Does your 12 year old stay home alone late at night?

[Drama Llama]

My oldest has an event that will get him and me home after 10:30 today.  My youngest can't attend. 

When did you start allowing your kids to stay home alone that late?

I'm trying to decide if I'm being over or under or appropriately protective.  

I'm intentionally not saying what I decided to do, because I want all feedback. 

[ktgrok]

Depends on the kid. I know that's a cop out. I think it is perfectly safe for a 12 yr old to be alone a few hours even after dark. However, a LOT of 12 yr olds would feel unsafe, or nervous - including me at that age I think. I was babysitting at night at 13 though. Of course, I sometimes got scared then too, but had the kids there with me, even if they were asleep. 

So, are they a fraidy cat like I was? Will they get themselves to bed at a decent hour if that is an important thing? I think those are my two deciding factors. Oh, and of course, what does the 12 yr old want?

[Ottakee]

What does child think?   Are their neighbors or others nearby?  How far away will you be?  Does he have a landline or cell phone?   

By 12 I was babysitting up to 6 little kids until midnight on a regular basis so I might not be the best to ask.

[freesia]

4 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

What does child think?   Are their neighbors or others nearby?  How far away will you be?  Does he have a landline or cell phone?   

By 12 I was babysitting up to 6 little kids until midnight on a regular basis so I might not be the best to ask.

I was babysitting regularly at that age, too. 
 

OP, yes I would and have left a 12 year old alone at night under those circumstances. I let them watch movies or play video games (not online.) If it’s one of the first times, I let my bff know in case dc can’t reach me. 

[AmandaVT]

We've taken DS's lead on this. At 12, he was comfortable being home alone for a few hours, but not after dark. At 14, he's comfortable with being home alone after dark, but we're old and tired, so we're never out too late. 😂

At 12, I was babysitting until late regularly, but I would definitely get anxious at weird house noises!

[ktgrok]

2 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

We've taken DS's lead on this. At 12, he was comfortable being home alone for a few hours, but not after dark. At 14, he's comfortable with being home alone after dark, but we're old and tired, so we're never out too late. 😂

At 12, I was babysitting until late regularly, but I would definitely get anxious at weird house noises!

Watching the Nightmare on Elm Street spin off TV show while babysitting in a strange house, where their cat kept knocking stuff over in the other room scaring me nearly to death, is something I rank as one of my worst life decisions ever. I literally RAN home after (it was a neighbor just a few houses down - they stood outside to make sure I got home okay). And I don't think I slept well for a year. 

[Annie G]

I was babysitting at that age and was fine not having an adult around. But to me, if the kid is otherwise responsible, I’d leave it up to him. He may or may not feel comfortable being alone that late at night. So I’d let him decide.

(assuming he has a phone so he can call you or another adult if needed)

Edited April 12, 2023 by Annie G

[mommyoffive]

I was babysitting kids at that age too.  Not sure how late at night I was out.  

 

But I don't leave my kid that age home alone at night.

[sweet2ndchance]

I was babysitting out that late at that age.

I would be perfectly fine with any of my kids at that age staying home alone if they had experience already staying by themselves which all of mine had/have. Day or night wouldn't make a difference to me. The maturity of the child and how they handle themselves is what would matter to me.

In today's world, just because I can now but it wasn't a thing when I was a kid, I would probably check up on them periodically by text. It would ease my mind and probably the child's too.

[Melissa in Australia]

Once I did this, not late at night but towards evening. The road was closed after I left home.. I had to plead with the police to let me go back home. He did let me go home. The road stayed closed for longer than 24 hours 

[HomeAgain]

What's the support network?

On a rare occasion, yes, I could leave my kid at home and he'd be fine.  He has a phone, easy food to make, and a support network that would include 2 immediate neighbors, a good friend down the block, and a cop around the corner.  He'd be okay with it if it was a one time thing.

[Shoeless]

No, I wouldn't have left my son at that age. He would not have been ok with it. 

[Tap]

I would if  the child was comfortable and there was a neighbor they can go to if they get scared. 

[Insertcreativenamehere]

My sons would have been OK at that age but my daughter would not feel comfortable. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, I would and did. But I didn’t have possible custody issues where someone might use it against me. 

[Ailaena]

I wouldn’t have a problem with it provided there is a way to contact me or others in the event of panic. However, my daughter absolutely hated being left alone after dark even at 17, so I didn’t do it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I’m fairly certain that I could drop off the planet and my 12 year old son would take three weeks to notice—or when the internet shut off for lack of payment. He’d get Walmart delivery for food by ordering off the app, get himself onto school bus and off, and never bathe but occasionally do his own laundry.

I’ve left him till 9:30-10 a few times, but he puts himself to bed at 9 and probably had no idea what time I got home. 

I do have to leave him and his sister alone in the early morning. I need to leave for work around 6am and DH doesn’t get off work till 7:30 if someone can come in early for him.    I don’t like it, but it is what it is right now until I can find someone willing to come to the house and stay those mornings.

[Katy]

I babysat until after midnight a few times at that age. The only thing that was ever scary was the slightly creepy vibe I got from a couple of the dads (none of whom did anything wrong, but still gave me the creeps). If you think he can handle it, and he has a phone or at least an iPad with Apple messages and someone besides you he could call/message for help, go for it. 

[Starr]

I think it's more if you are happy being home alone at 12. If one is used to having others around it can feel weird. And the particular kid and all that.

[Bambam]

I'm in the depends-on-the-kid camp. We left our oldest home for many hours during the day at that age (one time event, we all needed to be somewhere else and she wasn't feeling 100% but not really sick). She felt comfortable. There was a phone, and two neighbors who were reliably home who could offer help if needed. 

I think we would have been okay leaving her alone late at night (assuming no storms, potential loss of power, etc) at that age. I'm pretty sure she would have been comfortable too.  We never had a need, so it never happened. 

The answer would be different for my youngest. She would not have been comfortable. She got there, just at a different age. 

[Terabith]

Both of my kids had no issue staying late at night alone by 12.  And given that I was babysitting at 12 until 1 or 2 am on occasion, it honestly wouldn't occur to me that it could be problematic.  My kids had a phone and my in laws are in town, so if they couldn't reach me, they have back up.  Honestly, it's kinda weird how comfortable my youngest with severe anxiety has been about staying home alone, but really once she was okay being in a room alone, the house didn't feel any different to her.  Neither of them do scary movies though, and most of the time, they were together, but not always.  

[scbusf]

Depends on the kid here, too. My current 12 year old - no way. My other 2, when they were 12, sure.

[catz]

I really think it depends on the kid and it depends on how the kid feels about it.  For either of my kids, I think it would have been fine.  We do live in a neighborhood where they'd have access to someone if needed and we could be in regular contact via text.  

[Rachel]

My current 15 year old would have been fine at 12, but never had the opportunity. My 13 year old has been home alone until 9 or 10 and is ok with it. 
 

I can’t imagine my 10 year old being ready to be left home alone at night when he’s 18 😆

We live in a quiet neighborhood and know our neighbors well so the kids know if they ever have trouble they can call a neighbor. 

[Ali in OR]

Hearing people's response on what the kid thinks is bringing back memories of my parents going out and me being home alone. And probably older than 12. We lived in an unincorporated area with no street lights--very dark. I remember I would have all the dogs in the house with me (including 2 that were supposed to be outdoors only) and I kept hold of the fireplace poker! Old houses make lots of weird noises. The world is very different today with cell phones, and it would be very different if you had close neighbors too.

[EKS]

14 hours ago, Ottakee said:

By 12 I was babysitting up to 6 little kids until midnight on a regular basis so I might not be the best to ask.

Me too.

I'm pretty sure I used to leave the 12yo with the 6yo until something like 9:00 every so often. 

I definitely would have left the younger one when he was 12 by himself until 10:30 if necessary.

ETA:  This was 10-15 years ago in a small town with responsive emergency services.

Edited April 13, 2023 by EKS

[Ausmumof3]

We do 14 here. We are rural and don’t have close neighbours that could help if something went wrong and emergency response is slow to this area so that factors in. I’m not worried about break ins etc just accident, fire, snake etc

[kirstenhill]

Another "depends on the kid" - DD did things like that at the same age, even to the point of having one or more of her younger brothers to care for as well.  My current 11.5 year old I'm sure will not be comfortable with that when he is 12. He barely is willing to be 30 minutes by himself during the day and last summer when his 18 year old sister was going to babysit him overnight while DH and I were gone, he still needed a bedtime call with me before he would go to sleep. 

I think as others have said, support network matters. When DD stayed home later at night at that age, we had 4 neighbor families within a two block radius we knew super well and trusted, so DD always knew she had lots of options if she needed any help. 

Edited April 13, 2023 by kirstenhill

[Rachel]

13 minutes ago, Ali in OR said:

Hearing people's response on what the kid thinks is bringing back memories of my parents going out and me being home alone. And probably older than 12. We lived in an unincorporated area with no street lights--very dark. I remember I would have all the dogs in the house with me (including 2 that were supposed to be outdoors only) and I kept hold of the fireplace poker! Old houses make lots of weird noises. The world is very different today with cell phones, and it would be very different if you had close neighbors too.

I was similar even during high school! The first time we left my daughter home alone in the evening, she asked if she could. She didn’t want to go to her brother’s third basketball game that week. It was on the winter so already dark when we left the house. 
 

I never minded being home alone during the day but night was creepy. Fortunately I had lots of siblings so it was rare that I needed to.  I did babysit though, I’m not sure why babysitting was fine but being in my own home wasn’t. 

[SKL]

I agree that it depends on the individual child.  If the child is scared or has a history of finding trouble when alone, then I'd say no.  But for most kids that age, I think it would be fine.

As others have said, it used to be rather common to not only be able to be home alone at 12, but to be babysitting other kids at that age.  I had a regular night babysitting job at that age for two kids ages 2 and 5.  The mom worked 2nd shift and would come home after midnight and drive me home.  My first one-off night babysitting job was at age 9 or 10, for a 1yo and a 3yo.  I had experience watching my then toddler brother, so I was hired.

My own kids were ready to be home alone past bedtime by age 10 or 11.  I wouldn't generally leave them all night long, but for several hours into the night, sure.

[Harriet Vane]

3 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Yes, I would and did. But I didn’t have possible custody issues where someone might use it against me. 

This.

Also along these lines, double check the law in your state for when kids can be left home alone.

I would base everything--everything--on custody drama and safety in case of a surprise visit.

[katilac]

In your particular case, I would not. 

[Drama Llama]

26 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

This.

Also along these lines, double check the law in your state for when kids can be left home alone.

I would base everything--everything--on custody drama and safety in case of a surprise visit.

He is far away.  Otherwise I wouldn't consider it. 

[fraidycat]

When mine was 12, he stayed home alone into the late evening a few times. It was by his choice. If he wasn't comfortable with it, I would not have made him do it. So, I'm in the "depends on the kid" camp.

Edited April 13, 2023 by fraidycat

[BusyMom5]

When I was 15 I stayed with 2 kids 11 and 13  after school for a few hours because their grandma wanted to ensure they had a "babysitter" if it ever went in front of a judge.  They were neighbors,  so it was right next to my parents who were home.  This was a situation with abuse, so they coveted their bases.  

I have one who is about 12 and I would leave it up to her, but with a phone and if shes comfortable,  I'd probably leave her until 10.  She would most likely just read or watch TV. 

[happi duck]

If kid is at all anxious...no 

If the kid is confident... probably

If someone would use it against you...no 

10:30 isn't all that late for having him at someone's house for the evening 

 

[Heartstrings]

In your situation I might not.  I’d hate for someone to find out that he was home alone and cause problems.  Ordinarily I’d say 10:30 isn’t that late and most 12 year old would be fine playing video games and eating microwave pizza bites.  

[Shoeless]

2 hours ago, BandH said:

He is far away.  Otherwise I wouldn't consider it. 

Your SIL, though. She likes stirring up trouble. 

[Wheres Toto]

Answering and then I'll go back and read the responses.     My younger kids are currently 15 and 17 so this type of decision isn't that long ago for us.

IF the child in question was comfortable being home alone and

IF there was someone they could call in an emergency or I would be close enough to get home in a hurry and

IF I lived in a fairly safe, quiet neighborhood where random people were unlikely to come to the door that late at night 

 

I live in a very quiet dead end street in the back of a dead end neighborhood, we have a ring doorbell that we get notified for any motion, and a dog that barks at everything.   We were good with the kids being home alone late around that age.  

[73349]

It has never come up. DS is 15 and DH and I are never both out after, say, 9, and more often at least one of us is home. Covid didn't help.

 

In a family member's case, kids being left at home in the evenings--three kids together, probably 8, 10, and 12--was definitely used against someone in a divorce.

Edited April 13, 2023 by 73349

[Carrie12345]

I haven’t had the need to do it, but my current 12yo would be fine. Plus we have loud dogs.

I have had 12yos who would not be okay.

I left my 19, 15, and 12yos until real late the other night, but they were all sick, so it was like leaving 3 12yos!   
(Bad colds, not anything dangerous, before anyone jumps on that, lol.)

[Lecka]

I don’t think there is one right or wrong answer as there are so many factors.  
 

But I would allow this, if all the puzzle pieces fit together.  
 

Right now we live in town, have two dogs, and relatives who would be easily available by phone.  
 

When we lived in the middle of nowhere and had to call a friend of my husband’s to go pick our kids up from our house one time when we got stuck at a hospital….. we still might but it’s a different circumstance.  

[ktgrok]

11 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

We do 14 here. We are rural and don’t have close neighbours that could help if something went wrong and emergency response is slow to this area so that factors in. I’m not worried about break ins etc just accident, fire, snake etc

You know the poster is from Australia when snake is listed as one of the concerns! 

[vonfirmath]

16 hours ago, BandH said:

My oldest has an event that will get him and me home after 10:30 today.  My youngest can't attend. 

When did you start allowing your kids to stay home alone that late?

I'm trying to decide if I'm being over or under or appropriately protective.  

I'm intentionally not saying what I decided to do, because I want all feedback. 

No. I was not comfortable.

I left my 11 year old (12 in August) home alone for under an hour around 8p on Tuesday night (I had to go pick her brother up and I thought she'd be fine) and she was calling me freaking out being home alone.

(Same 11 year old is fine home alone for multiple hours when it is light outside. The difference appears to be the dark and she didn't realize I was leaving -- though I told her. It evidently did not parse)

Edited April 13, 2023 by vonfirmath

[Bambam]

2 hours ago, ktgrok said:

You know the poster is from Australia when snake is listed as one of the concerns! 

When we left our 12 yo home all day, one of the grandmothers worried all day long that a venomous snake would somehow get in that house and bite that child, and she would not have sense enough to call for help, and would be dead by the time we got home. 

We do not live in Australia. There were exactly four kinds of venomous snakes in our area, and I taught my kids to recognize them so they would avoid those. And we never had a problem with any snakes in the house - ever. Outside, we had a few but it wasn't a huge deal. 

Proof to me that if you want to worry, you can come up with something to worry about. 

[Jhwk21]

I agree that it depends on the child and other factors like how safe are the neighbors, etc. But I would err on the side of caution and not do it, especially if I had family members (or others) who would possibly use it against me somehow.

Edited April 13, 2023 by Jhwk21

[QueenCat]

Yes, If the child is comfortable with it AND has a phone to reach you with AND there is a neighbor that they can go to if needed.

[rebcoola]

Yes if child is comfortable with it. We have phones and helpful next door neighbors.