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About brehon

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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    where the wild things are...
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  1. Re: the bolded — to which you reply “tough sh!t”. Ok, ok... that’s probably not helpful. A better reply is “It’s my only time to <X>, too. See ya in a few.” <cheerful wave as you head out the door> Ignore the toys, clothes, etc. Truly. You and the kids can pick up later. Yes, ideally your dh would supervise clean-up of messes made under his watch, but right now let it go. Y’all have some unhealthy dynamics and it’s going to take work to change them. Your dh has no impetus to change because the status quo favors him. He’s going to be upset by you insisting on being treated with basic respect as a co-equal member of the team. Let him be upset. Also, give him the blessing of learning from mistakes and growing into a better parent. (Assuming no actual abuse, of course.)
  2. In general, I agree with you. In the context of a mutually respectful relationship, checking in with one’s spouse about their time commitments certainly the best way to ensure good communication and ensure that everyone gets their needs and wants met (generally speaking, of course). My impression was that the OP’s husband was not being very considerate of her wants and needs unless he deemed them worthy of his time and she was trying develop contentment with the status quo. I certainly could have misread the OP. She may have meant that she doesn’t consider her needs to be of primary importance and is reluctant to ask her husband for time to herself. That’s a different conversation in that case.
  3. Yes, you really can just say “I’m taking a couple of hours for myself. Have fun with the kids.” Then, you just go. Your needs are not frivolous. I think you know this and this is why you’re experiencing discontent. You’re a person with needs and wants and those deserve to be met just as much as your husband’s. And he doesn’t get to decide whether or not your wants and needs are legitimate. It’s perfectly legitimate for you to want to window shop, sip coffee in a bookstore, sew, or whatever you find relaxing and rejuvenating.
  4. The bolded is probably very true. The top 10% rule in my state I mentioned earlier is an prime example. Every year kids are admitted under that rule who wouldn’t otherwise have been admitted, usually because of low GPAs and/or test scores. At UT, especially, a not insignificant percentage of these incoming freshman are placed on scholastic probation then ultimately withdraw due to poor grades before their sophomore year. The law has been in effect since the early 90s and unfortunately the results have been the same for nearly three decades — kids unprepared for university, especially UT, are admitted but withdraw or fail out before the end of their freshman year.
  5. Yup...and an attitude like that, regardless of whether or not said teen followed the law, would also ground the teen driver. That attitude shows me the teen is not ready to accept the heavy responsibility that comes with driving. Driving a car is not a right and it requires drivers to shoulder a high level of responsibility. No responsibility = no driving privileges Poor attitude = no driving privileges
  6. Yes, I do. Having friends in the car is one of the variables that leads to wrecks. Using cell phones is probably the other big variable. If my teen lied to me about following the law or anything else driving related, the wrath of God would descend and that teen wouldn’t drive for a long time. — signed someone who has pulled a number of dead teens from wrecks over the years.
  7. Yes, Texas does have a preference law — generally, the top 10% of each high school class (public school only, obviously) is automatically admitted to state schools. UT, specifically, was granted special permission by the Lege to drop that to the top 8% (? May be 6% now). I don’t remember the exact percentage, but UT and, I suppose, all state universities, are required to reserve something like 80-85% of their incoming freshmen seats for the top 10% (8%) group. UT is oversubscribed as far as kids wanting to go there. UT is considered a public ivy and many of its schools are highly ranked in their respective fields. The alumni network probably rivals those of other most of the other schools implicated in the scandal.
  8. Yes, ambien and alcohol are a bed combination. Your mom shouldn’t hesitate to call 911 if needed. Your dad may want to refuse, but with ambien + alcohol + other meds he may lack the capacity to refuse treatment/transport to an ER. I’m sorry y’all are dealing with this.
  9. Because it wasn’t a simple brake job. It was much, much more involved than I thought it would be prior to taking the van to the mechanic.
  10. I’m dealing with this right now. Younger three are down with whatever fever-URI crud is going around. Older three are not sick and will be attending a youth function later today. Barring communicable diseases and GI bugs I just can’t see quarantining the entire family.
  11. Texas schools have always been considered great deals — great education for a really good price, especially if one paid in-state tuition as I did. I think even now they’re generally considered to be a good deal. However, even when I was an UG, UT was known for its outrageous fees. This is because the per hour tuition rate was (and still is, as far as I know) capped by the Lege. So, certainly UT and probably most public universities in TX continually raised fees and had a fee for everything, most of which weren’t optional.
  12. My total per semester bill (tuition, fees, books, but excluding R&B) was under $1000 for most of my UG years. So, probably under $3000/year - again excluding R&B. I attended the state flagship university without any scholarships. The university was then {and is today} what would now be called a public ivy — I don’t remember if that phrase was in use when I was at school. My alma mater’s per year tuition bill is now over 8X what I paid almost three decades ago. I think declining state funding is partially to blame, but there are other reasons.
  13. You can have people in piecemeal — e.g., foundation people, siding people, ect — or, depending on how much needs to be done (structural issues) & how much you also want done (aesthetics) v. what your budget is you might consider hiring a contractor to coordinate everything. I believe City has various rebate programs for upgrading your residence. In fact, I know they do. It’s just a matter of what you’ll qualify for. Regardless, everyone else is correct. Don’t even think about fixing windows, cracks, etc without first dealing with the foundation. We’ve dealt with similar and it’s frustrating, to be sure. ETA: One benefit of a contractor is that they’ll know about pulling the correct permits. And you know City likes its permits.
  14. Hence cometh the phrase “Hold my beer” usually slurred to sound like “Hol ma beeeerah” “Hey y’all! Watch this” isn’t far behind.
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