Granny_Weatherwax Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 At what age do you allow or encourage your children to bathe themselves? Without supervision? Opposite parent bathing or supervision? --- Without going in to detail, we have been told that 4 years old is too old to be bathed by a parent and the child should be bathing independently. I disagree. I don't believe a four year old is capable of taking care of personal hygiene without adult help or supervision. The chance of drowning or having an accident for a young child is possible. Not too mention that a child that young probably wouldn't remember to wash everything that needed to be washed or wash it properly. Hair washing and rinsing can be difficult enough with adult assistance. I am simply flabbergasted at the notion of a 4 year old being solely responsible for what happens during bath time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Wow, I don't leave my 7 yo UTTERLY alone in the bathtub. Tonight he splashed an inch of water out onto the floor! Kids do dumb things. Nuts, sometimes kids fall asleep. Sounds like that person is making excuses for their parenting. Use your gut and ignore them. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My 4 year old, oh dear, 5 year old started showering by himself at 4 but I fully hygenically bathe him like twice a week. Certain people in this house occasionally lose bathtub privileges and are sentenced to showers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 no way! I still wash my daughter's hair and she will be 6 in a few weeks. I let her bathe in the bathtub with the door open and me in earshot, checking in every so often, but I wash her hair and make sure she actually gets clean. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 no way! I still wash my daughter's hair and she will be 6 in a few weeks. I let her bathe in the bathtub with the door open and me in earshot, checking in every so often, but I wash her hair and make sure she actually gets clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I encourage my 6 and 9 yos to shower on their own, but they usually want to bathe with (some of) their siblings. And the 6yo girl needs help washing her hair. None of my kids has completely bathed themselves at 4yo, but I'm usually not right in the bathroom for their entire bath either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Maybe around 6yo? I'm trying to remember. Certainly not at 4! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Four years old should not bathe alone. I think DS1 was about 7/8 when he started taking showers...with help. I'd get the water ready, help him wash the shampoo out of his hair, etc. He could do it by himself about 6 months to a year later. DD is eight and still needs some help because of her long hair. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I think my older two started at 6, but I still checked on them and occasionally helped rinse hair even though they are boys. My 5 and 3 yr old boys still bathe together fairly often and I typically wash them. My 5yr old usually does his body and I do his hair. None of my kids were ready to completely bathe alone at 4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Around 6 my girls switched to showers, and I helped with hair washing for another year or two after that. My 7.5 year old just stopped asking for hair help...though I do have to give reminders ("use soap!"). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 We started around 5 with showers. If they wanted tub baths, we left the room if asked to give privacy but still stayed in earshot until 7ish. I do start having them scrub body parts with a soapy poof pretty early. Under 2. My 3 yo does all of her own washing except for hair. She tries to help with that, but she has a ton and it's long. I still have to send my 10 yo DS back in when he "forgets" to use shampoo. :rofl: Anyway, I would not leave a 4 year old unattended in a tub of water. If the child requested privacy, I would assist them on working toward independent showering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 nope, not at 4. We switched to showers early, but still. Washing hair, remembering to wash everything, etc. seems like it would require too much of a 4yr old. My 7yr old asks me to help him adjust the temp. It's a pain to get it just right, even for me sometimes on this shower. I also need to hang up a towel for him because he finds it too difficult and there's no where very close to the tub to place one. So maybe it's not exactly a supervision thing, but assistance is often required. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoxinsox Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Another one for not at 4. My 6 year old has graduated to taking her own showers recently, even turning the water on herself. No one is allowed in the bathroom--she "needs her pwivathy!!!" I know she's clean--she uses my Bath and BodyWorks shower gel. She smells expensive. LOL 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Hm... I didn't have any qualms about leaving my boys alone in a bath at age 4. On the other hand, I stayed nearby... they were liable to make messes. And I often came in at the end to run through a checklist of stuff. Did you scrub there and there? I don't think most 4 yos will do a very good job alone. And I definitely think it's completely appropriate for a parent to be there. It's not like watching your 12 yo bathe or something - totally weird and creepy. On the other hand, if someone did feel their 4 yo was ready, I wouldn't think that was crazy or inappropriate. I would assume they knew their kid. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I think that other people should not be telling you how to bathe your child unless you ask their opinion. Seriously, how does this even come up!? But with that said, I'm pretty sure that at 4 we let the kids mostly wash themselves, only poking our heads in periodically to make sure nobody had drowned and at the end to ensure everybody really had cleaned themselves. I was definitely within earshot, and would have heard if the sound of loud chatter and splashing (they liked to share baths at that age) suddenly became silence! But I may be mistaken. This was, of course, six years ago now. The youngest is now ten. As time goes on, you forget what they were like when they were little. It's hard to believe you will, but you do! And of course, both children and parents are highly variable. What one four year old can do with aplomb might be amazingly out of reach for another - but that four year old might be able to do many things the first cannot. And what one parent is comfortable with has nothing to do with what another thinks is safe. You have to make the choices that make sense for your family. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 It depends on if you want them to use soap and shampoo. And how wet you want the bathroom. :D 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 It depends on if you want them to use soap and shampoo. And how wet you want the bathroom. :D :iagree: And sometimes on if you want them to use the whole bottle of soap to make the ultimate bubble bath... But definitely depends on how wet you want the bathroom! I can't remember when everyone started bathing/showering on their own but it wasn't age 4 for any of them. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I let my kids bathe themselves at that age but I sat on the toilet beside the bathtub. If I saw they were doing a shoddy job, I'd follow up with a few swipes of the wash cloth myself. Neither of mine took showers until age 6 (or baths alone). 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My 4yo baths without me, but I don't really 'get' the comments here about making sure they wash everywhere fully/correctly either. I guess we're less worried about germs or something, I put her in and put bubbles in and give her a washcloth, and she washes and plays, and then gets out by herself. I guess I don't see what's complicated about that. She doesn't do her hair independently though 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Um no. Not MY 4 year old. The house would be flooded and the damage EXPENSIVE if my 4 year old was left to bathe himself, alone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Age 6 or 7 for my oldest. My daughter is 6 now and could probably handle a shower minus hair washing. I think 4 is too young to be independent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 around 4 ish I let them do it themselves but supervised and pointed out missed bits, helped with hair, etc. I guess from 5 or so I expected them to wash mostly successfully without me right there (still not hair)... I'd still check in at the end and point out that they couldn't have washed the back of their neckthoroughly if the bottom of their hair was still wet, lol! DS has just turned 9 and is finally independent on the hair, although he could do with a few reminders to wash UINDER an AROUND things sometimes. DD 6 is learning to do her hair... she's getting there. Both still need an occasional reminder to actually scrub, not just rub vaguely, but I don't sit in there with them and supervise now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Well, I disagree that a 4yo cannot bathe alone. It depends on the individual. My kid sister could bathe including washing her own hair at age 4. Then again, she was ahead in a lot of practical ways. My own kids could certainly be alone in a bathtub at age 4 and could bathe if it didn't involve washing their hair. I don't believe I ever tried letting them wash their own hair at that age. The rinsing would be the challenge. One of my kids might have been OK at that age, after some coaching. The other, no way. Even though I didn't have my kids go it alone, I stopped doing their private parts pretty young. I would just remind them to do that part. My kids are 9 and I still assist them with their hair if time is an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Ten? I can't remember the details clearly enough for little ones, but I'm guessing that four or five is fine to be left in the bath (safety) with a parent popping in and out and reminding about how to wash. I wouldn't expect a very thorough job to be done at that age without reminders. For that matter, one of mine had to be supervised by his dad once when he was nine or ten because he had completely forgotten how to wash his hair (was just putting the shampoo on top like a beret, then washing it off). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebcoola Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 4 is what we did they couldn't really rinse soap out of their hair well but otherwise they got clean enough and were safe enough. I don't think it is weird if you stay with your kids though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I was told by plunket not to leave them alone until 5. I did though as out house is small and i had things to do. We used a fish bin in the bottom of the shower though and I did wash him. And we did have a few floods and a few times where a whole bottle of shampoo was used to make bubbles. ds8 switched to showers last year and manages himself with reminders but likes me to bring his towel and hold it. ds6 just switched to showers but since he hates water on his head I hold the shower whiled he twirls round then he holds it while I soap him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I wonder what this person really meant by independant? As in - not needing a parent sitting right there doing the washing, or no help with hair or keeping an ear out? Anyway, I think like the others, I would leave them to a certain extent at about four, but I was in earshot and they needed help with hair. Some of them bath together in many cases so the olders can help the others at times. I don't get my knickers in a twist so much about very vigorous washing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkmint Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) nevermind. Edited January 17, 2016 by pinkmint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Huh. My 5yo gets some independent soak time, but needs actual cleaning supervision, and I do his hair. I still do my 8yo's hair most of the time, too. Both hate showers, love baths. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My son finally became independent around 9 when the dermatologist changed our world of bathing. He's currently not independent since he broke his wrist. My daughter was body independent by 6, but hair dependent until 12 or so. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Started showers at 4/5, independently. I only needed to start the shower for a few months. He figured it out quickly and said I didn't know the right temp for him, only he did. Sigh. We always had an open door policy at that age, though. He loves baths still, and will soak/clean but then switch to a shower to rinse off and wash his hair. I don't blame him. I've never had to fight him on bath time, ever. He will spend hours in there if we let him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Mine have all started showering alone between 5-6. I think the girls were 5, and ds closer to if not already 6. Having them all shower themselves now is amazing. :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 :iagree: And sometimes on if you want them to use the whole bottle of soap to make the ultimate bubble bath... But definitely depends on how wet you want the bathroom! I can't remember when everyone started bathing/showering on their own but it wasn't age 4 for any of them. My son would take it into his head to make "concoctions" while he's in the tub. Mixing together Dh's white hair shampoo (can't remember the name but it's $$$), my conditioner ($$), our regular shampoo, body wash, kids shampoo/conditioner/bodywash. Besides the money wasted, the sludge that he was sitting in.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) My son would take it into his head to make "concoctions" while he's in the tub. Mixing together Dh's white hair shampoo (can't remember the name but it's $$$), my conditioner ($$), our regular shampoo, body wash, kids shampoo/conditioner/bodywash. Besides the money wasted, the sludge that he was sitting in.... Sounds like fun. Edited January 17, 2016 by ikslo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My 8 year old still needs help with hair washing. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelli Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My son started bathing alone at 4. He does a great job too. His hair is short so he has no trouble washing and rinsing by himself. The girls were probably closer to 6 due to the hair issue, but they did everything else by themselves starting at 4 and just yelled when it was time for hair. I'm shocked so many people think 4 is too young. It's interesting to see different perspectives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 At what age do you allow or encourage your children to bathe themselves? Without supervision? Opposite parent bathing or supervision? --- Without going in to detail, we have been told that 4 years old is too old to be bathed by a parent and the child should be bathing independently. I disagree. I don't believe a four year old is capable of taking care of personal hygiene without adult help or supervision. The chance of drowning or having an accident for a young child is possible. Not too mention that a child that young probably wouldn't remember to wash everything that needed to be washed or wash it properly. Hair washing and rinsing can be difficult enough with adult assistance. I am simply flabbergasted at the notion of a 4 year old being solely responsible for what happens during bath time. Re: your middle bit - by this criteria I'm not sure my *14* yo is fully capable of showering and getting everything clean. Ugh! Someone tell me he'll finally learn to, you know, actually USE the soap effectively. And deodorant...Son!!! It's not optional!! Seriously, though, my dd5 often takes a bath with her 3 yo brother. We have learned not to leave the bathroom less for safety reasons (though with a 3 yo those are still present, of course) than because the parental units don't want to bail out the bathroom due to all the water on the floor. I still need to help my younger girls (5 & 11[!]) with their hair. My 11 yo has issues fully rinsing out the shampoo & conditioner. My dd12 was bathing/showering independently by 6(?) and my ds9 is personal hygiene independent. Kids are different. So, I think I understand the situation you're referencing and I don't think this is going to be easy to deal with. Big hugs to you and all involved. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I think my standards of cleanliness for the kid and the bathroom are higher than what the average 4-year old can manage on his own. I'm sure there are 4-year-olds capable of meeting these standards, but I didn't give birth to any of them. Also, I'm sure there are mothers who don't care about splashed water, too much water, how long the bath takes, or that the kid isn't as clean as you would get him. As long as they pull it off by their early elementary years, I'm not sure the timeframe matters. However, of someone is insisting that ALL 4-year-olds should be managing their baths as well as their mothers could I'd likely discount this person's opinion. I wouldn't take it personally because I would assume that their standards of cleanliness were lower than mine or they're clueless about normal child development. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 BTW does that person have a 4yo (or a kid who has been 4yo)? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Not all children think it is acceptable to flood the bathroom floor or dump the shampoos. :P Full disclosure, my kids did let the water run over once when they were bathing together (past age 4). It apparently didn't occur to them that they had some responsibility to turn off the water, or call me, or pull the plug. We did clear that up for future reference. :P 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Do people really think average 4 yos are unsafe in a half full bathtub alone for a few minutes while you're in earshot? Because I don't really buy that that's unsafe unless there's a specific reason. I think the number one reason not to let 4 yos bathe alone are the ones that were original mentioned - they splash water everywhere, mix the soaps, create bathroom chaos, and don't actually wash their hair or bodies. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) Mine could play alone in the bath by four. I could hear them, would check in every few minutes, and would wash hair before they got out. Youngest loved playing in the bath and I felt no need to make her get out or sit there the whole time. They were always perfectly fine and safe. They started showering g completely on their around eight. Sometimes they didn't do a great job washing their hair but I didn't see it as a big deal. They would fix it in the next shower. Edited January 17, 2016 by Joker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I left my kids in the tub when they were 2 (I would fill the water to an appropriate level and then leave them to play a while). I would be working across the hall and could hear them. Like Farrar, I can't imagine what the fear would be. Do preschool-aged children frequently lie down and start breathing water just because they can? So far I've never heard of it happening. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Do people really think average 4 yos are unsafe in a half full bathtub alone for a few minutes while you're in earshot? Because I don't really buy that that's unsafe unless there's a specific reason. I think the number one reason not to let 4 yos bathe alone are the ones that were original mentioned - they splash water everywhere, mix the soaps, create bathroom chaos, and don't actually wash their hair or bodies. I don't consider that independent though. If I'm filling the tub and staying in earshot, I'm still involved. The way my house is set up, I can't go far to be able to hear. I can't go downstairs and finish dishes or do laundry. By late 5s, my DS could shower without any assistance from us at all in our bathroom. (Why are the shower controls in a hotel such a conundrum? :P ) DD needed help with scrubbing her thick curls for a little longer. I didn't worry about them drowning in the shower. After my cousin's daughter drowned in the bathtub at 13, I started worrying about older kids relaxing in the tub, especially our very deep one. (She had a seizure.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I left my kids in the tub when they were 2 (I would fill the water to an appropriate level and then leave them to play a while). I would be working across the hall and could hear them. Like Farrar, I can't imagine what the fear would be. Do preschool-aged children frequently lie down and start breathing water just because they can? So far I've never heard of it happening. No, the concern with preschoolers is that they can slip and hit their head and drown. I don't think many children drown themselves for fun. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) I left my kids in the tub when they were 2 (I would fill the water to an appropriate level and then leave them to play a while). I would be working across the hall and could hear them. Like Farrar, I can't imagine what the fear would be. Do preschool-aged children frequently lie down and start breathing water just because they can? So far I've never heard of it happening. Bathtub drownings among 4 year olds are not common, they are most common with infants. But they do happen--being within hearing range does not help because drowning is always silent. A few cases of bathtub drownings: http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2012/11/6-year-old-boy-drowns-in-bathtub-678.html http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tragic-girl-4-drowned-bath-6168174 http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/5-year-old-girl-drowns-in-bathtub-in-west-Houston-4239672.php ETA since you reference leaving a 2 year old, those stories are actually much easier to find: http://fox13now.com/2015/01/15/2-year-old-girl-drowns-after-mother-leaves-room-to-help-other-child/ and a fact sheet on in-home drownings: https://www.cpsc.gov/PageFiles/18414/drwnstat.pdf Edited January 17, 2016 by maize 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeking Squirrels Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I think 4 is about when I started leaving my oldest in the tub on her own for bits of time, while I was still close by and the door open enough to see and hear her. But we still washed her hair and at least guided body washing or took turns so she got clean every couple baths. We had to teach her to be as fully independent in the shower as possible by 6 because she went to camp and that was a requirement. But we went for a "good enough, it's only 5 days" kind of thing. Now at 7 she does most of it, but we still help rinse her hair out. I can't imagine leaving a 4yo fully responsible for bathing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 No, the concern with preschoolers is that they can slip and hit their head and drown. I don't think many children drown themselves for fun. But you would hear the clunk from another room. And nowadays, aren't most bathtubs plastic? Ours are. How many kids 4 and over have drowned in bathtubs in the past 10 years? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 But they do happen--being within hearing range does not help because drowning is always silent. And four year olds aren't silent, so being within hearing range does help - if they're silent, that's when you consider they're in trouble. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Bathtub drownings among 4 year olds are not common, they are most common with infants. But they do happen--being within hearing range does not help because drowning is always silent. A few cases of bathtub drownings: http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2012/11/6-year-old-boy-drowns-in-bathtub-678.html http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tragic-girl-4-drowned-bath-6168174 http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/5-year-old-girl-drowns-in-bathtub-in-west-Houston-4239672.php I pop in when I *can't* hear them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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