Number of Christmas gifts

[Night Elf]

Am I the only one who gets stressed out if the kids don't have the same number of gifts to open?

[MissKNG]

No, you are not. We keep the gift amounts equal.

 

[poppy]

Same number of gifts for kids.  Even good, polite, gracious kids notice, so why not even it out?

[Pippen]

When my kids were little this topic came up and one mom told me that she was deliberate about NOT making things precisely equal for her children, because the reality is that life isn't equal or fair. She considered that she was doing them a favor by not cutting the brownies precisely or making sure the present count and dollar amount were exact.  It wasn't that she played favorites because the extra would be spread around.

 

I really appreciated her insight, as I found it very freeing. We do always try and get each kid one item that they really want and for each to have a few things to open, but a $7 jar of Nutella would rock my son's world whereas it might take a $30 sweater for my daughter.

[ksr5377]

I try to have it be somewhat equal, but it doesn't have to be exactly the same number.  In the end I try to stick more with the same dollar value per child than I do number of gifts.  I know my youngest is getting the most in terms of quantity this year, and I'm still not spending as much on him as the older two.  It's just so much easier to make the little ones happy =) 

[Alte Veste Academy]

For now, we keep number and (for me, more importantly) wow factor equal. At some later point, if the kids want to make a choice between asking for $, $$, or $$$ and get that doing so naturally means we will have the ability to buy more or less gifts, I would consider giving a different number, but still not a different wow factor. To put it mathematically, if 3 = wow x 3, then 1 = WOW!!! :tongue_smilie:

 

And no, life isn't fair. But home tries to be.

[AlmiraGulch]

I get stressed if it isn't close, so I end up buying more stuff to make it appear to be "equal", whatever that means.  

 

Which reminds me, I need to go look at stuff now.

 

ETA:  Oh, man.  I've really messed myself up.  DD10 turns 11 next week.  She told me all of 3 things that she actually wanted, and all were small.  I panicked a bit because I want to be sure she had a decent number of gifts for both events, but I didn't know what to get.  I just realized I went way overboard for her, I have next to nothing for DSD9, and just a few more than DSD9 for DD17.  

 

I could just designate some of DD10's stuff for DSD9, except they are nothing alike so the gifts aren't appropriate for both.  I could take some of DD10's stuff back, but that's a pain.

 

Why do we make this so hard on ourselves?  

[mytwomonkeys]

the number of gifts won't be equal here. they just want such different things & the costs vary so much.  they will both get an amazing christmas though & nothing will seem unfair.  my son will understand that his bow & arrow with an amazing target (2 gifts) is not equal to 2 sweaters that my daughter wanted.  they will both have a great christmas & the amount we spend is equal - so that's fair imo.

[mytwomonkeys]

For now, we keep number and (for me, more importantly) wow factor equal. At some later point, if the kids want to make a choice between asking for $, $$, or $$$ and get that doing so naturally means we will have the ability to buy more or less gifts, I would consider giving a different number, but still not a different wow factor. To put it mathematically, if 3 = wow x 3, then 1 = WOW!!! :tongue_smilie:

 

And no, life isn't fair. But home tries to be.

 

 

yes. the wow factor will be the same here! perfect description! :)

[Night Elf]

Ah see, the dollar amount doesn't matter to me. The kids don't know what I spend but they do know if one person has no more gifts to open while the next one still has a few sitting at his/her feet. If one kid gets something expensive, I get them smaller gifts to equal it out, things like a calendar or box of tea. I think I have a fix though. Rather than wrapping each thing individually, I'm going to combine some of them. Dd15 is getting a couple of tshirts. I'll just put them both in one box. And another small thing I got her is going to go into her stocking instead of being wrapped. So I think I'm good.

[Tmhearn]

I'm ok as long as it looks somewhat equivalent as a few other pp mentioned.

 

I think this probably has more to do with the age of kids than whether they are naughty or nice. :-) Of course you would notice if the person sitting next to you at the office got 5 gifts from the boss while you only got 2.

 

My kids are still little, so it's not as noticeable - mainly because they are still at the age of ripping things open in 30 seconds. They're not looking around to see who else is getting what.

[AK_Mom4]

Sorry - not worried about present equality here.  Everyone gets a couple of things to open, plus a pair of new pajamas and maybe a robe if theirs is looking shabby.  Many years, we have done a WOW present, but they were things to be shared - a Wii, a ski trip, etc.

 

And DD12 always has the most packages to open.  She likes to open wrapping paper, so I wrap all the little pieces separately.  It's all about the experience, ya' know? 

[TammyinTN]

Everyone here big kids and grand-babies get 3 gifts and a stocking filled from us. 

[DragonFaerie]

I try to keep things fairly equal, both in number and in money spent.  I don't stress out if things are exact,but I do try to be fair.

[Catwoman]

I only had one child.

 

Gift-giving problem solved. :D

 

(Not that I'm saying the rest of you guys should give some of your kids away or anything...)

[Pawz4me]

We spend about the same amount of money per kid.  Number of gifts doesn't really matter at all.  They've understood since they were three or so that some things cost more than others.

[Caclcoca]

We try to have the same number of gifts, but the money is not always even. This year my oldest ds wanted an expensive lego set, so he will have less presents to open. He's ok with that, so we are too. It is getting much harder to keep things even.

[Mandylubug]

I have kids asking for experiences this year. How do you package that? I'm thinking IOU coupons?

[dragons in the flower bed]

And no, life isn't fair. But home tries to be.

 

Yup, this. Life is random and can't be fair and needn't be - it has no conscience, no moral standards to live up to. People, though, should be fair, especially people (like parents) with other people's emotional well-being in their charge. But really we all have each other's well being in our charge, don't we? And that is a central message of the holiday. Life isn't fair but it is our moral obligation to make it as good for everyone as we can.

 

I have always gone for excitement equality - gifts should be the same amount of big deal. I spent $100 on a cruiser-style bike for my oldest and then only $50 on the set of all-the-colors Prismacolor pencils my middler has wanted all year. One gift is physically larger and twice as expensive but they are the same sort of meaning to the boys, both things they daydreamed about but knew better than to ask for because we're poor.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I have kids asking for experiences this year. How do you package that? I'm thinking IOU coupons?

 

I would wrap a big empty cardboard box and put a letter inside saying what the box represents, or maybe a trinket. Like, if they want to go fishing with Dad every weekend, I would put in a little plastic fish. Or if they want to go to a concert, I'd put in a keychain with that band's name on it.

[Hot Lava Mama]

When all my kids were young and still believed in Santa, the number was always the same (and the cost was generally the same).  Now I have some that still believe and some that don't.  I do spend the same amount on each, but the older kids get fewer gifts because the stuff they want is generally more expensive.  So, while they don't get the same "number", I do spend the same amount. 

 

Also, we (my older kids and I) have already discussed this and they are fine with it.  They understand and are not upset when the little ones have a lot to open up on Christmas day and they don't.  It helps that they make their list (within the amount I give them) and they get exactly what they want.  Your kids are all older, so they should be able to comprehend this.

Hot Lava Mama

[Chris in VA]

About the same amt and same $. Wow factor important, too.

 

I had to laugh at myself last year--I explained to my then 23yo son that his items were a bit more expensive than his sister's so it may seem he got less. He reminded me that, at 23, he can handle it...

[Night Elf]

 

Your kids are all older, so they should be able to comprehend this.

Hot Lava Mama

 

You know, it doesn't matter at all to them. They know how I feel and have reassured me the number of gifts nor the amount spent has any bearing on how much they enjoy Christmas. I freely admit this is all in my head.

[Alice]

I would wrap a big empty cardboard box and put a letter inside saying what the box represents, or maybe a trinket. Like, if they want to go fishing with Dad every weekend, I would put in a little plastic fish. Or if they want to go to a concert, I'd put in a keychain with that band's name on it.

 

This is what I’ve done. I wrap some IOU or letter or actual tickets in a box so they have something to open and if I can find something that goes with it put a little gift that goes with it. One year we went to Medieval Times, so I gave them each a small knight and a letter explaining the night out. This year boys are getting tickets to see Peter and the Starcatchers so I think I’ll give them the book for us to read together again first with the tickets inside. 

 

I haven’t really thought of it before as a policy but I like the idea of Wow factor. The oldest understands cost more so is ok with getting less things but that mean more to him. The 4 year old would probably be upset if the boys had obviously more things to open than her. 

[ChristusG]

We keep the number of gifts the same (3 from us, something from Santa, then a filled stocking).... The dollar amount varies.

[cassiemc]

each child gets the same amount of gifts, dollar amount doesn't matter

[Susan in TN]

I don't stress about it because I've seen a horrible example of what can happen to siblings who grow up in that environment. Maybe dh's family is just crazy; MIL took it to the extreme.

 

In our case, it's kind of a mute point. We are only getting a small family gift, though everyone will get an orange and a candy cane in their stocking - I guess that's making it even :D.

[alef]

In our case, it's kind of a mute point. We are only getting a small family gift, though everyone will get an orange and a candy cane in their stocking - I guess that's making it even :D.

 

This is similar to our approach. Kids get similar quantities/types of stocking stuffers, and there is a family gift or two. Simple. 

[gardenmom5]

yes.  it also become less of an issue as they get older.  some gifts just cost more - but I try to spend about the same amount on each child.   I did sit and explain that to one child who noticed.  they were very understanding and appreciated it being pointed out to them.

 

dudeling actually gets tired of opening gifts (we take turns) and will leave before everything is opened.  he wants to go play.

[Mrs Mungo]

Nope. We keep it close in terms of money spent, but not number of gifts.

[Tap]

Never equal in number.  Rarely equal in dollar amount....approximate yes, but not equal.  I agree with WOW factor. 

 

 

Ds19 could care less about gifts.  He doesn't like stuff.  This Christmas he only asked for cash to help with paying for a car.I made him pick out a couple of gifts, but he ordered them himself online and paid with my cc.  That was he has at least something to open on Christmas.

 

DD15, I could buy out the mall for.  She love surprises.  Loves presents and is pretty easy to please.  She will tell me exactly what she wants and loves gift giving holidays.

 

DD7 is almost impossible to buy for.  She doesn't play with toys.  Is a VERY hard size to fit so I have a hard time buying clothes.  I have bought her 5 gifts already and I doubt she will play/use the one toy I bought . She will be happy with 3....which are all pajamas and a pair of Ugg style boots.  LOL   

 

 

There is no way I could ever make things equal between them nor would I want to try. DD7s $10 pj bottoms are not equal to dd15's $35 dollar sweaters, but dd7 doesn't know that ....and I won't try to make it equal. 

 

 

 

[sewingmama]

It depends. My kids are young so I try to make sure someone doesn't run out of gifts to open way before everyone else...even if they are just opening little matchbox cars :lol:

 

This year DS1 won't have as much to open as the other 2 because his gift was really expensive. However it is also a wow gift so once he opens it he won't care much ... he understands it is an expensive gift that mum has sworn black and blue he isn't getting for Christmas because there is no way she can afford it ;)

 

DS2 is also getting a big expensive gift.

 

Which means this year DD will have more to unwrap then the boys because her gifts were a lot cheaper.

 

Honestly, once my kids get their wow gift they don't really keep score. Most of their toys end up pooled anyway and they all play with them. If someone runs out of gifts way before the others do we encourage them to help open the rest or we  let them open the family gift or I usually let whoever finishes first unwrap my gifts for me.  They don't really care the gift isn't for them...they just like the unwrapping. 

 

. 

[bettyandbob]

I try to keep even on money spent. I am not sure I ever counted presents.

[kiwik]

Mine are still at the equal number and size stage. I think you have to be careful about equal money - I seem to have come across a lot of people lately who if they help out one adult child (because they need it) feel obliged to give a similar amount to other adult children who don't need help. To me that seems silly.

[littlebug42]

I try to keep it pretty even.  This year Boo-Boo is getting a few more gifts in number but Sweet-Pea is getting an iphone.  I hope it all evens out.  

 

[Cindy in FL.]

I used to make gifts even because they usually got the same kind of things. Often 4 of the same thing! Now, they make up their lists and I generally spend the same amount on each as they understand the differing costs. They seem totally fine with disparate numbers of gifts.

[PeterPan]

We keep the number of gifts the same (3 from us, something from Santa, then a filled stocking).... The dollar amount varies.

This is us.  My kids are starting to get competitive on things like attention from me, so I hope they don't get competitive about Christmas, mercy.  I just know I didn't like watching my mother stress through EVERY SINGLE PERSON on her list, wondering if she had spent enough and if each person was equal.  I think the idea of wow factor is reasonable.  That doesn't seem fun to me if one kid gets a wow factor and the other kid inadvertently doesn't.  But we definitely limit to 3 and stockings.  Well limit isn't quite the right word.  They get 3 presents and a stocking.  Sort of gives me a way to quantify and not go crazy, haha.  I try to have the 3 be: something they want, something useful, and something I make.  

 

Actually, I think dh is getting all the wow presents this year and the kids are getting puny-ness.  Hahaha, revenge...

[msrift]

We try to keep things equal in terms of both number of gifts and money spent. (I guess we like to complicate things around here.)  The kids are always excited to open an "air box" (boxes that contain a gift certificate or note). Often, if a gift is really expensive compared to what the others are receiving, there will be a chain of gifts to open. Presents will have a message something like, "Nope! Not this one!" attached to a brick or some other clearly non-present. Sometimes we'll set up a scavenger hunt where each present contains a clue to the location of the next one until the final present is located. 

[PeterPan]

Btw, if I have nice things that I bought sort of as Christmas that take the count over 3, I trickle them throughout the month and into January. Going to Grandma's and need something to keep you busy, look what I found!  This drives dd crazy, because to her it's a whole month of spoiling, hehe.  Oh well, I need to keep Christmas day sane.  Like the others said, life isn't fair, and well dd has been getting some sanctification on that.  :D

[PeterPan]

We try to keep things equal in terms of both number of gifts and money spent. (I guess we like to complicate things around here.)  The kids are always excited to open an "air box" (boxes that contain a gift certificate or note). Often, if a gift is really expensive compared to what the others are receiving, there will be a chain of gifts to open. Presents will have a message something like, "Nope! Not this one!" attached to a brick or some other clearly non-present. Sometimes we'll set up a scavenger hunt where each present contains a clue to the location of the next one until the final present is located. 

Air gifts, love it!!  :)

[Renee in NC]

When my kids were little this topic came up and one mom told me that she was deliberate about NOT making things precisely equal for her children, because the reality is that life isn't equal or fair. She considered that she was doing them a favor by not cutting the brownies precisely or making sure the present count and dollar amount were exact.  It wasn't that she played favorites because the extra would be spread around.

 

I really appreciated her insight, as I found it very freeing. We do always try and get each kid one item that they really want and for each to have a few things to open, but a $7 jar of Nutella would rock my son's world whereas it might take a $30 sweater for my daughter.

 

I agree with your Mom.

[Renee in NC]

dp 

 

[Renee in NC]

dp 

 

[Mommee & Baba]

All my kids get the same number of gifts. However the cost on each child varies because their interests are different. While the gift numbers are the same, the cost or the sizes are nothing close! My son is happy with VTech Switch & got Dinosaurs for $15-$35, whereas my girls want American Girl Dolls that are more like $110.

[Farrar]

This is funny.  I don't aim for the same number of gifts - I always aim for the same amount of money, more or less.  That's the way it was always done when I was a kid.  My grandmother used to say every single time we saw her, "I treat all my grandbabies the same," and would make a point of spending the same on each of us every time.  And my parents weren't quite as strict, but they were similar.  Of course, if one kid was getting something big and expensive and the other was getting a few more medium things, I would probably get a cheapie thing or two for the single present getter to open.  But I wouldn't feel it had to be exact.

[katilac]

I have kids asking for experiences this year. How do you package that? I'm thinking IOU coupons?

 

Yep, my kids love opening boxes to find coupons good for this or that. I usually insert some silly wording in the 'fine print' and they love reading that. My brother once gave my nephews $50 in coins, frozen in a block of ice (cold, hard cash). 

 

About the same amt and same $. Wow factor important, too.

 

I had to laugh at myself last year--I explained to my then 23yo son that his items were a bit more expensive than his sister's so it may seem he got less. He reminded me that, at 23, he can handle it...

 

:lol:

 

My girls are close in age - I think it's much harder to match up both money and number if there's a wide discrepancy, so I wouldn't bother if I had a 16-yr-old and a 4-yr-old. But they are only 2 years apart, so: 

 

We do our best to get each one a "wow" gift, which is sometimes hard when no one needs a bike or musical instrument, lol. Exact same number of presents (way too many), exact same number of goodies in the stocking - what can I say, it makes me feel better! And it has not had any bad effects on them; they are both sweet, generous kids. I don't cut our brownies with a T-square, but I'm not going to use Christmas morning as the venue for the 'life isn't fair' lesson. 

[fdrinca]

My mother was really nuts about making sure my sister and I had the same number of gifts and the same dollar value. She'd even group gifts together under the tree to be opened at the same time. It was a huge production for her, one that I hoped she found rewarding, although I question whether she did. She did it even as we grew into our late 20s.

 

For my kids, we'll have around the same $$ amount and around the same number of presents, but I'm not going to stress out about it as much. In some ways, they're really not getting individual presents: the bigger ones (6, 5, 3) will all get new Playmobil sets, which go into a communal pile of toys. 

 

Since we tend to give "need to have" items for holidays, the kids have developed an understanding of why sometimes X gets a bigger/different gift. One year, my daughter got a new bike while my son got a puzzle. She needed a new bike; he doesn't really need anything. 

 

One thing we've been talking about a lot lately is that "fair" doesn't necessarily mean "equal." Our gifts will aspire to be "fair." Equality, however, is not a priority.

[blessed3x]

This is us.  My kids are starting to get competitive on things like attention from me, so I hope they don't get competitive about Christmas, mercy.  I just know I didn't like watching my mother stress through EVERY SINGLE PERSON on her list, wondering if she had spent enough and if each person was equal.  I think the idea of wow factor is reasonable.  That doesn't seem fun to me if one kid gets a wow factor and the other kid inadvertently doesn't.  But we definitely limit to 3 and stockings.  Well limit isn't quite the right word.  They get 3 presents and a stocking.  Sort of gives me a way to quantify and not go crazy, haha.  I try to have the 3 be: something they want, something useful, and something I make.  

 

Actually, I think dh is getting all the wow presents this year and the kids are getting puny-ness.  Hahaha, revenge...

 

This is us!

 

We give 3 gifts (representing the 3 wise men), stockings and 1 Santa gift.

Like OhElizabeth with the bolded, we do: Something they want, Something they need, Something we want them to have.

 

Even my 22 & 23 dd's still enjoy this.

 

We (ok,I) do try to keep the dollar amounts spent close to equal, but it isn't always.  DD23 reminded me this year that it is ok and Christmas is really for the children (aka, ds11) so not to stress.   :crying:   My kids are growing up..... 

[lynn]

When the 2 oldest were little, it mattered.  Now I  usually keep about the same $ amount for them.  I think this is the first year itdoes not matter to  me with the 2 youngest having the same amount.   I got them what I wanted them to have and some of what they asked for.  

[DawnM]

Kind of.

 

I find the older they get, the less they care about amount of gifts.  Youngest gets so excited if he gets THE MOST, even if it is just packs of gum to open!

 

So, we indulge him and the older ones get fewer gifts that are more expensive.  

 

It is kind of sad to see them older and not that excited about Christmas anymore.

 

Dawn