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AMJ last won the day on April 3 2018

AMJ had the most liked content!

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About AMJ

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    Deprived of hug and cheesy grin emoticons

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    : SE Texas Time: two hairs past the freckle

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  1. I really like this word. It sums things up for me quite nicely for this year and for the coming year, as far as what I need to be is concerned. There are two words that crossed my mind when I read the original post, things required of me this year that will continue to be required of me this coming year: Accept and Adapt. I won't go into details right now, but it has been a time of heavy changes and we face more in the coming months. I haven't read any of the other responses, but I will do so as I have time. Thank you, OP, for an interesting and timely thread.
  2. This past January I moved my Dad from two states away to a senior living place near me. Dad started this process in 2010, but this time he was actually ready to move, and was ready to give up most of his stuff. We (my 16 ya daughter and I) brought him down with only what would fit in the bed of my pick-up (plus some framed pictures and luggage we sent UPS). It was a nightmare. We abandoned a storage unit (garage-size) full of stuff. He had paid rent on that unit for 35 years. It had furniture, fancy Japanese porcelain dishes from the 1960s, and lots of "treasures" from my and my siblings' youth. The door was frozen shut and we decided we weren't going to try to get into it but would just let it all go. He had already relinquished his hanger at the local airport and given the contents to a young man who breathed aviation like my Dad did. Dad had a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment with an attached single-car garage. For over 25 years Dad had been dealing with the after effects of a traumatic brain injury, and over those years the stuff got away from him. He has always been proudly independent, but he just couldn't keep up. He took to keeping people from seeing his place, instead going out to see them. This included us when we would come to visit. The key this time was Dad feeling ready to move, though now I wish I had insisted on being let in years before. It cost us $5700.00 to hire a clean-out crew to come in after us, after my daughter and I spent weeks searching the place to retain or destroy sensitive papers and to pull what clothing and possessions Dad wanted to keep. every room, including the garage, was full of stuff. Dad also said he was ready to give up driving, which was a good thing. The odd little spells he had been having but kept failing to tell his doctor about (and he loved his doctor) proved to be transient ischemic attacks, short-term strokes. Dad's minivan was promptly sold to a junkyard because we couldn't find the title. It was in rough shape anyway, though it still ran well. It took two hours for my daughter and I to sort through and empty out all of the stuff Dad had in that van, and that was working "quick and dirty" because we were standing out in the cold in Colorado in January. Dad never intended nor expected his place to get to that state. When my parents divorced Dad packed up what he could and moved, focusing on rescuing what he thought us kids would want saved (and us kids claimed to want to keep). He put that stuff into a storage unit until us kids were ready to claim things, and until he had time to sort through the rest. Over the years my sister and I claimed several things, but our brother died, so more went back into that storage unit. Dad was an airline pilot, and he kept a decent household on his own, though he tended to accumulate books faster than he could read them. After the TBI Dad had a spell of recovery, then spent many years running a retirement business of delivering airplane parts across the country, picking up a lot of business at air conventions. Stuff slowly piled up at home as Dad had so much fun running around. Dad aged, and gradually slowed down. He had the time and inclination to attend to his stuff, but he tired easily and would rest and read. He bought more books, but would get tired or distracted before putting them away. He would rest, then wake and go do stuff, and the books would sit in their shopping bags, forgotten. Days or weeks later Dad would buy the same (and other) books all over again. As Dad slowly declined he went through many stages and several health issues. He remained fiercely independent, and was very unpleasant to my sister and me for some years. This made it hard to notice and realize Dad's decline, especially from 1200 miles away. I am describing all of this to give one example of HOW a person could accumulate so much stuff, including a person who for most of his life managed just fine. Adults have the right to determine their own lives unless a court can be convinced to rule otherwise. If they keep their kids and loved ones at a long arm's length away it can be very easy for those kids and loved ones to be unaware of the state of things, and the individual is left to his or her diminishing abilities to manage his or her own things, as he or she insists on doing. While the end result can surprise and appall us, working to understand HOW this result came to be can be enlightening. I can see the seeds of the same situation developing in my own house. I have a storage unit of my own, to hold many of the boxes of stuff that I have not yet found the time to deal with. Most of that stuff is papers and photos, important and crucial items mixed in with outdated stuff and junk that had not yet been culled out. Each individual box is a fearsome and daunting task, taking hours to get through. I work on a box now and then when I can, but Dad's medical issues have taken so much of my time, energy, and brain power. I have not gotten through many boxes since moving Dad here, and more mail and other stuff keeps coming into the house, especially since I am now Dad's Power of Attorney and managing all of his affairs. There are many other boxes, though, that contain "family treasures" I have been "entrusted with". And many other such treasures fill my house. I have tried to explain to my kids the importance of not letting things accumulate so much. My daughter who helped move my Dad has taken this more to heart. She decided to give her American Girl doll and accessories to a younger cousin, and Grandma (who originally gave DD the doll) suggested to DD that DD keep it for her own future child. My DD responded that she has learned from my dad's and my examples that holding onto stuff for years "just in case" or "for the future" can be a big trap. She has also willingly decluttered away other outgrown stuff. I have also told my kids that when/if it comes time to clear out their dad's and my stuff they should keep certain documents, but all else can go. They are NOT to feel like they have to hang onto something just because it belonged to someone else. They should not feel the family guilt and pressure to turn their own homes into an archive of other people's lives. It sounds harsh, but being the recipient of this family guilt for so long, the "blessed inheritor" of things no one else in the family wants to house but refuses to let go out of the family, I am determined to NOT visit this curse upon my own kids. It stops here Which means if I am going to prevent my kids from dealing with the type of situation my DD and I dealt with when moving my own dad I have a lot of work to do. I have 2-3 decades. It might be enough time.
  3. Applauses for you, too! DD14 started public high school 2 weeks ago today. DD17 has received her driver's permit and is continuing her driver's ed. She and I are working out what she will study this semester and year and how she will go about it. We had too many technical issues and delays to get her into dual credit classes this fall. Good news on Dad -- he's down to phlebotomies every other month.
  4. Wonderful, Krissi! Applause applause applause! Sorry to have been away so long, folks. I lost my combobulate for quite a while. Things are starting to get back into some semblance of a schedule, however, so I hope to be back on the thread more regularly once again. How has everyone been? Whatcha been up to?
  5. AMJ

    Help distract me

    Try a Google or YouTube search for Bill Engvall's We Got The Stone performance. If you can find it watch the entire show, more than an hour long. Utterly hilarious, especially the his stuff about being on Dancing With the Stars.
  6. You have done enough for today. Listen to your muscles and give them some rest now.
  7. Who is Mark and why should we question him? Is he a suspect?
  8. I just discovered that one can report one's own post now. Fancy that!
  9. Dagwood is going to stop by for a few pointers from you!
  10. Dagwood has a few pointers for your kids. They don't quite have the idea yet.
  11. A bite of elevenses, then putting up DD13's hair into her bun for the last time for a while. It takes a while, but it looks good! She has a LOT of hair....
  12. It is, but I am making some progress! And after DD13's ballet today I can (hopefully) make more before Aikido. Unless Grandma & Grandpa want us all to go out to lunch to celebrate after ballet.... It would be hard to say "No, let's not celebrate today".
  13. To do today: visit website for DMV supercenter to see if I can book an appointed time in advance (DH thinks so) contact school counselor again to ask for more hand-holding level of help getting DD13 registered for fall (because I keep forgetting what must get done when, since my brain is stuck in Dad mode) go get some blood drawn for a CBC my new PCP wants (the only blood work she wanted that my endo hadn't already done) review and coordinate all calendars contact Dad's accountant about the IRS letter's request -- left message make sure my camera is ready to shoot video of DD13's class's dance get some walking in hopefully get to yoga this evening make photocopies of Dad's newly signed forms, plus scan them into the digital files get a little non-think time so perhaps some of the scattered thoughts will come back to roost again (walking and yoga would help with this, but so would sitting in the sunshine) Also to be added to a must-do-soon list: "Book" Dad's bloodwork timeslot/date (it's drop-in, but I must get it on his calendar -- and mine -- on the appropriate day) schedule the rest of MY appointments (this will be tight -- June is filling up) schedule some appointments for the girls (when I can get time to take them) Really trying to stay on top of some things! *willy-nilly guy*
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