Oh man, what have I agreed to? (Update in #218)

[Jenny in Florida]

For those who might be just finding this thread now, I added an update in post #218.

 

Yeah, I know: At least 75% of folks who respond will tell me that all of my problems could be solved if I "made" my son get his driver's license and purchase a car. I'm asking you all, as a favor, please, to just stipulate that -- although we are beginning to discuss those possibilities -- there are good reasons to hold off on those things until the end of this academic year. With that in mind . . .

 

My son has moved back home and is going to school locally this year. Thus far, it seems like he made the right choice. He's excited about his classes (some of which he shares with his girlfriend) and very happy with his first theme park entertainment job. And, of course, the fact that he's living at home where he has a kitchen stocked with food he likes and someone willing to do his laundry doesn't hurt.

 

I'm enjoying the reduction of the financial pressure of monthly payments to the university to cover the gap between his scholarships and grants and the cost of attendance. Between his reduced college expenses and my recently slightly increased earnings, I've actually managed to pay all of our bills for the last three months. (First time in I've-lost-count-of-how-many years.)

 

And I'm (cautiously) thrilled to see him being positive about school.

 

So, what's the problem?

 

Well, that theme park entertainment job he's so excited about involves working until 1:15 or 1:30 a.m. most Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights (and a few Wednesdays) from mid-September until the end of October. In order to be done on campus early enough to get to work on time, he had to spread his classes -- all 17 credit hours of them -- across several days, including 8:30 a.m. classes on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and a Saturday morning class.

 

Oh, and because this job is temporary, he doesn't want to give up his existing part-time job until he determines whether he'll be able to transition into a permanent part-time gig once this event is over. So, he's still taking a couple of shifts a week there, too.

 

Now, let's remember that I also work about 30 hours a week.

 

Which means that my weekly schedule for the next month and a half looks something like this:

 

Sunday - Leave for my job at 12:15 p.m, work until 6:00 and arrive home by 6:45. While I'm gone, my husband delivers our son to work. I pick him up when he finishes at 1:15 a.m., getting both of us home by 1:45 a.m.

 

Monday - Leave for my job at 10:15 a.m., working until 8:00. My son takes the bus to his girlfriend's house and gets a ride to campus with her. His preference is to go back home with her after their classes end at 4:15 and have me collect him from there after I finish work. However, since it means an extra 45 minutes or so on the road for me, my preference is that he take the bus from campus to the library where I work and hang out until I finish so that we can go directly home from there. Currently, we have agreed that he will not ask me to do the extra driving more than 50% of the time. If we go home directly from the library, I can be home by 8:40 p.m.; if I pick him up from his girlfriend's house, it's more like 9:10-9:15. (Things shift a little the first week of October, when his "flex start" class begins. It runs until 9:45 p.m. on Mondays, meaning I will go there after I finish work at 8:00, wait for him and then drive both of us home, arriving by 10:15 or so.)

 

Tuesday - We leave together at 7:30 a.m. so I can drop him on campus a little early for his 8:30 class and then get to work by 9:00. He takes the bus in time to meet me at the library when I finish there at 2:00, and I drive him home (30-45 minutes) before leaving to go to my other part-time job. I finish up there at 8:00 and am home by 8:30-ish.

 

Wednesday - I leave by 8:00 a.m. (rush hour traffic lengthens the commute a bit) to get to work by 9:00. My son again heads to his girlfriend's house and hitches a ride to campus with her. After I finish work at 3:00, I drive to campus and pick up both of them, driving his girlfriend home before my son and I go home, ourselves. (Of course, on the few Wednesdays he has to work at the theme park, we'll have to stop and drop him there, then go back and collect him when he finishes at 1:15 a.m.)

 

Thursday - We leave by 7:40 a.m. to get him to his 8:30 class. His class is over at 10:45, which makes it not worth driving home. So, I will probably stay on campus and work on my laptop, then drive him home, arriving by 11:15-ish . . .unless he is scheduled to work the other job, in which case I would drop him there before heading home, myself. My specific schedule will vary from week to week, but I have availability for my secondary part-time job from 2:00 - 8:00. If he does go to work during the afternoon, he will either catch a ride (from one of the other people who happens to be working at both places) or Uber to the theme park . . . from where I will pick him up at 1:30 a.m.

 

Friday - My "day off" and the other day when he may be working the non-theme park job, in which case I will drive him there. I will also drop him at the theme park at 5:30 p.m. and pick him up at 1:30 a.m.

 

Saturday - The second day of my "weekend." I drive my son to campus in time for his 9:00 a.m. class and then, again, hang out with my laptop until he finishes at 12:15. We go home for a while, and then I drop him at the theme park at 5:30 and pick him up again at 1:30 a.m.

 

Sunday - We start all over again.

 

So, what I'm saying is that I have agreed to a situation in which I have multiple days every week that require me to be driving/at work/ away from the house for 12 or more hours, interspersed with at least a couple of nights when I am home to sleep for no more than six hours before I have to be out the door again.

 

It's six weeks. I'll survive, but, oh boy, will I be exhausted.

 

Am I out of my mind?

Edited September 24, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[Melissa in Australia]

bike riding for son?

 

more use of bus for son?

[Rockhopper]

Yes, you're out of your mind. And your post made me feel infinitely better about the schedule I've agreed to for this semester, which I only *thought* was insane until I read your post. :-)

 

That said, in your shoes I'd ask your son to see if he could pay someone else to drive him some. Does he have a co-worker he could give gas money to for rides home late at night? Could he set up a recurring Uber schedule/driver for rides home? That would be money *well* spent!

[Jenny in Florida]

bike riding for son?

 

more use of bus for son?

 

Unfortunately, riding his bike is of very limited use. His campus is 22 miles from the house and more or less requires highway travel. There are no buses that make the trip is anything like a reasonable amount of time. (It's something like three hours each way.)

 

Even getting from home to the girlfriend's house requires two hours on the bus.

[mamiof5]

Not sure what the situation is (about the car and driving), but this just sounds exhausting. Good luck!

[OneStepAtATime]

Can the girlfriend help?  At least one day a week?

[Shellydon]

No way I would do it.  I would not be able to function.  I'll get him a hotel within walking distance a few times a week, or tell him he has to ditch something.

[Guest]

Can he just call a cab home? It's expensive but the 'cost' is acceptable if it means you're getting rest you need.

[Renthead Mommy]

Uber or one of the other ones.  Yes it is a cost. But you are already paying a cost in your time, sleep and gas.  

 

Is he paying you for all the driving with all the hours he's working?  If not, he can kick in on Uber.  May be worht it to you to kick in a night or two as well.

[Barb_]

I don't even see a way out of this one. I wouldn't be solving this one myself.

[zoobie]

I'd be a basket case. Is there a message board for park employees where he can find a carpool? How's Uber there? 

 

Super curious about the theme park job, especially if it's for everyone's favorite rodent. ;) My oldest really wants to do the college program there one day.

[Starr]

Well, you won't have to worry about what to do with your free time. :D

[Dmmetler]

Groupon has had cheap deals for both Uber and Lyft recently, so you may want to see if you can get some of those (I don't know if this one allows it, but some Groupon deals allow people to buy them "as a gift", so you can have friends buy them and send them to your son's account-obviously, he'd pay for them, but it's a way to get more cheap rides).

 

If he can get home for a reasonable amount of money, I think it would be worth it to save you the driving and get more sleep (as much as a parent can get with a kid, even an adult kid, out that late at night!).

 

Also, does the theme park have dorms? I know some of the Orlando ones that recruit college students heavily do. Maybe he could do a room-share with someone else working different nights? Even if he could just sleep there until the next morning, that might make it easier to find rides or possibly make public transit accessible.

Edited September 6, 2016 by dmmetler

[JenneinCA]

I don't know if you are out of your mind, but I could not do that schedule.

 

I can not operate with sleeping and being awake for those hours. I applaud your dedication to being a super parent. I am not capable of that level of devotion.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I understand.  My schedule isn't anything as bad as yours but I will be driving my son to work and college as well.  I can't give him much monetarily but I can provide transportation even if it is a stretch for me. 

[regentrude]

Yes, this is nuts. No way would I consent to such a schedule. He should uber. If that job doesn't pay enough to cover that, then it is not worth it

Your time is valuable, not to mention your health. I could not function on so little sleep. What was he thinking how he would get to work when he took this job? Expecting you to drive him???

Edited September 6, 2016 by regentrude

[Lori D.]

Hugs! The year DH retired, he went back to school to finish his BA at the local university, and both DSs were taking classes at local community college. For one semester, everyone was taking the bus -- but the closest bus stop was about a 24-minute round trip drive for me, so I was driving people to the bus stop and going home repeatedly all day. And yes, you guessed it -- NO ONE had a schedule that over-lapped with anyone else on ANY day, so NO one was ever riding the same bus at the same time as anyone else.

 

So 4 days a week, I was making 6 trips to the bus stop a day, throughout the day. I got absolutely nothing done that semester, because every time I started to do something, I suddenly had to drop it to run someone to the bus stop or go pick up someone.  :eek:

 

Thank goodness that year is in the rear view mirror now... ;)

Edited September 6, 2016 by Lori D.

[Melissa B]

I'd have son use Uber or have him give his girlfriend gas money to take on some of the driving. If he's working two jobs he can be responsible for paying for his own transportation.

[kiwik]

I am not sure where the theme park is in relation to the school but if he could board with someone Thurs to sunday. Even if it cost all the money he earns it is only for six weeks and good experience.

[bettyandbob]

You'll get through it. It will be painful, but you will get through it.

 

I would impress upon ds that he should get to know staff who work the temp job with him and find anyone who lives within 2 miles of your home. He should then offer to pay that person for rides, possibly both directions, but definitely rides home. If ds can find someone who can do the ride home even once a week, it will help.

[Bluegoat]

THat is a crazy scedual, but you can do anything for six weeks.  But I'd want to be sure that things were changing at some pre-determined point.

And yes, looking for other solutions.

[happypamama]

For a week or two, I'd manage. Six weeks is really pushing it. But you might not need a ton of sleep like I do. If it'll shortchange your necessary sleep and health too much, I would insist that he find a different way.

 

The stuff we do for our kids!

[Lizzie in Ma]

Eldest's boyfriend lived with us over the summer.  He worked late nights at a local restaurant.  He took the bus to work if we weren't' home and Uber home as the buses didn't run that late.

[lmrich]

Does he have his permit so at least he can be driving some of the time? I know he does not have his liscence, and I am not pushing for that. 

 

Can the girlfriend bring him to your house once a week or take him to work once a week?

[HeWillSoar]

That does sound hard but the bright side is that at least your son wants to work and go to school. My DH had to really push my son to get a job this summer. I'm finding this stage to be kind of challenging!

[ktgrok]

Unfortunately, riding his bike is of very limited use. His campus is 22 miles from the house and more or less requires highway travel. There are no buses that make the trip is anything like a reasonable amount of time. (It's something like three hours each way.)

 

Even getting from home to the girlfriend's house requires two hours on the bus.

 

Just going to back up Jenny about the transportation issue. My son goes to a local state school/cc and it'about a 25 minute drive from my house. I looked into him taking the bus and it would take 3 HOURS to get there by bus. If he got there, the busses are not super reliable at all. And we have some of the very highest pedestrian fatalities in the country...biking isn't safe, let alone the sheer logistics of it. The Orlando Metro area is just huge, and biking places isn't really feasible. 

 

That said, does girlfriend drive? Or is one of her family giving them rides when they go from her house to class? I ask because you mentioned picking both of them up, then driving her home some days? 

 

I'd be seriously looking at Uber, Lift, and also just him asking about coworkers who would give him a ride for gas, if anyone lives out your way. 

[JFSinIL]

Son needs to make life a bit easier for Mom.  If he wants to stay later at girlfriends house, then he needs to find his own way home rather than make your day even longer.  He can pay Uber or ask girlfriend to drive him...or tell her for next couple months they only see each other on campus. 

 

If he thinks YOU can manage two months of not enough sleep and too much driving, then he and gf can manage two months of not seeing each other as much as they'd like. 

 

I bet if he finds out Mom isn't his on-call free limo, he WILL find other rides for a couple times a week.

Edited September 6, 2016 by JFSinIL

[Haiku]

Why can't your son take a taxi home?

[AMJ]

First, you are not crazy, but you certainly have taken on a lot.  If you haven't done so already you need to talk to your son about the heavy impact this has on YOU, and see if he can help brainstorm some ideas on how to relieve some of the burden and allow you more opportunities for sleep.  6 weeks is a long time for consistent sleep deprivation, and your ability to safely negotiate traffic will be hampered as the sleep debt builds.  THIS IS A SAFETY ISSUE FOR YOU BOTH.

 

I know he would prefer going to his girlfriend's house and having you pick him up there, but that strikes me as a bit selfish and short-sighted given the amount of time YOU spend accommodating this and the late return home, further eroding your opportunities for sleep.  He shouldn't ask you to do this part at all.  Instead he should negotiate a ride home with his girlfriend, and on the occasions she is unable or unwilling to do this he should come to your library to ride home with you, or pay Uber to drive him.

 

He needs to step up and do what is necessary to allow you to have a consistent schedule that allows you the most opportunity for sleep.  I've done prolonged sleep debts before due to an insane schedule, and it's a lot easier to manage if your schedule is regular.  When there are lots of variations it is easier to lose too much sleep, have poor sleep (due to worrying while you sleep about waking up in time), and sleep through alarms (including smoke and fire alarms).  THIS IS A HEALTH AND SAFETY ISSUE.

 

I realize quite well that some people cannot drive, and I don't expect this to be an option right now since you have stated there are good reasons for him not driving.  He is old enough, however, to be taking on responsibility for his own transportation, even if he has to pay someone to drive him.  

 

Talk with him, and require him to accommodate himself to YOUR schedule if he wants rides from you.  Any times he wants rides when it doesn't fit a good schedule for YOU he should be arranging other transportation.  I would also recommend that you require him to pay for gas for your vehicle (out of his own earnings) since you have mentioned money is tight.  

 

If he doesn't fully acknowledge the immense burden this situation is placing on you then it WILL continue past the 6 weeks, since he will find other jobs or whatever that he will "need" rides to after the seasonal job ends.  This sounds like quite a comfortable situation for him right now and he has no incentive to change it.  After all, YOU are providing free (to him) transportation that bends to his desires and YOU are apparently figuring out how to make it work.  He has simply passed the responsibility off to you, extending the time he gets to enjoy many freedoms of being an "adult" while avoiding the duties and responsibilities that support those freedoms.

[madteaparty]

As usual, surprised by the responses. It's temporary, I would probably deal though I'd be taking so many naps...DH and I used to have schedules like that when we had multiple jobs and school and I didn't drive etc.

I'd be a bit more worried about DS attitude about all this because it is a big ask on his part...I hope he doesn't think this is normal and he is entitled to these services!

Eta that I agree you should not accommodate beyond work and school.

Edited September 6, 2016 by madteaparty

[Bluegoat]

I agree about the gf thing - given how much of a strech this will be, it isn't reasonable for him to ask for extra, even if it normally would be something you'd do.

[klmama]

Talk with him, and require him to accommodate himself to YOUR schedule if he wants rides from you.  Any times he wants rides when it doesn't fit a good schedule for YOU he should be arranging other transportation.  

 

THIS. 

[Beth S]

He may be uncomfortable, but carpooling with co-workers (& paying for the privilege) could be the solution.

This needs to be HIS problem to solve, with you being his backup emergency plan (in an ideal world, I know).

Edited September 6, 2016 by Beth S

[ktgrok]

Also, thinking more,I'm sure an Uber from the theme park would be expensive, but what if he took an Uber to and from campus, at least some of the time? Must less expensive I bet, and would take some of the burden off of you. 

[TheReader]

I completely understand the limitations of not having good, convenient public transportation. Same here (Houston metro area, but suburban enough that there just aren't buses out this far). And I understand a non-driving college student, so no arguing there. 

 

That said, my 2 thoughts are -- can your DH &/or DS's girlfriend help in any way? I'm not sure why your DH only has one run in there and you have all of the rest. Unless the Saturday run is a restful thing for you, could your DH take care of that one and allow you an actual restful day at home?  Or could he share some of the 1 a.m. pick-ups? I understand he's probably getting up early for work.....but so are you, so it seems fair to share that if possible. 

 

The girlfriend -- is she driving, or riding with a parent also? Because one time you mention he rides with her to/from school and waits at her house some of the time, but on the other day he rides in with her, you mention driving them both back to her house.....? If it's a "she has the car on this day, but not this one..." could you arrange it so that, if your DS wants to meet you at the library and ride home when you get off, great, but if he wants to go to GF's house, someone there needs to bring him home? Even a little savings like that could help you feel less "put upon" by the end of the six weeks of this job. 

 

Other than that....I'd only ask what the plan will be if his temporary job at the theme park turns into a permanent part time job at the theme park, and if so, would it still have long hours most likely, or would those late hours become more reasonable once/if he is hired as a regular park employee and not just for this temporary event?  I'd start thinking through how that will work out, because yes, this is only for 6 weeks right now and you can put up with pretty much anything for the short term...but when/if it becomes permanent, what changes will you/he need to make then? Maybe enlist your DS to start brainstorming things that could work in that scenario, just in case. 

 

(((hugs))) You can do this, even if it's isn't easy. Hang in there, and just get as much sleep as you can. 

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I have not read all of the posts but honestly I would have him be looking for another job that is more convenient. Are jobs scarce there?If not, then I would have him quit that job and get another job pronto if feasible.

 

I second the uber. Does your area have uber pool which is cheaper?

Edited September 6, 2016 by NoPlaceLikeHome

[Annie G]

I don't see enough of your husband pitching in, to be honest. Yeah, I get that he works full time.  But you're giving up big chunks of your time on at least two days to hang out on campus waiting for ds to finish class. So for instance, on Saturday if dh would either take ds to school or pick him up, that would free up some time for you. 

 

I'd probably push for Uber for some of the late night rides.  The balance between paying Uber and your gas/sleep time is a tough balance. 

 

If he gets a permanent job at the theme park I'd suggest trying to find carpools. But for a six week stint it's probably not worth it. 

 

Hope the six weeks flies by for you! Count down each week and do a happy dance when each week is under your belt.  Hang in there, Jenny. You can do it!

 

 

[AMJ]

Perhaps a summary of points stated would also help clarify the picture:

 

OP:

• works 30 hours a week at two jobs
• takes care of the household tasks of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, managing family finances (which add up to another full-time job themselves)
• has days that often start early and end late

 

Her DH:

• also gainfully employed, I'm assuming full-time
• job creates time restrictions on when he can play taxi or help with household tasks

 

Her son:

• attends college
• works two part-time jobs
• spends plenty of time with his girlfriend
• does NOT do his own cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, etc.
• has all college and living expenses paid for by his parents, so his wages are his to spend as he sees fit

 

OP has an over-full schedule with sleep periods that are too short and irregular in timing and cannot afford financially to reduce her employment in order to gain more sleep time.  Her son has time to spare.  I think it's clear that it is time for the son to step up and be responsible for his own transportation (and a lot more, but let's start with the transportation).

 

 

For anyone thinking I'm not noticing the full credit load he's taking:  I have attended college full-time while working 30 hours per week at 3 part-time jobs AND living on my own, doing my own cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, managing of finances, and I did this for multiple years.  I maxed out my student loans and still had to work that much in order to make ends meet, and it was the ONLY way I could return to finish college.  It was hard.  It really stretched and taxed me.  Everyone I knew thought I was crazy to take all of that on.  But I not only did it, but kept my GPA at 3.5 or higher the whole time.

 

I did it.  Her son can manage to lighten the load on his mother.

[EmseB]

I think almost anything is doable for six weeks.  It sucks, but I think it's doable.

 

I didn't get my license until I was 19, so I understand the not driving himself thing. That said, I asked my parents for rides, but if they couldn't do it, they didn't. They were not out driving me to and from places regularly at 1:30 in the morning, even work.  I was getting rides from friends and paying for their gas. Uber and Lyft didn't exist, busses and cabs weren't really a thing in our town after certain hours, and I could bike in a pinch but long distances were involved.  It was on me to structure my schedule in a way that allowed for me to get to and from places I needed or wanted to go.  So, I had to find people that I worked with who could give me rides, I had to look at my parents' schedules and ask if they could come get me at such and such a time, I had to ask my friends who invited me to events if there was a way that they could help me figure out rides before and after...but I was motivated and had a job and a pretty good social life all in all.  Ack, and all before cell phones!! How did we manage???

 

Is there anyway your DS can take on some of the burdens of finding rides? So it is not a given that mom will be the default driver?

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:

 

We don't know all of your specifics, and obviously there are things happening behind the scenes that make him getting a license problematic.  You are there with boots on the ground so you see more than we do.  Honestly, I applaud your son for taking on a full course load and two part time jobs.  That's great that he is willing to work that hard.  And 6 weeks is doable.

 

That being said, in posting here I assume you are seeking real feedback.  I agree with many posts above, for your son's sake too, he needs to be brainstorming ways to make this work out better for the family, and especially for you since you are the most heavily impacted.  Have you had an in depth conversation with him on what this is going to do to you?  Not to make him feel guilty but to make it clear what all this will mean for you?  Have you sat with him and tried to find ways to do this that don't risk your own health? If not, I would do so right away.  Putting all of this on you is unhealthy for you but it is also unhealthy for him.  Taking on responsibility for finding transportation and even evaluating if a job is feasible with existing transportation options is part of being an adult.

 

I took advantage of my mother quite a bit when I was a very young adult.  Why?  Because she let me and because she never discussed things from her perspective.  I was a young, ignorant adult that was used to Mom stepping in when I needed her to and it was not healthy for either of us.  It made adjusting to adult life much tougher for me (and for her, honestly).  Your son needs to be helping make this situation work for him AND for those helping him, not just for getting through this immediate situation but to help him see what his decisions can do to others in the future, plus learning the process of finding ways to make something happen without relying solely on Mom.  Sometimes we need that spelled out pretty clearly for it to sink in.

 

Sit down with him.  Look very closely at that schedule.  Brainstorm ways for you to cut down your involvement at least two days a week so you can get some sleep/rest and he won't be so completely dependent on you for transportation.  What happens if you get sick?  Injured?  You and he need alternatives in place.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:   6 weeks IS doable, but I would still be working with my son in finding ways to lighten that load.

 

 

Edited September 6, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[athomeontheprairie]

Off topic and no help to OP, but can someone please tell me what uber is? I have no idea (clearly they are not in my area)

[Seasider]

:grouphug:

 

We don't know all of your specifics, and obviously there are things happening behind the scenes that make him getting a license problematic. You are there with boots on the ground so you see more than we do. Honestly, I applaud your son for taking on a full course load and two part time jobs. That's great that he is willing to work that hard. And 6 weeks is doable.

 

That being said, in posting here I assume you are seeking real feedback. I agree with many posts above, for your son's sake too, he needs to be brainstorming ways to make this work out better for the family, and especially for you since you are the most heavily impacted. Have you had an in depth conversation with him on what this is going to do to you? Not to make him feel guilty but to make it clear what all this will mean for you? Have you sat with him and tried to find ways to do this that don't risk your own health? If not, I would do so right away. Putting all of this on you is unhealthy for you but it is also unhealthy for him. Taking on responsibility for finding transportation and even evaluating if a job is feasible with existing transportation options is part of being an adult.

 

I took advantage of my mother quite a bit when I was a very young adult. Why? Because she let me and because she never discussed things from her perspective. I was a young, ignorant adult that was used to Mom stepping in when I needed her to and it was not healthy for either of us. It made adjusting to adult life much tougher for me (and for her, honestly). Your son needs to be helping make this situation work for him AND for those helping him, not just for getting through this immediate situation but to help him see what his decisions can do to others in the future, plus learning the process of finding ways to make something happen without relying solely on Mom. Sometimes we need that spelled out pretty clearly for it to sink in.

 

Sit down with him. Look very closely at that schedule. Brainstorm ways for you to cut down your involvement at least two days a week so you can get some sleep/rest and he won't be so completely dependent on you for transportation. What happens if you get sick? Injured? You and he need alternatives in place.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 6 weeks IS doable, but I would still be working with my son in finding ways to lighten that load.

I agree. We don't know all the background details, but I cannot imagine what your son will learn from this. Yes, that he has a mother that is willing to support him fully, but there doesn't seem to be a challenge for him to move into adult level problem solving. Have you made clear that after these six weeks are over, he has to take on more responsibility?

[Ravin]

Your son needs to see after more of his own transportation. He can take the bus during the day, and Uber or Lyft home from his job that lets out at 1:45 AM.

 

He should also be helping around the house, at a minimum can't he do his own laundry and clean up after himself in the kitchen? Better, he could help with the laundry, dishes, yard maintenance, etc.? I assume he at least keeps his own mess contained to his room?

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

Off topic and no help to OP, but can someone please tell me what uber is? I have no idea (clearly they are not in my area)

https://www.uber.com/a/carousel-vs-1/?exp=a-t2&use_psh=true&city_name=national&utm_source=AdWords_Brand&utm_campaign=search-google-brand_1_-99_us-nationaltier1_d_txt_acq_cpc_en-us_uber_kwd-169801042_131026520440_26116044400_e_c_track-jan21generalupdate_restructure&cid=333818080&adg_id=26116044400&fi_id=&match=e&net=g&dev=c&dev_m=&cre=131026520440&kwid=kwd-169801042&kw=uber&placement=&tar=&gclid=Cj0KEQjw0rm-BRCn85bm8uS-zK0BEiQAHo4vrDxGCjZW6d4kWH14FW6eZJmvzLLwVQ8kWBMukcNA4VAaAiFq8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CK7nwq38-s4CFQwOaQodF7oGIw

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uber_(company)

 

 

Basically you get people to drive you to and from places but they are not taxi drivers.  They use their own cars and this is usually not their main job.  They do it on the side for extra cash.  Uber has been banned in certain cities where taxi companies have stronger sway and it is not in every city anyway.  No idea if Uber is where OP is living.

[Okra]

Sometimes it is very hard to find the right balance between helping a college-aged child and letting them figure it out.

 

I think that it sounds like he may not understand the depths of help he is being given.  It is fine to help people.  It's just that life is a two-way street.  If you help him, you need something in return.

 

The problem here is not specifically that you are helping him for 6 weeks.  It will end.  The problem seems to be that he does not seem to understand the burden it puts on you. Specifically, the part where he wants you to pick him up at his GF's house.  

 

I might think about addressing this.  It's hard. 

[heartlikealion]

He may be uncomfortable, but carpooling with co-workers (& paying for the privilege) could be the solution.

This needs to be HIS problem to solve, with you being his backup emergency plan (in an ideal world, I know).

 

I know carpooling was mentioned a couple times. I don't know if the OP addressed this. Do the coworkers live too far away to drop him off?

 

Also, did he discuss this with you in advance? If I knew that I had to be responsible for transportation at times like 1am, then I would have told my son to find another job or find another mode of transportation. Not everyone can function on such sporadic/limited sleep. I'd be a HUGE grump if nothing else.

 

When this much of his job relies on you, you deserve to say "yay" or "nay" in advance. I don't know how this happened, but I feel like they might have told him after he was hired, "btw, for a few weeks you'll have to close late" in which case I'd say he needed to ask more questions before signing any work contracts.

 

There's no way my parents would have agreed to be my taxi at those hours. I think you are going above and beyond. Are you being compensated in any way? Do you get part of his earnings? Money toward groceries, gas, rent, anything?

[heartlikealion]

This may seem like a no-brainer, but has he already looked into online class options? That could potentially help maybe next semester.

[catz]

Oh sorry, no way in heck would I be doing that.  If that were a job an adult child wanted, that would be his problem to solve if he wanted that job.  There were a few events this summer that I told my 15 year old if he wanted to go he needed to use public transport or find a ride.   And he did.  He should be earning enough to pay for gas for someone else to drive him. 

 

 

[Ailaena]

Honestly, I'd probably be doing the same thing in your shoes, but I would be let it known that I was a maximum help level, and being asked to do anything more out I my way would probably push me over the edge Into angry territory.

 

What would help me, though, is I would sleep for a couple of hours, then get up and get him and go back to sleep with no issues. I did force dd to get her license at 16, so that may have helped, as well. Now that I said that, I probably would not have let her drive home at 1am, I still would have gone and picked her up :p

Edited September 6, 2016 by Ailaena

[JumpyTheFrog]

THIS IS A HEALTH AND SAFETY ISSUE.

 ....

If he doesn't fully acknowledge the immense burden this situation is placing on you then it WILL continue past the 6 weeks, since he will find other jobs or whatever that he will "need" rides to after the seasonal job ends.  This sounds like quite a comfortable situation for him right now and he has no incentive to change it.  After all, YOU are providing free (to him) transportation that bends to his desires and YOU are apparently figuring out how to make it work.  He has simply passed the responsibility off to you, extending the time he gets to enjoy many freedoms of being an "adult" while avoiding the duties and responsibilities that support those freedoms.

I agree about the health and safety aspects. How does he expect to do well in his classes on so little sleep? How will you do well at work with so little sleep?

 

This situation is very unfair to you. He is an adult and it's his problem that he needs to find a way to solve on his own. It sounds like your time would be better spent working more hours so you can stabilize your own financial situation. If 30 hours helped you have enough to meet your obligations for a few months then 40 could help get old debts paid off and/or build an emergency fund. You sound like you've sacrificed a lot for your kids over the years, but now it is time to get your own situation in order. You are helping pay for his college and that is enough.