S/O of Sorts: Would you work if you didn't need to do so?

[Jenny in Florida]

I've been reading the thread about post-homeschooling plans for a SAHM, and I've been surprised by the number of folks who've said they won't work or that they will do so only if there is financial need for them to do so.

 

I'll admit that the first thing that struck me was the idea that so many families are in a financial position to have one partner simply choose not to bring in income. I have no negative feelings or judgments about that (except maybe a tiny bit of envy), but I was somewhat surprised that it's a valid option for as many of us as there seem to be.

 

But as I got to thinking about it, and dealing with that niggling envy of mine, I realized that I would probably work even if I didn't have to do so, because I get antsy and itchy when I don't feel like I'm contributing. 

 

And, since I really should be sleeping so that I can wake up and make progress on packing and preparing for our upcoming move but am instead sitting here NOT sleeping, I figured the best thing to do was start a conversation.

 

So, how about it: Those of you who are or have been full-time SAHM/homeschooling moms, would you/will you/do you work once your kids are launched if you didn't need the money? Why or why not?

[Jean in Newcastle]

If I didn't have to work for the money and if my health allowed it (a big if) then I would rather volunteer.  

[Guest]

Yes, but only in the thing I love. I haven't needed to work since I married. My husband wanted a housewife and SAHM. But I love my fiber arts and teaching, so I'm looking forward to doing that for fun again someday. But I don't ever have to return to the workplace, or even own my own business, unless I really want to.

 

In fact, my spouse kind of flips out over the idea, whenever I bring it up in relation to givingnus some budget leeway, because I do better outside of a workplace (my health can't really take the stress).

 

So I'd like to return to my business because it's not really work - its funding my hobby and spreading knowledge. But I wouldn't ever return to someone else's workplace unless my husband died and I had to be employed again.

 

Clear as mud?

[kitten18]

No. I wouldn't commit to a set work schedule.

 

I didn't post in the other thread but I will likely help DH at his office (we own a construction company) and/or do volunteer reading tutoring.

 

Before kids I taught public school. I would scoop dog poop with my bare hands before I went back to teaching public school.

[Ali in OR]

Part of me toys with the idea of working. I used to teach high school math and I think it would be ideal to teach part-time--like just two periods a day. This was my load as an intern/student teacher the year I was getting my credential. With only two classes you can actually manage to get to know your kids well, take the time to mark papers well and give good feedback, be nurturing, etc. Hard to do with 180 students, but more manageable with 60.

 

Realistically, I have a kid who will never launch--my disabled dd. I would have to have a care situation for her that would be very reliable, and I'm not sure that could happen. We've been living on one good income for 18 years now, so I don't need to work. I'm doing some tutoring at my dds' high school and I'm enjoying that, so maybe I'll just do that when I "retire", either for pay or continuing as a freebie to the school.

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I think I would just to relieve the boredom and to have extra $$ to buy the future grandkids stuff.

[Guest]

I had an adrenal crash this evening, so I feel like im not communicating well. I'm going to try again.

 

We weren't in some great, cushy financial position where me not working is all gravy. We make big sacrifices for me to stay home, and have since the day we married. Of course extra income would make life easier, and we'd pop into another tax bracket if I was working for someone else. Daly budgeting and long term financial sacrifice, including driving the wheels off cars, living in shoeboxes, and saying no to any number of financial luxuries like cable and date nights are what makes it possible.

 

I don't actually see that changing when the kids leave, because the expenses change to trips to visit them and weddings instead of sports and shoes. But me working is more a reflection of what wel as a couple, value, than our financial comforts. We value women staying home and being creative, intelligent, and skilled in non-pay fields. Volunteer work, domesticity, arts and recreation. We really, really value the role of mother and educator. But even being a housewife is really important to me and my husband. My business was one run out of our home and will remain one run on our premises until I'm dead. I might do a trade show here and there, or travel to teach students, but I'm still working from home regardless. Working under someone who isn't my husband isnt a good options or me as long as I have a choice. I don't respond well to the pressure, the schedules, or anything else that I used to do just fine with. So unless it's me being self employed as I am now (with my sewing machine repair work, fiber arts, teaching, marketing, and our slot car track) it's a non starter for us. And it isnt really luck that has made that so - from before we even began courting we discussed this and worked out how we would need to live to make this a reality.

 

I'm not just at home because I have kids keeping me here. I'm home because it is the best places for. To express my gifts and creativity. Anything else I add to that, like volunteering, I do by choice.

 

I still feel like I'm not communicating well. My apologies if this makes zero sense. I'm going to bed tk sleep off my physicsl meltdown from today :(

[Catwoman]

I had an adrenal crash this evening, so I feel like im not communicating well. I'm going to try again.

 

We weren't in some great, cushy financial position where me not working is all gravy. We make big sacrifices for me to stay home, and have since the day we married. Of course extra income would make life easier, and we'd pop into another tax bracket if I was working for someone else. Daly budgeting and long term financial sacrifice, including driving the wheels off cars, living in shoeboxes, and saying no to any number of financial luxuries like cable and date nights are what makes it possible.

 

I don't actually see that changing when the kids leave, because the expenses change to trips to visit them and weddings instead of sports and shoes. But me working is more a reflection of what wel as a couple, value, than our financial comforts. We value women staying home and being creative, intelligent, and skilled in non-pay fields. Volunteer work, domesticity, arts and recreation. We really, really value the role of mother and educator. But even being a housewife is really important to me and my husband. My business was one run out of our home and will remain one run on our premises until I'm dead. I might do a trade show here and there, or travel to teach students, but I'm still working from home regardless. Working under someone who isn't my husband isnt a good options or me as long as I have a choice. I don't respond well to the pressure, the schedules, or anything else that I used to do just fine with. So unless it's me being self employed as I am now (with my sewing machine repair work, fiber arts, teaching, marketing, and our slot car track) it's a non starter for us. And it isnt really luck that has made that so - from before we even began courting we discussed this and worked out how we would need to live to make this a reality.

 

I'm not just at home because I have kids keeping me here. I'm home because it is the best places for. To express my gifts and creativity. Anything else I add to that, like volunteering, I do by choice.

 

I still feel like I'm not communicating well. My apologies if this makes zero sense. I'm going to bed tk sleep off my physicsl meltdown from today :(

You're communicating just fine!!!!! :)

 

But it sounds like you had a bad day, so go get some sleep! :grouphug:

 

I hope you feel much better tomorrow.

[flyingaway]

I like doing volunteer work or very part-time paid work outside of the home and expect to continue doing that. I guess I see all my work in the home as an awful lot of contributing even once my kids are gone. I like to do the outside things to be helpful and social.

[Mergath]

I still have 12(ish) years to go before I'm in that situation, and it's ridiculous to try to speculate that far ahead, but assuming dh is still healthy and at his current job, I'd probably work on getting my writing published rather than get an outside job. We can get by on his income just fine, and with my epilepsy and my inability to be around fluorescent lights, my job options are pretty limited, anyway.  And I know dh would rather have me at home so he doesn't have to help with all the cooking and cleaning on top of his sixty hour weeks. ;)

 

The only thing I might consider is working part-time at the library. The reference librarian is one of my best friends and I'm one semester away from an English degree, so I wouldn't have too much trouble getting in if they had an opening. If I could find a medication to treat my epilepsy so the lighting wouldn't bother me, I'd like to do that. 

[Rosie_0801]

I'd much rather be able to afford to volunteer. What I like to do and what I'm good at are not things people want to pay for. 

I daresay I'll survive, as long as I get some grand kids to :001_wub:  over. Dd's original plan was a boy, a girl and a white kitten. Now it's 9 kids, I think 4 girls and 5 boys. Only the boys will be homeschooled. Not sure why, lol.

[coralloyd]

No, I would not return to work. I love taking care of the home and my family. I consider what I do just as much of a contribution as working outside the home. The amount of money I save by cooking, bargain shopping, etc. makes up for the lack of paycheck. I would like to be available to my kids even after they are gone, like my mom is for me. When I had my c-section and broke my toe this year my mom was the one I knew I could count on to be here for me. My children don't ever want me to work either. They say their going to still need me when they are no longer living at home. I want to help new homeschool moms when I am a veteran (maybe give them some breaks by watching their children). I want to volunteer, put more time into my painting, and all together just relax. My husband wants it this way also. He likes the peace and calm that comes from me not working.

[SereneHome]

yes!!  I would work now if I could find work-from-home opportunity in my field!

 

But I will be sooo old when the kids are done with school - I don't think anyone will hire me :(

[jar7709]

nm

[Elfknitter.#]

If not having to work = financially stable and a secure future, then no I would not. I would rather pursue personal interests, travel, and volunteer.

[Arcadia]

I would go back into volunteering because I would be too bored. However if I find a job that interest me and pay decently than why not since I could quit if the going gets bad.

 

By the time my youngest goes to college if at 18, then we are 51. It is unlikely hubby will want to stop work at that age if he is gainfully employed so I would just be swatting flies at home if I don't go out and volunteer at the library or anywhere else.

[kroe1]

I have always worked, and I always will.

[Tap]

Yes.  I have always worked, even though we could live on dh's income alone.  Even when I was full time homeschooling 2 kids, I still worked at least 20 hours a week.  

I seem to do best with about 50 hours a week of sustained work of some combination. When I was on medical leave from my job, I volunteered full time in a job that I could do with my limitations (school auction).  When I stopped homeschooling, and only worked 25ish hours a week, I volunteered the other 25 hours. 

 

I don't do well sitting around to much and my brain has to be kept busy or I get a bit depressed.  Working/volunteering are my form of antidepressant. :0)

[Sneezyone]

I don't have to work and am on a temporary 2-5 year hiatus from work but will happily go back. I love it and the money's nice too.

[Laura Corin]

I do better with a structure. I can get aimless in a way that makes me anxious if I don't have that. I get much more done and feel better in myself if I have less time to waste.

[creekland]

I already do, but I carefully choose how much I work and which jobs I'm doing (at the public high school I work at) to keep things enjoyable.

 

I get in ruts very easily and get stressed when in them.  Going to work and having that work vary helps considerably.  I can't imagine life without that option.  Working full time at the same job day in and day out would also be a rut though, so I'm thankful I don't need to go that far.

 

I would, however, give it all up if we could just travel - wandering where the wind takes us (hubby and I) for the rest of our lives.

[Pawz4me]

I answered in the other thread "I don't know" and I'll give the same answer here.

 

I don't have to work, and I'm thankful for that.  DH says only consider working if I find something I really want to do.  And even then he wouldn't want me working more than very part-time.  He doesn't particularly enjoy spending his time at home helping with housework or having to grocery shop, and if I worked full time he'd feel obligated to help out.  He said he likes coming home in winter to a house that already has the lights on.  He likes that I have time to take the cars in to be serviced and that scheduling someone to do some work in our home isn't a big deal, etc.  I don't find that I have much extra time on my hands.  An hour or two here there, yes.  But not vast amounts of time stretching ahead of me to be filled.  OTOH, I probably would enjoy the right very part-time job.  But then it's not unlikely that a part-time job could actually end up costing us money -- might just push us into another income bracket where we'd pay considerably more in taxes, plus I'd be buying more gas and would very likely need more clothes.

[Laura Corin]

I answered in the other thread "I don't know" and I'll give the same answer here.

 

I don't have to work, and I'm thankful for that. DH says only consider working if I find something I really want to do. And even then he wouldn't want me working more than very part-time. He doesn't particularly enjoy spending his time at home helping with housework or having to grocery shop, and if I worked full time he'd feel obligated to help out. He said he likes coming home in winter to a house that already has the lights on. He likes that I have time to take the cars in to be serviced and that scheduling someone to do some work in our home isn't a big deal, etc. I don't find that I have much extra time on my hands. An hour or two here there, yes. But not vast amounts of time stretching ahead of me to be filled. OTOH, I probably would enjoy the right very part-time job. But then it's not unlikely that a part-time job could actually end up costing us money -- might just push us into another income bracket where we'd pay considerably more in taxes, plus I'd be buying more gas and would very likely need more clothes.

As Brits are taxed as individuals, I have £10,000 of tax free allowance to use if I work. I believe that there are moves to make allowances transferable between married or Gay civil partnered couples, however.

[Southern Ivy]

Before kids I taught public school. I would scoop dog poop with my bare hands before I went back to teaching public school.

 

My husband has asked if I want to go back to teaching when the kids are grown. As of right now, there is no way in heck I would go back and I am pretty sure it will only get worse in 16+ years. 

 

To answer to original question, we have talked about this as it would give us more money in the nest egg. I told him that right now, I'm so burned out with work outside the home that it's a no. However, in a few years, I might think differently. And, that's a long time away. 

[Ethel Mertz]

I'll be 63 when we're done homeschooling. If my health was better ("if" being the operative word), I would work in my chosen field.

[Rachel]

It's so far down the line from now our situation will likely change. However, I don't see myself returning to full time work at this point. I do enjoy the little bit of volunteer work I have time for now and could see volunteering becoming a nearly full time commitment.

[nevergiveup]

I'm going to be 54.  I do not have to work outside the home, but would if the need arises.

We are still redoing much of the house and are doing the work ourselves.  This alone will take the rest of our lives.

Plus we live on 5 acres with fruit trees, chickens, and a large garden.  I freeze, can, and cook from scratch.  I also sew my own curtains and refinish furniture.

Too dang busy for an outside job.

[The Girls' Mom]

Yes, I'll work even though technically we could afford for me not to work.  (especially after we aren't supporting three kids).  The only reason I'm at home is to raise and school the kids.  I get incredibly bored at home.  I end up on the computer all day.  I'd much rather work.  My hope is that I can find something that I enjoy doing and can do until I'm old. :)

[Beth S]

As the time for our Empty Nest approaches (6 more years?), I would work to contribute to our retirement funds.

My working would allow my dh to retire sooner, or allow us more of a cushion in retirement.

[Night Elf]

I'm still on the fence. I'm done homeschooling but my youngest will be a senior in public high school next year. I drive her to and from school and work, and I'll be driving ds to college classes so I need to be available for them. So I'm definitely home one more year. After that, I'm not sure. If I do work, it will be in a daycare but I honestly feel like I'm too old to get hired. That kind of work is usually done by young, energetic people. They may not want a grandma type around. I don't know if I'll have the courage to apply. I'll just have to wait and see how I feel when I'm truly not needed at home anymore.

[edelweiss]

I won't work once I'm done homeschooling unless I have to.  I have no interest in going back to my previous career, and I just don't feel compelled to have to contribute to society in that way.  I'm not really sure what I'll do once my kids are gone.  I suspect I'll be very bored, but not bored enough to get a job!  LOL!

[Closeacademy]

If I didn't have to I would just take care of the house and my family.  I have plenty of hobbies to keep me busy.

[marbel]

I'll be 61 when I'm done homeschooling, and I haven't worked in 18 years.   So I think my options for going back to work are pretty limited

 

Ideally we would not need me to go back to work. Just as I do now, I'd contribute to the family in other ways than financially. I could finally become a homemaker. Our house is sadly neglected because there simply isn't time to do all we'd like (and need) to do.  I'd paint and garden and all that.  I'd take over the yard work that my son currently does.  I'd volunteer at the library.  

 

 

[Hikin' Mama]

In the after-homeschooling thread. I responded that I wanted to find *meaningful* work, whether or not I was paid. We have a good income and we have our own business, but my husband has been doing this for 40 years, and he started out as grunt labor making less than the other employees. (Why his parents did that I don't know.) Now he is management. :)

 

I have not earned an income during our marriage, but I have definitely contributed to the partnership. Dh leaves all decisions--household, financial, educational, parenting, everything--up to me. I have done a lot of research on all of these in order to make good decisions. I have done relatively well investing our money for retirement. I think I did okay at parenting, as all my kids seem to like me, and they are productive and responsible and contributing members of society. I have done relatively well guiding our kids as they made decisions about what to do after high school, as we weren't able to save for retirement AND college. I probably have prevented us from going into debt by doing all the remediation for my dyslexic daughter myself. We have had to pay a lot for consultations and evals by experts and for remediation materials, but I've done all the tutoring, which has been 1000's of hours, all free of charge, but expensive in terms of my effort. I also look for ways for our business to run more efficiently. I save us a bunch of money there, too, by doing all the bookwork, and my load keeps increasing. When my mil was in charge of that, the business paid the accountant's office to do all the bookwork.

 

But to answer your question, I do want to work outside the home, but it will probably be low pay or volunteer, because I want to help people in some sort of capacity. Other than my daughter, I have tutored math and loved that. I'm thinking I'd like to work with people trying to get their GED or something along those lines. Or maybe helping our military vets, for whom I have utmost respect. Or maybe volunteering at the local high school. But first, I want to take some college classes that I didn't take the first time around. Our local CC is very reasonable and pretty good.

[Lady Marmalade]

I would consider it.  However, if I were to go to work right now, it would totally bump us with regards to taxes and I wouldn't be able to earn more than we'd have to pay.  

 

 

 

 

 

[Wheres Toto]

I'm another one who found I was getting it a bit of a rut, and a bit depressed being home all day.  I actually like what I'm doing now.  It's not my dream job but it's work I find interesting, satisfying, I get along with most of the people I work for/with, and it helps pay the bills.

 

If I could do anything I wanted I would probably do what I'm doing now but part-time.  Which could actually happen since dh just started a great new job.  Maybe when the kids are hitting high school and could be slightly more independent it's something I'll look into.

[Donna]

I love the work I do. It is very rewarding work in so many ways...but financial reasons (and an inability to say "no" when my boss tells me there is no one available to provide services for a baby in need) have me working more hours than I would like at the moment.

 

If the kids were not in the home still, the hours I work now would be perfect but it's a little stressful trying to homeschool and constantly rearrange my work for the kids' travel. So, I would continue to work unless we hit the lottery and I could spend my life traveling while volunteering to help children around the world with my skill set. Right now I would like to work a few less hours in a week.

[DawnM]

YES!

 

I never wanted to stop working.  I am currently applying for a job that finically will be nice, but not necessary.  I love to work!  I miss it terribly.

 

PS:  And I do have kids heading to college in the near future, so me working would certainly help with that.

[Garga]

Being that about 70% of the people that I know hate their jobs...hang on, let me clarify: they like most aspects of the job but are completely stressed by situations surrounding the job (a problem coworker or some such thing), I would be very hesistant to want to jump right back into work and the stress of it. I mean, the ones who talk to me about their job stresses are miserable over the situations. Who would want that??

 

Balanced with the above, we have the luxury of getting by on one paycheck, but two would be oh-so lovely. We could save much more for retirement and help our kids will college costs. College is looming and is frightening me. I want to help my kids with the costs, but we can't on the one salary. It would take two to help them.

 

So, I would work, but be very, very careful about what job I take. I wouldn't want to jump right into a miserable situation, like the 70% of people I know. I don't have any clever ideas of what exactly the job could be, but I would like to do something that I know is meaningful. For example: being a cashier somewhere is not meaningful. Working for a disaster relief organization is meaningful.

 

I guess we'll have to see what job openings there are in 8 years.

[creekland]

I lasted 7 years as a SAHM before figuring out I was a much more agreeable person to live with if I had a part time - outside the house - job.

 

I started working where I am now when youngest turned 3 (after a grocery stocking/cashier job I didn't like nearly as much, but still provided a much needed outlet).  We didn't need child care as hubby was working from home at that point and, since he works for himself, he could take the lad along with him if he had to go anywhere.

 

I believe we ladies come in various molds... and whether one likes working (outside the home) depends upon which mold fits.  Personally, I rather detest many of the inside the home jobs - like housecleaning.  I enjoyed my kids though - esp when we could go out and DO things.

[Serenade]

No, I wouldn't go back to work unless I had to.

 

However, I didn't get married until late and didn't have my first child until I was 36, so I already had a pretty good career before I stopped working to have my first child.  I'll be 58 when my younger son graduates, if everything goes according to plan, and by the time I spend a couple of years getting the house in order, I'll be 60.  

 

I dunno, I feel I've been there, done that with the job, and I know I'd never be able to get the kind of job I used to have anyhow,  so I don't think I'd choose to work unless we'd need the money. 

 

However, I probably ought to think about something I could still do, just in case something happens.  Nothing is ever certain, and things change in a blink of an eye.   Which makes me wonder what in the world I could still do to earn a living.  LOL.  I have 3 degrees, none of which are probably all that useful today.

[Remudamom]

I wouldn't work unless I had to.  The guys need me more here on the ranch running errands.  I've got my horses and gardens.  I want to be free to visit family.

[regentrude]

 

So, how about it: Those of you who are or have been full-time SAHM/homeschooling moms, would you/will you/do you work once your kids are launched if you didn't need the money? Why or why not?

 

I was a full time SAHM for a few years and that did not go well. I was bored, depressed, and lonely. I went back to work because I missed it, not because I had to financially - and I felt a lot better.

 

I love my job and the interaction with people. And I am surrounded by colleagues who would all choose to work even if they did not have to for financial reasons. Even if we won the lottery, DH and I would both continue working, as would pretty much all of our friends.

[marbel]

No, I wouldn't go back to work unless I had to.

 

However, I didn't get married until late and didn't have my first child until I was 36, so I already had a pretty good career before I stopped working to have my first child.  I'll be 58 when my younger son graduates, if everything goes according to plan, and by the time I spend a couple of years getting the house in order, I'll be 60.  

 

I dunno, I feel I've been there, done that with the job, and I know I'd never be able to get the kind of job I used to have anyhow,  so I don't think I'd choose to work unless we'd need the money. 

 

However, I probably ought to think about something I could still do, just in case something happens.  Nothing is ever certain, and things change in a blink of an eye.   Which makes me wonder what in the world I could still do to earn a living.  LOL.  I have 3 degrees, none of which are probably all that useful today.

 

Coming back to say... this is me too.  I worked for over 20 years before I had kids.  I had a decent career but not a profession, kwim?   I know of nurses who have gone back after many years to renew certifications, lawyers who have gone back to their old practice, etc.   I have a degree but no certifications in anything, and my technology knowledge is sadly lacking.  So it would be hard for me to do much other than retail at this point. 

 

[regentrude]

 

I'll admit that the first thing that struck me was the idea that so many families are in a financial position to have one partner simply choose not to bring in income. I have no negative feelings or judgments about that (except maybe a tiny bit of envy), but I was somewhat surprised that it's a valid option for as many of us as there seem to be.

 

I don't understand this surprise - after all, there are plenty of families who have one partner who chooses not to bring in income while they have kids at home. Expenses are smaller when the kids are out of the house. The same surprise should apply as soon as the kids are old enough to stay home on their own and not need continuous supervision.

[Alice]

I would work but not necessarily in my current job. I like my job well enough but one of the main reasons I stay there is the hours I am able to work and the amount I get paid. If I didn't have to work for the money and didn't have kids at home that I wanted to be with I would probably find a different job but in the same field. I would like to work in a free clinic or for an underserved population. 

[8circles]

No, not unless I financially have to. I already had my big career before kids so I don't feel that pull, and I rarely get bored at home. There is always something to do. If I need to get out on a regular basis, there are plenty of volunteer opportunities available.

[SproutMamaK]

For me it depends on my financial position at the time, and what work I could find. I would go to work if it would make a significant difference to our finances (eg, if it looked like my husband might not otherwise be able to retire on schedule, etc), AND if I could find a job that didn't feel like it sucked the life out of me every day. If I could onlt find a job that left me feeling like a horrible human being by the end of every day, I would stay home or volunteer instead. If we didn't need the money, I would volunteer instead.

I realize writing this how INCREDIBLY lucky I am to be in a position where I can make those kinds of choices, and hope that I can still make that choice when the time comes. If our financial situation goes downhill, though, of course, I'd do what I had to do.

[Lady Florida.]

Before kids I taught public school. I would scoop dog poop with my bare hands before I went back to teaching public school.

 

Yes! There's no way I'd go back to teaching, and especially not in public school. While I was teaching I loved it but too much has changed for me to want to do it again.

 

I worked from age 15 (not counting babysitting in earlier years) to 41. I don't want to work anymore. Not working doesn't mean sitting around eating bon-bons nor does it mean endless lunches with superficial friends. I will find plenty to keep both my mind and body active without having to go to work. 

[Lady Florida.]

No, not unless I financially have to. I already had my big career before kids so I don't feel that pull, and I rarely get bored at home. There is always something to do. If I need to get out on a regular basis, there are plenty of volunteer opportunities available.

 

This, exactly. I don't feel like I missed out on a career, and in fact I had my dream career. I wanted to be a teacher for as long as I could remember, and I taught for 15 years (all 3 levels). I also don't get bored and can always find something to do.

 

If our finances forced me to go to work, I certainly would. I would have put ds in public school and gone to work if our finances required it during the homeschool years. Fortunately (and I know we were fortunate) it wasn't necessary.