Has anyone here gone Teetotal for non-religious reasons

[Ginevra]

I’ve been considering it over the last several months. Have been a light drinker, typically one-two glasses of wine per occasion; occasion occurring once or twice every 2-3 weeks. 
 

My parents and grandparents were religious teetotalers. I do not run in circles of heavy drinkers. But most people I socialize with do drink some alcohol socially or with some meals. 
 

Just looking for BTDT stories or thoughts about best ways of going about different things that arise. (For example, I don’t think I will make a statement about it; it will just be “None for me, thanks” on indefinite repeat.) 

[Terabith]

I am not a teetotaler in the sense that I'm not morally opposed to alcohol, but I just don't really like it.  Every once in awhile I've encountered a drink I like, but even then I can only drink about half a drink and then my throat is like, "Nope.  We're done now."  So in practice, I don't really drink.  Maybe a couple times a year I'll order something and then my husband drinks a half to 3/4 of it.  

I've never had an issue.  I just say, "No, thanks."  I occasionally explain that I just don't like it.  Haven't ever had anyone be weird or pushy about it.  

[regentrude]

I am not, but I have friends who don't drink at all, or who don't drink for certain periods of time. It's no big deal in our circles - they just decline and accept a non-alcoholic beverage. It is actually easier for friends if they KNOW and won't offer alcohol, so you might reconsider telling them. 

Now, I could imagine in other crowds where drinking is a big deal this might not work so well, but there really isn't anything "arising" here. 

ETA: My friend makes her signature sangria for all her parties, and she always makes a non-alcoholic version. Just like we make sure there is vegan food for our vegan friends.

Edited November 13, 2023 by regentrude

[Pawz4me]

DH and I have never been drinkers, and it has nothing to do with religion or lack thereof. I would rather chew calories than drink them, and alcohol has never appealed to him. We’ve never found it to be an issue at all.  

[marbel]

I know quite a few people who don't drink but it has nothing to do with religion. I feel like I saw something recently that drinking among young people is declining? Don't recall exactly and don't have anything to cite, just a vague memory.

Anyway. We have always offered multiple beverage options in our house. Some people drink alcohol, some don't. Some may drink sometimes and not other times. I don't pay attention and don't see any reason to ask why people are not drinking, just as I wouldn't ask them why they are. 

I don't see any reason to make a statement about it. If you typically accept, say, a glass of wine at dinner, and then suddenly with the same people you don't, they may ask about it (they shouldn't!) but you can just say "I'd just like water [or whatever NA option there is], thanks!" 

Edited November 13, 2023 by marbel

[bookbard]

I've never drunk alcohol and I'm not religious; my husband rarely drinks. It's no big deal - you just drink something else. It's not very good for you (cancer related) so if you need an 'excuse' just link it to being healthier.

[Laura Corin]

I did. I found that it was more important to me to sleep well and feel bright in the morning than to have a drink.

Normally I just ask for a soft drink. If I feel the need to say more, I just say, 'I've lost my taste for alcohol.'

[Spryte]

I’m not religious.

I drank wine about as often as you, and basically stopped a couple years ago. I’ve been on meds off and on for a few years and they don’t agree with alcohol. I don’t always feel like sharing that info because I don’t always want to share what meds I take or why, so I just say, “No thanks, none for me this time,” or something similar. Occasionally I’ll say that I’m on meds, but only once in a long while. Even with people with whom I’ve had wine in the past — the people who expect me to have a glass with them — it’s NBD.

My DH will still have a glass, so if we have guests we can still open a bottle. Otherwise I just have a different drink.

 

[Catwoman]

I don’t drink and I never have (just personal preference, nothing to do with morality or religion,) and it has never been even the slightest problem. Nobody cares.

I should mention, though, that I am fine with other people drinking. 

[Heartstrings]

I don’t drink much at all, I don’t really like the way it feels and I’m too cheap to spend money on alcohol.  It’s only a drink or so every few months.   When everyone is drinking I just order something different and if asked I say that it makes me too sleepy.  No one really gives me a hard time.  Most of the time no one even mentions it.

My close friends that like to drink will tease me a bit, but never for real or in a pushy way, just in the way close friends joke about things.  Mostly it’s in the form of excitement when I do choose drink or recommendations for good drinks wherever we are.   I think it helps that they know that I’m not judging them for drinking, and I’m not opposed to drinking or anything.  It’s just not my thing.  

Edited November 13, 2023 by Heartstrings

[cintinative]

I don't drink for multiple reasons, but the primary one is that there is alcoholism/addiction on both sides of my family and I have a tendency to depression and anxiety. Also I am on an antidepressant. I don't think it is a good idea for me to drink given those factors.  

The only time people have given me a hard time about it was in college, but when I explained the family history, people backed off.  

It's enough to see one generation destroyed by alcoholism. 

ETA: My kids are in the same boat. Not only is it on both of my sides of the family, it's also on my husband's (mother's) side, a generation back. I told them that it is not that I don't want them to drink as much as I want them to really count the cost. If they drink they need to be very aware that they could be genetically disposed to addiction, and they have seen the cost of addiction firsthand. They need to go in with eyes open.  My brother chooses to drink on occasion and has no problems. I was just not willing to take the risk myself. 

Edited November 13, 2023 by cintinative

[itsheresomewhere]

I don’t drink but not for religious reasons.  I prefer to eat my calories and alcohol doesn’t appeal to me.  I have no issues with people drinking with me nor has anyone ever had an issue with it.  

[Lecka]

I decided to try the Reframe app recently.  I made an account and didn’t join, then they sent me an e-mail saying I could join for 50% off.

I like it.  I got the emails for a while first — the daily 5 minutes on the app is pretty similar to the emails.  
 

A lot of it is just ideas about “how will you handle this and that situation.”  

[Garga]

My family was religious, but my dad still drank a few beers from time to time. However, my mother’s father was a raging alcoholic and made her life miserable and died of liver failure when she was 16 and she haaaaaates to see people drinking. So, it wasn’t a thing in my house growing up.

Then I married a man who used to get drunk in college. He got so drunk one day that he couldn’t remember what had happened the night before and that spooked him. He stopped drinking except for an occasional something every few months.

I have tried various drinks, even ones that people insist are really good, and I think they taste nasty as all get out. I have zero interest in alcoholic drinks. They’re yucky! 😄 

I don’t run in circles with drinking, but if someone offers some sort of drink, I just ask for a coke and no one cares.

Edited November 13, 2023 by Garga

[Katy]

Alcohol is terrible for your brain and I feel guilty every time I drink (even though it’s rare & for social reasons). I’ve gone long periods of time without drinking. As an aside, I find the American religious edict against drinking to be odd. It’s always by Bible-only denominations and conveniently misses that it came from American history, not the Bible. Jesus turned water into wine, not grape juice. 

[Toocrazy!!]

I think a lot of people are realizing that alcohol is really unhealthy. Lots of restaurant and bars are starting to offer fancy mocktails. I am not a teetotaler but I’ve cut back a lot. It messes with my sleep too much to make it enjoyable. I really do like the taste of wine though, so I do still drink some. 
My friend crowd drinks socially for sure, but no one ever says anything if someone isn’t drinking that night. Sometimes I take my own N/A drink. I’m really liking the N/A Stella beer right now. I don’t think anyone ever regrets NOT drinking. 

[Arcadia]

I don’t drink because I have relatives who are alcoholics. Wine and beer that I get goes to baking. However, I do drink the ceremonial sip of champagne at relatives’ weddings or New Year Eve friends gatherings. The amount is so little my oncologist doesn’t think its an issue. No one has ever ask even among my pub crawling friends as people opt to drink or not drink depending on occasion. People who are the designated safe drivers for our gathering would definitely not drink for example.

[Tiberia]

I don’t drink at all. I just don’t like the taste of the stuff, and I don’t like how it makes me feel.

When asked about it, I just say that I don’t like it, or I say that I don’t drink. It has never been an issue. It can be a little lonely being the only non-drinker at a heavy drinking party/ wedding, etc, but those are rare in our circles. 

Edited November 13, 2023 by Tiberia

[YaelAldrich]

I find it so funny to relate religiousity to alcohol use.  Orthodox Jews use wine (or grape juice) to open (and sometimes close out) our Shabbat and holiday  meals.  We drink four cups of wine (or grape juice) at our Passover Seders, and a tiny sip at baby boy's circumcisions at eight days.   My very religious freinds have collections of expensive scotch and whiskeys from all over the world and several friends have sizeable wine collections and happily share their finds.  I drink more than I did when I was in college; still not a lot but I enjoy bourbon, sake, and some wines.

[Kassia]

I don't drink because I like it too much.  I have an addictive/chemical dependency type of personality and I'm just better off abstaining because I like the way it makes me feel and I want to keep feeling that way once I start.  I'm the same with food, but I can't avoid that, unfortunately.  

It's never been a problem for me to not drink in any situation.  No one cares.

ETA - I also have to be very careful with prescription painkillers and even OTC stuff that makes you drowsy.  

 

Edited November 13, 2023 by Kassia

[BeachGal]

My husband and I don't drink alcohol anymore because we believe it's not healthy. We were light drinkers as well but decided to avoid all alcohol this past year. If it's offered to us, we just tell others that we don't drink. So far, no one has said anything.

Edited November 13, 2023 by BeachGal
clarifying

[TexasProud]

I don't drink and it has nothing to do with religion.  I have friends that are religious that drink.  My parents drank.

When I was 13yo,  my recent ex boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver.  Also, I am a control freak.  I do not want to lose control in any form AT ALL.  So nope, nope, nope.  My husband has seen how alcohol has done so much damage in the ER many, many times.  I have been to many parties with alcohol. I don't make a big deal, but just fix my own drink.  No one asks us why. I am sure they think it is for religious reasons, but it is not.  There is no biblically based reason against drinking, only against drunkenness. 

I do not think alcohol is evil.  Heck, Jesus drank.  But I just don't see many benefits from it, and many more bad effects, so I choose not to. 

[Indigo Blue]

I have a religious background. I am still a person of faith, just not “religious “ anymore, if that makes any sense at all. 
 

First, I like alcohol. Well, some kinds of it. I DID drink in VERY small amounts for a while there. I learned that, like so many things, I am super sensitive. My moods would be off the next day after having just one glass of wine or beer. 
 

Second, I just think it’s healthier NOT to drink. It’s just not good for your organs. It’s not good for reflux. 
 

I would drink in moderation if I wanted to and if I weren’t so sensitive. (Also very caffeine sensitive). 
 

So, I would not let religion dictate. I am of the mind at this point in my life that I just need the T shirt that says, “I do what I want”. I would drink or not drink based on what I prefer, not culture or society. I don’t mean to sound grouchy, I promise. 
 

So, I prefer not to because I don’t like how it makes me feel, even in small amounts. Religion doesn’t factor in and never would, personally. 

[kathyl]

I don't drink and it has nothing to do with religion.  Like others said, I'd rather eat my calories than drink them.  lol  And I don't like the taste or the effect. 

Some of our grown working kids say that drinking is still a big thing.  They're in law enforcement and military environments, and they don't drink.  One dd worked the fires in the Northwest this past summer and said the firefighters had a reputation for being heavy drinkers.  

At work gatherings, they say that most people don't care, but some definitely try to make something out of it.  They've asked me about it, and I just tell them not to try to explain.  Say 'No thanks' and ask for a non-alcoholic drink or change the subject.  If the person persists, walk away.  Whatever they're doing, it seems to work.

[Ginevra]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

Alcohol is terrible for your brain and I feel guilty every time I drink (even though it’s rare & for social reasons). I’ve gone long periods of time without drinking. As an aside, I find the American religious edict against drinking to be odd. It’s always by Bible-only denominations and conveniently misses that it came from American history, not the Bible. Jesus turned water into wine, not grape juice. 

This is a big part of it. I don’t want to hasten the death of any brain cells unnecessarily. 

[Kuovonne]

I don't drink alcohol. It isn't a big deal. At New Year’s parties, I bring a bottle of something non-alcoholic and bubbly for me (and any young kids) to drink at midnight.

When I was younger, people who didn't know me well would try to guess if I was pregnant. When a colleague who used to enjoy drinking declined having an alcoholic drink within a couple of years of getting married, I immediately wondered if she was pregnant, and a few minutes later she told everyone that yes, she was pregnant.

When dining with friends, we get separate checks so everyone pays for their own drinks. 

My husband likes that he has a built-in designated driver.

[Ginevra]

1 hour ago, Toocrazy!! said:

I think a lot of people are realizing that alcohol is really unhealthy. Lots of restaurant and bars are starting to offer fancy mocktails. I am not a teetotaler but I’ve cut back a lot. It messes with my sleep too much to make it enjoyable. I really do like the taste of wine though, so I do still drink some. 
My friend crowd drinks socially for sure, but no one ever says anything if someone isn’t drinking that night. Sometimes I take my own N/A drink. I’m really liking the N/A Stella beer right now. I don’t think anyone ever regrets NOT drinking. 

That is an excellant point. My only alcohol-related regrets have been too much/sober would have been better for the situation. 

[Toocrazy!!]

If you haven’t listened to the Andrew Huberman podcast on the health effects of alcohol, I recommend it. I was cutting back, and that made it easier. Thinking about my brain cells for sure. 
also, when I started tracking my sleep at night, I would notice the trend of no deep sleep, poor HRV, higher heart rate on the nights I had a glass of wine. It’s crazy how much it affected me. Bad sleep is just bad health. 

[EKS]

I wouldn't even think of it as giving up alcohol or being a teetotaler.  I'd just say "I'll just have water, thanks," if that's what you want, and leave it at that.  

[Ginevra]

53 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I have a religious background. I am still a person of faith, just not “religious “ anymore, if that makes any sense at all. 
 

First, I like alcohol. Well, some kinds of it. I DID drink in VERY small amounts for a while there. I learned that, like so many things, I am super sensitive. My moods would be off the next day after having just one glass of wine or beer. 
 

Second, I just think it’s healthier NOT to drink. It’s just not good for your organs. It’s not good for reflux. 
 

I would drink in moderation if I wanted to and if I weren’t so sensitive. (Also very caffeine sensitive). 
 

So, I would not let religion dictate. I am of the mind at this point in my life that I just need the T shirt that says, “I do what I want”. I would drink or not drink based on what I prefer, not culture or society. I don’t mean to sound grouchy, I promise. 
 

So, I prefer not to because I don’t like how it makes me feel, even in small amounts. Religion doesn’t factor in and never would, personally. 

I have that tee shirt…

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

Alcohol is terrible for your brain and I feel guilty every time I drink (even though it’s rare & for social reasons). I’ve gone long periods of time without drinking. As an aside, I find the American religious edict against drinking to be odd. It’s always by Bible-only denominations and conveniently misses that it came from American history, not the Bible. Jesus turned water into wine, not grape juice. 

There’s an episode of the Duggars, one of the weddings, and one if them says that wine is a mistranslation, they really meant grape juice.  I find it interesting that that’s the only mistranslation they will accept, everything  else is perfectly translated of course.   

[Ginevra]

4 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

There’s an episode of the Duggars, one of the weddings, and one if them says that wine is a mistranslation, they really meant grape juice.  I find it interesting that that’s the only mistranslation they will accept, everything  else is perfectly translated of course.   

I wonder what they say about concubines…

[Clarita]

I'm a super lightweight when it comes to alcohol. Throwing up wasted with one wine cooler or super tipsy drunk off ice cream (flavored with alcohol). I don't drink. I'm religious but that's not why I don't drink, Drinking a full drink is just not that fun for me.

[Clarita]

When it occurs during socializing I just say no thanks. For a while I thought I might be allergic to alcohol, so I said that for a while (but that's not true so I don't say that anymore). 

For events I just ask for a Shirley Temple or look at their list for a non-alcoholic beverage. Some bars will have mocktails and those are yummy. That gets a beverage in my hand so people don't ask if I need. I've never been to an adult event (not college-age event) where me not drinking was a problem. I've heard some countries/places this is harder, but not where I live.

[marbel]

Years ago when I worked in sales support, I was around a very hard-drinking crowd (sales people and customers) who would comment on someone not drinking alcohol. I ordered white wine spritzers with lots of ice. I nursed them slowly and always had a drink in my hand so no one hassled me. But I was 22 then, and didn't want to be the non-drinking weirdo in the room. Now... I don't care; if I don't want an alcoholic drink, I don't have one. I still do like a good spritzer though! (And other drinks; I am not a teetotaler despite belonging to a fairly conservative Christian religion which takes Scripture at its word that drunkenness is the problem, not the actual drink.) 

[wintermom]

I've never been a heavy drinker, and recently I've gone off the taste of the alcololic drinks I used to like. My sleep is WAAAAAY better now. 

For social occassions, I'd just ask for water or soda, coffee or tea. There is no requirement to explain one's drink preferences, usually.

[East Coast Sue]

4 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

DH and I have never been drinkers, and it has nothing to do with religion or lack thereof. I would rather chew calories than drink them, and alcohol has never appealed to him. We’ve never found it to be an issue at all.  

Me too.

[cintinative]

2 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

I find it so funny to relate religiousity to alcohol use.  

Me too. One of our men's groups meets at a brewery every week. 😃 Now my MIL is scandalized that we even have wine for cooking.  She presents it as related to her faith but it has a whole lot more to do with both of her parents being alcoholics. 

Edited November 14, 2023 by cintinative

[Dmmetler]

I don't drink. I've been on and off meds that counterindicate it and when I'm off meds, I just don't see the point. It's never really been an issue at events where the focus isn't drinking, and I don't tend to stay at those long. 

[Frances]

Like some others, I prefer to eat my calories rather than drink them and don’t like the taste of most alcohol. Outside of college, the only time I can recall it being an issue is when we did city bike tours in Germany and the lunches were at beer gardens. The tour guides said some pretty negative things about people who don’t drink alcohol, I guess maybe because we knew in advance where the lunch stop would be. But all of the rest of the bike tours was seeing regular tourist attractions, nothing alcohol related, so it’s not as though we signed up for a pub crawl and then didn’t drink alcohol.

I do find occasionally that I have to ask for or help myself to water from a kitchen sink when at gatherings, as not everyone provides calorie free alternatives to alcohol at parties. We always provide a wide range of non-alcoholic drinks at our parties, in addition to alcohol. I have no issue with others drinking as long as they don’t get drunk. I have way too many bad childhood memories of being around drunk people (not my parents or anyone I was close to) at wedding receptions and other social gatherings.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't drink ... I've had a lifelong battle with depression and alcohol makes it worse. (One drink can trigger miserable, can't get out of bed, crying for 3 days depression.)  The most I will have is a sip of my husband's beer.  I just don't need that albatross around my neck.  

I've found it can be tough in certain circles - like some people who can't wrap their head around not drinking.  I just don't hang out with those people any more - they think I'm no fun and they're probably right.  With my FOO, it's hard.  One on one, they're great.  But getting a group together ... it seems that certain family members cannot have a conversation without bringing up booze. They do, for the most part have appropriate beverages, but the emphasis on drinking gets really old - these are my siblings in their late 60s.  

While lots of events will offer non-alcoholic options, they are usually Diet coke (which I don't want in the evening) or a sugary soft drink.  Nothing non-caffeinated that's low in sugar.  I've asked for seltzer water with a splash of OJ and ended up with a White Claw. 😕 I'm always pleasantly surprised when there are decent options.  

[elegantlion]

I do drink on a regular basis but lesser in amount than I did years ago. Ex-dh was a recovering alcoholic for many years and I didn't drink in support of him. I started having a glass of wine in the evenings before we divorced. Now, I generally have a shot of rum & (something - water, tea, cocoa) or a pre-mixed margarita before bed. I don't like beer and sulfites in wine bother me. I do like some meads.

I go through spurts of not drinking for a few weeks. Our social groups vary in drinking but no one bats an eye at people NOT drinking. We know enough people in recovery to not assume everyone drinks and non-alcoholic options are always offered. 

[Corraleno]

I don't drink for most of the same reasons others have posted: I don't like the taste or the effect, and I could really do without the added calories and lost brain cells. I don't care if others drink, but I really don't like being around folks who are actually drunk.

[SKL]

I also don't drink and don't feel pressured to drink alcohol.  When I was young, there were tips for how to abstain without looking uncool, but I think that's outdated now.  People drink what they want and simply say "no thanks" if they don't want something.

There could be various reasons for a person to choose not to drink, and none of them are anyone else's business.  So it would be really uncool for anyone to ask about it.  What if the answer was "well I'm an alcoholic / an angry drunk."  Or "drinking makes me puke / I'm on meds that don't mix with alcohol."  Or "I might be pregnant."  Really just mind your own business.  😛

[lewelma]

My dad is completely against alcohol. No alcohol in his house, ever.  His two aunties were hit by a drunk driver. One was killed, and the other maimed for life. This had a profound impact on him from a young age. 

Edited November 14, 2023 by lewelma

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't drink alcohol, soft drink, anything carbonated or tea and coffee. Not keen on juice either.  Nothing to do with religion. I only drink water. I want it at room temperature, preferably rain water..  

[J-rap]

I often have a glass of wine with dinner, but on the other hand, sometimes I don't for weeks.  None of my friends are heavy drinkers, and some completely abstain.  It is never a problem, either way.  I think more and more, people don't feel pressured to do one thing or another.  If I don't want one, I'll just say "no thanks" and no one seems to care.  

If I'm hosting a gathering and offer wine or something, I'll always make sure to offer a non-alcoholic beverage as well.

[Shoeless]

I don't drink, either. 

Most people won't care or notice if you don't have alcohol. If the booze is incidental to the event, it won't matter if you have soda or water instead. 

If all of the events have booze at the center, then that could be tricky with some friendships. Some of the younger women in my family are big into Mommy Wine culture and all of the social events have booze as the main feature.  Not my scene, so I don't attend those events. 

 

Edited November 14, 2023 by Shoeless

[Ginevra]

5 hours ago, SKL said:

I also don't drink and don't feel pressured to drink alcohol.  When I was young, there were tips for how to abstain without looking uncool, but I think that's outdated now.  People drink what they want and simply say "no thanks" if they don't want something.

There could be various reasons for a person to choose not to drink, and none of them are anyone else's business.  So it would be really uncool for anyone to ask about it.  What if the answer was "well I'm an alcoholic / an angry drunk."  Or "drinking makes me puke / I'm on meds that don't mix with alcohol."  Or "I might be pregnant."  Really just mind your own business.  😛

I agree, but I wonder if this is still true when someone volunteers part of the story. Like if they say, “No thanks; I don’t drink. Haven’t had a drop of alcohol in the past twenty years!” I wonder if that is an invitation to ask more about their reasoning. I was recently in exactly this spot. 

[Ginevra]

2 hours ago, Shoeless said:

I don't drink, either. 

Most people won't care or notice if you don't have alcohol. If the booze is incidental to the event, it won't matter if you have soda or water instead. 

If all of the events have booze at the center, then that could be tricky with some friendships. Some of the younger women in my family are big into Mommy Wine culture and all of the social events have booze as the main feature.  Not my scene, so I don't attend those events. 

 

There is one I’m thinking of that comes up for Christmas. The host has a “signature drink”, so it will call for me to be super clear that I’m not choosing alcohol for this event. I’m truthfully a little bit nervous about that event because, in all likelihood, I will be the only one not having alcohol and everyone is likely to drink the signature drink. I have abstained from drinking with this group before but not for the Christmas event.