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About Happy2BaMom

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    Hive Mind Level 5 Worker: Forager Bee

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    Washington State
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    cooking, reading, yoga, investing
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  1. Happy2BaMom

    Horse people- How to fire a farrier without burning a bridge?

    First of all, I feel your pain. I've had to fire two farriers, and I *SUCK* at it. The first one (I'm ashamed to say), I just called to cancel the appointment (mentioned that horse was seeing the vet for a pre-nav check-out, which was true....), and then I just never called him back to reschedule. The second farrier (who's actually a barefoot trimmer) is still doing one of our horses. I switched another one away from her, and just put it down to vet / the brief need for corrective shoes / had some special situations going on. Those reasons were partly true, but the real truth is is that she wasn't trimming the other correctly. I don't know how long I'll keep up the split schedule - this is relatively recent. I think you have a few options: 1) If you really are going to fire him, honestly, I think it would be less awkward for both of you if you e-mailed him (if that's an option...I think e-mail is 'nicer', as he will get to it when he's ready to go through e-mail), or even just texted him and said something like: " I am going broke trying to figure out the lameness issue. Due to the stress & urgency of this, I really need to try a different approach with Mr. Social's feet. As such, I will be following my vet's recommendation and am going to try the services of Mr. Farrier #2 for the next few trims. I will let you know if something changes. Please know I have really enjoyed working with you the last five years but, for the sanity of my bank account and my family, I just need to change things up. Please call if you have any questions." 2) If you choose the phone call option (and I could see why someone recommended that)....well, I'm not above doing the junior high thing and enlisting the help of a friend to come over at an appointed time to hang out with me while I made the phone call (told you I suck at this). Honestly, having someone supportive there to: 1) make sure you actually make the phone call (and not put it off), and 2) to walk you through a practice run, and 3) just give you courage, can really help. (pathetic, I know...but it works) It's really tough when it's a personal relationship.
  2. Happy2BaMom

    Outrage over the area method on social media

    Our society has largely devolved into people of all stripes doing nothing but posting/sharing sh*t on social media with zero interest or concern whether it is factual or represents the whole picture. The point is to feel superior to whomever/whatever is deemed "Other" (aka "inferior"). There is no interest (nor is value seen) in thinking, be truthful, having integrity, or delving beyond the initial presentation in order to truly understand the situation or people on the other side. I have been saddened to see (IMHO) many in homeschooling willingly fall into this same trap, rather than holding the line with truly "well-trained minds". Honestly, I don't see a lot of difference between homeschoolers and the general public anymore (in terms of what is deemed acceptable behavior). But to return to math, it's a great mistake for people to assume that public schools are some sort of monolith where all schools are the same. Our local school district is excellent, with many elementary schools having 95%+ of the kids passing nationwide tests with scores at 50%ile or above. There were other reasons I homeschooled and other complaints I had about the education, but math wasn't one of them. And I know of several other districts that have also really risen to the challenge, CC or no, so (unfortunately), a lot depends on where you live. ETA: I don't mean to sound necessarily positive about public school/math there. I also have a M.Ed., which I finished about 7 years ago, and it was a real mish-mash of information and not particularly valuable (but also a cubic butt-ton of work....). Part of NCLB was a requirement to teach "evidence-based strategies" - teaching strategies that have/had been proven in research to work in the classroom(s) at some point in time. Sounds great, right? Well, by the end of my Master's, I had a notebook of probably 1,300 strategies. A lot of textbooks were just strategy after strategy. It really wasn't helpful. At. All. And teaching is a grunt job. Yes, a few states pay very well. Most don't. And the stress level and the level of expectations and the lack of parental and societal support (including viral videos basically mocking what teachers are trying to do). just isn't worth it. The best and brightest definitely ain't interested and they are not the ones showing up in teaching ed programs.
  3. Happy2BaMom

    The stress of poverty - poverty as a disease

    ??? It’s not similar at all. Sounds more like your personal rant against a situation in your particular area. Government policy on sewers is not the source of these people’s poverty. The Homeowners don’t have the money to fix the problem(s), regardless of regulation or enforcement. They have NO money. They have very limited - or no - access to employment, or to local education that leads to employment. Most can’t afford to move to the city, or they don’t (esp in the case of the Rez) want to abandon their people. Government programs could potentially help resolve some of the foundational risks to these peoples’ health and lives but that isn’t a priority
  4. Happy2BaMom

    The stress of poverty - poverty as a disease

    There is a world of difference between "low income and having few material things" and poverty. They are not remotely the same. Poverty is consistently not having enough to meet basic survival needs (such as food, basic shelter, clean water) for yourself and your family. That doesn't have anything to do with the media. I provide support/volunteer with organizations that help Native Americans on the Pine Ridge (& other) reservations in South Dakota. I am familiar with the conditions there and I can say, hands down, true poverty is bad. Really bad. None of those people hope to reach middle class. That's a pipe dream, and they know it. But perhaps some disaster assistance after a major hailstorm (which followed a tornado) would be nice. But they don't even qualify for that. I recently gave some money to a leader there who was trying to supply firewood to the elders, because they have old people who literally freeze to death in their own homes, every year. Or take the poverty in Alabama, where raw sewage is floating in people's yards and they don't have the money to fix it, and hookworm is now a problem. That's poverty, and yet we pretend it doesn't exist, or blame the people in those conditions for not being able to help themselves even though they have zero resources, low education, low nutrition, and very limited job opportunities. And yet, somehow, we always have money for corporate welfare and taking care of the haves.
  5. Happy2BaMom

    Article: How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation

    Actually, it's very well documented that helmets reduce injuries and deaths in motorcycle accidents. And there are other studies (link 1, link 2 ) showing a greatly reduced injury rate with bicycle helmet use. I understand people may disagree with helmet laws (that's a whole other discussion), but I have not seen any evidence that they actually do reduce participation in a significant way (which isn't to say it doesn't exist, but I haven't been able to find it). And, for the record, re: the original topic, I find it really difficult to typecast the approximately 73 million people who make up the Millenial generation (that will soon outnumber the Boomers). In my experience, they are all over the map, even more so than the generations above them. And I really rather hate putting MILLIONS of people into tiny defined boxes, especially the negative, judgmental ones usually used for Millenials. They're people, for goodness sakes, not a list of (pejorative) characteristics.
  6. Happy2BaMom

    Sdel- other horse folk- dressage question/injury

    Sporthorse-owning / experienced Pony Club / 4H / dressage mom here. I hope I don't come off too strong. My intentions are good, and I don't mean to overwhelm you with questions & commentary, although I recognize I may be throwing a lot at you. Perhaps I'm missing something here, but has anyone really done a diagnostic work up to determine the true source of the problem? An x-ray really provides very limited information and even if something appears off in the x-ray (which it doesn't even sound like anything showed up), you still have no confirmation that there isn't also another problem that is also contributing to or causing the lameness. A thorough diagnostic will involve blocking (numbing) the lame leg, starting with the hoof, then moving up the leg, with the horse being trotted out on the pavement after every block has taken effect. Once the horse trots sound, you've isolated the area of lameness. At that point, you move to x-rays or ultrasound to see what is the underlying issue (My apologies if you know this already - it just didn't sound like that was done.) Our regional lameness specialist (who's been doing this for nearly 40 years) states that ~70% of horses that have one lameness issue also have another (because they start carrying themselves wrong due to issue #1, which then causes issue #2, etc). Every single time I've taken one of our horses for a lameness diagnostic situation, the problem has turned out to be something other than what I was convinced it was before we went in. Including two weeks ago, when I had one local vet diagnose a tendon injury & then it turned out to be a dry abscess/gas pocket in the hoof. (Hoof block solved the lameness, x-ray & probing revealed the pocket.) Or the time we went in for what I thought was pre-navicular and it was a suspensory ligament. Now, multiple blocks can be expensive, so it isn't always worth it to do them on a horse that is largely a backyard pet. But the thing is is that your horse is being heavily used right now (that's the nature of a lesson horse, no matter what they tell you). He's a lesson horse. Multiple riders, different abilities, repetitive & stressful work. He has different needs now &, as such, his body has needs that require to be taken seriously. The fact that the instructor says that he can be a "jerk" and can "put them into a rail" raises so many red flags for me. So. Many. Flags. That is a very frustrated and/or hurting horse. That is not normal behavior. And, yes, I know some horses have challenging temperaments and need skilled riders. But horses are not by nature aggressive with people, and it doesn't sound like anyone - including the instructor - is stopping to consider why he might be acting like that, especially since he is not sound and he has still been asked to work (he was lame enough to need a few days off regularly between rides & yet no one explored that? They just kept working him until he wasn't sound at all? WT*?) The needs of lesson horses are often not considered at barns, even if people are not intending to be cruel. Injections & shoes are often "wing & a prayer" quick fixes and it sounds like the only reason the vet gave an injection was that the horse is currently lame & he's had injections before. Did the vet rule out a rear suspensory ligament injury? With the trailer incident, with the mud issue, with the lesson work schedule, I would be concerned about that possibility. And with ligaments and tendons, if you keep working them, they can tear, which then leads to a minimum of 6 months stall rest with hand walking only. So I personally am paranoid about that type of injury. There may be a lot that I'm misinterpreting or misunderstanding here, and I recognize that. But, if it were me, I'd be doing more digging to find out how often he is being used, by whom, for how long, in what manner, how he is being put away / taken out - and I'd listen to / look to your horse, If he's actively lame or misbehaving, he really needs to be out of that situation, until one / both of those things have been permanently resolved to your judgment/satisfaction. IMHO, of course. Best of luck.
  7. Happy2BaMom

    How to tell the kids about homeschooling next year

    I completely agree with HomeschoolMom (re: unpredictability of the impact foster or adopted children have on the whole family....I was a foster parent for several years), and I second Ottakee in that I highly encourage you to consider becoming licensed foster parents and offering respite care. Respite care workers are really, really needed and it is a great way to help kids and to become more familiar with the foster system and the children/situations that are served through foster care. It gives you a way to help these kids without a huge long-term commitment, and sometimes you can really connect with a child you meet this way and can explore a further relationship from there. I think you/your dh have made a wise choice for now....I have known a few families who’ve had relatively easy transitions with adoptions. I’ve known more whose lives have been blown completely sideways, sometimes for years. Most situations have been somewhere in between. And some issues with adopted kids don’t show up for years, so there can be long-term uncertainties as well. Homeschooling is wonderful. Fostering is wonderful. They just both take a lot of family resources (time, energy, emotional investment). It’s wise to tackle one at a time. Best of luck!
  8. Happy2BaMom

    the environment and economic growth

    Bluegoat, I'll pm you.
  9. Happy2BaMom

    the environment and economic growth

    Get a grip. Capitalism is thriving the world over, with many more calls for more of the same. There is no risk the world system is going to suddenly "systematically change", but it sure makes for those whose greatest concern is "communism". There is nothing fake about what is happening to the environment, or the Arctic, or the birds, or the great insect collapse (google any one of those). But if you don't believe there is a problem, it's all just "fake", no amount of information otherwise is going to convince you otherwise. Enjoy your daily disposables and carry on. Bluegoat posted about an issue she is struggling with on a daily basis. Really, it's not about your trigger topics.
  10. Happy2BaMom

    Non-gendered kids

    Hormone-disrupting chemicals are not related to birth control pills (well, I'm sure some miniscule amount are, but bc pills don't even make the top 10 of endocrine disrupting chemicals found in our environment. HDCs are largely a function of modern life. I don't want to sideline this thread any more, but here is a good, short list of the categories.) There have also been some good books written on this topic.
  11. Happy2BaMom

    Non-gendered kids

    Yep. And I have yet to have anyone on the "let's all get on board with all-gender-is-neutral" side address this issue in any substantial way. Or in any way whatsoever. Usually what happens is this issue is brought up, and then ignored. I do have empathy for the many people who struggle with societal gender "assignments" and who do not feel that they as individuals fit within their own bodies. I often wonder how much of an influence of the cubic-bazillion-crap-ton of endocrine-disrupting chemicals that have been dumped into our environment the last 30 or so years (some of which affect the fetus at parts-per-trillion) plays into people today not aligned with their biological bodies (that, we'll never know, as the whole environment is it's own cluster & it's impossible to tease something like that out now). I am not opposed to re-arranging our language on a societal level if that's what is needed/where we are headed (but I would point out that you need a large enough buy-in from others to have that happen). But I am also concerned about that we ARE blasting right past issues such as what happens when biological males get to define - instantly and with no questioning allowed - who & what qualifies as "female" and "woman". Talk about disempowerment. Talk about the ultimate power for patriarchy. But apparently to raise these issues makes me "transphobic", and difficult. (ETA: no one here has said that to me. But I have been called that (and worse), for daring to raise these issues in other settings. It's like, in the last 5 years or so, we have a whole new social Gospel with it's own set of disciples. Gawd help you if you cross them.)
  12. Happy2BaMom

    Non-gendered kids

    It has never been the case, throughout the entire history of the English language, that people own their own pronouns. You also ignore the fact that, in the English language, “they” is plural, not singular and pronouns are binary, based on biological sex (“he” “she”). The Latin language & it’s modern-day descendants have all nouns being masculine or feminine. The fact that a (relatively) small group of individuals suddenly decide that “they” should be acceptable to refer to an individual person (or that every individual now gets to choose their own pronoun) does not mean the rest of society - or any individual - is petulant and selfish for refusing to instantly get on board with that. We may need a whole new, gender-neutral pronoun in common-use everyday language, but an issue such as this is very complex and confusing for the majority of people and stating that any interaction concerning gender pronouns is “easy peasy” is condescending. (And using “they” in any type of group conversation to refer to another person in the group is certainly NOT “easy peasy”. Neither is having someone verbally land on you like a Sumo wrestler when you accidentally use the ‘wrong’ pronoun in a moment of forgetfulness – as I have experienced several times over in Leftie groups.) In fact, there is nothing easy peasy about negotiating an entire re-write of gender and it's related language. Edited for clarity.
  13. Happy2BaMom

    Non-gendered kids

    I am a long-time Leftie, have been progressive for a lot of my life, but I have really mixed feelings about the whole gender "thing" (for lack of a better word) and I completely agree with this comment above. In some of the herbalist/crunchy circles I run in, it sometimes seems that half the people have different gender labels they want others to use. Nametags are worn that not only show the person's name, but also the preferred pronouns (which can also be plural, as in "they" for a single person). I keep thinking, "WTF?". I mean, if Zander is 25 yards away and I want to refer to him/her/they and I can't see his/her/their name tag and I can't remember which one he/she/they wants to be, what am I supposed to do? Multiply that times 20 people in a group and it quickly becomes unmanageable and more than a little ridiculous. And I'm personally sad, because the reason I have been a long-term Leftie is that I am a very strong environmentalist who believes that the only protection for the environment in a capitalistic/market-based system ARE strong regulations, however flawed they may be. And it seems to me that too many Leftie groups often now seem to care more about pronouns and deck-chair-arranging than what is happening to the natural world and the polar ice caps.
  14. A dental check is for deep cleaning of the teeth and for prevention of cavities (and other problems) and is conducted by a dental professional. It is an important part of maintaining dental health throughout life. The main purpose of a check-up is something other than to check for oral care wrongdoing. Someone (especially your mother, in your home) demanding that you urinate into a cup and hand it over - on demand - has no positive intent. The only reason it is done is because the tester does not trust the testee to tell the truth, so the tester must demand bodily fluids to search out wrongdoing. (This is the message the mother is sending.) And no offense, but the two situations are not remotely similar. And I'd really like to see data, especially when the test is demanded by a parent, that shows that such tests are successful in deterring drug use. My understanding is that urine tests are not that hard to fake (tester saves clean urine, pays friend or sibling for some, uses animal urine, etc).
  15. Not sure how relevant my situation is to yours, but I'll throw in my two cents. I homeschooled ds through 8th grade (dd, currently 7th grade, still is hsed). He entered 9th grade last year as a pre-IB student at the local ps. It's actually gone really, really well. Not that it hasn't been without some drawbacks, but the pros far outway the cons, for the reasons both you & Terabith discussed. I could no longer meet the needs of my ds either academically or socially. That became really, really clear in 8th grade. It was straining our relationship. The local hs high-school peer group was, to put it delicately, deemed completely inadequate by all of us (ds, me, dh). And, with that last point, I guess I would say - to perhaps help with your angst over the ps - ..what are the real alternatives to her attending ps? Do you have a group or groups of highly-motivated hsed peers who seek to be academically challenged by delving deeply into subjects and who hold to a strong academic work ethic? Cuz if you don't, you don't really have an option that provides anything different than what you fear she is (not) getting out of high school. Because it sounds like ps is basically working without any major drawbacks, other than your concern that she is learning "the school game" as opposed to deeply understanding the material. Which could be the case, but...does your dd feel that way, too? And is she interested in changing the situation as well? If not, then it sounds like this is your problem, and not hers. (note: I'm not trying to be snarky with that comment, just trying to discern whether she also shares your feelings/concerns.)
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