friends' moment and because when he really thought about he thought that there was a possibility that she might not really be quite ready to marry him. He wanted to have the option to drop back and punt if needed. In contrast, my BIL opted to propose to his girlfriend at a surprise party she threw for his birthday. He had planned to propose on his birthday and when he strongly suspected that she was planning a huge surprise party he decided to turn the spotlight right back onto her. For them it worked and they have been married for three years now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Not only no, but hell no. Yep. That is pretty much my worst nightmare. I'm an introvert and I dislike being the center of attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Nope............... and I'm fairly extroverted. That's just too private of a thing for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I think it's possible to have a creative/romantic proposal that doesn't involve a crowd. I am glad one of you military gals brought up the surprise homecomings. Seems these elaborate things are happening more and more, and both social and local news media feature them regularly. Not being military, I have tried to withhold judgment, but I can't help but feel sorry for these poor ambushed kids. They often appear to literally go into shock, break down emotionally, and then have the whole filmed event go viral (I'm guessing without being asked for their consent). I've always wondered how others felt about these elaborate surprise returns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm extremely extroverted and I would not have liked that at all. Too staged, too overdone, too much pressure. D proposed to me at a new year's eve party at the change of the millennium. He just held the ring in front of me while we counted down. My best friend was there and took a few pictures. We were unofficially unengaged, I had picked out the ring, but I didn't know he had picked it up. So it wasn't a complete surprise, but I wasn't expecting it. It was in public, but still quite private. He planned it, but didn't stage it. No one knew before I did. Fwiw, I hated my wedding. Very small, 12 minute ceremony, 1hour reception, 25 guests. I cried through most of it, and not tears of joy. The stress, the pressure, the expectations. It was awful. We had to go to the court house a couple of years later to be legally married (long story). I loved it. It was just us, our baby, the judge, and a neighbor. It was relaxed and intimate. No pressure, no fanfare, just two people making a promise. Perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twolittleboys Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I am an introvert and would probably have liked that proposal BUT honestly think it is too much pressure. I mean there is no way I would say 'no' and publicly humiliate the guy so I would have to say 'yes' no matter what. So, no, I don't really think it is a good idea. How can you know if that answer would have been the same in private? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Those things always made me uncomfortable because the other party has no real option to say "no." It seems to me it would make more sense to have a party to celebrate the engagement after the proposal is accepted. Once I was at a wedding reception and the best man proposed to his girlfriend up on the stage. She had to accept to avoid humiliating the guy. About an hour later he was drunk and beating her so badly that the police came. Blood and everything. No, I really don't believe in anything that takes away any of a woman's right to say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Yep. That is pretty much my worst nightmare. I'm an introvert and I dislike being the center of attention. Yes. I would have just about died if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. But, DH knew me better than that, so there was no public proposal. Or a big wedding. We got married quietly and then had a small family dinner after to celebrate, then took off alone for a week in Disney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 dh hadn't even bought a ring. he also proposed almost immediately upon deciding he would. (with the caveat I didn't have to answer right away.) he was slow - I knew I was supposed to marry him weeks beforehand. eta: I think it makes a bigger difference on how you feel about all the people watching than if you are an introvert or extrovert. He was not planning on buying a ring that day. We already knew we were going to get married eventually and had disgusted it. We knew it after a month of dating. Me being very practical with money didn't even care he I had a ring or not. But the ring was important to him so he took my best friend with him to help him get a better idea what I'd like. He found the perfect ring and bought it that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 This board swings introvert, so I'm sure that that will color the data. I am a social introvert who didn't even get a proposal (we just decided) and I think that's extremely sweet and I would have loved it. I'm sure the young man and her family who joined in the conspiracy know her best and that she lived it, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No. Private moment. Don't want to share it with anyone :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would not. I'm very private about relationships. Even with my girlfriends to whom I tell "everything", I hold back in that area. Fortunately dh knew i was like that and he proposed privately. The official proposal that is. We had already decided on a date by the time he gave me the ring. I just don't like attention like that. However... I think the ones that are public where both partners are okay with it, and possibly even love it, are sweet. I love hearing about those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I would not like it. I am an introvert and my hubby is an even bigger introvert. But my dislike of it doesn't have as much to do with introversion as to whether or not the "askee" feels like there is an option to say "no." In a public proposal, everyone assumes the answer will be yes. If the couple has been talking about it and both are pretty sure they are on that path, then I suppose it would be OK if they both like that sort of thing. But a surprise proposal in public is ill-advised. When dh and I were dating, everyone was expecting us to get engaged. We had talked about getting married someday. We had looked at houses together. On Christmas Eve, my entire family would get together to exchange presents. There were usually about 20-25 people with all the nieces and nephews. When dh gave a my present - a box from a jeweler, the entire room got quiet - you could have heard a pin drop - and in my family, that would have been quite unusual. When I opened it to find a lovely locket, the whole family sighed in disappointment. I thought it was quite funny because I knew that there was no possibility for it to have been a ring - there was no way dh would have been so public about it. We got engaged on New Years' instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 If DH had proposed in public, I would have said "No" without hesitation. How could I spend the rest of my life with someone who knew me so little as to think that I would like a public proposal? Fortunately, he did not. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No thanks. But that proposal was so sweet! If you know the person and tailor it to them, anything goes for proposals!! I am very, very uncomfortable watching surprise military homecomings with kids involved that are filmed and broadcast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I love the sweet proposal I got from dh then getting to show off my beautiful engagement ring to friends and family . We surprised my mom at work let family find me wearing an engagement ring at a family gathering (there were plenty of people looking for one) I loved that we had a secret for family and friends to discover although it was hard not to tell the world right away kwim. Just a few chosen at first then others to figure our Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm to shy for anything to public. Would prefer something just between us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Public? No. A little more special than what I got? Hmm. Maybe. It was one of those, "We should just get married" conversations. He did ask for my hand formally, but the proposal itself was a mutual decision kind of thing. I would have been mortified by a public proposal. I don't like being serenaded either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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