Child harnesses? Good, bad or evil?

[rose]

I've been thinking about making a couple of toddler harnesses for my two 2yos. Going to the library, or anywhere else for that matter, with so many littles has become a terrible chore. I don't have a problem with harnessing tots or disabled children but I'm a little concerned that others might think that I'm a despotic dictator. I don't care if the odd person thinks that of me but if that's the majority opinion then I'll forgo it for now. What do you think?

[vonfirmath]

I've been thinking about making a couple of toddler harnesses for my two 2yos. Going to the library, or anywhere else for that matter, with so many littles has become a terrible chore. I don't have a problem with harnessing tots or disabled children but I'm a little concerned that others might think that I'm a despotic dictator. I don't care if the odd person thinks that of me but if that's the majority opinion then I'll forgo it for now. What do you think?

 

I used toddler harnesses for my oldest when needed. (Had it on hand for youngest, but she 1) didn't run as much and 2) was happy to sit in the stroller).

 

Oldest didn't like sitting in the stroller and I could keep him contained with a toddler harness (or a scarf turned into a harness, when I forgot it one memorable trip)  He was much happier on his feet and moving around, even if in a contained area, than passively sitting in the stroller.  (And no I could not carry him all the time either.)

 

I try to remember to give moms with harnesses an encouraging smiles.

 

luckily, I NEVER had to deal with anyone getting in my face about using the harness. I figured -- my kid, my responsibility to keep them safe.

 

Honestly... the library with 2 was still hard.

 

Edited August 2, 2016 by vonfirmath

[Ravin]

For pete's sake, you should not have to maneuver a 3-seater stroller through the library to keep your littles contained, nor require your older kids to always play assistant baby minder when they could be, oh, looking for books or something? Harnesses sound like an excellent solution for your situation.

 

My mom occasionally tied a rope around the waists of my sisters--they are twins and 2 1/2 years younger than me. I would stay put next to mom. They would bolt, usually in opposite directions.

 

Judgmental people can go chase THEIR littles off a cliff, do what works for you!

 

 

[Loowit]

I never needed them for my older two, but once I had a third it was very helpful.  I only used it a handful of times, but it was well worth it.  I first used it when I was taking all three kids who were 7, 5, and 3 at the time to Disneyland by myself while DH was in meetings.  I never got any evil looks from people or negative comments, or maybe I just didn't notice.  My youngest loved his harness and used to wear it around the house.  It was a stuffed puppy backpack style.  I think he also had a monkey, but his favorite was the puppy.

 

My mom got a few negative comments when she used one with my little brother, but that was almost 40 years ago.  My brother liked his "leash" and used to pretend he was a dog.  My mom was so overwhelmed that she didn't really care what others thought.

[shinyhappypeople]

Harnesses are a good way to keep kids safe.  I used a harness with my older daughter, after a visit to the bank when I let go of her little hand for a second to grab a pen, and  she zipped across the building and started playing on a loan officers keyboard.  The loan officer was super understanding, thank goodness, but after that I had her in her teddy bear harness until she stopped running off (maybe 3ish?) 

[Mimm]

People who judge people for using leashes... well, bless their hearts. "Oh just teach her to stay with you." It seems to never occur to people that maybe they didn't teach their kids to be compliant so much as simply birth compliant kids. I know, I have both kinds of kids. I used a leash for my oldest. Middle child never needed it, but she was 18 months younger than Oldest, so I couldn't very well abandon her while chasing after Oldest. Youngest is a happy compliant child who was very easy to teach to stay with me. Our leash attached to her wrist actually and gave her more freedom than if she had to hold my hand or stay in the cart. She actually asked to use it.

 

Years later she saw a kid on a leash and said, "Look at that! They're treating him like an animal." I said, "I used one for you. You acted like an animal." ;) She laughed. She didn't remember so I don't think she was all traumatized.

 

ETA: And hey, bonus, she never got lost or run over in the parking lot, so yay. :)

Edited August 2, 2016 by Mimm

[JFSinIL]

I made use of harnesses with my toddler twins too. Nuts to anyone who casts an evil glare - they obviously never had to wrangle multiples!

[Kassia]

I never used them with my kids, but I don't see anything wrong with them if they are needed for safety.  

[EKS]

I used a leash with my older son.  He would not hold hands, he was a runner, and it wasn't possible to keep him in a stroller or backpack all the time.  It was for his safety and my sanity.

 

People who look askance at parents who use leashes obviously have never had a situation in their lives that required one.

[SproutMamaK]

Harnesses are good! Judgy MdJudgersons are bad. If it helps you get out of the house and active with the kids while keeping them safe, it's a good thing no matter what random people on the street think.

[rocassie]

I think they are a tool for parents/caregivers that need/want to keep a child close, but also give the child the opportunity to be mobile.  I've always thought of them in the same terms as strollers.  It's a way to restrain and keep a child safe so they don't run around and harm themselves or others, but makes it so you don't have to be cooped up in your house all day.  I tended to use carriers as my little ones liked to be in contact with me either by holding my hand or being carried.  My middle DD was an early walker at 8 months so I would use a harness at the zoo or other busy walkable venue but she tended to wander until she was about a year old.

[Janeway]

Very good. Sometimes, a small child gets away from a parent and dies. The harness is a safety thing. I have met an occasional person that lost a child and they use harnesses religiously now. Think of the gorilla incident. 

[RoughCollie]

I used harnesses for my 4 kids when they were young.  From time to time, some fool had a negative comment to make. I merely asked them if they would feel the same way if a child of mine got away from me, sans harness, and ended up dead. I have triplet sons, plus a daughter who is 1.5 years younger. No way was I going to risk my kids' lives in favor of the approval of strangers. Even with the most well-behaved children (and mine were, at least in public), there is no way to predict when or if a young child will suddenly take off and be in harm's way.

 

[Epicurean]

We use a harness whenever we go hiking with our two year old. We bought the Skip Hop brand (they have different cute animals, with the bonus that you're able to put stuff in the backpack): https://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Safety-Harness-Monkey/dp/B009YDCGVK As the reviewers note, the included leash is quite short, which might be great if you want them sticking really close, but if you'd prefer to have more slack, you can just unclip it from the backpack and replace it with any pet leash (they look and function the same).

 

Strollers are really inconvenient, plus we wanted to teach DD to walk long distances without expecting to be carried, so we use the leash on hikes and crowded malls. Having multiple small children would make it essential, IMHO. I don't understand people who think, "Oh, she should teach the toddler to stay close by," because the two are not mutually exclusive. We've worked hard to teach DD to always hold our hand, etc. but that doesn't mean that we won't take an extra safety measure. Young children cannot be trusted, and should not be trusted, to make the right choice 100% of the time. Even the most angelic child is going to unthinkingly bolt  now and then.

[Um_2_4]

My twins were polar opposites. DD would not wonder no matter the temptation and DS would take off at the slightest thing he saw that piqued his interest (could be a bug, a shiny dispal yin a store window, a sticker on a car bumper). He is still mono directional and VERY focused. Nothing would alert him to danger (my screaming, car horn, nothing). I couldn't very well leave 3 kids (6,4 and 2) standing alone in a parking lot while I run after the other 2yo. So backpack harness it was (I think till about 4-4.5).

No comments here (well other than that I was out with 4 kids in the middle of the week, where I used to live 4 was a large family).

[3 ladybugs]

I used one with my older child and now with my younger son. We are often near busy roads (no we don't play there just on walks or whatever) and I would rather be safe then sorry. Honestly I don't care what people think. My younger son could honestly make it to the top of a stop sign before I could even catch him. Total daredevil!

[gardenmom5]

I don't care what other's think. they don't have to deal with my child who could disappear into thin air in under a second on regular basis.  (he was never lost, he always knew where he was . . . good thing he was cute.)  I only calmed down as he got older.

my mother used a harness on my brother - then the prevailing wisdom became they were evil - and kids would run  into the street.  the velcro handholders were worthless (which is what was socially acceptable when my olders were little.)

I looked for harnesses  .. . they weren't around.

 

eta: and they wouldn't hold hands.  the boys wouldn't even use the hand-holder.  they were, sometimes, willing to hold it, but never to 'wear' it.  while babysitting him, a friend took 1ds with her to the mall (i did NOT know she was going there).  she got a baptism by fire as to what he was capable and it was a miracle he came back alive. he apparently was in the process of climbing on the rail of the second level.  (it was before they reinforced the rails to narrow the gap.  apparently, he wasn't the only one to take advantage of too large a space.  they've since replaced them with clear acrylic/glass panels.)  he was three.  she froze in fear, and another man grabbed him and pulled him down.

Edited August 2, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Guest]

I loved mine when Sons 3 and 4 were young! Lifesaver. I never had anyone say anything. Mostly I had comments about how cute they and the harnesses were.

[need2read]

You harness them in the car seat and the stroller so they can't escape, I see no difference. You have to do what you have to do to get things done and keep your kids safe. If I had twins or a single that was a handful I would use one.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Farrar]

I didn't personally want to use them for my twins, but I didn't have other kids. Looks like your oldest are twins too? I'll bet you didn't feel the need for them either. Think of it this way - better to get out than to be stuck in. And they're so common now. I'd just do it.

[Katy]

Great way to keep kids safe.  Just don't let them enjoy being dragged around by them, like that lady who ended up on Dr Phil.  He defended her, because they DID have a family game of being dragged that the child LOVED, but it didn't look so good in public, and went viral when a horrified onlooker took video that she posted to YouTube instead of calling police.

[Guest]

I used one with an ONLY.  Especially in airports and crowded places where it is super easy (and often required) to be distracted.  

 

A preschooler we used to go for walks with always begged, "Can I walk him for awhile now?"  It was pretty funny.

 

No different from a stroller and a lot less cumbersome.  

[fraidycat]

Do you really care what strangers think?

 

Or do you care for the safety and well-being of your children and your peace-of-mind?

 

Pick your priority. Only your opinion matters.

 

I've used them. They looked like bright red dog harnesses then, but I didn't care one bit what others thought. I cared that my runner wasn't strapped into a stroller, screaming in public to be let free, but was still safe AND getting exercise. I could leave the house and still retain my sanity. That's what mattered.

 

Now they've even got cute animal backpacks.

[TravelingChris]

I used one with my middle child when we were hiking.  She was the kind of kid who would fall off the click,  It was for her safety and she liked being able to walk a short distance away from us that the leash allowed.  Never any judgmental stares from me.  We also used it when we went to a state fair.  Too many things for her to run to and disappear.

[heartlikealion]

Do what you gotta do!

 

Do you babywear? You could maybe wear one or two of them! I wear my toddler and our carrier goes up to 45 lbs. Dh says once she turns 2 I should stop and I'm like whatever! LOL. I'll wear her as long as I feel like it's helpful. They also sell a toddler version of my carrier so it goes up even higher if I get that one.

 

Most carriers allow for baby to face you or be worn on your back so I was saying you could possibly theoretically wear two but I don't know about all that weight LOL. I've seen people post pics of a smaller baby and a toddler, but not sure about two toddlers.

 

What I'm getting at is you have a couple of options. You could harness one and wear one. I don't know if that would make it any easier, though.

[lanalouwho]

I've never used one. My kids aren't really runners. I did have one horrifying episode when my second was literally weeks old and his big brother bolted while I was trying to get him out of his carseat. Being barely postpartum and holding a newborn, I couldn't have caught him. Thankfully, some saint (an older mother who was super gracious about it) caught him right before he ran into traffic. I almost bought one right then and there, but he never did it again. I say if it keeps your kids safe, do what you have to do.

 

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[PinkTulip]

My pre-kids judgey self thought they were the epitome of child cruelty and I used to rant to my DH about how mean and dehumanizing they were. Then I had 4 boys in 5 years and decided they were the greatest invention ever made. The only reason my first and third sons have made it to be teenagers are because of those blessed harnesses (backpacks). People who judge others about using them have clearly never had several very small children trying to take off in different directions.

[happypamama]

I've never had the need for one, but my children are all 2-3 years apart, and when I nannied for twin 2yos, it was just the two of them, so I could hold one with each hand.  You have a lot of little ones.  If a harness helps keep everyone safe, then you do what you need to do, and nobody else's opinion matters.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 9, 2016 by cathey

[rose]

Do what you gotta do!

 

Do you babywear? You could maybe wear one or two of them! I wear my toddler and our carrier goes up to 45 lbs. Dh says once she turns 2 I should stop and I'm like whatever! LOL. I'll wear her as long as I feel like it's helpful. They also sell a toddler version of my carrier so it goes up even higher if I get that one.

 

Most carriers allow for baby to face you or be worn on your back so I was saying you could possibly theoretically wear two but I don't know about all that weight LOL. I've seen people post pics of a smaller baby and a toddler, but not sure about two toddlers.

 

What I'm getting at is you have a couple of options. You could harness one and wear one. I don't know if that would make it any easier, though.

 

I like to wear the baby because she doesn't break my back. :) Ds13 will often wear the lighter of the two boys which just makes my day but he's not super happy in there. The other toddler is about 35 pounds and we're all just collapsing under him. When they were smaller I liked to wear both of them. It made me feel like a superhero but it's just too much now.

[rose]

I think that you've all convinced me to go ahead with the harnesses. I've just got to figure out the exact design. I think that I might sew some strapping across the chest of a couple of tank tops and have the two ends connect at the back. Maybe I'll post a picture when I'm done. :)

[jelbe5]

I was against the idea of using one for my dd when she was little. My own mother used one on me when I was young. I was not going to do that to MY child!

 

I struck up a different tune after I had to practically tackle my dd when she darted away from me in a parking lot and headed toward a major street in the city in which we live. Plus, I was pregnant at the time and did not move quite as fast. It was a difinitive moment for me.

 

I had a whole new perspective and respect for what I put my own mother through. My dd was FAST and impulsive. Safety trumped all and I found the harness was a short-lived but necessary tool. My dd hated it, but she quickly learned that I meant business with regards to holding my hand when we were out and about.

[LucyStoner]

My older son had one which was a monkey backpack with a long "tail". It was necessary for a certain stage and I am glad we used it. It wasn't an issue for my younger son- when he needed to be kept close he didn't mind being carried in the Ergo or riding in the stroller. He was also not a dart away and get lost/hide kid. Older son however had a "I must walk and I will not suffer the indignity of that carrier, stroller or holding your hand with my arm straight up in the air" phase.

[BusyMom5]

I used them with my twins, otherwise we would have not gone anywhere. 

[MercyA]

Rose!!! I'm so glad you're back!  :)  :)  :)

 

(And, yes, go ahead and make some harnesses. We'd love to see pictures when you're done!) 

[Bluegoat]

I'm not sure why it is considered ok to strap a child into a carrier or stroller, or insist on hand-holding, but a harness is somehow evil.  I think it's an option that is very similar in principle to those others, with its own particular advantages for some situations and kids and parents.

[mermo]

Bought them for my twins. They got the most use at home when big brother would pretend to be Santa and the twins were his reindeer and they ran all over the house having a blast! That game lasted for years :)

 

I use a leash for my dog because I love him and want him to be safe- same for the kiddos!!

[trulycrabby]

They are quite literally lifesavers. No judgement here.

[katilac]

I never used one myself, no runners, but I have no issues with them. And I think walking in a harness is better than riding in a stroller. 

[StaceyinLA]

Well I hope they aren't too evil because we are bringing them to WDW for 5yo dgs and 3yo dgd. I'd rather do that than take a chance of one running off. 1yo dgd will be contained in an Ergo.

 

ETA - we will also have a double stroller, but this is for times they want to be walking and/or times we have to park the stroller.

Edited August 3, 2016 by StaceyinLA

[SparklyUnicorn]

I see nothing wrong with it.  You do what you gotta do.

 

 

[shawthorne44]

I bought more than one (used) and I kept them on hand for a bit, even though I never needed them.   Just one compliant child.   DH once took a stroll along a second story window ledge as a VERY small child.  He has a vague memory of wondering why everyone was freaking out.  So, MIL used a leash in the 70's back when it was a dog leash and she did get glares.  So, we are pro-leash even though we never used one.  

 

Also, think of this, what are your options?

1. Use a leash and don't worry about what people think
2. Rarely go out. 

What do you think your kids would choose?  

 

People seem to be so pro-Helicopter parents, down to parents proudly declaring themselves helicopter parents.  So, I would find it odd if the general consensus of the public was anti-harness.  Not that using a harness makes someone a helicopter parent.   But, I can see a helicopter parent using one when there was no reason.  

[sassenach]

Good: your kid won't run into traffic

Bad: some kids (my Ds) will throw gigantic tantrums over wearing it.

Evil: people will judge you

[Lanny]

Highly recommend that you do this!   When DD was little, we bought a safety harness for her.  It might save the life of one of your toddlers.  If someone thinks it is bad, that is their problem. The safety of your DC is your responsibility. You would not believe how fast a toddler can disappear in a super store when you are shopping. Or, get away from you in a parking lot or some other place.  

[kbutton]

I don't care what other's think. they don't have to deal with my child who could disappear into thin air in under a second on regular basis.  (he was never lost, he always knew where he was . . . good thing he was cute.)  I only calmed down as he got older.

my mother used a harness on my brother - then the prevailing wisdom became they were evil - and kids would run  into the street.  the velcro handholders were worthless (which is what was socially acceptable when my olders were little.)

I looked for harnesses  .. . they weren't around.

 

eta: and they wouldn't hold hands.  the boys wouldn't even use the hand-holder.  they were, sometimes, willing to hold it, but never to 'wear' it.  while babysitting him, a friend took 1ds with her to the mall (i did NOT know she was going there).  she got a baptism by fire as to what he was capable and it was a miracle he came back alive. he apparently was in the process of climbing on the rail of the second level.  (it was before they reinforced the rails to narrow the gap.  apparently, he wasn't the only one to take advantage of too large a space.  they've since replaced them with clear acrylic/glass panels.)  he was three.  she froze in fear, and another man grabbed him and pulled him down.

 

I had one child in that age group at at time. For the older one, the wrist thing didn't work. They didn't have the backpacks. Not a hand holder unless you wanted to wrestle for it the whole time. Could unhook safety straps in carseats, shopping carts, etc. by the time he was cruising. He didn't bolt so much as go destructo--it was fun to knock down an entire aisle of shampoo bottles, for instance. There was some bolting.

 

So, I didn't have a harness--I had PTSD instead. :-)

 

If I had another one the same age or anywhere near, I would have lost my mind entirely.

 

On a side note--people are completely stupid. I mean, you see a mom trying to hold kids' hands (or retrieve her kids' hands) or chase a stroller, or even just walk together with older children, and you'd think people would walk around them, let them by. No, they have to walk between mom and child! This happens everywhere I go. It happens at church when I have a LINE OF KIDS going to the water fountain during Sunday School--apparently sixteen noisy children trying to trip each other for fun is invisible. People are dumb. Tell critics the harness helps people realize your child is with you because otherwise, everyone steps between you and your children.  :banghead:

Edited August 3, 2016 by kbutton

[cintinative]

I remember thinking how awful they were until I had kids and had friends with kids who could be Navy Seals and do covert ops. =)  Seriously, don't worry about what people think. Just do what you need to do to keep your child safe.  

Edited August 3, 2016 by cintinative

[Guest]

I thought they were evil until I had toddler twins to wrangle. Then I ate a huge helping of humble pie.

[Arcadia]

I think that you've all convinced me to go ahead with the harnesses. I've just got to figure out the exact design. I think that I might sew some strapping across the chest of a couple of tank tops and have the two ends connect at the back. Maybe I'll post a picture when I'm done. :)

You could even start an etsy business on home made child harnesses :)

Here is an earlier thread on harness

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/612901-leashestethers-a-poll/

[Ellie]

I've been thinking about making a couple of toddler harnesses for my two 2yos. Going to the library, or anywhere else for that matter, with so many littles has become a terrible chore. I don't have a problem with harnessing tots or disabled children but I'm a little concerned that others might think that I'm a despotic dictator. I don't care if the odd person thinks that of me but if that's the majority opinion then I'll forgo it for now. What do you think?

 

I think they're fine, as long as there is also ongoing parental discussion with the child about holding Mommy's hand, or holding onto the stroller, or some such thing to help the child learn that he needs to stay close instead of freely running off.

[Bluegoat]

From a slightly different perspective, I am not surprised that holding an adult's hand for a long time would be really annoying to small kids.  I think it can probably be rather uncomfortable, I would find it so to hold hands with someone twice my height for a long period.